just got my own bac!

[sjm]

just got my own bac!

aw, rudy, how i wish i could give you a real hug right now...i see you're online so here's a virtual one. you know how much i love you, how proud i am of you, and how confident i am that you can keep this up. you have the keys--gratitude, eye on the prize are two of them! big hug, mom

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

Morning, RubyD!

I had some insights yesterday I wanted to share with you. One is the practice of metta. Loving kindness. It's really taking me to places I am enjoying.

The other is something Beth (my therapist) said yesterday when I emptied my basket of doubt and angst in her lap. She said, "so?" Okay, not really. But something to the effect of, "okay. all of those feelings don't change what you know." she went on to talk about how we can acknowledge feelings, and yadda yadda... But they don't always reflect reality. I won't bore with all the details...

Toward the end, I was looking for reassurance (again) and she said, "You are saying yes to abundance." That's enough, Ru. Just say yes. It's here to stay, regardless of our feelings about it. I think that's pretty fucking awesome. Don't you? :H wooohoooo
(watch that garden grow, and tend it when it needs tending. this is what made me want to share this with you this morning. thanks for that.)
:l

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

aw, ne. you're so cool! thanks for thinking of me and for sharing. yep. abundance. la abundancia.

the spainsh word for today: reclamar - to claim, to demand, to ask for. i'm claiming the abundance in my life. i'm having fun noticing the feelings and not letting the negative ones string me along. in so doing, i am reaping the bounty. metta. yeppa! i'm loving what it's bringing my way, too.

i've had lots of help these days from various people. in particular the men are impressing me. like the guy who came to drain the septic. we had a nice chat about honey bees and gardens and what's happening to this mundo roto (broken world). he's an everyday guy in whom i wouldn't have expected to find such depth. but i did. and the guy who came to assess my trees that need attention. not only did he give a very thorough accounting of what he'd do, how, and how much it'd cost, we also talked about martial arts and my excellent carpenter who's basically re-making my whole house! (detailed account to follow at some point, with photos.) all of these men exude integrity. none of them has a skeevey vibe. they all look me in the eye and speak to me like a respectable human with ideas to share. it's truly awesome! (this morning i said to my son something was 'awesome' and he told me he didn't like that i said it that way. i asked what would be better. he told me 'neat'. so the something was 'neat'! cool kid!)

a chipmunk was just watching me type, from about two feet away. soooo cute!

i'm just in from a 3+ mile run. fuckin awesome, dudes and dudettes! exercise IS IS IS a staver-off of depression. (he writes about that in the book, 'healing w/out freud or prozac'. who has gotten that book yet, btw?!) i feel happier than any clam.

i'm going to the fair today with g and some friends, including my favorite 12 yr old girl in the world. life is full and gives me so much nourishment.

i'm not even freaked out that the summer is coming to a close in a few quick weeks. i shall return to work a new woman, with a renewed spirit, a fitter-than-fit bod, and no makeup. i used to wear it every single day, even to the grocery store. i felt naked and ugly without it. i couldn't stand my unadorned face in the mirror. that, i believe, was largely due to the drinking and what it did to my self esteem. i haven't worn a lick of paint in weeks! and i find myself to be more beautiful than EVER! even including my glamours and svelte self in my 20's and 30's, hopping around those trendy nyc joints with my posse of gorgeous girls. (we all have beautiful babes now, and a totally different set of priorities, give thanks!)

uf! i've go so much more to say, so i'm sure i'll be back. i'll leave you with a reminder of the word for the day: reclamar. ??Que reclamas tu hoy?? what do you ask for today? envision it. trust that it will be yours. make it come your way. keep your vibrations high. and, as my mama used to tell us: MAKE it a good day!

love,
rudy ru

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

oh wow! how cool. i just noticed i've been promoted to 'senior member'. when'd that happen?!

ne, i forgot to mention that i am brindandote a ti. i'm drinking to you! today's special refreshment is water spkied w organic raw apple cider vineger. yum! i am sincere in that sentiment. and it's really good for your gut. and full of vitamin c, which is perfect since i can't find my supplements (the kitchen was just rebuilt).

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

mensajes del agua - messages from the water. por macaco.

ninguna idea es tan importante como la de la posibilidad de compartirla: comunicacion.
no idea is as important as the possibility of sharing it: communication.

is that not exemplified by what we very fortunate people have going on here with each other?~!

ok, the song i have to share with you at the moment is by my favorite group, macaco, from spain, where i'll be going with my son this fall.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajsZnl_73-g[/video]]‪Macaco - Mensajes Del Agua‬‏ - YouTube

here are some of the lyrics:

and what am i going to do (to him/her) if i love the small things
..if i don't want the ocean to be so deep
...if since i was young i encountered the strength of my world
...if i think that they and i make one
what am i going to do?
it's that drop upon drop we are waves that make oceans
drops that are different but equal
and a wave comes and says

we are a tide of people marching (need a btr sinonimo for 'remandar') to the same rhythm.

y en espaNol:
Y que le voy a hacer si yo, amo lo diminuto
Y que le voy a hacer si yo, no quiero que el oceano sea tan profundo
Y que le voy a hacer si yo, de peque?o encontre la fuerza de mi mundo
Y que le voy a hacer si yo, si yo pienso que ellos y nosotros sumamos uno
que le voy a hacer?
y es que gota sobre gota somos olas que hacen mares
gotas diferentes pero gotas todas iguales
y una ola viene y dice
somos una marea de gente todo diferente remando al mismo compas

so, someone please tell me that you've listened to this or any other song i've posted. since i'm not seeing much of reggie lately, i feel a responsibility to carry on the music-sharing component of these threads. (yet i've heard not a peep from anyone about any of this uplifting music i'im trying to bring into your lives and help you get a little extra pep into your step.) i enjoy sharing it tremendously, obviously, but i'd like to know that someone out there is also appreciating it.

i'm thinking i should start a spanish mwo. anyone have any ideas about how i might go about doing that?

here it is, an easy second chance. and you'll get to see my new boyfriend. (as we've discussed, you must envision what you'd like to see happen -and real images do help with this- if you want to bring it on more quickly than you'll believe.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajsZnl_73-g[/video]]‪Macaco - Mensajes Del Agua‬‏ - YouTube

love y'all. please get back to me on this!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

i think what i need to do is start a new website with a european url (is that how you say it?). anyone want to help me with that, and give me other ideas? i seriously think this is my next step in this blessed recovery process that the world needs to learn about.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

this morning part of the deal i made with my son was that he could go to the fair if he did something i can't remember what, and if he took some chlorophyll (very green, sweet liquid). he has had very stinky breath lately, and i'm trying to solve it. (oh, the other thing was that we'd floss his teeth.) after explaining to him that chlorophyll would help him be less stinky, as well as do other great things for his turning-muscular bod, he summed it up perfectly: 'chlorophyll hugs your blood'.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

ok, so this is an embarassing page full of posts only from me. just sayin...

just back from the fair, and even though i was still 100 mg short of my 200, i was having the strongest se's ever! burning in my mouth and hands, twitching in hands like crazy! funkadee shit with my vision (blind spots, jaggedy jiggles). what's up with that?! (iv'e been at 200 for over a week!)

[SlipperyPete]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1158584 wrote:

i'm not even freaked out that the summer is coming to a close in a few quick weeks. i shall return to work a new woman, with a renewed spirit, a fitter-than-fit bod, and no makeup. i used to wear it every single day, even to the grocery store. i felt naked and ugly without it. i couldn't stand my unadorned face in the mirror. that, i believe, was largely due to the drinking and what it did to my self esteem. i haven't worn a lick of paint in weeks! and i find myself to be more beautiful than EVER!

That's awesome about your self-esteem Rudy! Looking in the mirror is much easier when we're sober, huh?
And what you wrote reminded me of a song (I'm all about the lyrics lately)
"sweat pants, hair tied, chillin with no make-up on,
that's when you're the prettiest I hope that you don't it wrong"

Confidence is mad sexy

[bleep]

just got my own bac!

i'm posting purely to help break up your long string of posts. i have no idea what the story is with your se's, you're very odd.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

fuck you bleep~! you're supposed to alwasy have the answer!

pete, as you can see if you're keeping up with all of my manic posting, i, too, am all about the lyrics!

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Ye gods! So many posts :H.

RudyB;1158584 wrote:
and the guy who came to assess my trees that need attention. not only did he give a very thorough accounting of what he'd do, how, and how much it'd cost, we also talked about martial arts I read that as "marital aids" and wrote a long and detailed reply, replete with diagrams and photographs and all manner of helpful suggestions. Imagine my disappointment when I re-read it.

RudyB;1158584 wrote: all of these men exude integrity. none of them has a skeevey vibe. they all look me in the eye and speak to me like a respectable human with ideas to share. If you had big boobs they wouldn't be looking you in the eye. Just sayin'.

RudyB;1158584 wrote: i'm just in from a 3+ mile run. fuckin awesome, dudes and dudettes! exercise IS IS IS a staver-off of depression. (he writes about that in the book, 'healing w/out freud or prozac'. who has gotten that book yet, btw?!) i feel happier than any clam.
Exercise rocks!

RudyB;1158602 wrote: oh wow! how cool. i just noticed i've been promoted to 'senior member'. when'd that happen?!
When you hit 1000 posts.

RudyB;1158608 wrote:
so, someone please tell me that you've listened to this or any other song i've posted.

Ummmmm, I do intend to and I surely will...just as soon as I learn Spanish, which will be right after I've mastered English.

RudyB;1158608 wrote: i'm thinking i should start a spanish mwo. anyone have any ideas about how i might go about doing that?

Building a basic forum is easy. Building a good, user-friendly forum is difficult, time-consuming and can be expensive. But even then, just because you've built it, 'they' won't necessarily come (the voice in the maize field was only referring to the baseball pitch). You'll have to do an awful lot of promotion of the site, which will involve joining every Spanish language forum associated with alcohol, depression, mental illness etc etc and trolling away. But of course you can't just do that as a noob on those forums, you have to take time, posting away, enhancing your reputation, gaining people's trust and then reveal your site to them, so they'll take you seriously and join up. Just like I'm about to do with my new site www.BuyPicsOfMurph'sKnob.co.uk


RudyB;1158892 wrote: just back from the fair, and even though i was still 100 mg short of my 200, i was having the strongest se's ever! burning in my mouth and hands, twitching in hands like crazy! funkadee shit with my vision (blind spots, jaggedy jiggles). what's up with that?! (iv'e been at 200 for over a week!)

Motion sickness?

SlipperyPete;1158906 wrote:
Confidence is mad sexy

X2

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

wow, murph. thanks for the thorough response.

ok, so scrap the forum idea. i think i'll just charge 6 figures to do lectures in spain on how to get cured of alcohol wiht only the occasional ale binge. anyway, i've got a spainsh speaking group gearing up to go, thanks in part to reconnecting w an old friend from colombia. in this way i can keep my spanish elbow greased.

ok, what is going on with these se's. i've got 'em something terrible yest and this morn. and it ain't from booze! twitching, sleepiness, and body-thrumming. i've only had 20 mg so far today. HELP! is this the beginning of the end?

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

oh dear. i've gone and lost another post.
take two.

murhp, love your thorough response! i'll scrap the forum idea. i'll save the world by charging 6 figures a lecture in spain.

se's still here. is this the beginning of the end of the world? is the sky falling? i've only had 20 mg so far...

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Remind me, when was your last dose change?

Did you take your full quota yesterday? And at the usual times? You didn't shove a bunch of them down your throat late at night did you?