just got my own bac!

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Firestress, so sweet for you to be feeding such wonderful loving soul food to your firebomb and firesword, so cute! You're just like a big kid for them to play with, what a gift of a mom you are. And a wordstress, too. A slice of life by roo.

Too bad they can't just merge me and you and you'd have time to yourself (maybe that's why you envision your commute to work, its your only me-time?) and I could learn to play again.

Time to start the dreaded housecleaning sans music. Actually, I can try to set up that mini stereo I used for the hypnosis CD's first... Or I could listen to NPR, I like most of the weekend shows, they get me out of my head.

Like you Is, I'm battling that alot lately. My body is shit but my brain is busy working overtime and replaying bad old movies and regrets. Even as it rains, I think I should have stayed in SF because I wouldn't have lost my shirt in the housing market here. I have to get up and moving - maybe take that gabapentin now that the coffee and raw milk are stewing down there with the bran.

[LadyLush]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1204347 wrote: when my son got stung, he asked, 'why did it do that? did i do something wrong?' 'no, of course not,' i told him, 'wasps are just mean, and sting for no reason.' a few moments later, he said, 'i didn't do anything to it, right?' sooo cute. such an inborn sense of justice, and such deep compassion.

"inborn sense of justice" AWESOME!
Said so very,very well. In all aspects of life!

GREAT!

LL

[sjm]

just got my own bac!

love you, rudy. just lost a long message to you. wishing you well tomorrow. seeing the best.
spell check: courtesy
relaxing after a wonderful weekend, always here for you, mom with hugs

[sjm]

just got my own bac!

if g and a are firebomb and firesword, then you are FIRETRESS, thus avoiding the s-word embedded therein!

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Oh just a thought, Ru, maybe you can teach your G that the bug was scared of him, he's so much bigger than the bug, the bug stung him to keep himself safe? I really like when kids understand bugs, it helps them understand the food tree and all that. We're all just scared, alot. Plus isn't a wasp like a bee, they give their life with their defensive sting? Or is that just bees?

Fun fact - found out this weekend even a dead bee can sting you. Some reflex action, if they still have their stinger. Cool, huh? How would you explain that to G. LOL

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

oh, i'd just tell him it's the bees nerves, which still live a little after he's dead. or we'd look it up and find out for sure, because i'm not sure that's true. i don't mind sticking with the 'mean' explanation about the wasp's behavior; it will come in handy later in explaining people. i'll have to go a little deeper about why people are mean, of course, but it will be a good conversation.

it is too bad that so many adults turn into wasps. why do they? does life seem cruel and they resent others' liking it, since it's not cruel to them? i think in many cases that's it. people get heady and dark, and they think it's 'them against me', and they repeat this thinking to themselves over and over and over, and it becomes true. who likes to be around negativos? who is drawn to that? why, other negativos, of course! and so the self-administered messages become reinforced from the outside, and such folks live miserable, dreary lives. (dunno from whence this all comes...)

makes me think of a gal from work. she's probably 5'5'', but measures in around 5'2'' on account of her slump. her head and her shoulders and her back all curl in, painting a most unlovely impression to match her outlook. well, she had an affair with one d-dog at work. he said they had great sex, which is so hard -and gruesome- to imagine, but whatever. well, she broke it off because he flirted too much with everyone (he tried to w me, but i wasn't having it!). lo and behold, one day he took her arm in an attempt to wrangle her into changing her mind (though i'm sure it was a gentle, urgent kinda grab), and she turned around and filed sexual harassment! costing the district tons of money in its investigation and in the sub teacher to replace the dog, to say nothing of the educational cost to the students who lost a great math teacher. i say, air your dirty laundry at home, on the clothesline, after you have washed it and it's no longer dirty. but, even better, don't poop where you eat!

the other -way more positive- story i wanted to tell was of getting the sticks. i mentioned to the boys how very satisfying it is to break sticks.

g: what's 'astifying'?
me: satisfying is when something feels really good to do.
g: why do you think breaking sticks is satisfying?
me: maybe because of the little burst of power that you feel when you make one go 'snap'!

power really is nice, when used for good, like heating your home. or channeling good energy into a situation or person (like you're all doing for me, about tomorrow, right?). or running for three miles and feeling like you could fly for another thousand. or making a boat go really fast against the current, with eight other people who want the same thing, which is to have a ton of fun, fast and merrily.

so, about tomorrow, i know you know the gist, but i'll give you the nutshell again, so's you can be very specific about the desired outcome. (ftr: this is a good strategy when manifesting your wishes via the law of attraction. be specific, but without attachment to the exact details of the outcome. it's also helpful to be aware of how you will feel when this outcome is attained. for example, my mom and a trusted clairvoyant in vermont both have told me -during times when i was busy dwelling on the fact that i was still single (years ago, and more recently again)- that i should focus on specifics that i want, like intelligence and kindness, but especially focus on the feeling it will give me to have that lucky winner in my life. i think it will work; i've been doing that....) anywhoot, about tomorrow...

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

...thought i'd go ahead and post that, as i had started thinking about mom's lost long one to me, and didn't want that recall to send my post out the window, too. the universe is very suggestible! watch what you think about...

so yes, tomorrow the ex and his fuck-up lawyer (my lawyer's words, and he's known her since she was four) hope the judge will, indeed, say that the property is half his. (there was a funky property transfer during the marriage -not to hub but to his 'church'- that he thinks justifies his ownership, but it doesn't. my lawyer is brilliant, and has no doubt that won't fly. i owned the property free and clear when j (the ex) came along, so he'll have no choice but to keep his grubby, groveling paws off what's mine.) my hope is that once the judge gives him his reality medicine, j will come around, accept my generous offer, and move along (taking all of his crap with him, as i've mentioned, but is a VERY important part of this picture; i walk around wanting to spruce things up and make good use of my spaces, and at every turn there's a pile of crumbs or something bigger and junky but i cant' find the word, and i am SICK OF IT!). envision, please, that he'll move along quickly, obtain a proper home, and take our son a couple-few days and nights a week. then, the time when i am with g will be even more magical, and probably completely devoid of my rageful reactions to some of the innocent things that he does (maddening things, yes, but never warranting my occasional total snaps).

my life will soon blossom even further, as i will make very good use of my time alone. friends are starting a zumba class at g's school's performing arts center (and i'll help provide the music). there's an acting workshop to do! yoga is great in the winter! i have a heap of books to read, pages to write! and the snowboarding i will do...! wee haaw!) i will no longer smoke, i will no longer need to treat it like insulation, like a promise or a statement that 'this is MY time!' oh golly, i gotta get rid of this habit straightaway!

thank you all for helping me bring this vision into my lived reality!

those bolders the small fire people climbed were bathed in sunlight, and i think it must've been in the mid 50's. we only had on shirtsleeves, no coats or sweaters. after stunt climbing, we went over to the pond and fished for algae. we'd pull it out with long sticks, trying to avoid the sharp, awkward leaves. this particular algae is an iridescent cholrophyll green, and has the softest wet texture (not slimy at all); weird, but it felt like my hair does when dry and brushed. (i have my new water filter to thank for that! wish bleep were here to read that, and murphy. the'd be eating crow!)

guess i'd better do some business. argh! i hate business! but i have to email on behalf of my carpenter, whom i can't hire just yet, and tell people to hire him because HE IS SO GOOD! and i have to email my sub plans to school. take a shot of chlorophyll (yum!). a little more bac. and lie down with a book. (god i love annie lamott!) not a horrible list at all, really.

mom, sorry about your lost post. that sucks, i know! and i'll stick with 'firestress', cause i like the way it sounds sooo much better than 'firetress'. (besides, your offer sounds too scary, like maybe my hair should be wet like algae so i don't ignite from the head down.)

and lushie, i had something to say to you but i've forgotten. i think you must've said something nice to me, and i wanted to thank you for that. thanks, lushie!

bruun, how's that kombucha going? what did you figure out for a top? i'm starting mine today! doing an improvised recipe (now there's a shocker!), a bowlful of tea (maybe a quart and a half), unmeasured sugar, two half-drunk bottles of kombucha (they were kinda weaving about). it's all very exciting! and my counters have been cleared just enough to accomodate it.

call me a procrastinator, but i'd like to take this opportunity to thank my mother for helping me develop great ingenuity. and for letting me help all the time in the kitchen. and for having just enough random ingredients around with which to make concoctions on a sunday morning while you still slept, doing so in hopes that you'd oversleep church (which, thankfully, you often did). that one time you bought lucky charms was such a score!!! and do you remember the paper towel holder that growled when you pulled its two sides apart? (it was light blue plastic, and had two u-shaped pieces of plastic coming down from the underside of the cabinet where it was mounted.) it really did growl, loud and low when you pulled apart those u's. it was so scary! but i digress... (got lost in a sunday morning on s street!) i am especially appreciative of your mastery of motherhood, mom, because that plantain thing -it's really a tart, not a torte- was so delicious!!! it was the perfect come-inside snack i could've ever dreamed up! everybody chowed on it -even me!- and we felt fine until the next round: burritos done just right in the skillet (of which i only nibbled; i'm still full from the tart and all the water i'm guzzling). bravo, i wanna type my nickname for you but i'll say MOM instead!

suppose it's time to get cracking before the business is forgotten in the clouds of delirium.

yes, bruun, you're absolutely right!!! i LOVE my ride to work, because it is MY time. (my ride home, not so much, cause i just want to be HOME already, to steal my hour alone.)

doggy, thanks so much for your 'zen' comment!

'nuff said!

les quiero! (will seek new despedidas -dispatches- tomorrow from my hispanohablantes.)

xo rudy be

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

oh, bruun, come to think of it, i did tell him that the bug was scared! yours is a very good suggestion; we must have compassion for miserable people (and bugs), because deep down they are just very scared. journies sometimes get worn in the wrong direction, not even on purpose, and some positive energy flow toward those who suffer -even if they are mean about it- is a good thing. sending light and healing to the negativos might provide the pull that will bring them into a new direction: a happier, more loving, more intrinsically good way of living.

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Glad you did that Ru, we're all mean to something or someone sometime. Last time I stepped on a snail, I felt guilty all day. It wasn't intentional. Last time I tried to on-up someone on their misery (it was probably today here), I felt petty, at some point, after.

All about trying to forgive myself so I can forgive others, the love comes after.

:l

Kombucha has weird granular stuff at bottom and at top, sounds all wrong to me. Eesh.

[ifulovelife2]

just got my own bac!

Of course it sounds wrong. Kombucha is wrong. Letting tea go off and mouldy and then drinking it is wrong. Full stop. I mean period. Yuckola!*

* I'm pretty sure that's a Spanish word. It sounds it......or Mexican maybe.

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Feeling a bit menstrual, Brenda?

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

brenda, ! que asco ! would be better then 'yuckola', which would sound horribly gringo to a native speaker. but you're sorely off on the kombucha. it's way more fine than the best of french wine! try it, you'll like it!

ok, so i'm off to slay the beast in court! it may not lead to significant improvement, but i bet it might. may i faire like voltaire and obtain the best possible outcome...!

[ifulovelife2]

just got my own bac!

Bruunhilde;1204532 wrote: Feeling a bit menstrual, Brenda?PMS Bruun. Tread carefully around me; at this time of the month I can turn into a monster.


RudyB;1204666 wrote:
ok, so i'm off to slay the beast in court! it may not lead to significant improvement, but i bet it might. may i faire like voltaire to obtain the best possible outcome...!

Hmmmm, but wasn't Voltaire rejecting baseless optimism by ridiculing Pangloss' constant expectation of the best?

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

ahh, you make a good point, dear brenda! but he did create the illusion of best possible worlds through his character; even if his regard for a belief in utopia is a tad condescending, at least he was able and willing to indicate that it exists for some (albeit idiots).

(oh, and by the way, i edited my voltaire reference in order to make it more poetic. could you please update your quote? it makes me look bad as-is. thanks.)

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

bruun, a snail!? wow, you're such a kind soul! and you felt it all day!

here's what i did when i was about seven: i captured a pet toad, and i threw him as high up into the air as i could (probably about twenty feet), and then i watched him land on the grass with a gentle thud and slight bounce. he seemed okay, so i did it a few times more. momentarily, i started to feel badly about my actions, so i put him on top of the inverted half gallon mason jar in which i had been holding him captive, as if putting him on an altar. a better comparison might be to a mayan sacrificial platform, but, the good news is that i did not throw him up into the air again. i think instead i let him go at the edge of the row of cedar trees, where i hoped he'd hop off and not tell anyone about what i had done to him.

then there was that skinny, white stray cat (there were many stray cats in my neighborhood, as old mother gray cat kept herself very busy on her nights off), that i swung around by its tail, and even (gently) closed its paws in the window, to see if it could get away. i think i though it was inferior because you couldn't see its eyelashes.

bruun, killing a snail is a service to leafy green vegetation. i suppose my animal abuse was a service to my own inner compass of right and wrong.