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    #46
    Abstinence, Moderation and Indifference

    Dave_;1161657 wrote: I was 6 months al free then I relapsed. I was on 30 mg of Bac for that period to help with cravings. I went to my doctors after spending some time here and asked if I could increase my doses of bac. He had never taken someone past 100mg before but having read alot about it he was willing to try with a suitable candidate which is luckily me. I have been going up 20 mg a week and am currently at 120mg a day. The se's are ok but I fall alseep at all hours of the day in a snap which is not good but I hope that passes. I also get dizzy from time to time but all in all the se's are manageable.

    My question being how do I know if i reach indifference if I am not currently drinking? Do I have to drink to know if I crave it or not? Am I going to have to remain at high doses forever? What are the common se's at really high doses like 250+mgs? Do you just fall asleep everywhere?
    Dave.

    I had the same questions a couple of months ago and before I switched. Here is what I did: periodically, I would drink, but I found that after two beers or glasses of wine, my desire for the booze would go away. Plus, it made my head feel really thick, like cold molasses. On the rare occasion that I would have three drinks, I would usually fall asleep till the next morning.

    But here's how I knew when I reached indifference (at 300mg): I would go to the market where they sold beer and wine and just look at the bottles. If you still feel like buying, then you haven't reached indifference. But when you do reach it, you will have no feelings at all regarding the booze. None. In fact, you will likely not even like the taste.

    SE's are the same as you are experiencing now. The week before I switched I was at 240mg for a week and, initially, I was having a hard time with the SE's. By the end of the week I was feeling better and I decided to go for it, to get it over with. On a Friday, I went up 50mg to 300mg. I did this so I would have the weekend to adjust. I was pretty stoned that weekend and my short term memory was terrible. I also had some terrible insomnia. But, I knew by the second day that I had reached the goal. Even without looking at the bottles, I just knew that I had no interest in drinking. And that, was a liberating experience. I knew that I had conquered alcoholism.

    Beware of going down. I went down to fast and had some of the worst SE's that I had come across. I thought that since I had already been there, at a lower dose, that I could just go down quickly. No, no, no. Use the same caution of going down as you do going up, maybe even a little more caution. Currently, I am at 180-200mg and am taking 30mg every three hours. This dosage seems to work well for me, as it has for NE. I have had a beer on occasion, but again, one or two is all I can drink. And forget the wine. It used to be my drink of choice, but now, I can't even stand the smell of it.

    Cool, huh!

    I say, go ahead and test yourself. See how you feel. Plan ahead and set some goals. You will know when you switch. It could happen anywhere between 200 on up, so keep an eye on your feelings toward the booze. If you get to 300mg and you still have a desire, move a head slowly. That high dose can be...challenging.
    Best wishes

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      #47
      Abstinence, Moderation and Indifference

      This is a tricky post to make.

      I'd say, Dave, on the whole, don't test yourself. It's a very mental game we play, with booze. Once you've decided not to drink, it's so much easier not to drink. When you have one, that particular wall is gone, and indifference, whether there or not, is easier to test. So for now, just assume you haven't hit hit it, and go higher.Or not. Have a beer, see how you feel? Wishy washy advice, which I'll try and justify below.

      That's the really frustrating thing thing with baclofen. There are no answers. Yet.

      And that's where I was, several months ago. I'd reached...indifference? I no longer wanted to drink every night, to end each night, in a relative coma. Yet, I still wanted a drink. Each night, I'd want a couple of glasses of watery wine (at this point, I was drinking water and wine, half and half, out of choice). So I had a decision to make - did I white knuckle it, and refuse the desire, or did I just have a couple of WW (watery wines)? At the time I was on 300mg's of baclofen, and pretty happy with where I was. I'd drink one or two glasses of WW, and then leave it. Sometimes none. Sometimes more.

      Bah - this is getting too long. Let me leave you with the thought that it becomes a choice. For the first time in my life, it's a choice. Whether to have one, and once I've had one, whether to have more.

      Sorry - I've used your post as an excuse to ramble about myself, and where I'm at, which is still something I'm trying to work out. As you'll discover, baclofen gets rid of the cravings, but leaves us with ourselves to deal with...

      Best of luck.

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        #48
        Abstinence, Moderation and Indifference

        As always, good, sound advice, bleep.

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          #49
          Abstinence, Moderation and Indifference

          Thanks guys, that goes a long way to answering some of the questions I have. This is an odd experiment but as you have all mentioned the aim is to no longer be controlled by al. Even when not drinking I find that many of my day to day waking thoughts are consumed by the battle to not drink and that is very tiring. I want to exist in this world without the all consuming battle to not drink. I hope bac can help in some way with that.
          I refuse to be labelled or ashamed. Through my struggles I am achieving self awareness and clarity.

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            #50
            Abstinence, Moderation and Indifference

            Dave_;1162649 wrote: Even when not drinking I find that many of my day to day waking thoughts are consumed by the battle to not drink and that is very tiring. I want to exist in this world without the all consuming battle to not drink. I hope bac can help in some way with that.
            Morning, Dave. For the most part, I don't battle about whether or not I'm going to drink. I'm pretty sure that the only reason I think about it throughout the day is because I spend a lot of time talking/writing to people about alcohol.
            When I do think about it, the refrain goes something like this:
            (It starts in the morning.)
            I'm going to drink tonight. I just want to have a beer/glass of wine/get drunk. Is that too much to ask? (:H)


            By the time night rolls around, I have no interest and even the romantic versions of it aren't very enticing.

            I realized this week it's a lot like the carousel that used to go on in my thoughts about booze before indifference. Only exactly the opposite. Which is really, really funny.

            You'll exist in that world.

            I have one more example for you about reaching indifference without drinking. Sunnyvalenting went to rehab in a last ditch effort to get rid of the disease. She had never heard of hitting the switch, had no idea about indifference. She left that rehab on baclofen and naltrexone and vitamins and supplements. She stopped everything except baclofen, which she continue to titrate up on until she found herself completely ambivalent about alcohol. Then she went down to zero. She never drank again. She and Roadtorecovery are also the only people I know of who haven't relapsed when they went down to zero.

            Check out Sunnyvalenting's thread:

            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ory-47643.html

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              #51
              Abstinence, Moderation and Indifference

              Hi All, I've been on a daily dose of 200 mg since reaching indifference in Feb. I did not drink at all for 3.5 weeks, then found myself moderating quite easily during a business trip I had to take. When I returned I continued to moderate, but then started to find myself going beyond the moderation and getting drunk (usually after I got home) about once a week.

              This has continued and I have remained on 200mg a day. I am considering titrating back up again this coming week (or the next week) in hopes of rehitting my 'switch'. I truly want to attempt abstinence this time but know I will have to do this along with counseling and regular visits to places like this since you all get it.

              My one hesitation is the continued side effects that I have had on the BAC. I know that most of them are worsened from the fact that I am still drinking on the BAC. However the one most recent is that the left side of my face has begun to feel "heavy". Not sure if this is the onset of facial drooping that I've read about, but if so, this scares me. Has anyone else that has been on high doses of BAC for more than 6 months experienced this?

              In any event, I'm researching this now and would love any input. I do believe in BAC and know first hand it works. I just hope I'm not doing myself more harm than not by going up again.... but I am going to do it.
              Indifference is in your future with Baclofen. It works!

              My frustration with Baclofen, which is shared by Dr. Oliver Ameisen, is that because Baclofen is an off patent medication there is no profit motive for drug companies to support clinical trials that would demonstrate its efficacy in treating addiction.

              Comment


                #52
                Abstinence, Moderation and Indifference

                Hiya Help,

                Sorry to hear it's gone a bit pear shaped. I'm in a very similar situation, but I actually feel mine is improving. I hit "indifference", and pretty much relaxed hugely on the drinking front. I didn't stop, that was never my goal, but calmed right down. Then, out the blue, I got pissed, and continued to do so about once a week. Recently I've been getting a handle on it, and pulling myself back from getting hammered, and settling for a semi-drunk every Friday, or thereabouts. I'm learning how to do it, and getting better with practice.

                At first I was shocked with myself, I thought I'd left this shit behind, but I think it's more of a learning curve than that. In time, I want to reduce even the semi-drunk bit, and just learn to enjoy myself without having to get plastered, but I'm happy to take the time to do so.

                I've been on 300, never less and often more, since the start of February, and haven't noticed any "long"-term effects. Currently, other than disturbed sleep, I get no SE's from baclofen, and this applies even if I randomly decide to massively increase my dose, which I've tried once or twice for various reasons.

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                  #53
                  Abstinence, Moderation and Indifference

                  Hi Bleep. I'm so impressed that you've been able to stay at 300 for so long without any side effects. I find that at 200 the side effects are not too bad until I drink. Then I get thrown for a loop the next day. Total set back, fuzzy, nausea, so tired, puffy, etc... ack. You'd think those side effects alone would be enough for me to just not drink. But then, I'll go a few days, week, feel better and repeat the cycle..... not what I want anymore.

                  Mind you, I've stayed on the BAC because it does give me MUCH more control when I want it. I feel that the wine is not controlling me anymore, that I can choose when I want it. Sounds like you're in the same position, Bleep. It really does work.

                  I'll keep in touch regarding side effects, etc. and how they change when I titrate up again to re-switch. I am going for abstinence this next time around. I need to.
                  Indifference is in your future with Baclofen. It works!

                  My frustration with Baclofen, which is shared by Dr. Oliver Ameisen, is that because Baclofen is an off patent medication there is no profit motive for drug companies to support clinical trials that would demonstrate its efficacy in treating addiction.

                  Comment


                    #54
                    Abstinence, Moderation and Indifference

                    There were definitely SE's at the start, but for the most part, I found them enjoyable. After a while I got really sick of them though, so it was a relief when they faded. The biggest thing that helped was being on the same dose for a period, and taking it very consistently.

                    I've found the habit of drinking is now the issue. I don't really regard it as a problem anymore, having a glass of wine at night, but Friday nights getting pissed I don't really regard as acceptable. So it kind of rocked my world a bit when first it happened. Like you, I also find the next day to be unbearably depressing. I never used to get hangovers, so it was a double whammy. Again though, like you, I am discovering that it's now controllable, so my recent few Fridays have been better. I want them to be better still though, where I have a few drinks and leave, happy with the evening, and amazingly, it's now possible. This is where practice is coming in. At first I thought baclofen would just do it for me. I expected my silver bullet to be a nuke! But it's not. It's a silver bullet, and I'm unbelievably grateful, and a silver bullet is more than enough, I reckon. I'm happy to do a bit of work, now that baclofen has done 90%.

                    Good luck with your quest Help. It is a worthwhile one, and probably infinitely more sensible!

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