Baclofen--Here goes!

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

A kick-ass song here, just give it until the 1:38 mark. It shifts into a totally different vibe:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnV-agq0Yzw[/video]]Roxy Music - If There Is Something - YouTube

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

I'm the guy that gives TMI. My ol' man used to yell at me about talking too much, and he'd say "Jeezeee ma christmas!!! What the hell are ya' doing boy!!! Ya talk too much--put a plug in yer pie hole!!!"

[gratitude]

Baclofen--Here goes!

tes,
dang it, never made it to the disembodied blender god. I hate being called a quitter but somehow I knew better and managed to give up the gasoline quickly. the first time I sniffed it I remember coming back from this intense checkerboard reality with a thunderous buzzing in my ears and slobber running down my chin.
funny, same thing with coke. got hooked immediately and gave it up fairly quickly.
now on the other hand, ALCOHOL was a slow burn and I loved it. have you ever heard that you can place a frog in water and slowly turn up the heat until it's boiling and the frog won't jump out? that was me and booze. turned up the heat over 20 years and I didn't notice until it was too late.
anyway, I have never told anyone about the gas. not a soul. I forgot about it really. so there. I hope this never makes it on my public record but if it does... fuck it. all those public record officials that follow me around can kiss my ass. grat
keep posting too much info.. fuck em.

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Well I'm sure the 44 years my ol' man spent as a scientist at Dow Chemical had nothing to do with him telling me to keep my mouth shut. I had no clue what the guy did until he retired and then he started to spill his guts about what he had done with dow. After he retired, he told me all kinds of things that he felt guilty about, and it made me see him in a way that eliminated any anger & frustration I may have ever had for him. He was one of those types of guys that everybody likes cause he held it all in and never upset anyone. I'm like that in many ways, and yet all that held "stuff" ferments, percolates and needs to find an exit.

[JennieLondon]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Good morning all.
Feel like I've woken up to new friends. Think I'm nearly ready to tell my sad tale but for now here's a song for the day...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYjBQKIOb-w&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/video]]David Bowie - Heroes (live) - YouTube
I would normally be pouring my first glass of red wine but enjoying my new found tipple of coffee with milk. Happy days!

[Murphyx]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Tesla wrote: Ne, the gift that you have of making people feel welcome is tremendously valuable in the community of addicts. As I'm sure you know, feeling alone and not understood is very common with folks like us, and your words to me (in a PM and here), had a profound affect on my thoughts and emotions about getting sober. Its as if you threw me a life-line when it was most needed. I say this to hope you recognize the gift you have that many "under the bridge" souls need.Here, here! or is it "hear, hear!"? And if it is, shouldn't it be "read, read!", because you wrote it rather than said it?

Tesla;1166841 wrote: and my fears....I think I have given you a glimpse of them, but it's mostly that religion, fear of hell, damnation bullshit that was force-fed to me from infancy, which I still can't seem to shake. I know intellectually that it is the most absurd thing to entertain in my short lived,monkey-mind brain, but yet it is there, gnawing at me like a rat trying to get to it's cheese.

It?s difficult to shake all that crap off isn?t it? I was brought up a Catholic by extremist parents who just loved to try to thrash me into submission with the bible (both figuratively and literally).

Tesla;1166872 wrote: Well I'm sure the 44 years my ol' man spent as a scientist at Dow Chemical had nothing to do with him telling me to keep my mouth shut. I had no clue what the guy did until he retired and then he started to spill his guts about what he had done with dow. After he retired, he told me all kinds of things that he felt guilty about, and it made me see him in a way that eliminated any anger & frustration I may have ever had for him. He was one of those types of guys that everybody likes cause he held it all in and never upset anyone. I'm like that in many ways, and yet all that held "stuff" ferments, percolates and needs to find an exit.

Sounds very much like my father, except he felt no guilt for his long career in the British military, working hard to retain the last vestiges of Empire, travelling the world, meeting new and interesting people, beating, torturing and killing them: ?fine job for a young fellow, character building, all in a good cause, what what?.

Anyhoo, the sons don?t need to bear the sins of the fathers. Dammit, there?s that religious crap again.:H

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Gasoline? I had a similar experience with smelly markers in the third grade. It almost scared me straight.
I'm glad you feel welcome because you are.

A thing: A very important thing: You're not under the bridge, Tess. Not even close. Those are either my irrational fears or the ones who've given up. And I think I'll start thinking of them as holding up the bridge so that I can safely cross, rather than trying to knock me off the damn thing.

You're on terra firma, or more likely you're taking the first steps across.

Irrational fears, my friend, are the bane of my existence. Literally. Hate those fuckers and they must go. But they're a trite concern after battling the beast.

Good luck. Jail in the US is bad enough. I can't imagine... (I once majored, ftr, in Latin American Women's History. Thank gawd I didn't finish. What would I have done with that??? It didn't help that I couldn't speak Spanish fluently and was doing independent research. Before google. Can you imagine a life before google?)
xo

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Baclofen--Here goes!

And thanks, fellas. Much love bacatcha

[RudyB]

Baclofen--Here goes!

tesla!

a coupla questions here...

are you really delmont from vermont? i am also from vermont.

is the cia (besides murph's) really onto your case? i hope so!

jennie, i do hope you post your story sometime soon. it could be very helpful...

tessa, my input is that you might oughta get out of dodge. sounds VERY dodgy there, and you're up against a bunch of corrupt crazies who won't go away soon or find sanity ever. i'm sure you could find another small town with fewer of those. or maybe move back to vermont? it's beautiful here (where i sit at the moment, in lincoln), and the corruption is much less insidious and way less-tolerated!

i'm rooting for you, and hoping for more of your incredible story. really?! you started all that at two years old?! where were your religious parents? evidently they had their heads buried in the middle east sand of the bible! i saw a picture recently of a very fat boy of about 3 who was smoking. his parents thought it was cool. i remember thinking, 'well, at least there's probably only one of those!' how sadly wrong i was! it IS amazing that you've come this far. and you'll go farther! you SHOULD write a screenplay. it would get amazing attention here in the us, to be sure. we love stories that titillate our thirst for the gory and unheardof. sorry it has to be you, but you might as well milk that cash cow!

chin up, dude. you'll get through this. please don't disappear from mwo, not for shame or for jail. just get those bags packed and find a new locale, preferably further north.

xo rudy

[Murphyx]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Dude, where you at? You in chokey?

[Tesla]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Oy vey--what a day! :nutso: No Murph, I'm not in jail, but I came a hairs breath away from being deported. It seems that the whole point of bringing these charges against me was to have the authorities look at my paperwork, which is a bit sketchy but legal. It was all a ruse to get me kicked out of the country. To try and explain what happened today would take a whole chapter, and I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning to get on a 4 hour bus ride to be at the immigration office to sort this all out. I'll jot it all down when I get back, but I'm happy to say that what was done to me today completely blew up in the guy's face. To simply run from this and leave the country, is at this point, not something that would serve me in the future or now. It makes me look guilty and I've done nothing wrong. I simply have a very sick person who couldn't have their way with me, doing all they can to destroy me, and today gives me a huge amount of ammo to stand up to this creep and put an end to it. I'm very relieved and will post as soon as I get back

[redhead77]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Hi Tess,

I really enjoy your thread. I hope your posting doesn't stop...unless you end up in that prison. With this in mind, can you really trust the chief of police there, or anyone else for that matter? I guess we will know shortly, and I have my fingers crossed you will be able to come back and tell us.

I never knew why you deleted your post the other night. I didn't think it was that bad. I'm not really the best judge of these matters though. I post all kinds of crazy personal stuff here.:H I've made jokes my thread is my personal diary. I don't think I've shared with anyone some of the stuff I talk about here. I think for many of us this holds true, some are just more extreme with it than others.

You always hear it is a small world and apparently it is true. Thanks for being here. You never know who will get something or relate to what you write.

EDIT: I had to take out the Dow Chemical stuff. I think I did say too much. We'll just leave it with I have a personal understanding of what working for that company could do to someone. They created a whole host of evil stuff, some of which has affected thousands of people.

[redhead77]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Glad you didn't up in prison Tess. I guess we were cross posting. Inform us when you get back.

[RudyB]

Baclofen--Here goes!

heya tess,

that's good news (minus the four hour bus ride!). i get what you're saying about packing up and leaving. good you don't have to do that. may you have lots of luck on your trip to right your good name and instill some justice into your situation.

[Sammi33]

Baclofen--Here goes!

Hi Tess,

Glad you are not locked up!!!

Hopefully it will all be sorted out very quickly and you can focus on getting healthy.