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just got my own bac!

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    just got my own bac!

    (ok, maybe now i'm winding down?) i've smoked three cigarettes in an hour (the long, slow-burning american spirits), and drunk over a quart of tea and cider. i realize that smokes are stimulants, so maybe that's amping me up a bit? (sometimes i smoke them because i think maybe they'll just knock me out.) smoking herb winds me up, and i know it; seems maybe it's high time to put that to bed (especially if i am sincere in wanting to get to the bottom of whether or not the mania -gimme a synonym- is bac-related).

    i'll say it again: the fervour would be fine, if i could rest assured that it was not hurting me. but there's no way of knowing, is there, at least not in terms of bac? i mean, over time might this insane mental energy spiral to a point where even i myself cannot detect it as abnormal? for now i'm not going to fight it, but i am going to commit to creating even more balance in my life: less weed, more sleep, and a little more food (perhaps). but heck, i'm getting so much done, so much living into every moment of life that -understand me- i am not complaining!

    hi cassander! hi dose! thanks guys and dolls for visitin' my thread!

    i hope i haven't scared anyone (doubt i have; just trying to be polite). i'm sure i won't become one of those famous insane people who produces prolific amounts of creative outpourings and is then remembered after her early death for her momentary genius and perhaps prolonged insanity. yeah, i doubt that will happen. i am nowhere near genius.


    on a much lighter note: the greens. ne, it doesn't work that way; the deer would eat it all eventually. pete, that's a very clever idea, and i bet it would work, but it would be too stinky and greusome. i'll stick with the gate idea. i have an ample variety of standing dead cedar which will make excellent posts for the gate, which i shall remember to close.

    ne, i've thought of you a few times lately, and how, months ago, way before my indifference (which i feel has just come about (again?) in the past two weeks), you wrote about having stories running in your head all the time, stories that you'd (wanna) run home and write down. it occurs to me to ask if maybe that's a bac side effect, but that's silly. i think it's a life
    side effect. so the lesson is: well lookie there ~ life has a lot of effects
    when you ain't drunk.

    Comment


      just got my own bac!

      heya, mom! great advice from good instincts! and i wasn't sure about 'aquit;' i thought the double 't' might come only with '-al' at the end, but i liked the way it looked better with two, kinda french. (and i know i spelled 'gruesome' wrong before, but i can't be bothered to fix it. plus, it also looks french.)

      i bet a bunch of you bacsters are nodding your heads in recollection of episodes similar to what i described above. maybe you're still in one -maybe even a long, uninterrupted one. well i'll tell you one thing, bubs, i'll take this blue-fire energy any day over a multi-faceted and bellicose hangover. just the same, please do chime in with input -great or small- so's i know i'm not alone, or crazy yet.

      nenes,* i think i might be getting tired now, thank gaia. sleep loose, all. i'm glad you're here with me!

      les quiero!
      oxo rudy b

      * spanish colloquial, an endearing 'you
      '

      Comment


        just got my own bac!

        More later Roo, but you could also plant smelly plants animals hate like lavendar or rosemary etc, all around the goodies ... works somewhat with the gophers my cats and dogs refuse to bother with.

        Comment


          just got my own bac!

          Just a quick chime in concerning your ongoing, happy productivity. Yup, I went through that too. It lasted for a good long while for me, then just sort of mellowed out. I've played with my dose many times this year, in an attempt to get that fantastic feeling back. Sometimes I've achieved it for a few stretches of time. Although I will say that I still think I am way more productive and generally happier now than I was pre-bac.
          I'm sure a lot of it has to do with personality as well. Unlike you and NE, I don't have stories running through my mind all the time. However, which is also unlike me, I find myself wanting to connect with people a lot more than I ever have, which is very nice.

          Also a quick note about your running. I am very jealous of you right now. I had 2 gorgeous runs on Thursday and Friday evening and felt great. Sunday I headed into the gym (too hot during the day) and had a very good session on the elliptical. When I got off, I was limping. Something on the side of my right knee has been in a lot of pain ever since.
          So I am in a state of forced rest right now, and I HATE it. It does seem to feel a bit better today, so I'm hopeful that I'll be able to get back to it soon. I'm hoping to hit a hot yoga class after work tomorrow. Yesterday I couldn't walk down stairs. I always take the stairs at my work. But I went down one flight and was in so much pain that I exited the stairwell and hopped on the elevator. I can only assume I tweaked it somehow during my run on Friday (I pushed through when I probably shouldn't have, and I don't usually run on asphalt, it's usually on the treadmill, which isn't much fun), and then just exacerbated it on Sunday.

          I read a case story in Spark this morning that really resonated with me and was something that I'd had been thinking about just yesterday. Gotta run (well, walk gingerly! :H) to get ready for work, but will try to remember to mention it later.

          Hope everyone has a great day. :l

          Oh, btw, my starter batch of kombucha is hanging out in a warm dark space in my pantry! I used the stringy mother of 2 bottles of original GTs, because there wasn't much in either. Hopefully it will be enough to get her going. It might just take some more time. So exciting!
          Better Living Through Chemistry

          Switched at 180mgs of Baclofen on 1/31/11, and again on 10/8/11 at 200mgs.

          Could've been a swan on a glassy lake, could've been a gull in a clipper's wake. Could've been a ladybug on a windchime, but she was born a dragonfly.
          ~Clutch

          Comment


            just got my own bac!

            Isolde;1197863 wrote: ...So I am in a state of forced rest right now, and I HATE it. ...

            I read a case story in Spark this morning that really resonated with me and was something that I'd had been thinking about just yesterday. Gotta run (well, walk gingerly! :H) to get ready for work, but will try to remember to mention it later....
            Hi Is

            Re forced rest...a couple of thoughts...you are in this for the long haul...a day or two rest won't matter...also, don't forget to cross train...if the knee is bothering you go to the gym and work on the upper body for a day or two...but don't over do it!

            Re Spark...pretty interesting stuff, don't you think...it helps me connect the dots...

            Cass
            With profound appreciation to Dr Olivier Ameisen for his brilliant insight and courageous determination

            Comment


              just got my own bac!

              Cassander;1197873 wrote: Hi Is

              Re forced rest...a couple of thoughts...you are in this for the long haul...a day or two rest won't matter...also, don't forget to cross train...if the knee is bothering you go to the gym and work on the upper body for a day or two...but don't over do it!
              Cass, you're so right on that. I was bummed about the rest because for the past almost 2 months, my routine hasn't been consistent for a multitude of reasons, so it feels like I have been resting TOO much and it makes me antsy. Thanks for mentioning the cross training. I get tunnel vision sometimes and without being able to do my whole routine the way I normally do it (deadlifts as part of back day, for instance), it didn't even occur to me to just remove the exercises that impact my knees for now. Duh! :H
              I was thinking of a hot yoga class tomorrow night, but if my knee is still bothering me, I'll go hit the gym for some upper body instead.

              Cassander;1197873 wrote:

              Re Spark...pretty interesting stuff, don't you think...it helps me connect the dots...
              Yup, I'm really enjoying it! It helps with my motivation and reinforces that exercise is good for body AND mind.
              Better Living Through Chemistry

              Switched at 180mgs of Baclofen on 1/31/11, and again on 10/8/11 at 200mgs.

              Could've been a swan on a glassy lake, could've been a gull in a clipper's wake. Could've been a ladybug on a windchime, but she was born a dragonfly.
              ~Clutch

              Comment


                just got my own bac!

                i just got spark in the mail, but it's in line behind a couple of others.

                today, i was finally tired, and i didn't have to force the food. i realized that my mania last night was from the weed. i'm gonna stop with that for a while, as it seems to be another horse i'm chasing. i almost deleted all those posts because i'm embarassed by them, but i'll leave them in hopes that some wayward teen might hop on them and save himself broken knees from chasing equines. i also realized that i'm in very good company here when talking about my challenges with mind-altering substances, and that my written mania is probably understood and forgiven.

                so now i'm back to no treats, no escapes. it feels kinda lonely but i'll pull through, back to that place of simple happiness where the world is not decorated in tapestries, but is pretty on its own. it was an 'experiment' of a couple of weeks' duration, and it has failed. onward and upward.

                is, you've re-inspired me on the kombucha. i think yours will work but, yes, will just take more time. keep us posted on your progress. so sorry about your knee.

                xo rudy

                Comment


                  just got my own bac!

                  I still think it's the baclofen. With all of the specifics you described, it sounds very familiar.
                  :nutso: I take pride in my humility :nutso:
                  :what?:
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                  Consolidated Baclofen Information Thread




                  Baclofen for Alcoholism and Other Addictions
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                  Comment


                    just got my own bac!

                    Rudy I've been looking for treats and escapes lately, too. Natural ones are much better than chemical escapes these days, anyways. I've re-discovered my love of sweets, which I thought I lost when I turned 11. Writing is also a good one, so I definitely understand why you love to do that. Just remember what you told me: "play every day!"

                    Who wants to lend me their copy of Spark when they're done?
                    Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness.
                    George Santayana

                    Comment


                      just got my own bac!

                      hey rudyb. we are all here because we have issues with mind altering substances. nothing to forgive imo, and no need to ever do a bunch of deleting, etc.

                      :l

                      dg
                      Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                      Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


                      One day at a time.

                      Comment


                        just got my own bac!

                        Roo, whatever the source of your posts, I LOVE reading them! Don't even think about deleting them. They're inspiring and life-affirming and a joy to read. :l
                        Better Living Through Chemistry

                        Switched at 180mgs of Baclofen on 1/31/11, and again on 10/8/11 at 200mgs.

                        Could've been a swan on a glassy lake, could've been a gull in a clipper's wake. Could've been a ladybug on a windchime, but she was born a dragonfly.
                        ~Clutch

                        Comment


                          just got my own bac!

                          i love you, is!

                          and, aww, thanks all. i wish i could use your warmth to heat the house! my furnace just sounded its alarm bell, so i turned it off, and it'll be in the 40's tonight! i suppose i'll go build a fire in the wood stove so i don't lose my son to child protective services. (they come and inspect every day - in the form of the kid's father, who should feel ashamed that in his days and wealth here he never replaced the dinosaur who heats our house with his breath.)

                          i'm tired and straight as an arrow and it feels rather nice and natural. and normal.

                          loOp, do you think baclofen will make us all crazy?

                          pete, i haven't been playing at all lately, and it's getting me down! (rowing is done and riding the mountain doesn't happen for... oh my gosh, only a month!!! ok, i'll live.)

                          doggy girl, heartfelt thanks for your soothing balm of acceptance.

                          nite nite, tribe. 'tis good to be in this our circle.
                          rudy

                          Comment


                            just got my own bac!

                            ...i really did just go out and collect sticks by the light of the stoop. who needs a man?! (though, any would be better at chopping kindling than i, who can split wood with a maul, but kindling has me stumped. fiddlesticks!)

                            i've set the fire to be lit at my 4 am waking. tonight i hope to sleep like i did as a child in a sparely heated, drafty old victorian in vermont, where we'd get dressed under the covers in the morning because it was too cold not to. under our flannels, we wore plain white carter's cotton skivvies, bought by the pair from a bin in the all-goods store over the dry bridge downtown. i think i wore a few of them into my twenties, i kid you not. evidently they have a nickname: carter's canvas. as you may recall from a scene i described in the bygone summer, i've upgraded to sexier things that are nonetheless good for gardening and driveway maintenance.

                            Comment


                              just got my own bac!

                              RudyB;1197972 wrote: i just got spark in the mail, but it's in line behind a couple of others.

                              ...
                              Well bump it up, Rude!
                              With profound appreciation to Dr Olivier Ameisen for his brilliant insight and courageous determination

                              Comment


                                just got my own bac!

                                RudyB;1197972 wrote:

                                i haven't been playing at all lately, and it's getting me down! (rowing is done and riding the mountain doesn't happen for... oh my gosh, only a month!!! ok, i'll live.)
                                You definitely need something new in your life to fill your void. I suppose a month isn't too far off. Certainly worth waiting for and looking forward to. :l
                                "My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them." Jack Kerouac

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