just got my own bac!

[SlipperyPete]

just got my own bac!

Hey Rudy
Not much going on that i can relate to, but wanted to pop in and say hi, and if I haven't already voted for your thread I'll do that now. I'm posting this in my new iPhone just for shits and giggles haha

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

i just took a benadryl and another 20 mg of bac. have had a few ales over the course of equal number of hours (alas). do you think i'll live? or will my liver short out with the exhaustion of keeping up with all that i ask it to do?

and why am i drinking again??!! never ever near drunk, but loving ale nonetheless. not forgetting about it if it sits in the fridge. a few things i plan to do: acupuncture; listen to rj's cd's; revisit hypnotherapy w my local guy (maybe he'll give me a pkg deal for that and a refresher on my no smoking when i'm ready); keep running (i ran almost three and a half miles the other day, after not running for over a week; felt strong, but walked a bit, too); um... maybe another massage. and, of course, i feel i should throw in there an uppage of my dose, but i really DON"T WANT TO! i can't take these se's any more. i think if i look into and pursue alternative methods to combat this, put them into my WELL CONSULTED tool box, i'll be just as well off, if not more so. 200 it stands for now. and all kindsa water-based drinks.

good folks, i also need you to hold in your vision, please, even for a split second, ME, yours truly, RUDY B, in spain in the fall. there's some stirring music i need to see live, some beaches upon which i need to frolic, and maybe some of you who'd meet me there... (??!!). not to mention the tapas and the language flowing in and around me ALL OF THE TIME!!!!!!!

guess a bit of the zoom is back. clearly an se of bac, a very soulful one, if mostly manifested by the renewed vigor we find in our living of life as sober people.

give thanks, and good night.
ayyyy-men.
rudy roo

[LadyLush]

just got my own bac!

5 stars here sweetie, pisses me off I cannot do 6 or more :-)

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

my mama will be here with me tomorrow. i bet she'll post from my new laptop. love that woman~!

my brother will be here, too. he got sober all on his own, with the help of a good therapist and six years away from his first family, except our dad. now he's back, and one of the most supportive, important people in my life. my son LOVES his uncle j, whom he met for the first time ever this past winter. bro was a hard drinker. spent much of his family fortune in bars, instigating fights, being angry with his dad, who was difficult but really did think of him as a prince.

by the way, my brother reads my thread, too. as of a couple weeks ago. you can see, i have a blessed family. not a bit typical.

my dad is renting an suv for his three children to use to go visit him in new hampshire, where there are no income taxes and he can make money w his money without punishment. also, he prefers that republican state to vermont's liberal nature. maybe he'll meet me in spain... maybe he'll pay my way. (we know he won't be buying me an audi, but are tickets to foreign countries traceable? heck, maybe by then i'll be divorced! i think there's reason to believe that, yes, i will be! ...contra el viento sideral. another macaco song, 'against the gnome's wind' or somesuch. g00d winds are blowing my way.)

i know a bunch of you are international hoppers, or capable of being so. food for thought... and the food in spain can be really good~! (as long as it's not your host mother packing you lunch - a baguette w tuna fish and oil, and nothing else.)

once i puked into the shaftway of that host family's apartment (rita and rita's, in barceloneta), cause i had too much beer after capoeira class. i wonder if it was the night after which my teacher raped me. eek. sorry, that's a bunch at once. but i'm over it, so don't worry. for a year i was too afraid to get an hiv test, so i avoided it and let my drinking get out of control instead. partly because i wanted to ignore what i was afraid of (afterall, he was from brazil where, in those early nineties, was a hotbed for aids), and partly because i was drunk when it happened, and thereby blamed myself. also partly for so many countless other reasons. genetics. nutrition. first family dynamics. early habits (drinking and smoking weed started at thirteen for me).

well, i'm on the mend, many years later and with lots to say.

sweet dreams, beloveds.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

love you lady lush! warms my heart to see you here. aaaa-weee!

[LadyLush]

just got my own bac!

cannot should be can't, my teacher can tell me that on the sly....love you rudy, really do,

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

oh my gosh~! so glad to see that the grammar conversation has been awakened again.

did i use cannot?

i once wondered about cannot vs can't. looked it up, and found that cannot is just as correct. i like better how it reads. can't seems a shortcut to me. is a bit like slang.

estropear - to break, to ruin or spoil. that's a word i learned today thanks to my music*. and it's your word for the day. i shall start a new tradition here. a word a day, and let it be a word that's new to me, or one that i espcially love. a spanish word, that is.

really, al dormir para mi...

dulces sueNos.
rutica

* no dejes que este mundo roto estrope tu sonrisa = don't let this broken world strip you of your smile.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjK4DrDGcWY[/video]]‪Macaco. MUNDO ROTO‬‏ - YouTube

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

'al dormir para mi' is 'to sleep for me', which i have not done. the music is GREAT, and my thougths keep rushing.

but i keep channeling ne: just turn off the computer, the music, and go LIE DOWN (not to be confused with 'lay down', which you could use if you made it clear that you were laying your HEAD down, or your body ...i love bodies, but i digress...). so i shall attempt to do just that.

do you think i'm capable?

you guys are just so ENGAGING.

ok, here i go...

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

still not there yet. one more song. here i go. last one. okay. computer shutting. favorite song choosing. then e.d.-bed. (that's what, according to my nana, my uncle tom used to say when it was time to retire for the night.)

enough delay tactics for now. next thing i'll be remembering dreams and telling you about them. better i take the wise folks' advice and put my ass horizontal.

ok, here i really go...


...ok, here i really really go.

oh, wait, i ordered from amazon today: 'let's take the long way home' or something like that. thanks windy lady, or um, someone else? i think it was you, windy. anyway, it's a story from a woman who was close w caroline knapp, of 'a drinking life' and 'pack of two' fame. this woman was a swimmer, and ms knapp was a rower, which i forgot or never knew.

anywhoot, it has been almost two weeks since i've rowed. i hate telling that! but i haven't been eating potato chips (crisps) on the couch neither. and i shall resume on monday. watch me. and i'll tell you how it goes.

los suenos cambiaron los destinos de los hombres, y de las naciones. dreams changed the destiny of men, and of nations. - from a macaco song

ok, no more smokes, nor ale, nor music. ok, finish the song, but close the computer.

nitey nite. love you all, so very much.
toca sin guantes de goma. touch without rubber gloves.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

gosh, golly. one more thing. i am hallucinating. small shadows just now were dancing in the vapor of my breath while i peed outside under a pine tree on this sixty something degree night in the humid hudson valley.

my girlfriend of a dozen years sleeps in the back side of the treehouse that my house feels like these days. it's so very good to have here here! i'll tell you more about it soon. but, didn't i say something about going to bed?

hoy sabemos que lo importante es soNar. today we know that the important thing is to dream. macaco, of course. and guess who i'll (we'll?) be seeing in southern spain?

ok, off off, fold fold the laptop.

zzzzzz rooo beee dooo

[bleep]

just got my own bac!

i too have this struggle about going to bed. once you're there, that's it, and another day is done, so there's always one more interesting thing to do before committing.

funnily enough, i also nearly ran 3 1/2 miles the other day. i lay down, and the urge passed, but it was a close thing. i was strong though, and resisted. i'm proud of myself. today, i think i'll nearly run 5 miles.

sorry to hear about your teacher rudy. that's really shit. don't know what else to say i'm afraid.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Benadryl? - Why tf aren't you asleep? How much did you take?

Beer? - Don't have any in the house, then you won't fixate on it. And what the hell are you doing putting pale ale in the fridge ferchrissakes?

Teacher? - Yikes! Soz. :l

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Rudy, I was thinking about you and your relationship with your boy the other day when I read a story about how there had been a 58% increase in the number of children with speech and language problems in UK schools. Apparently a huge number of kids start school at age 5, without being able to communicate at all. Not even knowing their own names. This is being put down to the lack of communication between parents and children. Parents are ignoring their kids. I see it all the time; mothers pushing buggies but ignoring the child and just talking on the phone or texting. In the report, one mother, when asked about how she communicated with her child, said "he don't talk to me, so I don't talk to him".

There really ought to be some sort of competency test before people are allowed to procreate.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

murph, you are spot on! no more ale in the fridge. i don't know what i was doing ferchrisssakes! i just did it. like somehow i deserved it and needed it. and i drank more than i wanna admit but not for a sec did i feel drunk. darn. what's the point? oh, i like the taste and the full in my belly feeling. and the 'fuck you' aspect still appeals. but i'll channel you next time i'm thinking of pulling into the beer store for anything other than petrol. i really will. i do not want to be doing this!

it kept me awake last night, that and my little bit of weed, the music, and the food! zukes, green peppers, and chicken from the garden. (wait, i don't have chickens anymore.) my love of language and my warm fuzzy state. dreams of spain and hot men. circle tricks in my mind kept me awake and i can't afford to do this. i'm gonna age muy rapido if i keep it up. too many cigarettes!

ok, i really will channel you murph. thank you. and tonight mom and bro will be here and i won't have any ale. neither of them drink (but have been miraculously tolerant of my drinking in the past, maybe cause i'm such a happy drunk and hide my buzz very well). their company will fill me in a way that bubbly booze never could. love it!

thank you for not judging me, or for keeping it to yourself if you do. i really appreciate it. god, i can't believe how high my tolerance still is. or maybe i'm just used to the buzzy feeling.

i only took one benadryl. and i can't believe i'm up already. i must've slept starting only at 5 am. the birds were tweeting and the sky was getting light.

love you guys for knowing exactly where i am at the moment. funny, though, i don't feel any self loathing (maybe cause i wasn't a bit drunk; that takes vodka anymore, which i do'nt touch). instead, i feel a dizzy giddy happy feeling. tis good to be alive. and have adrenaline to keep me going. my mom will even pick up my boy for me today. he'll LOVE that surprise. and it's better if i don't drive. i'm sleep deprived and very, very twitchy and tingly-stingy in my face. i think i'll stay home and drink water and rest. and think about spain and research where i can take my dad when he takes me there. know any good mountains he can climb? i don't think strolling on the plain will appeal to him. all that wind. (have you seen almodovar's Volver?)

'kay, can't believe i've typed so much! all this twitching. but there's a big smile on my face. off for a fag and a chat with my girl.

xoxo rudyb

[SlipperyPete]

just got my own bac!

Rudy - Spain is awesome. I remember going when I was like 16 with my family, and traveling all over. Gibraltar was fun, especially the monkeys. The only thing I missed was taking the boat trip to Africa because the weather was shitty, and missing out on the gypsies. Maybe check out the bull fighting?