Seeing the doc tomorrow

[RudyB]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

another trial at posting a photo...

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[Murphyx]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

SlipperyPete;1148741 wrote: , for me, the absolute best is weight lifting. I'm not sure why this exercise gets me so high, but tricep pulldowns are seriously orgasmic.

Pete are you getting 'high', as in the endorphin rush (or whatever the sciency people say about these things because they're not willing to accept most things in life are actually down to magic) or is the 'high' because you feel, with the searing pain of every muscle contraction, an instant and tangible improvement? You're repairing the damage you inflicted over all those years, physically and emotionally? Now you're probably going to tell me you are already uber-fit and mega hunky.

Btw, it would only be impressive if it reached all the way to Japan from the East coast. Japan, from Washington state, is only like spitting distance. See, unlike you americanians I understand geography.

And I want to see a picture of doggy.

[bleep]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

I have gone the balls-to-the-wall route of hiring a PT, so I just do whatever she tells me. Apparently we are looking at cardio and muscle toning, for what arcane reasons, I never asked. Astonishingly, after 3 weeks, I can see a difference, but each session still feels like torture, and I want to vomit after each and every one. If that is what is meant by an endorphin rush, well, I always knew gym people were weird!

[Murphyx]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

bleep;1148889 wrote: I have gone the balls-to-the-wall route of hiring a PT, so I just do whatever she tells me.

And she tells you to press your balls against the wall? Exactly which muscles have you been exercising with this so-called 'PT'?

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

I guess I get high from the gnomes in my head that sprinkle magic dust on the feel good sector of my brain. And yet also, the feeling comes from knowing that with each rep, my knob is getting infinitely bigger, and will soon circle the globe twice. So to get technical, the feeling is part magic, part sweaty self-satisfaction.

The only problem I'm having with all that is that I've become repulsed by the thought of food, which is severly hindering my protein intake.

And there's an East Coast to this country? I'm pretty sure that the rest of the world's existence is directly related and limited to my line-of-sight.

hang in there, bleep, it gets better. Even Kesha says so: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DV4EmSviDfQ&feature=related[/video]]‪It Gets Better: Ke$ha‬‏ - YouTube

Here's the doggeh. This is the best I could do, because apparently he gets realy shy when I whip it out. The camera, that is.

[Murphyx]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Ahhh, the doggy's cute; he looks like one I used to have. I think it's very kind of you to leave the bin out for him to root around in.

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Well, the panic attacks that I had occasionally as a kid have returned. It only happens at night when I'm all alone with my thoughts. Turned out that AL was great at stopping them, but obviously the trade off was not worth it. Tomorrow I'm going to do some research and see what I can do to overcome this, because this is horrible. It's 4:30 and I'm afraid to lay my head down again. What a day to be sober...

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Guys this is starting to scare me. Last night at 4:30 I started to drift off but was rudely awoken with a panic attack, and couldn't get back to sleep. Then around noon I started to doze off again, but had another panic attack, although I was able to slowly drift off again...20 minutes later, woke up with a panic attack...20 mins later, same thing, and I haven't been able to get to sleep. Also, I'm in this AC'ed house wearing shorts and a t-shirt, yet I'm sweating. I feel like I'm withdrawing, which is something I haven't had to worry about since I started bac. I'm not drinking any more than before. I can handle a sweaty night or 2, however these panic attacks are unbearable. I can't get to sleep, and it's something that will guarantee that I drink every night.

[bleep]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Jesus, sounds unpleasant. I've never had one, so can't really contribute anything useful. A lot of people here swear by Xanax, have you tried that route?

Something to consider is that it is being caused by baclofen. In which case, change levels ASAP. I know I say this so much and it gets a bit boring, but it's true. Maybe give it a try?

[Murphyx]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

X2 to what Bleep said.

The panic attacks do sound particularly crappy but like Bleep, I've never had one. Yikes Pete!

[Bruunhilde]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

SlipperyPete;1148741 wrote:
I've made a few posts about gratitude recently. Perhaps instead of thinking that you have to do chores, maybe tell yourself that it's awesome that you can harvest your tomates sober, and can now appreciate the smell of your fabric softener?

Good point, I need to appreciate these things so those tomatoes better hurry up.

I'm so sorry about your panic attacks. Sounds like you should UP the bac, per Murph and bleep. If that doesn't help, I'd suggest going back to doctoring your thoughts. Remember your gratitude? Try changing the sentences in your head to good ones. Or try better living through adding meds. I found xanax to help with panic attacks but what elevated my mood was the gabapentin I'm pushing like a dealer these days. It's probably a combination of thought-doctoring and meds that have helped me get through those panics. They're terrible, my heart goes out to you Petey. Remember today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. As per Murph's byline.

Cute doggie!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Murphyx;1148887 wrote:
... Japan, from Washington state, is only like spitting distance. See, unlike you americanians I understand geography.

I don't actually think you can see Japan from Washington, silly. But apparently you can see Russia from Palin's backyard. Even without the scope.

Pete, I had terrible panic attacks that only abated when I went up. Mine were mostly at the lower doses, but even when I got up there, they went away if I went up a touch.
I also had them when I lost track of how much I was taking (which was often.)
Forgive, but I don't remember where you are, I know it's not low...

The other thing is that I was very, very nervous about xanax. Didn't take it myself until the bitter end. I was foolish. (again! ha!) If I had to do it over again, I would've taken it every night during those periods. Sleep is very important to the process, imho. Guard your sleep was some of the best advice I was given.

Ed took it after his panic attacks, related to jumping around in dosage, took it for about 4 weeks, morning and night, and hasn't taken it since indifference. He's never had the sleep disturbances that most of the rest of us experience.

Panic attacks suck. I also tried to focus on, say, Murphy's latest guffaw moment, and talk myself down from the edge. Really.
Hang in!
Ne
If it is something specific and you need some reassurance... I found lots of things after the fact that might've helped in the moment...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

dog's a pretty boy.

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

Ne/Neva Eva;1149350 wrote: But apparently you can see Russia from Palin's backyard.

You beat me to it. "I can see Russia from my house!"

I think you guys are right about needing to increase the bac. I'm at 120 mg, and have spaced out the doses from 3x per day to 6x, per bleep's advice.

Maybe it could have something to do with nicotine withdrawals? I started smoking again kinda but didn't smoke over the weekend. Where's Rudy at?

Thanks B and all of you for your help.

Here's what I'm going to do: increase bac, and I really need to get around to emailing my doc and pleading my case, and get around to googling the reasons for my panic attacks. They're due to a morbid reason and don't need to be discussed here, although they've gotten way out of control and is clearly some chemical imbalance at this point. I'm terrified just even thinking about sleeping right now.

I'm back at home now, though, so I have more freedom, although I'm a severe loss of hot tub.

[SlipperyPete]

Seeing the doc tomorrow

I just got back from a walk and I think I figured out a decent way to describe what I'm going through.

My brain has decided for some reason to equate "going to sleep" with "dying." Whenever I'm on the verge of sleep, my brain sends a huge jolt saying "OMG YOURE DYING WAKE UP!" What's odd is that my body feels fine, it's purely mental. My brain is seriously turning on me.