In the UK, the Subaru Impreza is the car of choice of spotty youths who want a blingy motor they can shove their unfeasibly loud stereos in and knacker the exhaust to make it sound more meaty. But I'm sure yours will be much classier and well choice.

Oh yeah, while I'm pissing on chips: to Brits, going to Spain is so everyday, commonplace and cheap, it's almost regarded as a chore rather than a treat. The Costas swarm with unwashed, shirtless, Mancunian oafs and Geordie tarts wearing nowhere near enough to cover up their revolting, blotchy flab. But I'm sure you'll have a great time.

Now, where can I find a puppy to kick?
. Just avoid the coast and you'll avoid the British oiks. They never venture more than a couple of miles inland because they're terrified of meeting Spaniards who don't speak English. Brits don't do foreign languages on the whole; ignorant bunch that we are.
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