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[MrsQ]

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I do speak to him at length. It doesnt help. He doesnt have the answers either. Which is why i've come here.

And No, i dont expect him to respond at all. He's very clear on how I feel, I know how he feels. We've spoken about it at length. Why i'm here is that there are still no answers. And there are fuck ups happening at home and I want to know if its ever going to end. Or will this be our lives forever. A tamer version of the one we'd mutually decided was worth getting divorced over. Not exactly the most wonderful news for anyone living with an alcoholic.

[tiptronic_ct]

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MrsQ;1167014 wrote: OMG, this is turning into a bun fight. Does it always get like this?

Pretty much - hence I'd rather PM you.

[MrsQ]

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thanks, sigh.

[MrsQ]

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I appreciate you taking the time Tiptonic.

[gotta stop]

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MrsQ;1167014 wrote: OMG, this is turning into a bun fight. Does it always get like this? What is the point of discussing anything if you dont give examples. Why are so many people personalising my questions. They are very valid questions. You all take a drug that doesnt entirely work. So what now?


What i'm saying here is that baclofen doesnt sort out the issue. I thought it might. It doesnt. As there are very few people who have taken this drug, where else am I going to find out how everyone else deals with this. This is the only place, nowhere else seems to exist. So i'm giving my story, I'm asking for how you all deal with it. What else am i meant to do? As the baclofen crowd seem to feel quite elite as being pioneers in new ways of drug recovery, surely you are then the people to offer advice on what happens afterwards? Or does it end with baclofen? Take the pill and back into the world to fumble along like the rest of the alchies and addicts. Come on that is a pretty empty solution.

I'm genuinely feeling quite depressed about the whole baclofen and drinking scenario. I cant get any answers at home. I cant get any answers from doctors. So if you have any, then give them to me. If not, I accept that you are as clueless to really solving this situation as the rest of us.

I want someone to answer who has got on top of this. I'm not interested in your own private politics on this site. I really dont care. It bores me. I want some clarity and some real concrete advice.

Mrs Q,
I am not sure why people think your husband will see this - is he a member here? Anyway, I know what you are asking for. I have been succesful in abstaining after taking baclofen. I did it for health reasons, as well as my family. I didnt start out looking for abstinance, was just looking to mod. I get what your husband says about trying to control him - that is the drink talking - I have said it before as well. I guess the switch for me made me so indifferent to alcohol that I decided it was best for me and my marriage to abstain. I knew the hold it had on me and didnt want to take the chance of going down that road again. We did go to marriage councelling but in the end - I guess I wanted the abstinance the most and I know that my spouse would be very upset if I picked up the drink again. If your husband truly wants to have this under control then my suggestion is to keep going with baclofen. The picture will be easier to see without the fog of alchohol clouding his judgement. I would have given up my spouse for AL in my darkest hours... luckily it didnt come to that. Different tools work better for different people - just sharing what worked for me.

[redhead77]

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Hi MrsQ :welcome:,

I hope you find the answers you seek. I sense from your posts you are desperate at this point. Well, you have stated you're desperate as you're mentioning the big D. The fact of the matter is, there are not many regular and frequent posters who have even a year of sobriety (or moderation) under their belts, on the meds forums at this point. We are all in different stages, and as Ne stated, recovery is a process. I am thankful Tip is willing to offer you some guidance. I know others are out there, and some are even here right now...Tip for example. It's just many that do well, go on to live there lives, and they don't visit the forum as much. It is frusterating for all of us, but I do understand. Booze ruled their lives for years and after it gets sussed out, life beckons.

I think your husband needs to identify his triggers and attempt to manage them. There is something called the toolbox here on this site. There are also support groups if he so needs (as SP pointed out). Has he tried a support group with the bac? The important thing here, is his cravings have been mostly managed. I would think he could hopefully find a way to deal with the rest.

[redhead77]

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Another option would be to try a secondary medication to manage the units consumed when he does consume. So he's not drinking to the point of being mean and angry. A medication such as Naltrexone. I know many here have used a combo of bac and nal. I'm just not sure what you've tried at this point. I'm thinking if he hasn't tried the nonmed route, he may want to ( I aplogize if you stated if he did or not, I don't think I read it). Most that turn to meds here, have tried the nonmed route with little success. Just some thoughts. Good luck!

[Guitarista]

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Here is a great resource.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Best wishes.

[redhead77]

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Thanks for that Guitarista.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

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All due respect, and I'm not saying this is the way to go, but I didn't have to use the toolbox to get sober. I had to take medication.

I can't imagine the circumstances in which it is okay to give advice to someone about something so personal based on one post. I can't imagine what it would be like if an angry spouse walked in to any other form of recovery group and insisted on answers. I can't imagine how words like child abuse and divorce are useful in this situation.

What I can imagine is a place where people speak about their own experiences. Where people offer encouragement and understanding. Without subjecting anyone to a particular plan or ideology that may or may not work. That would be counterproductive, wouldn't it? It might even be harmful.

Mrs. Q, if you return here, I want you to know that there are many, many answers to the questions you posed. We are all trying to figure those things out. There is an absolute guarantee that there is not one recovery solution that works for the majority of people here. That's the beauty of the place. There is something for everyone. Some things work better than others. And there are tools to be sure. The tools are useful and wise. But they are certainly no guarantee of freedom from the disease. Quite the contrary.

Much love and respect,
Ne

[mario]

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Just saying, Mr tips was 2 years alcohol free yesterday, There was a thread in the general forum yesterday for him and as he takes bac as far as I know he would be the longest person who posts in the meds forum alcohol free. Pity you cant post here what you have to say mr tips, But i do understand why you dont.

[SlipperyPete]

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NE, you know I respect you, but I think you're off base with this one. Disregarding the claims of abuse and whathaveyou, what Mrs.Q is looking for is things that we do to help us heal in sobriety. While saying things like "it's a personal choice" is true, it's not answering the question. This is upsetting to me because I'm looking for the same suggestions, and now the one person who's willing to share their thoughts won't do it outside of a PM. I think an open exchange of what works for us would be better suited here.

[ATLThrash]

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It seems like the issue you may be struggling with Mrs.Q, is that even with less drinking, your husband's essential personality did not really change. I know alcohol can turn lots of us into monsters. It can seem to turn some of us into funner, more carefree people. But when it wears off we are still the people with the same problems. It is like being on a diet-- if you use food to medicate you even when you get thin you will not stay that way without addressing the underlying issues that lead to the self medication. Once that haze of booze goes away then the work on your husband's personality traits can begin in earnest. Something prompted your husband to turn to alcohol in an abusive way. Once he figures out what that is then he can address it. And if he does not think that he has any issues except drinking...well, all you can do is share what you feel and hope he will be willing to take some steps to meet your needs. The meds are just step one to getting better. I am sure you are at the end of your rope-- I bet all of us have had friends or relatives who have been as they watched us self destruct. But he didn't get bad overnight and won't unfortunately get better in super short order. Good luck to you!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

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mario;1167206 wrote: Just saying, Mr tips was 2 years alcohol free yesterday, There was a thread in the general forum yesterday for him and as he takes bac as far as I know he would be the longest person who posts in the meds forum alcohol free. Pity you cant post here what you have to say mr tips, But i do understand why you dont.
SlipperyPete;1167211 wrote: NE, you know I respect you, but I think you're off base with this one. Disregarding the claims of abuse and whathaveyou, what Mrs.Q is looking for is things that we do to help us heal in sobriety. While saying things like "it's a personal choice" is true, it's not answering the question. This is upsetting to me because I'm looking for the same suggestions, and now the one person who's willing to share their thoughts won't do it outside of a PM. I think an open exchange of what works for us would be better suited here.

hmmm. I think that might not be entirely accurate.
I also think that there is more to the story.

hmmmm. Thanks for the respect. And I you.
Yep. However giving advice to someone about a member of the forum without hearing from the party in question is a bit of a quandary isn't it?
Tip is not the one person who is willing to share his thoughts. Tip has offered his suggestions, repeatedly. He has decided that he cannot participate here in meds. He is open for advice any time you would like, of that I can guarantee you. You can find him on the Army thread daily.
It is a shame that he chooses not to participate. I agree. He has explained that decision repeatedly. I won't speak for him, unless that's okay with him. I will say it's a difference of opinion that he sees as fundamental.
Mario, I'm sorry that you think it's understandable.

As far as I can see, the main difference in all of this is the decision to abstain, or to moderate. Using baclofen, or not using baclofen. I don't understand why that's such an issue? Some of us choose to try to moderate. Some of us (me included) choose not to. No biggie, right? What's the kerfuffle?

[gotta stop]

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Ne/Neva Eva;1167238 wrote: hmmm. I think that might not be entirely accurate.
I also think that there is more to the story.



hmmmm. Thanks for the respect. And I you.
Yep. However giving advice to someone about a member of the forum without hearing from the party in question is a bit of a quandary isn't it?
Tip is not the one person who is willing to share his thoughts. Tip has offered his suggestions, repeatedly. He has decided that he cannot participate here in meds. He is open for advice any time you would like, of that I can guarantee you. You can find him on the Army thread daily.
It is a shame that he chooses not to participate. I agree. He has explained that decision repeatedly. I won't speak for him, unless that's okay with him. I will say it's a difference of opinion that he sees as fundamental.
Mario, I'm sorry that you think it's understandable.

As far as I can see, the main difference in all of this is the decision to abstain, or to moderate. Using baclofen, or not using baclofen. I don't understand why that's such an issue? Some of us choose to try to moderate. Some of us (me included) choose not to. No biggie, right? What's the kerfuffle?

NE,
What makes you say that Mrs Q's husband is a member here? I am not sure why if you have such an issue with Mrs Q - why do you continue to post on her thread? This thread has nothing to do with modding or abstaining. Who is reading this thread wrong NE - you or I?
I am confused Either way any one is free to post on this site and ask any questions - you dont have to be a drunk to post here - why create drama?