Hi all, I have not posted in a long while because things are going well. Since mid-July I have increased my dose from 70mg to 130mg, and briefly went up to 150. I?ve had no alcohol since my last ?test? on 8/5, wish I had not done that but won?t make that mistake again. I realize that al is too significant in my life right now to take a chance. I did hit a rough patch last week during a stressful trip taking my mom to the hospital, they kept her overnight unexpectedly and I had to get a hotel room. As I was driving from hospital to hotel my eyes saw every liquor store, seemingly on every other street corner! Before Bac, I would?ve have gone in the first one and bought vodka. It was hard, but I was able to reason with myself that if I did that I would be in absolutely no shape to care for mom the next day, and what a disappointment it would have been for her, and myself as well. She's on board and has read OA's book, having lived her whole adult life with an alcoholic makes her a great cheerleader for me. Anyway, I won that battle but don?t think the war is over yet.
Then, some worrisome side effects started when I reached 150, only stayed there for 3 days ? numbness in my right foot, strange feeling in my head like a pulsing feeling in my ears, that was the scariest one, all kinds of ominous thoughts going through my head over that. Also waking 3 times a night, blurred vision, muscle aches, jaw clenching. Reading through the SE thread I saw mine in a few posts, but in any case I?ve decided to taper off ? may or may not be the right thing to do, but I?d like to start feeling normal as in no numb foot, no blood rushing through my head, etc. and no cravings for alcohol ? I hope!
My plans as of today are to get to and stay at 100mg/day for a couple weeks and take last dose no later than 6pm (bedtime at 10:30) to help with my sleep. If the SEs don?t go away I?ll go lower to 80mg and so on until they subside. I want to keep taking it for anxiety, I love the feeling that I can handle most anything that comes compared to before, total nervous wreck and using alcohol to calm down. What I hope for is the strength to fight off any cravings that may come ? I know myself and when I go out alone I worry about not being strong enough. Here?s where I need to work on my confidence and self-esteem. Need to treat myself better and use CBT and other self-help tools. Thanks for being there and listening, you all have been a big help.
:thanks:
Then, some worrisome side effects started when I reached 150, only stayed there for 3 days ? numbness in my right foot, strange feeling in my head like a pulsing feeling in my ears, that was the scariest one, all kinds of ominous thoughts going through my head over that. Also waking 3 times a night, blurred vision, muscle aches, jaw clenching. Reading through the SE thread I saw mine in a few posts, but in any case I?ve decided to taper off ? may or may not be the right thing to do, but I?d like to start feeling normal as in no numb foot, no blood rushing through my head, etc. and no cravings for alcohol ? I hope!
My plans as of today are to get to and stay at 100mg/day for a couple weeks and take last dose no later than 6pm (bedtime at 10:30) to help with my sleep. If the SEs don?t go away I?ll go lower to 80mg and so on until they subside. I want to keep taking it for anxiety, I love the feeling that I can handle most anything that comes compared to before, total nervous wreck and using alcohol to calm down. What I hope for is the strength to fight off any cravings that may come ? I know myself and when I go out alone I worry about not being strong enough. Here?s where I need to work on my confidence and self-esteem. Need to treat myself better and use CBT and other self-help tools. Thanks for being there and listening, you all have been a big help.
:thanks:
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