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just got my own bac!

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    #1171
    just got my own bac!

    go here for inspiration:

    Bakwoods - Videos - Skateboarding :: Snowboarding :: Videos :: Clothing

    the videographers are friends of the not-gay ex-bf who's way into snowboarding and did a ton of it last winter on the same mountain, never once inviting me to join him, not even to car pool, even though he fancies himself an environmentalist. they do excellent video that is not a bit easy to do, even poorly, and their musical selections are to die for!

    click on 'our neck of the woods.'

    please lemme know what you think!

    Comment

      #1172
      just got my own bac!

      Ruby, I didn't watch the video (currently in a silent internet cafe), but I love finding pictures and videos of exes on the web. I'm not on Facebook, so it's harder than you'd think. There's one dude in particular that I was (have been?) in love with since I was 14. He's a musician and actually has his own Wikkipedia entry. Bf caught me putting dude's name into Google Images recently. Yeah, I'm a creepster.
      How's the search for a new guy going? Even though I'm paired up, I'm with you 100% on the need to get some action. Not much going on in our apartment. Ha! Was just gonna type "Need to get on the boyfriend about that," not thinking of it literally, but I guess that applies too.
      Snowboarding sounds awesome. But you're doing it cause your son's interested? Can he do a lot out on the mountain at his age? Not doubting or criticizing, just curious.
      "Yet someday this will have an end
      All choices made or choice resigned,
      And in your face the literal eye
      Trace little of your history,
      Nor ever piece the tale entire
      Of villages that had to burn
      And playgrounds of the will destroyed
      Before you could be safe from time
      And gather in your brow and air
      The stillness of antiquity."

      From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

      Comment

        #1173
        just got my own bac!

        oh golly windy, you must've slacked on the notes in that part of my thread! initially, g wanted to snowboard cause ex-bf inspired his interest. i knew i wanted to support that, so i thought i'd better take it up, as i sure wouldn't be the mom waiting in the lodge. lo and behold and no shocker, i loved it myself, so i spent the winter learning it on my own and with a few group lessons. (i made every single hour-long trip to the mountain by myself and rode the slopes by myself, save those couple of days with the brief bf (not the not-gay ex-bf one) made notorious on moglor's thread. mabe someday i'll paste the stories over here. they're quite entertaining!) g went snowboarding once last year. this year, i'll have a pass, and i'll hire help to teach him. (i'm sure as feck not gonna spend all my fun snow time teaching him! i'm gonna ride!) no criticism taken. you just wanted the picture fleshed out, so there you have it. thanks for asking.

        there is no news on the man-hunt front. but i did finally reach out to that ex-bf/ex-friend whom i mentioned in passing several days ago, he who died once, he who is a very talented and sensitive photographer, and he replied that he'd call me this week. i told him that the universe would hold him to it. he did not call. i do not care. but i love that i'm reaching out. that is just one example of what i've done lately in the name of finding some action. i am confident that someone will come along soon. spirit is kind.

        btw, as i've mentioned i think here on this thread, the psychic says i'll meet a nice fellow sliding down a mountain in lots of snow. auspicious i say! i'll take her word for it and i have no doubt.

        i can't remember if i've mentioned (and i love saying that, knowing that it's not because i was drunk that i don't remember) that i think i've figured out something very important about dosing, and it's thanks to murphy that i've figured it out, really, and thanks to our private correspondence (but no thanks to the haters who got him kicked off of here, where he otherwise could've himself dispensed such good advice for ya'll to have witnessed firsthand, for the greater and more immediate public good). whereas it's obvious that my late-night cramming of bac leads to my vivid dreams and hallucinations, probably my sweats, too, it's not so obvious -at least not to me and not until very recently, like in the last several hours- that the late-night, heavy dosing may explain my drinking a bit, too. i bet -thank you murph- that if i did a more even spacing during my waking hours, i'd have a lot less craving during the evening.

        let's just take a look at the high i get from hd bac pre-sleep. imagine if i modified that a bit, and pulled it just a wee bit earlier into my day, i bet that my hankering for ale would pale. i really think that it would. so, rather than go up to 200, which i had decided to do, i'll get those pills down, all but one or maybe two of them, way before beditme, which is around 9 pm. let's watch and see what happens with the beer consumption, shall we? i'll keep you posted. (now just wish me luck in jktdp's in a timely manner!)

        and please wish me luck on a dry, long, uninterrupted sleep. i wish the same for you.

        xo rudy ru :;

        Comment

          #1174
          just got my own bac!

          pete, the smiley didn't work that time. what did i do wrong? (i bet it's really obvious...)

          Comment

            #1175
            just got my own bac!



            oh yeah.

            Comment

              #1176
              just got my own bac!

              A real guy sliding down the mountain?

              You really saw a psychic or is this just talk? The man front is serious! Your stars are up my friend!

              LL:l
              The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

              *Don't look where you fall, look why you slipped*

              Comment

                #1177
                just got my own bac!

                Ah. I see. I apologize.
                The snowboarding sounds like a great plan. An awesome thing for g to get into at a young age, and great exercise and outside time for you.
                Funny, currently watching the Simpsons episode about "The Secret". It works for Ms. Krabapple.
                I think it's great that you're reaching out. And, if I remember correctly from growing up in a winter sports town, there's a lot of hot snowboarders. Just saying.
                The one bit of wisdom I did gleen from Dr. L was not to take the last dose of bac too close to bedtime. I understand the temptation to do so though. When I was trying to avoid se's during the day, I would cram a ton of pills in the evening. It just seemed practical to take one before bed.
                Sorry. I know I'm not being very helpful. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.
                "Yet someday this will have an end
                All choices made or choice resigned,
                And in your face the literal eye
                Trace little of your history,
                Nor ever piece the tale entire
                Of villages that had to burn
                And playgrounds of the will destroyed
                Before you could be safe from time
                And gather in your brow and air
                The stillness of antiquity."

                From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

                Comment

                  #1178
                  just got my own bac!

                  heya. shuddup about not being helpful! did he say why not to take bac too close to bed time? please don't tell me that it's so you don't get insomnia! i NEVER have insomnia. maybe he's onto the 'make it work during the day/evening thing.' ...?

                  Comment

                    #1179
                    just got my own bac!

                    I assumed it was because of insomnia and all the other nigh time bac se's, like vivid dreams and sleep apnea. And because the theory that your body went into bac withdrawl during the night was somehow anecdotaly disproved. It just always seemed like a good idea to me to try to spread the doses out throughout the day and concentrate them a little at my "witching hour", finish before bedtime.It never ended up happening that way, but that was my intention.
                    "Yet someday this will have an end
                    All choices made or choice resigned,
                    And in your face the literal eye
                    Trace little of your history,
                    Nor ever piece the tale entire
                    Of villages that had to burn
                    And playgrounds of the will destroyed
                    Before you could be safe from time
                    And gather in your brow and air
                    The stillness of antiquity."

                    From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

                    Comment

                      #1180
                      just got my own bac!

                      ah ha. thanks windy.

                      Comment

                        #1181
                        just got my own bac!

                        "i can't remember if i've mentioned (and i love saying that, knowing that it's not because i was drunk that i don't remember) that i think i've figured out something very important about dosing, and it's thanks to murphy that i've figured it out, really, and thanks to our private correspondence (but no thanks to the haters who got him kicked off of here, where he otherwise could've himself dispensed such good advice for ya'll to have witnessed firsthand, for the greater and more immediate public good). whereas it's obvious that my late-night cramming of bac leads to my vivid dreams and hallucinations, probably my sweats, too, it's not so obvious -at least not to me and not until very recently, like in the last several hours- that the late-night, heavy dosing may explain



                        God, I love you Rudy. Do not ever doubt that. Your writing is heaven to me.


                        LL:l
                        The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

                        *Don't look where you fall, look why you slipped*

                        Comment

                          #1182
                          just got my own bac!

                          (but no thanks to the haters who got him kicked off of here, where he otherwise could've himself dispensed such good advice for ya'll to have witnessed firsthand, for the greater and more immediate public good).


                          LOL, words speak the single chapter you search.

                          LL
                          The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

                          *Don't look where you fall, look why you slipped*

                          Comment

                            #1183
                            just got my own bac!

                            I have a regimen established by my naturopath of taking supplements 4 times a day--at each meal and when I brush my teeth at the end of the day. It's just a habit now. Could this work for "bac-biters"?

                            (Hi everybody! I continue to be awed by your intelligent posts and grateful for the support for Rudy's steady progress.)

                            Hugs all around from Rudy's mom.

                            Comment

                              #1184
                              just got my own bac!

                              ok, how do you 'undo'???!!!

                              halfway through my post, i deleted. argh! bakc button didn't work this time. is it alt+u?

                              deep breath. let it go.

                              i was saying that i love you two, too. good to have you having my back!

                              and that i am feeling very satisfied at the moment. i'm just back from a run with my boyfriend danI (carbonell, not macaco, and he is a certifiable spanish gypsy from barcelona. yummmm-uh!). i couldn't stop running, just kept looping on my favorite curvy part that runs from the historic one-room-schoolhouse-turned-museum to the antiques place that sells things maybe twice a year. when i finally pedaled myself home, it had probably been three and a half miles. and i love what unfolded next, and continues to unfold...

                              (how do you make accent marks? you'd think, being a spanish teacher and all, i'd know how to do that. but, knowing me as well as you all do, you know that i don't.)

                              (for any runners out there, i have been loving running with two pound weights in each hand. they have nice, molded grips. and using them is fascinating in what it does for form. on certain slopes, you can take long strides and, with your arms almost-straight at your sides, practically not even use your legs to propel you forward; most of the driving force comes from the core. even if you're not a particularly strong runner, you can do this at a nice, slow jog. it's great for how it affects the arms. mine feel so strong, but not bulked up. to say nothing of these abs! (ok, i will post a picture, once the slackerly-ish photographer sends me the photos which, he says, are tricky to upload cause they're from his fancy camera and each is a huge file.)).

                              Comment

                                #1185
                                just got my own bac!

                                my titration is going very well today. it is almost three (argh... where is the day going?!), and i only have 100 mg left. it is so clear to me now that i was undoubtedly chasing a high from bac. i love that zonking tired that i get from 60 mg almost at once. i love knowing that my mind and body will simply shut down. and that before it does, i will enjoy a tingly altered-state. true to type addict behavior. but tonight i will be going a different route. i won't lie, i'm a little afraid.

                                one of the things i was thinking about on my run was that i have always been pretty much anxiety-free. no real depression to speak of, either, except on that one day each month. how hard it would be if i suffered chronically from either of these to jump up after only four hours of sleep, give my full attention to my son, hustle him out the door with his father, and run and run and run. or do so many of the other things that i do every day. and i know i am blessed to have such exquisite and dependable good fortune.

                                and my body has been so kind to me, in spite of all that i have put it through. i feel like i'm still as green at the hinges as when i was in my 20's. my people seem to have been built of the same stuff as oxen.

                                here's a number i enjoyed whilist looping:

                                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2jdeSm0B7g[/video]]Macaco-Mensajes del agua - YouTube

                                Comment

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