just got my own bac!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

...ok, darn, it just got ugly. i knew the levity couldn't last, not with that subscript. oh well, it was fun to get excited about a film for a second. guess i'll go to sleep any minute. (hope i haven't misled anyone.)

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

turns out, factotum was based on the bukowski book of the same name. makes perfect sense. a great downer of a film to see if you want a reminder of why not to drink, with some poetry chaser. but don't watch it if you're trying to quit smoking.

[sjm]

just got my own bac!

rudy, -- please indulge your mamacita --a shorter version of your inspiring affirmation (like the one below--or any part of it) could be remembered and repeated when your thoughts start taking you down the wrong path; present tense will attract it to you NOW--


my life is becoming a perfect manifestation of all that i stand for: peaceful harmony, connection and sharing the beauty of existence, sobriety, nature, exercise, love.
all, every day, as i live and breathe.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks mom. once again, very early saturday morning, g awakes and starts making demands. his father, as we know, is downstairs, but g won't go to him, because daddy is 'boring', and, according to g, doesn't ever get off the computer. hmmm...

this too shall pass. soon, i will have my fair share of saturdays to sleep in! i will not lose my mind.

ciao for now. i have a feisty five year old tackling me.

[ifulovelife2]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1219377 wrote:
guess i'll go get my boy now. so nice to have an evening when the beast -help me think of a better name for him;

OK, how about 'The Prick'? Or 'The Bullying Prick'? Or 'Tiny Prick'? In fact, if his prick really is as small as you say, perhaps he should be called 'pric' or maybe just 'pri'.

[LadyLush]

just got my own bac!

Hopefully we will soon be able to call him 'HISTORY'.


Thanks SJM,

my life is becoming a perfect manifestation of all that i stand for: peaceful harmony, connection and sharing the beauty of existence, sobriety, nature, exercise, love.
all, every day, as i live and breathe.


LL:l

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

i think pric is perfect! pri could be interpreted as shortform for 'prize', and that he is certainly not!

glad y'all liked my on-the-spot affirmation. i'll have to remember to think that often. actually, i do and i am!

i'm drafting and re-drafting a crafty email to pric. i think it will help...

[LadyLush]

just got my own bac!

Rudy,

You better stay on page one Missy!

LL:l

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

hey, thanks lushie. i was kinda hiding out, waiting for it to drop to page two, not feeling a speck of inspiration to say a word more about myself here, but then i started in at bruun's thread, and realized i was going to hyjack if i didn't move along to this turf. so here i am...

this evening i had quite a surprising talk w the ex, the pric who lives downstairs. after taking a vow with myself not to talk to him at all while he is in my house, i got storming mad and went down and told him to buy his own milk. i then proceeded to tell him how much i hated him, and his reply was that the feelings were mutual. somehow, that developed into a twenty minute discussion -only momentarily heated here and there- about what is going on. i'll spare the details and simply say that now i am more clear about where he is coming from, and that will help me approach whatever settlement we reach with a great deal more acceptance. no, i have not consorted with the devil; this is a very hopeful development. maybe even this week we can bang out something to sign, and move on with our lives. could y'all please see that happening, please? thanks in advance.

one major miracle is occurring: i am not drinking about all this! i've gone all the way down to 120 mgs of bac (from switching somewhere around 180), and i'm still doing okay! baclofen works, babies! i have been drinking some (a handful of times over the past week), but only a couple of drinks at a time. nothing short of a miracle. (and a damn good thing, too, since drink is just about the only thing homeboy could hold against me.) do i wish i had no desire at all to drink? oh, maybe sometimes i suppose. but mostly not. i don't care, i don't worry, about those few drinks here and there. if i slip into a habit with it, i'll go up again, as i am -another miracle- se-free. but for now, i'm happy right where i am.

the smoking cigs is another story: the hypnotherapy definitely worked, and i was off tobacco for a good, solid week. no temptations came along. but i am back in almost-full swing: probably about 8 a day. i think i just lost my will to listen to the cd, i hit some major stress, and, voila! but i'm okay with it for now. i'm just gonna stick with it for the time being, try not to smoke too much, and trust that when the time comes to quit, i'll do so without too much pain. one must choose ones battles! (the weed has a comfortable place as an occasional thing.)

speaking of choosing, i feel badly that i don't have the time or energy to keep up with many of the threads these days, especially the newcomers'. i want to, but i just can't. i've been having excellent luck keeping my son off the screens, and i want to stay with that trend. i've also been slightly preoccupied, as you all well know. so, for now, the best that i can do will just have to be enough. (if there are newbies reading, just know that i am rooting for you real strong, in spirit.)

love to everyone,
xo rudy b

[redhead77]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1221185 wrote:

one major miracle is occurring: i am not drinking about all this! i've gone all the way down to 120 mgs of bac (from switching somewhere around 180), and i'm still doing okay! baclofen works, babies! i have been drinking some (a handful of times over the past week), but only a couple of drinks at a time. nothing short of a miracle. (and a damn good thing, too, since drink is just about the only thing homeboy could hold against me.) do i wish i had no desire at all to drink? oh, maybe sometimes i suppose. but mostly not. i don't care, i don't worry, about those few drinks here and there. if i slip into a habit with it, i'll go up again, as i am -another miracle- se-free. but for now, i'm happy right where i am.

the smoking cigs is another story: the hypnotherapy definitely worked, and i was off tobacco for a good, solid week. no temptations came along. but i am back in almost-full swing: probably about 8 a day. i think i just lost my will to listen to the cd, i hit some major stress, and, voila! but i'm okay with it for now. i'm just gonna stick with it for the time being, try not to smoke too much, and trust that when the time comes to quit, i'll do so without too much pain. one must choose ones battles! (the weed has a comfortable place as an occasional thing.)

speaking of choosing, i feel badly that i don't have the time or energy to keep up with many of the threads these days, especially the newcomers'. i want to, but i just can't. i've been having excellent luck keeping my son off the screens, and i want to stay with that trend. i've also been slightly preoccupied, as you all well know. so, for now, the best that i can do will just have to be enough. (if there are newbies reading, just know that i am rooting for you real strong, in spirit.)

love to everyone,
xo rudy b

Hi Ru!

I totally get your difficulty in posting. It's important to keep the lass off the screens if you think it's better for him. In the small amount of time I posted on Bruun's thread, my daughter got into my nail polish, and she didn't just polish her nails, but some of her hands as well. She also got nail polish on one of my bathroom cabinets. Do you know how to remove nail polish from a maple cabinet without ruining the finish of the cabinet? I'm worried remover might take it off. Not that I'm going to be living here forever, but I don't want to look at my polish on it while I am.

Oh well, to the working out thing this morning. Most people gain weight over the holidays, right? And maybe I can do it later tonight after I finish cleaning and putting up decorations. It's amazing you're able to lay off the drink right now, with the Giant (or Pric) in your house. Mr Fe, Fi, Foe, Fum. Just tell him you're going to grind his bones to make your bread soon, if he doesn't get the hell out. It might even be better than coconut flour, and it certainly would be low carb and full of calcium. :H

I started smoking again too. There's only so much we can do to better ourselves at once. Or this is what I'm telling myself right now. You've got shitloads (see I swear on here) of stuff going on. Cut yourself some slack, and I have a lot on my plate too, so I will as well. Deal?

I'm out of here and maybe for a number of days depending on how busy I am at work, and doing all the mundane around here. But I will try to post about Dr L and the anxiety somewhere, maybe...

:l Redhead

[ifulovelife2]

just got my own bac!

redhead77;1221876 wrote: Do you know how to remove nail polish from a maple cabinet without ruining the finish of the cabinet? I'm worried remover might take it off.

I would suggest very gently using a window scraper. If you hold it at just the right angle, it will remove only the polish and nothing underneath. that said, the chemicals in the nail varnish may already have eaten the finish on the cabinet. Is it a shiny finish? If so, just use nail poilsh remover and if it has dulled underneath, use a clear nail varnish to bring back the shine. Ta da!

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1221185 wrote: hey, thanks lushie. i was kinda hiding out, waiting for it to drop to page two, not feeling a speck of inspiration to say a word more about myself here, but then i started in at bruun's thread, and realized i was going to hyjack if i didn't move along to this turf. so here i am...

this evening i had quite a surprising talk w the ex, the pric who lives downstairs. after taking a vow with myself not to talk to him at all while he is in my house, i got storming mad and went down and told him to buy his own milk. i then proceeded to tell him how much i hated him, and his reply was that the feelings were mutual. somehow, that developed into a twenty minute discussion -only momentarily heated here and there- about what is going on. i'll spare the details and simply say that now i am more clear about where he is coming from, and that will help me approach whatever settlement we reach with a great deal more acceptance. no, i have not consorted with the devil; this is a very hopeful development. maybe even this week we can bang out something to sign, and move on with our lives. could y'all please see that happening, please? thanks in advance.

one major miracle is occurring: i am not drinking about all this!
[]
speaking of choosing, i feel badly that i don't have the time or energy to keep up with many of the threads these days, especially the newcomers'. i want to, but i just can't.
love to everyone,
xo rudy b

Hi there Ru, I admire your spirit through all of this, I think I would have been carted away long ago if I were in your shoes. Him in the house and snarfing your food not to mention the bills? Electrical etc? I was wondering about the fridge, funny enough, because that's just way too convenient for him to resist. And then there he goes!

And to not drink through it, give yourself alot of credit for that. Divorce is one of the top 5 stressors, isn't it? I'm glad you've been on bac long enough and had enough success with it that you've been able to do this, this is HUGE.

Pat yourself on the back. You're doing an incredible job.

Edit: I should also say I am erratic about checking other threads and I feel a little guilty about it too - don't feel I have alot to offer bacsters, or the other sections right now. But I'm not going to get down on myself, it's too easy to start beating myself up about SO much, I don't need to do this too. It's okay, it's all okay.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks so much for posting, gals. oh shit, not-brenda, thanks to you, too, dude! it's nice to be accompanied here on my thread.

tonight, my son and i finally got down to wrastle around, after i had been on the phone for waaay too long. first, he wanted to play the 'don't smell my armpits' game, but i pointed out that his face was dirty, so we switched it to a 'don't wash my face' game, which he was eager to play and lose once he realized -and said- how good it felt to have his face cleaned with a warm cloth for a change (it takes forever for the hot water to get upstairs, so we do an unkind amount of bathing in cold). after he lost that game, it was time to make his skin supple again, so i told him i was going to rub his face in coconut oil. do you see what's coming? we played the... 'don't rub oil on my face' game! and he lost again, with glee.

later on he asked me (just before we did our acrobatics routine), 'mommy, are spirits real?' i said, 'yes, i think so.'
g: are bad spirits real?
me: i dunno. i don't think so, not if you don't believe in them.
g: do you?
me: not really, no.
g: i hope they're not real.

i wish i could tell you that, at that point, brilliant words flowed forth from my mouth, words perfect for a five year old in their wise expression, but they didn't. i am drawing a blank as to what exactly happened next, but i am sure it wasn't that.

he perked right up from our pensive interlude, and we came into my room to play some more athletic games (right before sleeping, as we like to do). unfortunately, i didn't check the padding (duvets and pillows) at the foot of the bed, and he hurt his ankle quite badly when he landed from one of our better tricks. it was hurt badly enough to have him crying hard for a few minutes anyway, and to leave me stressed about his father coming in and thinking i am harming our child. (right away i knew his injury wasn't that bad, as there was no swelling nor any crooked bones. when i sprained my ankle just before my wedding -clearly a sign- it swelled right up like a grapefruit, so i knew what to look for.) he's okay now, sleeping soundly with a well-wrapped bag of ice under his injured part. when he asked me if it would hurt forever, i told him he'd surely feel better in the morning.

i dreamed about my goats last night. i was stuck, again, on some kind of local trip, some venture with students at night, and my goats, with whom i no longer lived (just as in real life), on an unfamiliar floodlit doorstep were swarming at my feet (all two of them). there was maybelle, whose horns had grown exceedingly long and were attempting to wrap around my shins, and annabelle, who was still sweet but somehow had grown scary. gee, perhaps this dream was a metaphor for my past menacing me?

here's the latest from yours truly. i'm really glad i'm not drunk or drinking while i report this. once upon a time, what i'm doing would've been impossible. if i were still drinking, i would not ever have the presence of mind and body to be so engaged with my son. and i would've had waaay too much to hide from my ex to ever survive under the same roof as him. thanks red and bruun for the props on not drinking (much) through all of this. baclofen is a miracle, my life is a miracle, and the rest of the world needs to get hip to this game. everyone with the cursed alcohol struggle (god, words can be weak!) should be so lucky.

thanks for checkin' in, all.

xo rudy b

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

I hope I'm not one of those goats in your dream, Rudy.

I had a really intense dream last night too, but its long gone ... not as intense as the one I posted.

It was all eclipsed this evening when my boss threatened me - I questioned his goal setting being unrealistic for 2012, and he said I was paid too much, basically.

Too bad the economy sux. Thirteen more years, my house will be paid for, and I can afford to be something else ...

[ifulovelife2]

just got my own bac!

Rudy, I'm pretty sure they were the spirits of your goats. Of course they were scary and trying to attack you with their horns. They loved and trusted you but you ate them. Goats don't take kindly to that sort of thing. I expect they'll haunt you forever; goat-spirits are notoriously baaaaad at letting go. I would now saying I'm only kidding but I won't because you won't get the joke due to your humour retardation.

Bruun, your boss sounds like an arse. Have you considered paying someone to kick the crap out of him? Not everybody shares my goto, default, violence-based solutions, so if you're one of those, ignore what I just said. Hey, how about trying voodoo on him? Think of the hours of fun you could have sticking pins into his junk.