Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

i was just writing on another thread about how grateful i am that bac doesn't have a taste. it is, indeed, just like chalk: breakable and neutral. fuckin rocks, man!

[Jimmy-Bac]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Hi RudyB,

Thanks for the intro and warm welcome. It sounds like you've had some tough life decisions and had to deal with all that on top of the whole alcohol thing. It's great to hear about your life coming together and it sounds like you are able to be there and love your Son, and importantly, love Yourself. One thing alcohol seems to bring is self doubt in every form, from simple regrets to all out self loathing.

There's a reason we find these different ways out i'm sure. Some don't make it. Maybe they give up looking. All I know is when I was clambering over the wall at the rehab and heading to my Sisters house in a semi concious haze, I knew I was going there to sort this out. About a week later I found an article online about Baclofen and then found mwo, and here I am. After hearing from you and others, it makes me more determined to follow this through and be free! So many things I want to do, but so many past experiences holding me back at the moment. The thought of being indifferent to alcohol is hard to imagine. I know full well my anxiety and depression is being caused by the torment of the inner addict. It's like a spoilt brat and if it doesn't get its own way ie. a drink it wreaks havoc in my mind. Time to deal with the brat and hopefully move forward without as much as a glance back!

It's good to be here and I can't bloody wait to be free!

Oh, and thanks for the info Rudy & Bleep about the Baclofen not being chalk. I won't waste any by trying it out on a blackboard, I'll just take it and believe in it now.

Well, day 2 nearly over. That's 3 x 5mg of Baclofen, 1 x 330ml of shandy and now 45mg of Mirtazapine, which means in about 35 mins I shall be falling in to slumber.

Thanks again and Good night.

[HopefulinMN]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

I wonder if you would put that information on this thread:

Doctors that prescribe baclofen for addiction

I'll do it if you like, but it's better coming from the person who participated with the doctor.

Also, if you would put your prescribed and actual titration protocols here, that too would be useful. Sorry for the imposition!

Baclofen Titration Thread

Hello Ne. Surprise! I didn't make any announcement. Just dove in. Anyhoooo, I'll definitely add the info to the areas you directed me. Thanks for the big HI!!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Jimmy-Bac;1159187 wrote: so with Baclofen I'm a little concerned about going to sleep and forgetting to breathe!

I ordered 200 x 10mg pills and have started today with a plan of doing 5mg 3 times a day for 5 days, then maybe going to 10mg 3 times a day. Does that sound like a normal plan? Am I better off taking less more frequently? Also, has anyone else used Aclepsa before for their Baclofen? That's where I got mine. Also the guy on the homepage looks a bit like Dr Ameisen. Solid reason for using them!

I think I was in a fog or a funk when I read your first post, JimmyB. Glad that's over! whew.

You won't forget to breathe. The brain thinks this is a pretty important function, you know? Neva eva has there been a case of bac-induced-not-breathing-to-death.

You need more bac. You're in the states, right? Have you called Dr. L?

He doesn't look like Dr. A, but the reasoning behind your purchase is so spot on, I am full of admiration.

So many things I want to do, but so many past experiences holding me back at the moment.

The thought of being indifferent to alcohol is hard to imagine. I know full well my anxiety and depression is being caused by the torment of the inner addict. It's like a spoilt brat and if it doesn't get its own way ie. a drink it wreaks havoc in my mind. Time to deal with the brat and hopefully move forward without as much as a glance back!

Forgive the unofficial quote, I'm outta time. But this passage really moved/excited me. That first part will hold you in good stead, JimmyB. I like to think RubyD and I had that in common... Just effin' excited to get free and to get on with life as it should be! wooohoooo!

The brat had to go first, and when (s)he goes you won't believe it! The gardens you'll grow! (or whatever )

:l and :H

(hmmm. I'm guessing by the 'spoilt' vs. 'spoiled' you're not in the US. Order more!)

[Jimmy-Bac]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Hi NE,

I'm from the UK, but currently living in Spain. This doesn't help with prescription Baclofen as I'm not resident here and have to pay chemist prices. Or I could go back to the UK and try there. To be honest, I'm happy paying online prices, especially with the 20-30% extra pills with each reorder. I figure absolute tops it might end up costing me ?1.50 a day. Compared to up to ?10 a day on beer and wine it's pretty cheap! I have also just re-ordered more. 200 x 10mg and 100 x 25mg + 20% extra which will go to 30% on my next order. It does sound like an alarming volume of pills that I'll end up taking, but if that's what it takes to be free then fine. Also, maybe they'll fill me up and I won't get the urge to snack in between.

Things have got a bit more hectic (understatement) in the last day or two. Not only do I finally decide to move on and part ways with my girlfriend. I have just found out she is pregnant from the one and only time we had unprotected sex around 6 weeks ago when I was on my spiral down! Holy shit comes to mind. I have also just been to the apartment to clear out some of my stuff and it just feels weird. I can't let this stop me. I'm not going back just for 'convenience' sake. I must keep moving forward and work out how to deal with the latest situation as I move along. If I went back, I will at some point in the near future end up on a drinking spree and could wind up dead. Especially if I touch vodka again. That stuff just seems to send me nuts. Thankfully I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and that's going to be an interesting session!

Honestly, hearing from you and others about how well it is working out for you is something so strong to hold on to. It really is, and I'm very grateful for that. The 'spoilt brat' wants me to give up the pills already and carry on drinking. The thoughts are coming in thick and fast, but i'm just popping my baclofen and letting them wash over me. In saying that, I'm fairly sure I might end up having a few beers tonight. I'll give the brat that at least with the current situation. No, sod the brat I'm just fairly sure i will have a few to numb things a little. Such unbelievable news. I don't even want to count the odds of that happening. Either way times those odds by a million with my long term drinking history and her polycystic ovaries. Come one! This is one hell of a test that's for sure. But i plan on passing this test. I have to!

Well, Today is day 4 and I've had 1 x 10mg and 1 x 5mg, with another 5mg later. Then tomorrow, up to 3 x 10mg throughout the day. I'm wondering about side effects so far. I have noticed a fowl taste in my mouth since day 1, which seems to be easing. Occasionally feel a bit sick when eating, but it passes quickly. Then, something i am not used to is difficulty getting to sleep. It is almost like the sleepy effect of the mirtazapine is being cancelled out. This could of course be to do with a few extra things on my mind at the mo.

Enough rambling from me. I'm going to unpack a few things and try and chill out. I shall no doubt report back any news soon.

Bye for now. :thanks:

[bleep]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

I thought Spain was one of those countries where you could buy baclofen over the counter in pharmacies? In fact, I'm sure it is, maybe give that a try?

The taste one is definitely real, and not pleasant. Rotting strawberries is what I thought it tasted like. It comes and goes with levels, as do all the SE's, but it's not serious. Sleep disruption seems to be one of the most pervasive of SE's, and is there in one form or another throughout. You'll get used to it, and it's surprising how productive you can end up being with all the extra hours you'll suddenly have.

Shit for luck on the girlfriend front. You seem to have your head screwed firmly on though, so it's just a matter of working through it. That sort of stuff is much easier when your head isn't drunk or hungover all the time as well, as you'll see. Still doesn't make it easy to deal with, but it's definitely easier than before.

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

hey there jimmy bac! i am so jealous that you live in spain! whereabouts, if you care to share? i plan to go there in the fall, as i am a lover of the language and the culture.

i am NOT jealous of the girlfriend part. what a strange twist of fate! so sorry. but, i suppose you can just sit on the notion that things happen for a reason, try to look for the silver lining, and trust that you're on the very exact path that you need to be on at the moment. you will quickly become stronger as your days of sobriety increase and your drinking goes down (not your throat). your head does sound roundly on, so i'm guessing you'll find ways to deal with it all. good luck! we're here for you.

also, seems kinda obvious, but don't forget to eat! it can really help, as you probably know, with the amount you consume. less room in the belly, more sugar in the blood.

[Jimmy-Bac]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Hi Bleep,

I never tried at the chemist, but i'm sure they probably would give me Baclofen without prescription. They used to hand out codeine without questions! I'm not on that any more for my back pain. I used it for a year and found i could go without drinking when on it. I guess it is an opiate after all! When i detoxed from alcohol, I'm sure stopping the codeine after a year made it much worse. I was only taking 30-60mg a day, but still it's a powerful and addictive drug. Anyway, i will try at the chemist just to see. I'm thinking It will only be dispensed in small packets of 20 or 30 maybe. Ordering online I get 300 pills, so it's pretty easy.

Hi Rudy,

Thanks for the encouragement. I am definitely eating well, especially now I have my BBQ back. I live in Southern Spain, about 40 mins from Malaga. Where are you planning to visit in the fall? This is the One Month not to be jealous of anyone in Spain. I'm on the coast and we've had up to 38?C some days. Inland, it has been as high as 43?C. Not fun, which is why a lot of businesses just close for August. Mind you, that's what swimming pools are for!

On the girlfriend front, things are quite tense. She seems to think I will be going back to her, and not listening to what I am saying. She has been in the UK for the last 4 weeks which gave me some much needed space, but knowing she is back here is weird. The thought of her turning up unannounced adds a bit to the anxiety. I'm still focussed on moving forward though. If I don't change now, It wouldn't take much for me to end up on a bender and i'm back to square one.

On a positive moving forward note. I went up to 3 x 10mg yesterday. We had a BBQ with family and a few guests. I found that I didn't sit there staring at 'the drinkers' wanting it for myself. In fact i didn't really think about it at all. Normally the thoughts would make me anti social because i was sober, but quite the opposite. I chatted to people and cooked the food and had a good night.

Then, as is common in Spain. I retired to my room after finishing dinner at midnight! I had seen my psychiatrist yesterday and we were talking about my positive frame of mind and how things are starting to happen as I align myself with this new mental outlook. I'm going to go on a course called The Avatar course at the end of October in Florida, which I believe is all about aligning ones mind with your heart. Getting a new perspective on life, which I am looking forward to.

I mention this 'things happening'. Well, as I was having dinner, unbeknown to me I received an email and a text message. I read the text message first. An old Spanish friend who I lost touch with said he hadn't be very well and asked me if I would like to meet and how he was sorry for not being in touch. This made me feel really good, because I had thought it was me who had not kept in touch. Either way, at a time in my life when I don't really have any good friends out here, one reaches out to me. I replied and said we should meet soon. Then I read the email. It was from the girlfriends Mum. Wow! she was pretty angry with me as since finding out about the pregnancy I have not stood by her and am being selfish. I need to step up to the mark and do what's right. I'm treating her worse than a dog etc. It went on like that. For the record, I do love dogs!

Anyway, A storm of anger welled up inside me and I cracked open a cold beer out of habit. I found though, that I immediately put the beer down and thought how the text I received was the positive thing, and focussing on that was healthier than the email. Also, I copied the email into word and typed my replies to some parts of the email in red. (I didn't send it by the way, I just wanted to deal with it) By the time I had finished, I had noticed that a lot of the guilt trips sent my way weren't really relevant and I didn't have to accept them. 3 weeks ago, without a doubt, that email would have sent me full on into an all night drinking session with self doubt and negative thoughts about myself. Luckily it's not 3 weeks ago. When i finished, i read it back to myself with my replies in red. Well, I had to laugh in the end. The replies were rude and sarcastic. They had turned something serious and potentially harmful to my state of mind, into something I could take or leave. I left it and drank the can of beer, watched TV, laughed and went to bed. Just to have one beer is almost unheard of. In light of the email i received, just 1 beer is usually simply not possible. But it seems it is. I don't care how, as I awoke this morning feeling good after a great nights sleep.

As long as I keep focussing on these positives that come my way, I think I will be able to see this right through to 'the switch', and I'm very much looking forward to it.

Yet another long post from me. If you made it this far, then thanks for taking the time. :l

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

"I'm going to go on a course called The Avatar course at the end of October in Florida, which I believe is all about aligning ones mind with your heart" (gotta figure out this post quotes thing...)

jimmy, that's great! i recently read a bunch of stuff about this in a book called 'healing without freud or prozac'. fantastic stuff. our minds are soooo interconnected with our hearts, both psysiologically and emotionally, for sure. i'll look for that course here in the us...

i plan to go to southern spain. i was in barcelona in '92, and now i'm ready for the other half of the country. i believe malaga is where one of my favorite bands is from, chambao. do you know them/like them? or macaco? love that music! if you hear of any concerts coming up in the fall, please let me know, cause i want to coordinate my trip with them. much obliged.

"As long as I keep focussing on these positives that come my way, I think I will be able to see this right through to 'the switch', and I'm very much looking forward to it."

this is one thing that i have been trying to be very conscious of in my journey into sobriety. murphy's law (anything that can go wrong, will; not the other murphy, whose law might be something like big boobies are nice) is the rule of this summer. it has been very challenging at times to focus on the positives, but if i make it a rule, lookie there, things look much, much better. durr. but we don't always do it; some people NEVER do it. good for you. and for writing that email and not sending it. what a helpful process! i'm planning to do that with my soon-to-be ex husband. but i think i will send it, after much revision and after the divorce papers are signed, sealed, and delivered.

good luck on all fronts. sounds GREAT on the drink front! already! how awesome! keep posting, please. it's wonderful to read your long posts. never a chore!

rudy

[bleep]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

All sounding positive Jimmy. Keep your head in the right place and the rest will follow, or something like that anyway!

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

jimmy bac, i was just replaying old favorites on youtube, and i came across this one. wondered if you've heard and liked them...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1BZxiHGShg[/video]]Chambao - Camino Interior - YouTube

[Jimmy-Bac]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Thanks Bleep. I'm trying my hardest to keep my mind focused on the positives despite everything going on. Talking of the rest following, How about this for a positive. I seem to have lost out on the car since going my own way. That's not the positive, the fact a friend of mine flew back to the UK for good last night and just gave me his car! It needs a little bit done to it, but who cares! I wonder if I carry on with the positive thinking if someone will give me a house next.

Hi Rudy. Thanks for the message. Barcelona is a lovely city. I went there for a friends bday last year, although didn't end up feeling to good on my flight back down here. The hotel upgraded us to club rooms which meant access to the club floor with free alcohol non stop. I don't think they had anticipated how thirsty I would be. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.

There are plenty of great places in the South too. Most of the cities are beautiful. If you want any recommendations, just let me know.

Thanks for introducing me to Macaco and Chambao. I hadn't heard of them, but have just got their albums and so far really like the Chambao one. She has an amazing voice! I haven't listened to Macaco yet. As for concerts, nothing is posted so far that I can see, but I'll keep an eye out at the local Fnac store which lists all upcoming concerts.

I have still been taking 3 x 10mg of baclofen a day and today i'm going to up to 4 x 10mg for the next few days. No major side effects to report which is good. I'm having bouts of anxiety, but that's pretty normal for me. On the drinking front, I have managed to keep my drinking to a sensible level. The most I had was last night. I had 6 small beers, but thankfully feel ok today. That's still a third of what I would normally have had. The night before I had none, so it's a bit erratic but nothing I'm worried about.

Well, my new car has been left for me so I'm going to pick it up now.

[bleep]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Not a bad result there Jimmy!

Baclofen should start to help with the anxiety once you get to a reasonable level, so you can relax as you drive around in your new car!

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

hey there jimmy! glad you liked the chambao. those videos make me NEED to go to southern spain!

also VERY glad to read about your socializing un-drunk! doesn't that feel great?!

and your new car! how about that! i am convinced that if we look at the positives, we start to see more and more of them. the law of attraction: keep you vibrations high, and like will return.

good for you! all sounds great. just great.

good luck on the girlfriend (ex) front. that stuff can be so tough, and provide ample room for triggers. smart to be vigilant.

malaga is on my list of stops, as is grenada.

please keep us posted.

rudy b

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

jimmy bac! what's up? you ok?

you know, i was thinking today about cars, and my mind raced to you. there's some really good car karma going on. yours, with your friend's gift, and mine, with having aquired the car of my wishes (subaru impreza sport) for much less than i could've been asked to pay. i'm hoping yours is getting you around southern spain in jig time.

let us know how it goes when you get a sec, 'kay?

rudy