Baclofen--Here goes!

[bleep]

Baclofen--Here goes!

I'm glad you decided to stick with us Tess. I think most people here have histories they'de rather not have, but you aren't here for your past, you are here for your future, so try and hold that thought in your mind.

Also, if it helps, this is even more anonymous than AA. Nobody knows a thing about you, other than your chosen name is Tesla. To identify someone from a story is practically impossible, and there's not even a face to go by. Unless you count Tesla's.

If 10mg's is making you feel nauseas, try taking it in 2 x 5, spread apart. It might help.

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

I don't want to leave you hanging about the police business. It's a really fucked up story. By the way, what is the deal with using words like that here; is it generally inappropriate? Anyway, back to the story. A couple of years ago I befriended this morbidly obese 68 year old homosexual man who became obsessed with me. When he finally made a pass at me, I kindly rejected it and made it clear I was straight. Well he then went on an all out attack against me, spreading lies and trying to get me deported. I live in a small town (4-5,000) with a lot of gringos here. I make my meager living working on computers and this guy was warning people not to let me touch their computers as I hack people's emails and steal personal info---B.S. like that, just relentlessly trying to destroy me. I sat back and took it for the last 2 years, as he has $$ and I don't, and in little towns like this, payola makes things happen.

He pushed me a bit too far in May by accusing me of things that could land me in prison, and trust me, the country I'm in is not a place where you want to be in prison. So trying to protect myself, I wrote a long email to the gringo community, explaining what this man has been doing to me, and exposing his lies. He claims he was a famous Hollywood producer for 30 years, but a simple internet search proves he is completely lying, and I stated that in the email. Well a week later I get a notice to appear before the sheriff and the sheriff is a 26 year old woman who's father is a known corrupt lawyer who just happens to be this guys lawyer!!! So the hearing doesn't address any of the facts of my email, just the fact that I sent it. I had a 4 inch thick stack of emails from this guy threatening me, falsely accusing me & so on, but she wouldn't even look at it and only let me speak for 30 seconds. I had 10 character witnesses there and she wouldn't let any of them speak, so she threw me in jail for 3 days and a $14 fine (the maximum sentence--could have been worse).

The first time in my life (amazingly) in jail, and what a jail it was! Unreal. No electricity, no running water, no food, just a concrete slab sharing the cell (8'X12') with 6 other people. In this country if you go to jail/prison you have to have someone bring you anything you might need: food, bedding, etc... Fortunately I had some people who did all that.

I get out on a Saturday night at 7 pm and this guy and some of his cronies claimed I came to his house 2 hours after getting out and vandalized it and threatened his life. So the sheriff calls me in on Monday and even she admitted how I would have to be absolutely insane to do that (as I would be the most likely suspect) so she dropped it. Well he got 3 of his buddies to go and file restraining orders against me claiming I was threatening their lives, so now the prosecutor wants me in his office in 22 hours. They give me this notice to appear with a lawyer, 40 hours before the hearing, on a Saturday afternoon with no clue as to what the charges of "harassment, threats & intimidation" are referring to!!! I was told last night by another government official that the prosecutor is totally corrupt and takes payola all the time, so I'm just a bit more than freaking out. Quite a way to start my bac journey! :nutso:

[Murphyx]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Dude, you're having a bad day in Black Rock, maybe it's time to get the fuck out of Dodge. If you'll forgive my mixed movie metaphors I will continue. That spurned bunny boiler and his cronies looks like they're ready to go mediaeval on your arse.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to let you know that I am taking notes and will be passing them on to my CIA handler.

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Murph that CIA handler bit gave me the best laugh I've had in weeks--thanks! Yes, getting outta' Dodge is exactly what I am thinking is the only solution. Kinda' scary just packing a backpack & suitcase and leaving all my stuff behind--4 years of stuff, but better than prison--Christ! :egad:

[JennieLondon]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Dear Tesla,
Your story really touched me and I wanted to reply earlier but was having a bad day myself. (although compared to yours it's been a picnic!).
I think it's all still there. Go into your posts and click on the first one you wrote. It should all come up. I read it again a couple of hours ago. I'll check again and get back to you. Xx

[JennieLondon]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Ok T I got it. I clicked on your pic and then clicked on 'view all posts by Tesla', scrolled down to the first one and clicked again. Voila!
Just read your last post. Fuck me! You could turn it into a movie.
Look after yourself and I'm here to chat any time (time difference withstanding!).

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Thanks Jennie! Yes, if I had any sense I would have written a screenplay about my strange life a long time ago, but my problem was I never had an ending. Well maybe baclofen can be a good ending--we'll see......

[Persona]

Baclofen--Here goes!

What an amazing story, but I think that the most amazing story is still to come.

I really hope this works out for you.

:welcome:

[JennieLondon]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Stick with this site T. I'm only 9 days in and it has been no joy ride for me but finding these lovely people has helped me no end. I'm also new to social networking and find it very daunting but I know there's help here. Goodnight x

[JennieLondon]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Sorry, this is hardly social networking. Wrong term, not thinking straight. Not sleeping and exhausted. Take care and be careful.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Hiya, Jennie. It's social networking with a bonus. (Not the bonus Murphy keeps looking for, poor guy. Well, actually it's working out for him. Lotta us Murph groupies!) Welcome. Glad you're here and jumping in!

Tess, you're among your people. :H Granted, sleepy time Virginia is a far cry from wherever the hell you are. Still.
I was convinced that this whole place was a sham. I set up so many antivirus thingies on my computer I fucked it all up and had to take it in to get it working again. Really.
I thought there were little automatons on the other side, impersonating different people just to suck the likes of me in. And take away ...What? I was so sick of it all it would have been a relief. I got rid of so much crap when I got well. It's been an immeasurable gift.

Can't tell you to stay or go. I can suggest you just keep taking the damn pills. Hang around. And whenever those shitty thoughts start the little hellish carousel in your mind, keep in mind that there is someone out there thinking that if you can do it, they can do it. And it's worth it.

Plus you're already fun. I like you.
:l

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Hey Jennie thanks for the encouragement. Do you have a thread where you tell your story/situation?

Ne you are quite good at making a person feel welcome. My mind goes into the whole CIA bullshit when I smoke pot on top of knee-walking drunk (that's what my Mom used to call being drunk, so I'll refer to it in the future as KWD--hopefully I won't have to mention it too many more times :no. All I know now is I am tremendously grateful to have found this site and bac. I have to decide in the next 12 hours whether I go see this prosecutor or get on a bus and "flee" the country. If ya'll don't hear from me again, I must have made the wrong decision and wound up in nasty SA prison, but I honestly don't think that's going to happen tomorrow. I spent a bit of today talking to the chief of police and some other govt officials, and they reassured me they can't just lock me up w/o some type of trial. There is a lot of attention on this case/situation from the US embassy, local federal govt and supposedly homeland security, that they won't be so foolish to rail-road me again into jail. But my god, the paranoia around all of this is overwhelming. Every car door I hear slam outside my apt makes me think it's "them" coming to get me. Imaginary fear is such an amazing drug; apparently one of my other addictions that I know will end with being AF.

[SlipperyPete]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Tesla, thanks for helping me put my problems in perspective. We all have issues, but thank goodness I don't have some crazy old dude after me with corrupt lawyers. I agree with NE, to just keep taking the pills. And stop smoking weed! Shoot you sound like me, getting all paranoid and whathaveyou.

To further help us get to know you, we need a few more details:

1. Full name
2. Address
3. Next of kin
4. List of your fears

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Ne, the gift that you have of making people feel welcome is tremendously valuable in the community of addicts. As I'm sure you know, feeling alone and not understood is very common with folks like us, and your words to me (in a PM and here), had a profound affect on my thoughts and emotions about getting sober. Its as if you threw me a life-line when it was most needed. I say this to hope you recognize the gift you have that many "under the bridge" souls need. My desire is when I am sober, is to be a counselor or whatever you want to call it, to people who are like I am at the moment. Out of high school I went to school to be a Pentecostal minister (after growing up Catholic and all the psychological beatings that entails), so I have that bent of being of service to others and that is where most of my guilt and shame comes from; that I have failed all my fellow travelers in need all because of alcohol.

Anyhoo, (I'm laughing my ass off thinking Murph's CIA handler post--'cause he said: "Anyhoo, I just wanted to let you know that I am taking notes and will be passing them on to my CIA handler" I'll be using that as a source of laughter for quite a while--one of the funniest things I've come across in quite some time :H:H ), I'm gonna' finish packing my stuff up to be prepared for the morning.

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Well Pete, my name is Delbert from Vermont (a story I hope to tell at some point), and my fears....I think I have given you a glimpse of them, but it's mostly that religion, fear of hell, damnation bullshit that was force-fed to me from infancy, which I still can't seem to shake. I know intellectually that it is the most absurd thing to entertain in my short lived,monkey-mind brain, but yet it is there, gnawing at me like a rat trying to get to it's cheese.

It would be amazing to get to a place where sobriety trumps being drunk, 'cause at the moment I'm on my way there, and all the concerns, stress, anxiety, fear simply melt away in another drink. Having been intoxicated since 2 years old, it's hard for me to identify with being "normal" and sober, but as I've said, I know its time.

Gratitude, that gasoline held sway on me from about 3 to 10 years old. I've done all kinds of hallucinogens but the most potent I've experienced was gas. At 8 or 9 I used to go into these white out places of seeing all kinds of beings, angels, auditory hallucinations and immense intensity of dis-embodiment. It was as if this lil' fella' no longer existed and I was merged with this blender full of God-ness. I say blender full because it was so scrambled; the gas fumes apparently were scrambling my cranium, and I used to walk out of the garage (where the gas can was), completely stupefied as to what I was doing here and how I wound up on such a screwy planet. Apparently that was enough to keep me hooked on the intoxication.