just got my own bac!
it's turning into fall here. i use the duvet at night and close some of the doors and windows. i am only a little scared.
i had a very entertaining dream last night. i was at the place where i did the aiwaska ceremony. people were eating dinner at round tables, hundreds of them. i had a funny story to tell -well, i thought it was funny. and soon found a small, unexpected audience. i was recounting an aquaintance with a colleague from ten years ago. saulo was very pleased with himself. i was going on about his arrogance, and how everybody else thought he was a terrible teacher yet he thought he was great. people were listening and the radius of my local audience soon grew to include the whole colossal ampitheater. in the end, people laughed, but i knew there were numbers of folks who wondered why i had interrupted their mimosas and eggs benedict for such a pointless and mediocre story. i folded back into the masses and found myself wondering the same thing. i was self-conscious. then i thought of a better punch line, and shared it. saulo, i said, was very proud of his pencil-thin beard that framed his handsome face. someone should have told him it looked stupid. my punchline was as lame as the rest of the story, and i knew it. so much for my deepak-chopra-esque speaking engagements, with payment to match! the dream kinda reminded me of how i sometimes feel after long posts i make here. but at least i'm not interrupting anybody's banquet.
do i have a need for an audience, for being an entertainer? maybe a little of the former, but not so much of the latter. i think we all need to be heard and appreciated. i've come a long way, though, from being the narcicist that i was in my 20's and 30's. i like what age has done to me. i remember in earlier years feeling sorry for 'older' women, as they'd left their prime, lines in their faces were beginning to show, and they would no longer fetch the cutest guys in the room. eee ghads! i would never go back to younger days!
anyway, not much point to this ramble! but, unlike in my dream, i don't feel embarassed.
i am so happy to have had such a good night's sleep, and to wake up without remorse. it's hard to imagine day after day after day of waking up feeling like a turd for drinking so much the night before. how did i survive that?! i think it has made me stronger, stronger in my sobriety and in my sense of self, which has been incredibly restored. phew.
g'day, all.
it's turning into fall here. i use the duvet at night and close some of the doors and windows. i am only a little scared.
i had a very entertaining dream last night. i was at the place where i did the aiwaska ceremony. people were eating dinner at round tables, hundreds of them. i had a funny story to tell -well, i thought it was funny. and soon found a small, unexpected audience. i was recounting an aquaintance with a colleague from ten years ago. saulo was very pleased with himself. i was going on about his arrogance, and how everybody else thought he was a terrible teacher yet he thought he was great. people were listening and the radius of my local audience soon grew to include the whole colossal ampitheater. in the end, people laughed, but i knew there were numbers of folks who wondered why i had interrupted their mimosas and eggs benedict for such a pointless and mediocre story. i folded back into the masses and found myself wondering the same thing. i was self-conscious. then i thought of a better punch line, and shared it. saulo, i said, was very proud of his pencil-thin beard that framed his handsome face. someone should have told him it looked stupid. my punchline was as lame as the rest of the story, and i knew it. so much for my deepak-chopra-esque speaking engagements, with payment to match! the dream kinda reminded me of how i sometimes feel after long posts i make here. but at least i'm not interrupting anybody's banquet.
do i have a need for an audience, for being an entertainer? maybe a little of the former, but not so much of the latter. i think we all need to be heard and appreciated. i've come a long way, though, from being the narcicist that i was in my 20's and 30's. i like what age has done to me. i remember in earlier years feeling sorry for 'older' women, as they'd left their prime, lines in their faces were beginning to show, and they would no longer fetch the cutest guys in the room. eee ghads! i would never go back to younger days!
anyway, not much point to this ramble! but, unlike in my dream, i don't feel embarassed.
i am so happy to have had such a good night's sleep, and to wake up without remorse. it's hard to imagine day after day after day of waking up feeling like a turd for drinking so much the night before. how did i survive that?! i think it has made me stronger, stronger in my sobriety and in my sense of self, which has been incredibly restored. phew.
g'day, all.
If you stayed, you would just wither up and die, and what good would that be to your son? Yes, it takes a village to raise a child or children. You are figuring it out, as am I. Not a village on my part, just me and another, in my case a nanny. We've got what we've got.
Comment