Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

[Jimmy-Bac]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Hi

Sorry for the delay in posting. I wanted to start posting in other peoples threads and not just my own, but ended up reading pages and pages of happy stories and not posting! It is quite difficult to just 'drop in' and know what to write. Anyway, I will comment soon as it's so good to hear about all these people getting well and leading not just normal, but good lives!

I was in the chemist earlier and just casually dropped in 'oh and Baclofen 10mg please'. He didn't even blink and served them to me. That's a result. They work out at 10 cents or 8 pence a pill which isn't bad at all. The online pharmacy is still a bit cheaper so i'll keep using them. It is good to know i can just pick them up if an order doesn't arrive on time though.

Thanks Bleep & Rudy for the support and checking in on me. I'm doing pretty well. 4 x 10mg for the last 4 days, combined with my Mirtazapine and a few beers and i've been sleeping for 12 straight hours a night! Mind you, I have always been a marathon sleeper. The only thing I'm still getting is the anxiety. I haven't had it like this for a while. I used to call it 'boat head' because I feel like i'm walking on a boat that is swaying side to side. I know it's just anxiety though as it only comes on when i have to go out and don't really get it at home. Anyway, I hope it will ease. Unless 'boat head' is a side effect? I'm going to go up to 50mg tomorrow anyway.

My drinking is remaining steady and hasn't resulted in any crazy sessions. The most i've had is still 6 small beers. That seems to be the number I crave at the moment. I don't know why. The urge to drink is definitely triggered by anxiety. Hopefully I will reach a dose that kills the anxiety and the urge to drink will be less. I'm not going to worry though, it's only a few beers and hopefully I will reach the magic stage of no beers in the coming Months.

I replied to the scathing email i received from the ex's Mother. I did draft a copy first which ended with 'fuck off, eat shit and die' but thought it was a tad harsh. I remember hearing it once and it stuck with me. Maybe, I'll save it for now. I hope I haven't wasted the perfect opportunity though. I just gave her my side of the story and the truth about my struggles. Also, about how incompatible her Daughter and I are. A lot of which i'm sure she didn't know. Either way, it's done just to make a point to myself of dealing with things. I'm not hoping to get a reply as I don't fancy striking up a friendship now!

I'll have to drop in on you Rudy & Bleep and leave some comments. I can't stay alone in here forever.

Congratulations on the new car Rudy. Sounds great! And your trip to Spain is exciting. We could meet for tapas..... and dare I say, sin vino! I'm still keeping an eye out for any upcoming concerts, so will keep you posted.

The car has been fixed up today, so off tomorrow to get the test done for the insurance and road tax and then i'm going to take my doggy out for a cruise!

Buenas noches!

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

heya jmimmy! how the heck did your thread end up on page two again?! i guess folks are busy...

anyway, great to hear from you again. sounds like things are going well over there en espaNa. good about the email you sent. and no, you don't need her to be your friend. sometimes it is just the ticket to get shit off your chest, make your side heard.

that's good that your anxiety doesn't happen at home, yet don't let that mean you don't get out! your doggie would hate that. hope all went well w getting your car on the road!

i will definitely be meeting you for tapas!

~rudy ru

[bleep]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

The dose will come where those 6 seem like a terrible mission to get through. The thought of having 6 beers now is terrible, I don't think I could force them down, whereas before baclofen it would have been a great way to start the night. Just keep doing what your'e doing.

Good to know about the chemists, takes some of the pressure off ordering well in advance.

[Murphyx]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Damn, you can just get baclofen OTC without a prescription? You jammy bugger!

8p/10mg and you can still get them cheaper online? WTF????? Which online pharmacy are you using?

Why are you living in Spain Jimmy? Are you an East End gangster on the run from the Filth?

Oh yeah and hi! :H

[Jimmy-Bac]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Thanks Rudy & Bleep

Good to know about having to force 6 beers down. At the moment, things are taking a sudden turn. I'm not sure why, but I've got the old depression head feeling and the 6 beers are just coming naturally. It could obviously be that this is life and positive doesn't run constantly with it, but i'm feeling pretty weird! I guess I do have some shit to deal with and getting a cold and feeling run down suddenly doesn't help. Something my psychiatrist said is really sticking with me at the moment. She said if i had been told to take baclofen, i would probably find a reason to stop taking it and that is so true! because it is just me making the decision, I am determined to see it through. Had the doc told me to take them, they would be in a drawer now and I would be heading towards 12 large beers a night and forgetting about baclofen. Knowing that is giving me the will to just ride this feeling out and hope to hit the dose where at least my anxiety calms down. Come on!!

Murphy. Thanks for dropping in. I have been reading your thread. I'm nearly at page 100 and have done the same with others. I don't know what to even say. Wow! would probably be a good start. You seem to be doing really well and i'm hoping this works for me too.

As for living in Spain. Sorry to disappoint, but neither of the above. I tend to leave a place when I see a over tanned leather skinned person who can't pronounce their T's! I just moved here because the bars are open all night, the weather is great and I can smoke without shivering outside a pub! Oh, and also there are no chavs or young tossers walking around in hoodies.

Hopefully I will soon be able to go out at night without 'having' to have a beer. Sounds weird, but i'm sure will feel great when it comes!

As for getting baclofen over the counter. it's quite alarming at what you can get in some chemists here. More alarming is a chemist I know in Portugal who hand out Lorazepam without a question. I order my baclofen from Aclepsa online and my second batch has recently arrived in three seperate envelopes. 200 x 10mg + 20% bonus and 100 x 25mg + 20 bonus. It's a shit load of pills and quite worrying to think i'll be swallowing them all fairly soon!

Oh well, if not drinking means many pills then bring it on!

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

yeppers, jimmy, it's a lot of pills! i have trouble remembering to take them often throughout the day. it's kinda scary-fun to chug a bunch at night and watch my dreams, not knowing if they're a movie or real or sleep- or bac-induced. you'll do it! you'll be fine. and you WILL soon forget about those six beers.

have you considered 5htp for the depression? i don't know if it helps with anxiety, but people are finding it to be a miracle cure for deep blues. it's all over the place in these threads. and in the health food stores.

god, i'm glad pharmacies don't operate that way here! i'd be a pain-killer addict in jig time! a few times in the past couple of years i've gotten my hands on a few and by golly they were awesome! happy high feelings for hours, especially when paired with a few beers. dangerous stuff! it would truly suck to have to take something to feel good, then to suffer the downer of not having that stuff to take. i would know. lookit me and booze. i, too, have had moments of true down, in my post-drinking phase. fortunately they have been breif and few, but not for all. many have reported this bummer state after quitting. seems to have something to do with not having the usual default coping mechanism, and trying to face life on its own terms for the first time in ages. you'll pull through it.

[Murphyx]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Jimmy-Bac;1166732 wrote:
Murphy. Thanks for dropping in. I have been reading your thread. I'm nearly at page 100...

Stick with it, eventually I get to the point.:H

Sorry about the depression man, it's a bitch, but as Rude Bee says 5-HTP is turning out to be very helpful to people, me included. What would be even better would be L-Tryptophan if you can get it over the counter. Basically it's 5-HTP but a more progressed version...or some such. I honestly don't understand all this stuff but those who do, swear by it.

Where abouts in Spain are you Jimmy?

[bleep]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

I wouldn't worry about drinking while you are titrating up, unless it's something you have specifically decided on. The end result is what counts, and if you're anything like me, you'll have both good and bad periods in your titration as far as drinking is concerned.

[Jimmy-Bac]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Thanks for the tips. I will ask my psychiatrist about the 5-htp or L-tryptophan. She is more into the natural approach, so would probably rather see me stop the mirtazapine and use amino acids. So would I. I'm still paranoid about mixing the doses, especially as I increase the baclofen. I'm sleeping 11 to 12 straight hours a night, but maybe my body is just adjusting. Maybe i should actually set an alarm!

Rudy B, you're right about the pain killers. Being able to buy pure codeine with no paracetamol in it is kind of worrying. I did dabble a bit with higher doses, but ended up staying on a steady 30mg a time for my back. That was enough of a buzz to stop me drinking on the days I had it. Also, great to get the day going with a spring in one's step! As I think I mentioned though. After a year of taking those for my back, I think it doubled the withdrawal period when I detoxed 6 or 8 weeks ago (time is going really quick, i cant actually remember now!) It is the first time I understood the term 'my skin is crawling' and literally felt like i had ants moving under my skin for a couple of days. And that was with 40mg of diazepam a day to help with the detox! actually, thinking about that just suddenly made me feel pretty good!

I went up to 60mg baclofen yesterday and so far today I feel OK. I'm not feeling too anxious or down, so maybe things are back on the up. I did start taking a crazy strength vitamin B tablet 3 days ago, so not sure if that helps. It's about 1000% RDA of all the various B vitamins.

I'm going to increase the dose of baclofen 20mg every 3 days now. I figure it is in my system now, so I can start to increase a bit more. Better I increase the baclofen than the beer intake!

Murphy, I'm catching up with your thread. I might even shock you by commenting soon! As for where I am. I am living on the South West coast of Andalucia at present. Although, I do have plans to move to Portugal next year. I've been going there since I was young and it's like a second home. Plus the golf is a cheaper!

As far as drinking, bleep I think you have helped out there. I wonder if the reason I felt down was because I was just worrying about the fact i'm drinking again. I guess I should just remain focused on the bac and remember I'm actually drinking a third of what I used to. The old mind tricks again. I must be more vigilant! I guess this might be normal, but I think the reason I'm drinking is because I know I won't be soon. Like a last visit to something familiar before I leave for good.

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

yep, jimmy, for sure it's the last kicks of a dying RACE horse!

[Jimmy-Bac]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Trudging on

Hi All,

It's been a while since I updated my progress. Unfortunately, things aren't going too well. I have been going up 20mg every 4th day and am now on 120mg. I'm feeling anxious all the time, my head feels heavy with depression and I'm soooo tired lately. It comes in waves, but the tiredness feels like when I used to pull an all nighter and just feel it's impossible to function. I am sleeping 11 hours a night, then a further hour at about 4pm just to get through the day. It is becoming more and more difficult each day to remain positive. I thought at 120mg at least the anxiety would be gone, actually I was half expecting to be feeling really good by now but it's just not the case.

I'm starting to think this might not be working for me. The more I go up, the worse I feel and I haven't rushed it. My body is crying out for me to stop, but I hadn't planned on stopping as this is supposed to be journey to freedom. I don't have a backup plan, I need this to work. I hope this is a rough patch and i can make it through, but it is really testing me!!

Sadly the only relief I get is having some drinks at night. It relieves the anxiety (I know it causes it the next day along with depression), but if I didn't have those few hours of freedom from feeling shit I don't think I could carry on. Ironic how the thing i'm trying to stop is the only thing helping me temporarily at the moment! I may be feeling shit, but I have to laugh at that last statement.

Oh well, I'll swallow my baclofen and trudge on.....

Any tips on how I might change the dosage? I am taking 30mg 4 times a day. Would I be better off taking 20mg 6 times a day or 10mg every hour?

[Murphyx]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Jimmy-Bac;1173391 wrote:
Sadly the only relief I get is having some drinks at night. It relieves the anxiety (I know it causes it the next day along with depression), but if I didn't have those few hours of freedom from feeling shit I don't think I could carry on. Ironic how the thing i'm trying to stop is the only thing helping me temporarily at the moment! I may be feeling shit, but I have to laugh at that last statement.

Jimmy, I don't see anything wrong with that whatsoever. Bac is making you tired and the depression and anxiety, which you already had, are kicking your arse, so you drink a few to get relief. That's fine. Just because you're taking baclofen, it doesn't mean that you should suddenly be teetotal. You're pre-indifference, so you take your relief where you can. Don't stress about it. When you're high enough for the bac to have worked, you won't need the booze to make you feel better. Until then, do what you need to do...unless you normally relax by running naked through kindergartens. That should be avoided...ideally.

Splitting the doses up can help enormously with a lot of the SEs, although I'm not sure it has much effect on somnolence. But there's no harm in trying. Personally, I would go 6 x 20mg.

Relax Jimmy, it's different, it's hurting and it's confusing, but ultimately it'll be worth it.

[Jimmy-Bac]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Thanks Murphy!

Reading your post suddenly made me realise how hard i'm being on myself! There has been lots of negative shouting going on inside my mind. I have taken your advice and relaxed today. I was tired, so I slept. No big deal. I just need to ride the depression feeling until it goes. It's like I have a vice crushing my head, but it has eased a little today. I hope it will keep easing....

Thanks again for the help. It's taken some of the weight off and luckily I don't have a penchant for running naked through kindergartens to relax. So I can relax whilst not in a prison cell.

[RudyB]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

jimmy, i hear your pain and have felt it myself. baclofen is no joke. the tired you describe is hard -perhaps the hardes se- to avoid. i second murph's advice: break it up even smaller. i don't know, either, if it will make a difference, but it just might. (i only ever take more than 20 at a time just before bed. otherwise, i do find the tired kicks me in the ass big time.) and, no, don't be hard on yourself about the drinks. what, if anything, are you using to help with the depression? have you tried the 5htp? as always, i recommend the book 'healing without freud or prozac' for ideas on just that. it's full of them, and very readable. keep on keepin on. you'll get back to that happy place before alcohol became such a problem. you will.

[SlipperyPete]

Hoping this is the start of my journey to freedom

Jimmy, I'm on 120 mg/day, too. Everyone's different, but when I take 20 mg 6x day, I can't feel any SE's, but if I take 30 mg 4x day, it's tough to lie down without wanting to pass out.