Seeing the doc tomorrow

[Murphyx]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

While I of course credit USA (or should that be OOOO S A ?) with pizza and fish tacos (whatever the feck they may be), I wonder about the French Fries. Didn't the French reclaim them when you renamed them Freedom Fries after you decided the French were "cheese-eating surrender monkeys"? Which of course they are, but you'll never catch me saying so.

Oh yeah and I forgot, I agree with Bleep on the whole sticking-at-the-same-dose-for-two-weeks thing. Bad idea. It's not going to take 2 weeks to notice indifference; 4 days is enough imo.

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Woop woop! Yesterday I had my first truly AF day in forever. I only had very minor withdrawals, but I got a small dose of that sleep paralysis thing I've read about. It didn't last long but I got it in the middle of a nightmare which made it worse.

I can say that the bac has pretty much alleviated my depression. I still get sad, but it's not the same as before. Now it feels more like I get sad when I think about the hole I've dug myself into, not so much a chemical imbalance that's beyond my control.

The absolute worst(and best) part about how I've been feeling is that I have been absolutely bored outta my mind. I have no idea what to do with my time now that I'm not constantly preoccupied with thoughts of alcohol. It WILL be good in the future when I can find healthy ways to occupy my time, but for now it's terrible not knowing what I even want to or can do. And it actually hit 80 degrees today! We only get like 2 weeks of that here!

And Murph, French fries will always be ours. Anything that's fried instantly and permanently becomes American.

[bleep]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

That's great news Slippery! It's tricky suddenly going AF - when do you go to bed, when is the evening over? Before it was clearly defined by a passing out, now that it's a decision, it's a bit weird. Alas, the answer is boring - with time, it becomes less tricky, but a whole lot more pleasant.

What dose are you on?

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

I'm on 90 mg. At this point I can't imagine racking up many consecutive AF days, but just getting one is a good start IMO. This boredom will be the end of me though...

[RudyB]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

pete,
you gotta find things to do, and fast! it is the best way to rack up af days. i know, what to do?! i wrote extensively on taw's thread about it a few days ago. the gist: find things that bring you joy, and do them, especially if they involve exercise and people. you'd be surprised how much easier bedtime becomes when you've been busy and fulfilled all day, or even part of the day. not spending your time obsessing over alcohol will soon become a bygone, and even sooner if you find concrete alternatives to it.

the sleep thing, like murph describes: those wakeful dreams. omg! i just described my latest experience of that on my own thread a couple of minutes ago. fuckin wild stuff, man! and that sleep paralysis amidst a nightmare, wrote about that recently, too. wildly drugged men tried to assail me. i was not paralyzed, but i had no voice and could not employ my physicality tho i knew it resided deep and strong in me. this could be fun if it weren't so terrifying. stuff that books are written about! and for good reason.

good luck, pete. huge congrats on your af day. you're in for one heck of a ride, one trippy flippin ride. an ibogane ceremony of sorts. do this, pete. you won't regret your initiation into sobriety for a second once you've reached this other blessed side. and i know you know that.

sweet dreams.
rudy b

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

fold socks. worked for me.

YAY YOU!

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Thanks everyone

Rudy, I've been following your progress but haven't really responded. Congrats on your switch. Must be nice! We're on the same page, you're just a bit ahead of me. I think we should fly off to South America though and take some Ibogaine and trip out!

And NE - I've been following your adventures with folding socks, however the only memories I have with socks are in inpatient rehab, where my friend came out with a sock on his c***. It surprised us all haha

[bleep]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

I'm not sure you can call them "adventures" as such. If you legitimately can, it's definitely time for an Ibogaine overdose!

I found in my titration that having an AF day really helped me. The baclofen has a chance to work unmolested, and the various SE's are much reduced when they aren't exacerbated by a hangover. Keep them coming, they can only help. At the same time, I used to reward myself with a session as a result of such good behavior, so it's a tricky line to walk.

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Yes I too love to "reward" myself by getting pissy drunk and destroying my brain. :H

So I believe I'm starting to sleep walk. I went to sleep in my bed with clothes on, yet woke up on the couch completely naked, stuff out of place, and for the second time, an unexplained pool of water(at least it tastes and smells like water) on the floor. Looks like the roomate that's arriving in a week will be in for a load of fun.:H

[Bruunhilde]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Congrats Pete! I just have my first AF day yesterday in FOREVER. Chocolate milk and a bison burger of sorts got me through it. Rewarding myself with food helps alot, especially treat foods I don't allow myself to have normally.

Either way, good job on using some white knuckling on your bac journey, it can only help speed up your process.

[RudyB]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

wow, pete,
a whole bunch of sleep crazies on your end, huh?! (mine too, as you know) good you're taking them w a good dose of humor! gotta have that to get you through. in fact, your light heart in all of what you're going through is impressive. keep it up.
rudy

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Thanks Bruun. I love that lioness by the way. Good call on the bison burger! It's insane how much healthier they are then beef. And I've developed a strange relationship with food since I've been on the bac. When I'm at home, I never want to eat, but when I leave, I always want to eat out at places I've never gone to.

Yeah Rudy I'm a really easy going guy and always try to find the humor in situations. If I didn't I'd probably end up all emo and start cutting myself and bitching about the establishment. No thanks.

[RudyB]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

nooo, pete. you don't want to do that, you might end up like my ex hub, who's emo and hates The Man, but doesn't cut. instead he whirls and twirls non-stop in his martial art mania. you might end up with a small penis like his, too.

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

This is good, you're getting into comedy too. Me with a small penis lol. I was actually the body double for Mark Wahlberg at the end of Boogie Nights. True story.

[bleep]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

I also had weird sleep things. I woke up under my bed once, trying to lift it to save a friend who I thought was trapped underneath it. And a couple of other times, starkers, in strange rooms in the house. Like all the SE's though, it seems to be level dependent, and will pass (or perhaps get worse!) as you move up.

The get worse bit was a joke, mine didn't. Or at least I stopped waking up while I was doing them.