My Baclofen Blog/Journal

[BacloTim]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

Yeah thanks!
Actually the more I think about it I am really doing great compared to how I used to be. Even though I'm young I started my drug career very early. Put it this way I got busted with a drugs lab when I was 17 and then in and out of jail/probation/house arrest ever since.

I've been a down and out heroin addict, going to a methadone clinic daily and associating with some of the worst addicts you have ever seen on tv or anything. Worse then them really, it is crazy how bad some of these guys were compared to me even at that time. Most of my friends have died of overdoses or are in prison for 25+ years on manufacture charges etc. The list goes on.

I some how managed to stay employed over all of these years so was never homeless but I should have been. I am doing great compared to then, no more needles in my arms or overdoses in years. Slowly digging my way out of it and here I am at this point in time. It may sound like i'm doing really bad but this is actually a GOOD point in my life as crazy as that sounds.

thanks for the support guys!

oh I also forgot to mention that I have had a heart attack due to my drug use as well. It was called anterior infarction on the eek/ekg? I forget. I have damaged my self a lot more than I am now.

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

wow timbo! you have quite a story here. and i too enjoy your thread. your thoughtfulness about yourself and your condition will surely help this greuling procees along. i have high hopes for you.

ne, i think your input is brilliant and we should all be so brave to take risks and say what's really on our minds as graciously as you do, knowing that it can be painful to hear. but it is ultimately helpful above all, and clearly meant to be such.

tim, find your way to a doctor who will follow your orders and give you what you know will work. remember to stay hydrated and rest often. you can do this.

[wanttobesober]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

Hi Tim,

I can only echo what Ne, Bleep and RudyB are saying.
Since you are in Florida, I am pretty sure that there is a walk in clinic near by to your place.
They charge you about $70 or so for a visit. They service sucks like most of the medical establishments in USA, but at least you can get some antibiotics that you need.
I know that addiction make you ignorant about the problems you have. Trust me! I am in the same boat. But don't gamble with your hearings. You are getting close to your goal to be AL free. How would you feel, if your lost your hearing a couple of months before you reached indifference?
It would suck wouldn't it? If you spent 2Gs on probation, a measly $70 would make sense to protect yourself. Life is fragile my friend. One day you are healthy, next day you can be death, blind (from high blood pressure) or have a heart attack (like you had before) or an accident.
Some Publix supermarkets also have some "little Clicic" inside the stores.
I am not sure if there is one where you live, but maybe worth checking it out.

take care!

Brian

[BacloTim]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

thanks guys!

I started beating up trees which is dumb. I think i broke a knuckle and my hands are all bloody. My mom looked at them a bit and thinks they will go down with ice. They are pretty messed up though, bloody and swollen. I hope others have done similar things. I was thinking about how bad the world is and that it is piece of shit that revolves around money which caused me to beat up inanimate objects. They did nothing wrong! I just get mad like this! I bet others do to and if they don't post they will pm me.

My girlfriend added that I need a blow up punchy clown. that would work too.

I'm pretty whacked out and messed up but I love to beat shit up! I don't know why but it is what I do.

[BacloTim]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

I'll most likely be going to detox.. I broke 3 knuckles so I guess I messed up, these guys are HUGE in the swelling. I'm not ready for detox this time and they hold me for psychiatric problems too (baker act) so I really don't want to be stuck but maybe it's ok right now. The problem is that I'm on probation and about to get off. I'm one dangerous individual if drinking so I don't see how that matters but I think it coudl mess things up.. We'll see

[BacloTim]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

ignore that! I think it will heal ovr a matter of a few days. it is hard to type.. Maybe detox would be good but not right now.

[BacloTim]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

Actually I would love to goto detox but since I am on house arrest/probation I don't think it would go over too well, you are supposed to be drug/alcohol free. I'm ready to go right now this instant but I think it'll cause me problems or even possibly prison time.. Pretty bad situation so i'm holding out.. ..

[SlipperyPete]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

I've also felt at times that my probation has kept me from being honest and getting proper help...The system definetly needs some revising!

So you're on house arrest and can't leave the house? If that was the case then I would stay home and keep taking bac, but if you don't have to check up with them they I don't see how they'd find out you went to detox.

And try punching pillows you crazy guy haha. Or when you get upset just yell "SERENITY NOW!"

Hang in there bud

[Evey]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

It sounds like detox would be a great option for you. You make mention of it many times throughout your thread.

Are you on house arrest or just probation? If probation, do you have to visit you probation officer next week? If you voluntarily check yourself in, it doesn't seem like the probation department would know, but you are much more knowledgeable in that area.

You would be able to get a lot of your health problems treated and cared for. It seems like it's something that you really want before you talk yourself out of it. It's a big undertaking for sure but the benefits are worth it.

[BacloTim]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

Hey guys. I don't remember posting but see that I did. I don't think anything is broke, just swollen badly so that is why I couldn't move anything. Yeah honestly I just want to go somewhere where I don't have to worry about anything and get better. I don't really have that option I don't think realistically. BTW I am sober now other then the minor alcohol in my blood from today's drinking. I can't remember if I took my baclofen and my pill organizer is all over the place so not sure. Doesn't feel like I took any at least so maybe I should take my normal night dose even though it's like 3am.

The problem with these free detox things is that they don't really do anything but detox you and make you do aa/na meetings which I've been to countless times. I have to hear this guy's story and a bunch of other BS that I don't care about which isn't anywhere near as bad as me and then try and trick myself to think he can help me. sorry but that is how I feel about it. Also the last time they committed me to a freaking mental institution place and force me to take Haldol even though it was all related to alcohol withdrawal. I go crazy and hallucinate because they don't give me the proper medication (like 2 freaking librium a day! Ithink that is like having 4 drinks a day or similar to that) and they think i'm crazy! They are crazy!

ok i'm out! taking my bac and maybe it'll help me goto sleep

Oh also I think i'll try to do an alcohol taper. My mom lives right near me so I can keep them in her shed fridge which has a lock on it and do some kind of taper schedule along with my bac I think. I'm going to give it an honest try.

[ik1966]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

can't you do a detox at home and ask your doc for a libriumumbrellacyou will sleep 3 days and immediately take anyabuse to stay clean?
that's the way i did it....

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

First, a public apology.
I apologize, bTim, for putting you on the spot. That would have been better in a pm. Thanks for taking it in the spirit with which it was intended.

I don't really apologize for being a busy-body, it's what I do. (But if someone thinks I need to add that to the long list of things I need to work on, will you shoot me a pm? and :H)

BacloTim;1136741 wrote: One day I'll look back at this and really understand it I hope.
Yep. You will. I'm beginning to think that you are not quite as "messed up" as you think you are. You made it here. You called Dr. L. You got the bac. You want the results, and are fighting for them, instead of ...the many alternatives to that scenario.

bleep;1136762 wrote: Tim, we were all there at one time. Don't give yourself a hard time. You're here, doing something about the problem. Take a bit of encouragement from that. I'm enjoying reading your blog, keep it up!

Yep. What he said.

You are perhaps going to bed just as I'm starting my day! Funny that.

Hope you got some real sleep. Looking forward to the next update.

and :l
Ne

[BacloTim]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

I don't have a doc but I wonder if DrL would do that for me? I wasn't completely honest with him about things and how bad they were since I was afraid he wouldn't treat me.

[BacloTim]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

Oh NE you just posted as I was doing that last reply
I am not mad at you at all about posting that publicly. Why do you think i'm posting like crazy on here? I'm not hiding ANYTHING now for the first time in years I think it is sort of therapeutic and I never open up about anything. I usually try and pretend i'm some normal ok person instead.

You start your days pretty damned early if your CST also. I did sort of sleep a bit, more like passed out but hey I get it when I can!

Thanks for your replies and your honesty!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My Baclofen Blog/Journal

Nah, I'm in Virginia. Still pretty early. I'm fairly good at guarding my sleep (a bac mantra you'll use at some point, I'm sure. Credit Lo0p for that one.) But it's a busy day and I woke with bells on. I'm going to need a nap in a couple of hours...

I don't know if Dr. L can help with the other stuff. Best to be completely honest with him, I think. I'll leave that to you, though.

As hurtful as free clinics are, it would be a good idea to get some antibiotics, don't you think? Walk in, wait.wait.wait. See the doc. He doesn't have time anyway. Tell him you got in a fight. Things are better now. No worries. This ear thing, though, has really been bothering you. You thought the oral antibiotics worked, because it doesn't hurt, but it doesn't seem right.

How long have you been on bac, bTIm?