I'm still doing ok, although one slip last Thursday night after having trouble mentally slogging my way through depressive/lonely feelings each night. Had 4.5 beers then went to bed, and didn't even feel much euphoria from it...even found myself wondering what I had ever seen in the stuff. I am not silly enough to think I can go back to it successfully however, or that I am magically no longer an alcoholic!!
I have also had periods away from all other drugs lately, such as cannabis and Xanax, although way too early to think I'm in any way "cured". The going gets a bit tough and I have been using some baclofen on some days, but not on a schedule, and not what anyone here would call "high dose". I did use it a few months ago successfully (50-75 mg/day), to stop myself abusing codeine and pseudoephedrine (Sudafed) for cheap highs. I was using these drugs as do-it-myself anti-depressants, but became worried I was also just chasing the highs. Still seeking an effective antidepressant really, after multiple failures of conventional ones (eg SSRIs, tricyclics, Effexor). Now thinking of either persisting with mirtazapine (Remeron) despite extreme initial fatigue, or else trying to get someone to trial me on a MAOI. Tried bupropion (Wellbutrin) but with some anxiety/insomnia issues. Also tried L-tryptophan and 5-HTP with maybe a few results but hard to say either way. I think a big problem with me is expecting antidepressants to make me feel good, rather than just normal!
Maybe my next steps are to take baclofen regularly for a few months and see if it does anything to help depression, as it does help my anxiety. As much as I hate to admit this, I am also thinking of becoming a regular AA member, to work the program's personal improvement parts at least. I don't think I'll ever be into the bit about God saving me, although I sort of have some faith in a power (more a science type image of a Higher Power than a religious one). Preachers/lecturers at AA still s**t me off, but I will just try to take from meetings the things that help, and forget the rest. The meetings, if nothing else, are a way of having regular sober social contact, and doing something social during my old night time drinking hours. Studying for a degree in chemistry is another idea I have, even if I never get work in the field due to age. I think I could still understand the subject, as long as I keep my brain free of both alcohol and pot...I find both substances to be extremely limiting when it comes to having to think, concentrate, and remember.
Best wishes to everyone here, and I will keep on reading posts when I can, even though I usually do it without actually logging in.
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