Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

[Texie]

Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

Day 19

Today is day 19 and I'm halfway into my 3rd AF weekend. I'm thrilled and really excited about this, what would have seemed so very daunting just 1 month ago. I just got back from my 1st AF trip out of town in years but that was not without challenges. I was rushed, stressed and over committed on Thursday trying to get ready to leave the house on time. All of this led to some fairly strong anxiety and cravings. I was able to manage them without drinking but it certainly did cross my mind. Guess this answers the question as to weather I've hit my switch or not.

I know some anxiety is part of life and wonder if it's just habit that leads me to think "AL = anxiety relief" and if there is going to be some work to relearn that auto-response to anxiety. Also, as Bottlestopper pointed out, learning to say 'NO' and examining the compulsion to always please others rather than protecting my own saniety and peace of mind needs to be examined closely. Things seem to be taking on a clariety they didn't have in the past when I was drinking so maybe those are things I'm getting ready to take on. All and all, the out look for the future is looking brighter and more positive than in years and I'm looking forward to making some changes that need to be made.

I went up to 40mg yesterday and as always am feeling tired and sleepy the day after an increase in dose. But this goes away usually within two or three days. The SE's are very manageable for me so far and I've found that going up in increments of 10mg instead of 20mg works best with the least SE's.

Thanks and I hope everyone has a great week-end!

Texie

[RudyB]

Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

hey texie! can't believe i haven't posted on your thread yet! well, good for you, m'dear! sounds like bac is going well for you and that is truly great! your progress is impressive and gives much reason for you to be hopeful. i'll be checking in here more often now, and looking forward to reading about your progress.

xo rudy b

[Texie]

Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

Hi all,

Well, it's day 22 and I conquered two of my biggest triggers today- air travel and face to face customer contact- both without AL. Both of which I have not been able to face without AL either before, during or after, in many years. Even in my AA days I could stay sober for months and one of these two things would make me drink every time.

Granted it was only a 40 minute flight and there were a few times that I was sure the fuselage was going to rip off and I would be sucked out of the plane but drinking the fear away didn't really even occur to me. Dinner last night at the restaurant didn’t provoke any strong urges either. In the past I would have stashed wine in my suitcase, had drinks on the plane and would not even have thought of dinner while out of town without wine. Instead I had iced tea and curled up with Dr. A’s book back at the hotel. The feeling I had when I woke up this morning bright, well rested and refreshed was almost powerful. It felt good, no Visine or gum needed.

Meeting with customers still left me feeling unsure and paranoid, sure he was going to run to the phone and call my boss and report what a fraud I am the minute I left but I had an e-mail from my boss’s boss by the time I reached the airport saying that he had spoken with the customer and they told him what a huge help I had been and how much they appreciated me making the trip.

The biggest difference that I think I see with bac is the relief of the anxiety. I used to feel a physical ache deep down beneth my breast bone. It made it hard to breath. Most times when I drank I didn’t really want to get drunk I just wanted that feeling to go away. In fact I often wondered if having my Vagus nerve clipped would stop the anxiety. I tried every AD and Benzo on the market and nothing except AL really worked until now. This is really a miracle. I kept seeing Dr. after Dr. looking for that miracle drug that could “fix” me and I think I may have found it. It really almost makes me cry.

Next “test” will be a family BD party coming up this week-end. Traditionally my MIL and I polish off a couple bottles of wine during one of these parties. I have yet to sit down with someone else that is drinking wine and fear that this may be a huge trigger as it has been in the past. So we’ll see what happens.

I’m going up to 50mg on Friday and when I get to 60mg I may stay there awhile to see what happens. I think I read that someone reached their switch at 60, maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones and reach it sooner rather than later.

Oh and BTW I’ve lost 11lbs too. I’m thinking of stockpiling bac in case something happens like an earthquake or hurricane and I can’t get it. I don’t know if bac has affected this too but all of a sudden food is not constantly on my mind, it has turned into just fuel. I enjoy it when I eat but I’m not craving carbs and sweets lately. Hmmmm… could life get any better????

Hugs,
Texie

[here.i.am]

Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

Inspiring

:goodjob:

Keep on and don't look back! Better weather ahead too!!

[redhead77]

Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

Rock on Texie!! That's all I got girl. Things are going so well for you, I don't know what else to say. Except, I am sooooooo glad. :l And good luck with the MIL. I hope being with her doesn't make you feel pressured to drink. Does it?

[Texie]

Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

30 Days!!!

It's 30 days AF today!!! I know this is a boring bac story but I'm glad it is.

I'm up to 50mg and all's well. Had a few weird se's going up to 50, some electric shocks and twitching in my fingers. When I closed my eyes I would see weird flashes. And of course the usual sleepiness for the first day or two. But thankfully I had this board so I knew that the se's would go away, and they have and that they weren't that unusual.

Got past another "test" this past week-end with a birthday party with my MIL and everyone was drinking and it just wasn't an issue. I'm going up to 60 mg and hang there for awhile and maybe that will be as high as I have to go.

Thanks for the well wishes, I think I could be a poster child

Hugs,
Texie

[Doggygirl]

Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

I just happened across your thread and wanted to congratulate you on your many successes! I loved reading about your successful AF business trip, your AF party with wine drinking MIL, and your 30 days AF. Your story put a big smile on my face - thank you for sharing it! I hope things keep going smoothly for you!

DG

[RudyB]

Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

good for you, texie~ that's just great about the mil and everything else. yep. so far you ARE the bac poster child. thanks, 'tis good to have one!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Here goes- Texie's balcofen diary starts today

Congrats, Texie! I had never had 30 days, other than in rehab, before trying bac! It feels pretty great, doesn't it???

I'm really glad, too, that it's been such a smooth ride for you. I hope you'll detail it somewhere so others can learn from it. (It doesn't have to be so personal, and I just realized IOU a PM! Sorry, sister! Soon!)
YAY YOU!
xxoo