Looking back on my baclofen experience, I have come to the conclusion that I shortchanged myself. I had not experienced this wonderful indifference that so many of you have. I reached 280 mgs and had to back down because of the debilitating side effects. I also titrated down way too fast. I am completely off it, and plan to go back up until I find my ?sweet spot?.
However, this post is not about baclofen. This is about another treatment alternative which gave me indifference in a totally different way.
My research lead me to a drug called Ibogaine. When I learned that Ibogaine came from the root of a bush found in West Africa, I sensed that I might be on to something. I read the hundreds of testimonials about it on the web. There were scores of addicts, just as hopeless as me, that had taken it and found a release from their addiction.
Unfortunately, for a variety of political reasons, Ibogaine is not legal in the United States. One of its side effects is that produces powerful hallucinations. This is the reason most given for it not being available in this country. Now that I have experienced Ibogaine, I think its illegal status has more to do with the financial threat it poses to the pharmaceutical industry. But that is a debate for another time.
I was very apprehensive. I was considering going to a foreign country, where I knew no one, to take a drug that was illegal in my country. But desperate times call for desperate measures. So I made my way to Playas de Tijuana, Mexico this past weekend. There are several such clinics in Mexico and Canada, but I chose this one after talking to the owner and a member of the staff. I sensed this was best clinic of this kind and these people were motivated by a sincere desire to help me end my suffering.
The medical staff at the clinic was fantastic. I underwent a thorough screening, including an EKG and blood workup. They explained what would happen and what I could expect. These doctors have extensively studied Ibogaine and were prepared for any contingency that might arise. After meeting them, I had absolutely no reservations that I was doing the right thing.
I took Ibogaine this past Saturday. The doctor gave me a small test dose first to make sure I would not have an allergic reaction. After he was satisfied, I was given my ?flood dose? of 13 milligrams.
After about 45 minutes, the Ibogaine took effect. I don?t think there are adequate words to describe what occurred. I had a ?waking vision? of my life - it was like experiencing 20 years of psycho-therapy in 8 hours. I saw every selfish, deceitful thing I had ever done. But more than that, I also saw why I had done them. I saw events from childhood that wounded me and caused me to experience shame, sadness, anger, fear and loneliness. I also saw that people who had wounded me never meant for that to happen, they were just as wounded as I was. Years of deep seated resentments began to melt away. I felt an intense urge to reach out to these people as well as those I had harmed.
After this journey back through my life, I felt myself rise up into space. I was looking down at Planet Earth. At once, I felt an overwhelming conviction of what a perfect creation our planet is. I got the feeling deep in my soul that there is a cure for every disease and affliction somewhere in nature. I also came to know that despite differences of race, creed and nationality, we are really members of the same tribe.
After the ?waking vision? ended, I sat in my room and had one of the deepest periods of introspection and self-examination I have ever experienced. Every belief about myself and what I thought was important began to change. I began to realize that having integrity and being willing to sacrifice for my fellow man was what mattered. I felt a oneness with God.
I realized that I am not better than anyone, nor am I inferior to anyone - I am equal to everyone. This was huge for me, because my lack of self-confidence, my insecurities and my belief that I was ?less than? had driven the first 51 years of my life.
The most profound thing I discovered was that we ?train? people how to treat us. Everyone in my life treats me the way they do as a result of how I interact with them. I ?taught? those closest to me when to be nice, when to be angry, when to lie, and when to tell the truth.
I was exhausted on Sunday. I could hardly get out of bed. The staff at the clinic was great. They pampered me and nursed me back to normal. They arranged for us to have a Thai massage. I fell asleep about 6:00 p.m. that night.
I awoke at dawn on Monday morning. I went out onto my balcony overlooking the Pacific Ocean and a wave of gratitude swept over me. I knew in my heart that I would never smoke crack cocaine again. But more importantly, I knew that I would never want to smoke crack again. I started crying, because that was the happiest moment in my life.
I am convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Ibogaine is a substance that God created to remedy addiction. I say this because it gives the addict the 3 things necessary to overcome addiction;
1. It treats the body by recharging the neurotransmitters in the brain with dopamine and serotonin;
2. It treats the mind by providing a very deep psycho-therapeutic experience - it ?shrinks? your ego and allows you to look at the root causes of your problems; and
3. It treats the spirit by giving the addict a deep connection to our Creator.
Ibogaine is not a cure for addiction. It is, however, a very important tool that interrupts the destructive cycle and allows you the space, free from cravings and mental obsessions, to do the inner work necessary to stay sober. It also lays the foundation for this work, as it begins the process of ego reduction which is vital to staying sober.
Some may find it paradoxical that my journey to a spiritual awakening is beginning with the taking a hallucinogenic, psychoactive drug. It is not as far fetched as it may seem. Bill Wilson, the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and architect of the 12 steps explored the use of LSD as a possible means to combat alcoholism by creating a vital spiritual experience. He was a proponent of this method, and believed it to be of great therapeutic value. (See ?Pass It On: The Story of Bill Wilson and How the AA Message Reached the World, pp. 369-376).
I would not trade my Ibogaine experience for anything. It gently lifted me up to a higher state of consciousness and re-established my long dormant relationship with God. I feel like my body, mind and spirit have all undergone a detoxification process.
But there is a downside. The active ingredient in Ibogaine, Nor-ibogaine, only stays in your system for 60-90 days. That means you have to re-dose every couple of months. It is a costly procedure and travelling to Mexico has become a hassle. For most, this precludes Ibogaine from being an alternative.
This is where baclofen comes in. I have not taken any since I arrived in Mexico. The doctor there assured me that Ibogaine would serve as a baclofen detox, and this has proven to be true. I went from 120 mgs to zero with no side effects whatsoever. My doctor here has a theory that cocaine addicts will hit indifference on baclofen at a much lower dose than an alcoholic, and he is going to use me as a test case. We are going to do that in a few months when the Ibogaine starts to cycle out of my system.
Sorry for the long winded post, but I wanted to share this with ya'll.
However, this post is not about baclofen. This is about another treatment alternative which gave me indifference in a totally different way.
My research lead me to a drug called Ibogaine. When I learned that Ibogaine came from the root of a bush found in West Africa, I sensed that I might be on to something. I read the hundreds of testimonials about it on the web. There were scores of addicts, just as hopeless as me, that had taken it and found a release from their addiction.
Unfortunately, for a variety of political reasons, Ibogaine is not legal in the United States. One of its side effects is that produces powerful hallucinations. This is the reason most given for it not being available in this country. Now that I have experienced Ibogaine, I think its illegal status has more to do with the financial threat it poses to the pharmaceutical industry. But that is a debate for another time.
I was very apprehensive. I was considering going to a foreign country, where I knew no one, to take a drug that was illegal in my country. But desperate times call for desperate measures. So I made my way to Playas de Tijuana, Mexico this past weekend. There are several such clinics in Mexico and Canada, but I chose this one after talking to the owner and a member of the staff. I sensed this was best clinic of this kind and these people were motivated by a sincere desire to help me end my suffering.
The medical staff at the clinic was fantastic. I underwent a thorough screening, including an EKG and blood workup. They explained what would happen and what I could expect. These doctors have extensively studied Ibogaine and were prepared for any contingency that might arise. After meeting them, I had absolutely no reservations that I was doing the right thing.
I took Ibogaine this past Saturday. The doctor gave me a small test dose first to make sure I would not have an allergic reaction. After he was satisfied, I was given my ?flood dose? of 13 milligrams.
After about 45 minutes, the Ibogaine took effect. I don?t think there are adequate words to describe what occurred. I had a ?waking vision? of my life - it was like experiencing 20 years of psycho-therapy in 8 hours. I saw every selfish, deceitful thing I had ever done. But more than that, I also saw why I had done them. I saw events from childhood that wounded me and caused me to experience shame, sadness, anger, fear and loneliness. I also saw that people who had wounded me never meant for that to happen, they were just as wounded as I was. Years of deep seated resentments began to melt away. I felt an intense urge to reach out to these people as well as those I had harmed.
After this journey back through my life, I felt myself rise up into space. I was looking down at Planet Earth. At once, I felt an overwhelming conviction of what a perfect creation our planet is. I got the feeling deep in my soul that there is a cure for every disease and affliction somewhere in nature. I also came to know that despite differences of race, creed and nationality, we are really members of the same tribe.
After the ?waking vision? ended, I sat in my room and had one of the deepest periods of introspection and self-examination I have ever experienced. Every belief about myself and what I thought was important began to change. I began to realize that having integrity and being willing to sacrifice for my fellow man was what mattered. I felt a oneness with God.
I realized that I am not better than anyone, nor am I inferior to anyone - I am equal to everyone. This was huge for me, because my lack of self-confidence, my insecurities and my belief that I was ?less than? had driven the first 51 years of my life.
The most profound thing I discovered was that we ?train? people how to treat us. Everyone in my life treats me the way they do as a result of how I interact with them. I ?taught? those closest to me when to be nice, when to be angry, when to lie, and when to tell the truth.
I was exhausted on Sunday. I could hardly get out of bed. The staff at the clinic was great. They pampered me and nursed me back to normal. They arranged for us to have a Thai massage. I fell asleep about 6:00 p.m. that night.
I awoke at dawn on Monday morning. I went out onto my balcony overlooking the Pacific Ocean and a wave of gratitude swept over me. I knew in my heart that I would never smoke crack cocaine again. But more importantly, I knew that I would never want to smoke crack again. I started crying, because that was the happiest moment in my life.
I am convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Ibogaine is a substance that God created to remedy addiction. I say this because it gives the addict the 3 things necessary to overcome addiction;
1. It treats the body by recharging the neurotransmitters in the brain with dopamine and serotonin;
2. It treats the mind by providing a very deep psycho-therapeutic experience - it ?shrinks? your ego and allows you to look at the root causes of your problems; and
3. It treats the spirit by giving the addict a deep connection to our Creator.
Ibogaine is not a cure for addiction. It is, however, a very important tool that interrupts the destructive cycle and allows you the space, free from cravings and mental obsessions, to do the inner work necessary to stay sober. It also lays the foundation for this work, as it begins the process of ego reduction which is vital to staying sober.
Some may find it paradoxical that my journey to a spiritual awakening is beginning with the taking a hallucinogenic, psychoactive drug. It is not as far fetched as it may seem. Bill Wilson, the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and architect of the 12 steps explored the use of LSD as a possible means to combat alcoholism by creating a vital spiritual experience. He was a proponent of this method, and believed it to be of great therapeutic value. (See ?Pass It On: The Story of Bill Wilson and How the AA Message Reached the World, pp. 369-376).
I would not trade my Ibogaine experience for anything. It gently lifted me up to a higher state of consciousness and re-established my long dormant relationship with God. I feel like my body, mind and spirit have all undergone a detoxification process.
But there is a downside. The active ingredient in Ibogaine, Nor-ibogaine, only stays in your system for 60-90 days. That means you have to re-dose every couple of months. It is a costly procedure and travelling to Mexico has become a hassle. For most, this precludes Ibogaine from being an alternative.
This is where baclofen comes in. I have not taken any since I arrived in Mexico. The doctor there assured me that Ibogaine would serve as a baclofen detox, and this has proven to be true. I went from 120 mgs to zero with no side effects whatsoever. My doctor here has a theory that cocaine addicts will hit indifference on baclofen at a much lower dose than an alcoholic, and he is going to use me as a test case. We are going to do that in a few months when the Ibogaine starts to cycle out of my system.
Sorry for the long winded post, but I wanted to share this with ya'll.
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