Sprat's baclofun journey

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sprat's baclofun journey

EVEY ARE YOU INDIFFERENT???

My experience was like Evey said, or would've been if I hadn't been so busy punishing myself by drinking.

I decided not to drink one day. I'd tried before, but this felt natural... I just didn't feel like it. Hadn't felt like it for a while. So I didn't. The rest is history.
Congrats on the progress!
Go up! :H
:l
Ne

[Sprat]

Sprat's baclofun journey

Hi everyone, and thanks for responding. I don't write every day because this is a work in progress... and a lot of cooler names are joining everyday.

I wrote about Bac taking my sugar and leaving me with lemon water. That is ridiculous! I really thought that my bac-snarl is an SE, but bac is giving me AF days, lifting my alkie fog, and showing me my true life... and I don't like it.

I used to have a promising career, but I couldn't care less, came to work every day in a hungover haze thinking 'My ambition is to have ambition'. So I moved to a foreign country where I didn't have to worry about hard work or career, I could be a happy drunk every day. But that spun out of control, I started drinking earlier and earlier, and I couldn't stop it. I needed to stop it.

I heard about OA on a podcast and it was like a miracle. I ordered bac, am taking bac and amazingly I'm drinking less and feel great about that. But I don't feel better overall. It is a seesaw, bad things are suppressed and others pop up. Seems sacrilege to say, so many people fighting to just stop this demon, but when I stop drinking I am pissed off at my life.

I know, all I can do is get sober and try to fix my life until it's done. That's why I started this awesome plan in the first place. Probably go back and delete this all later. But I'm so frustrated that I fight to get sober and when I do it is filled with anger and frustration.

And today I had a shitty day and all I wanted to do was drink. And its been hard to do, but I managed to get some down already and thinking of going to the store again.

Thanks for reading. I know my posts are not in bite sized portions.

Sprat

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sprat's baclofun journey

You have no idea how much I can relate. I know I always say that and it's always true, our stories are so similar in so many general ways. (Plus I think I had EVERY g.d. SE there was. )

Sprat, I was so underemployed it's laughable. (Really, as in HaHa! Funny.) My choices were actually based on the what I could manage to do because I was a drunk. When I became undrunk, I couldn't take another minute of it and I basically got fired. The same week I found indifference. No coincidence there. Every job I've tried to do since then was based on my old patterns and those sucked, as did all of my jobs.

Now I've got to get a job. pfffft. And deal with financial insecurity. Sober. Doesn't that seem like a little much to ask of a girl? I'll probably get paid less than what I was getting paid before! My hope is that I won't be doing something mind-numbingly boring for a knucklehead I can't stand. But whatever. At least I'll be doing something.

The glow of freedom from the beast and the burden still lights my life, for sure. (Long may it last!) But the nose to the grindstone, head-down, mouth-shut, eyes-on-the-paycheck thing sucked when I was drunk! Now it's a particular pain in the foot.

There are two conclusions I've come to:

• If I can get through HDB and get sober and stay that way for as long as I have, I can do just about anything.Whatever. :H Really. Life sometimes sucks. It's just much better when it's on my terms. It's never been on my terms before. Things always happened to me or at

• me. Not so much anymore. It's pretty damn cool. In fact, it rocks.

But it's always the way you look at it. And my pollyanna *rah-rah* has annoyed more than one MWOer. :H
Wait until you get there. You can always decide which you like better, but only after you're there! Drinking, my friend, is ALWAYS an option! It's better, for me, this way. (rah-rah!)
:l
Ne
(I LOVE the bullet points. Even when they're ridiculous and out of place. I hope you understand this. It's a Ne thing.

[Murphyx]

Sprat's baclofun journey

Sprat, sober is a strange, strange land and when we first arrive we feel completely out of place. When I first got here I had the elation of having beaten the beast, but also the feeling of suddenly remembering why I'd spent the last 2 decades pissed as a fart. The problems I'd suppressed were still there and now I had to deal with them sober, which was a bitch. But it also meant now I was able to deal with them sober, which was a blessing. It meant that the biggest problem of them all, the one that was covering up all the others, was also the one preventing me from dealing with them. And without it there, I am able to use my enormous awesomeness (that's not a euphemism for my huge knob btw) to beat the crap out of the other issues.

When I became sober, I found additional issues that had somewhat avoided my attention. It turned out I was also fat and bald. I'd had no idea! :upset:

[Sprat]

Sprat's baclofun journey

Ugh, I woke up with the worst hangover, I almost threw up after my morning meds, kneeling on the floor, sweating, thinking, If I throw up do I need to retake the 35mgs?

This life is not sustainable, and it is lame to complain here that "I'm almost sober - and I don't know if I like it". I cringed when I woke up thinking about it. Thanks for responding!

Ne/Neva Eva;1134959 wrote: [*]If I can get through HDB and get sober and stay that way for as long as I have, I can do just about anything.
What's HDB?

Ne/Neva Eva;1134959 wrote:[*] Life sometimes sucks. It's just much better when it's on my terms. It's never been on my terms before. Things always happened to me or at me. Not so much anymore. It's pretty damn cool. In fact, it rocks.

I'm in. Life has always happened to me too. I was just surprised by my response to AF days. I thought my life sucked because of the drinking. Fix that and everything is rosy. Not so. Now I realize that drinking is everything to me, it is my bad times, my worse times and my happiest times. I guess I need the guidebook because

Murphyx;1135007 wrote: sober is a strange, strange land and when we first arrive we feel completely out of place. When I first got here I had the elation of having beaten the beast, but also the feeling of suddenly remembering why I'd spent the last 2 decades pissed as a fart.

That's a much better way to explain what I was feeling. Bac does the work of clearing the AL off the mirror and lo and behold

Murphyx;1135007 wrote: I found additional issues that had somewhat avoided my attention. It turned out I was also fat and bald. I'd had no idea! :upset:

:H As usual Ne and Murph you sum it more succinctly and with great humor. This is my first time quoting people and you 2 deserve it! Thanks for pointing me in the right direction, I'm back on board.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sprat's baclofun journey

Sprat;1135403 wrote: If I throw up do I need to retake the 35mgs?

The only time I've ever looked closely at the bowl. I know, tmi, but if you're fighting for your life, and the medicine is your last best hope, it's kind of important to know whether or not you just puked 'em out, right? lol, sort of.

Your life DID suck because you were a drunk. Make no mistake. Emphatically NOT the other way around. At least that's true for me. Life was pretty hunky-dory when I started drinking in my teens. With this important exception, I believe: My brain started working against me around that time. My mind was full of anxiety, social and otherwise, and booze was sweet solace. And I NEVER drank normally. Neva eva.

Sadly the booze and the disease, or the disease and then the booze, led me to a lot of VERY poor decisions. I am tired of living with those mistakes, and now I get a do-over. A once in a lifetime mulligan.

Fortunately there were times when I partied like a rock star. Some of my irresponsible decisions led to experiences I wouldn't trade.

Now I get to have those, and have a chance to work hard, make the right decisions based on what I need and want (not what the disease needs and wants--more booze) and get on with it, FFS.
Not sure what the right decisions are since I've never made them, but whatever, at least this time when they bite me in the ass I'll be able to deal with it and not hide the bill (or whatever) under the kitchen sink until the collector comes knockin'. (figuratively speaking.)

I've used up all my words!
Carry on, Sprat!
xo

[bleep]

Sprat's baclofun journey

I'm a bit late to this party, but I'll leave my 2 cents worth anyway. Life can suck at times, sure, and the reasons are probably very valid. One thing is for sure though, is that beer goggles don't help. It was only after I removed my goggles that I was able to start dealing with the shit, and while it's not a barrel of laughs, it's better than just adding to it every day.

[Sprat]

Sprat's baclofun journey

Evey;1132228 wrote: Hi Sprat,
I would say that my last increase definitely did it for me and I would encourage you to increase if it's something that you want to do.

Hi Evey,

Thanks for your support, reading your success helps me a lot. Sorry I didn't respond sooner, think I'll find you on someone else's thread and tell you again.

And thanks Bleep, as usual. Not everyone is hanging out here on MWO's most depressing thread! I'm all 'woe is me' and everyone else is 'first post, dick is big and i'm horny, help', next post 'are you near me honey'.

I mean, really, someone has got to remind us that we are fighting a terrible beast! That is me. (tho was intended to be the baclofunthread dammit. :H and it hasn't been all smooth sailing)

So today I branched out on the lighter side of the boards. Feels good. And I added a post-it-note to my laptop... DO NOT POST WHEN DRUNK!!

And about my day that started with me hugging the white bowl.... It ended with me in the park with my daughter climbing trees, feeding turtles and chasing butterflies. Seriously. It made me so happy and I wanted to post that on here.

:thanks: Manic depressive Sprat

[BacloTim]

Sprat's baclofun journey

I just want to post to bump your thread. Even if this shit works out we gotta deal with being sober, it's the next step after stopping drugs/alcohol and It seems freaking SCARY. I know it's 1 thing at a time but as a newbie I see that there is yet another hurdle to overcome.

Anyway I think you deserve to be frontpage/top of the list every day every hour so I wanted to post. I'm a dark depressing guy myself and gotta work on that in reality eventually, it is the only way this will work.

I don't post on you guys since i'm a newbie but I want to do my part.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sprat's baclofun journey

:H

hmmm. I'm not channeling lovey supportive Ne atm, sorry. Yer funny.

Hugging the bowl is enough to make anyone seriously depressed. Even just the thought that it might be necessary. Adding injury to the insult is the whole discussion about whether or not you'll have to take MORE if you barf it up. That's funny. (bleep assures me that there are knuckleheads on some blue___ something or other that take bac for fun. I simply can't imagine.)

Anyway. You're at what? 320? Is that true? Holy Cow, brother.

Glad you ended up in the park. Sorry life seems to suck. Everything sucked for me at 300+. EXCEPT those moments of clarity. beatle and I were talking about that today. You having them yet? And the booze was so on it's way out. You there yet?

just keep taking the pills, spratalicious. The sun'll come out eventually. In the meantime, the newbies enthusiasm needs some tempering. (Kidding, Newbies. Love it. Just trying to make Sprat feel better. Very glad, Pete, that you noticed the "Do not post here until you have 160 posts on your ticker" sign. That's a joke too. Lame, but it's what I've got. And I meant bTim. I can actually tell you guys apart. We're in the same time zone! Where are you?)

:h
Ne
PS Sprat, I'm nearing 30 days. I got a gift from a friend in Tokyo to mark that occasion about 3 months ago. :H How is Tokyo?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sprat's baclofun journey

BTW, Evey rocks.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sprat's baclofun journey

Plus I think I'm still out of sorts from listening to ... how i need to take a personal moral inventory. pffft. Not sayin' it's a bad thing. Just sayin

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sprat's baclofun journey

Love the new Av. That inspires me.

[Sprat]

Sprat's baclofun journey

Well I'm happy that even non-supportive Ne comes with a :h

Yesterday hit my pb at 305. I was at 280 but went for an hour bike ride at 11:30, wasn't sleepy, and i came home and popped 25 more before bed.

Glad you like my av. It only took me 30 minutes to find one. Damn, this MWO is a full time job.

[BacloTim]

Sprat's baclofun journey

Ne/Neva Eva;1135871 wrote: In the meantime, the newbies enthusiasm needs some tempering. (Kidding, Newbies. Love it. Just trying to make Sprat feel better. Very glad, Pete, that you noticed the "Do not post here until you have 160 posts on your ticker" sign. That's a joke too. Lame, but it's what I've got. And I meant bTim. I can actually tell you guys apart. We're in the same time zone! Where are you?)

I'm not sure if I have a ego problem or if you were talking about me but I'll answer anyway! If you were talking about me i'm in the Florida panhandle in the middle of nowhere right now. I'm a dirty little newb for now and watching every hour that I don't sleep