just got my own bac!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiRI-rlHxHE&NR=1[/video]]Orishas - Nací Orishas - YouTube

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

still not out the door...

just noticed that the man from the festival has the same surname as the host family in colombia where my mother lived when she was 20. what if... (wouldn't surprise me a bit.)

it's truly sucks to report that my neighbor across the street, a salvadorian with a very overweight wife, recently sent me texts indicating that he was having urges. it really FUCKING SUCKS feeling like he's keeping his eye out for me, and that there's no doubt he'll see me run by in my small, tight gear. i wish they would go somewhere!!! (the good news is that they're not up every single weekend. but most. especially in the summer, when skin shows.)

WHOOPEEEEE!!!!!!! they've just left! i'm gonna throw on my clothes and go!

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Thanks for the glow, Ru, feeling it. Its a beautiful day warming up outside, and I need to be out in it. My doggie thinks so too. He's so cute, keeps coming in and sticking his nose on my arm, saying, hey, whatup, wanna play or somefin? So cuddly for a 90lb beast. He thinks its pool weather, as does the algae.

Anyways, I'm thinking about doing a load of laundry, vacuuming the fish tank, anyone want some white mollys? I have very fertile fish and they are reproducing beyond what my aquarium can comfortably handle. Then I'll go outside and place the plants. I'm having a really hard time with plant placement. Ru, you and Zen have design talents, don't you? I tend to plant wildly, then dig up and transfer locations, all the darn time. Maybe some help is in order. Focus me on this, and I'll feel so good I won't need the martini.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

bruun, i will help. more later.

i'm just in from a hearty run (gotta get out my thesaurus) and my mind is in that beautiful swirl of ideas and reflections. i cooled off in the pond, whose water is black and pretty shaded (but there's dappled sun). it's 8 ft deep at its deepest. going in there is a little spooky, but only in flashes, and i'm getting used to it so those are diminishing in number. it is completely and divinely refresing!

on my way back down to the house, it dawned on me as if for the first time, but i'm sure it wasn't, that i have made strange choices in men because i'm just so happy when they show that they like me, as if i'm surprised by it. why in hell wouldn't a man like me?! intellectualy i see no reason. but somewhere deep inside, i haven't felt myself worthy of attention and companionship. (love, yes, i always felt that.) i quickly trace that back to my father, who was not a bit demonstrative of anything resembling sincere interest in his daughter, yours truly. i'm not angry with him for it; he did what he could. and he is archtypical for a father of his era.

i also was not taught to filter very well. sure, my parents criticized my choices in friends and boyfriends, but my father was not involved much, and my mother had a very quiet voice about whatever she felt. someday i'll describe for us the myraid questionables i have chosen.

but for now, the ex bf and his inability to give: it was enough for me that he showed me small pokes of interest. and the ex hubby, well, it was all about him, but he put his arm around me and told me i was beautiful.

with the abundant self-love that i feel now, i am eager to tell you about the new companion in my life. he'll be right along...

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

bruun, i think the planting haphazardly-ish is fine, and while those plants set and get strong, you can be preparing your other beds and coming up with a plan. i was so satisfied recently by taking down some ugly evergreen hedges and opening up a huge bed with plenty of soft dirt, front and center and facing south. it's now full of echinacea, and in the spring i'll add red manarda (bee balm).

i have a great story about mollies! when i was in brooklyn, my companions were my brindle pit bull, rosie, my creeping-vine plants (forget what they're called, typical house plant) that made a canopy over my bed (it was pretty cool!), and my fish. we all lived together in relative harmony in my 5-room railroad apartment, with the bedroom on the south side and full of light.

i got some mollies at the pet store, brought five or so home. maybe eight. a few days later there were only three. i went back to the store, and without guile, explained to the gal working there that there was something wrong with those mollies, as they had disappeared. could she please give me replacements, without charge? her jaw dropped; she couldn't believe i was serious. but i was. totally. after some friendly but strained back and forth, she caved and gave me three mollies. a couple of days later, i found that many on the floor, dried and dead. they had jumped out. i got a good chuckle at myself then!

thanks for the offer, bruun, really, but i'll pass.

mom and ayunt suzie have taken the boys (my son and his cuz) for ice cream, having just gotten back here from my sister's house. i shooed them away impatiently, claiming my dire need to write my stories and hail my girls. she cooperated, but commanded me to get it out of my system! thanks, mom, i will!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

lately i've had really swollen hands (at times), and, almost always, tingly skin. when i rub the front of my calves, or my forearms, it stings a little. it's a little bit nice, but weird. also, my tongue has been stinging for ages. at first i thought it was from smoking, as i also had gentle sores on the roof of my mouth, but i've since dismissed that. i only smoke 10 a day, and the stinging does go away from time to time, so i think it's an se of bac. anybody else experience any of this?

i'm so glad i've figured out my dosing! but today i did leave my pills home while i was breakfasting at sis's, so i'm a bit behind. i have to take one every hour and a half, which will be fine. i've written down the times, help me remember to do what i gotta do at each one! (but mom might not 'let' me come back here for a while.)

a big intention of mine today is to unload pics from my phone (camera is broken; it's on my to-do list), upload them to snapfish, and copy some here. i want to show you my living room that is strewn with hotwheels and ramps and race tracks, and i want to show you the log-turned-chunks-of-wood by the stream, where my son and his buddies love to play. oh, the stream... i'll show you that, too!

love y'all.
happy monday.
how you feelin, is?

xo ru

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

i'm also going to head over to i-tunes...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67Tq1qkvXZw&NR=1[/video]]Orishas - Hay Un Son - YouTube

one of the guys in this group, as i've told you, looks JUST like my son's father!

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Hey Roo,

Thought I had posted here but maybe I did it on the other thread. Pretty sure I covered it all over there except for this - the haphazard planting has made a wild jungle of my front yard where an orderly lawn once lived boringly sucking up water. I rototilled it under with some help and planned and planted. I didn't research the pruning and some of the plants like heather end up proliferating but dying all over the place like the vinca. Think its the mean ole gophers. Don't know why the kitties have given up on the job of manning the gopher holes. Oh, lets see if I can embed a picture of Alpha Bitch One manning a hole.... doesn't look like it worked?

[SlipperyPete]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1190956 wrote: but somewhere deep inside, i haven't felt myself worthy of attention and companionship.

I feel the same way, although I haven't yet found a way to blame it on my parents. Give me some time and I'll think of a way! The only thing I can trace it back to is just years of alcohol abuse and depression, and a general lack of self-worth that follows. It's one of the things I plan on working on with my life coach/therapist.

[SlipperyPete]

just got my own bac!

Oh, and a few nights ago I combined my last 2 doses to experiment with seeing strange women in my room, and all that happened was my inner voice sort of turned into a gnome. And my tongue got much more noticeable. Although I definitely have seen fireworks occasionally, but I took more than 60 mg at a time when it happened.

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

LOL Petey, did you then experiment with the inner gnome and your very noticeable tongue?

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Oh Is, someone posted you should take magnesium, was it Roo? It made me think of magnesium's other properties and one is to help the body detox from whatever, including meds. So maybe it would be good with HDB, help your kidneys and liver or whatever get rid of the build up of whatever is stuck in there. Also will loosen your stools if you take alot at once so beware. Although I'm thinking you are well aware of all this being so brainy and all. Also, I've worked at various financial institutions and some have the day off and some don't, but all the branches of the banks are always closed so the retail folks get it off even if we corp types don't.

[SlipperyPete]

just got my own bac!

Bruunhilde;1191040 wrote: LOL Petey, did you then experiment with the inner gnome and your very noticeable tongue?

I would have, if a strange woman appeared

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Still pining for DG, I see.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

so great to see this thread getting naughty once again. wish i had a worthy contribution.

but that thing about the tongue! ay dios! mine is constantly very noticable! kinda bothersome, makes me want to do things with it to distract it and maybe rub it off, get rid of the surface tingling tension sting. but, alas, all i have are cough drops.

hey, lookie there, i made a racy donation to the cause!

a few times over the past few very pure nights, i've had flashes of urges to drink. kinda like, 'where's the fun? where's that little buzz? what's next?!' and of course right away i knew it was the mischevious ale wizard, trying to tempt me. so i followed him down his dark path for a a few quick paces, and when i got to the extra-buzz fork in the road, i realized that i didn't want to go that way, not one bit. so i bleeped right back to the present and continued to enjoy my family and our cozy, insular fun.

and our food! tonight it was poached chicken marinated in garden herbs, acv, and olive oil, brussels sprouts steamed to perfection and dressed with butter and umeboshi vinegar, volunteer mustard greens and kale, and salad. oh, and new red potatoes. all but a very few ingredients were killed here. i mean grown here. the chicken was slaughtered at a plant that processes hormone- and antibiotic-free birds, and it was purchased the same day by me.

nothing got burned and we had enough cooking gas.

i managed my dosing well today, and have only 40 mg left to take before midnight. piece of cake.

ahhh haaa haa ha! that reminds me: is, when you applauded dg's 'cupcake dropped in pickle juice,' i thought, 'wow, she is a really funny gal!' then i couldn't believe it, but maybe you actually do do that. when i re-read, i got yet another good chuckle at myself. (you have to admit, 'cut cukes' does look an awful lot like 'cupcakes,' even if you're not all twisty on bac.) it's good to be able to laugh at oneself, frequently if possible.

so it's really truly true: if i don't ramp up on bac at night, not only do i have a more tranquil night sleep, without all those blips in reality, but i also -most wonderfully- have NO URGE TO DRINK! not even ale! the kombucha, acv water, bitters and sparkly water, detox tea, pickle juice, home made ginger ale, and just plain water do the trick much, much better. to boot, i don't feel bloated and dehydrated. i still love my face in the morning. going for a run doesn't have a speck of pennance in it. and i am happily pleased with myself as a whole.

life gets much better after baclofen, folks!

give it a whirl. you won't be sorry.

xoxo compadres!
rudy ru