Hey there GW,
I just wanted to say that I relate 100 percent to using alcohol as a self-medication for depression. My depression came first, alcohol came second (strictly speaking, social anxiety came first, then isolation/loneliness, then depression, and finally drinking). I really grew tired of people at AA re-interpreting my story, saying that my depression had to be caused by alcohol and would go away if I stopped drinking. A few suggested I was making excuses by saying the depression came first. I do have to say that alcohol does cause more depression of its own in many cases however, even though it helps with escape from it for a while. For me, when nothing else was able to reduce the depression, I was glad to just have a few hours of relief from it with alcohol...I knew alcohol wasn't an overall answer but the escape was enough for me until alcohol really started causing me severe and constant problems (including worsened depression).
I have met many helpful and kind people at AA, and I still go to meetings sometimes for sober social contact and to have an activity to do at night (when I used to drink). AA's steps can also help some people with personal growth, but it's definitely not for everyone. It can turn many people off, especially preaching type behaviour and dogmatic interpretation of personal stories. Also, members saying it's the only way to overcome alcoholism is not correct. The rejection of all medication, and saying people taking medication are not really sober, is something that happens at some meetings but not all.
As for being totally willing to stop drinking, I wasn't! I don't think I have ever experienced such a sure state of mind, even though so many people in recovery groups and rehabs say you must be totally ready to quit. Hitting rock bottom does force many to finally want to quit, and I had reached a stage where the side of me wanting to quit grew stronger than the side of me wanting to keep drinking. I only reached this stage due to alcohol's negative effects becoming way more prominent and long-lasting than its helpful effects, but part of me still wanted to find ANY way possible to keep drinking but avoid the consequences. I still think this way at times.
I am taking a lowish baclofen dose now, not for alcoholism but for a couple of problems with other drugs, which I had turned to as substitutes for alcohol. I'd suggest sticking with baclofen, since it's almost the only treatment for alcoholism I have heard of that can stop the inner mental battle over wanting to quit but wanting to keep drinking. Once that is controlled, staying away from alcohol would be far easier. Some say it's effortless after reaching that state. I now wish I had switched from alcohol straight to baclofen, rather than using other drugs first.
Anyhow, good luck with it!
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