Quick advice needed!

[windycitylady]

Quick advice needed!

Also, I'm very excited to shower. Just realized I haven't bathed since Sunday, haven't changed my clothes since Monday. And my poor little fingernails are bloody stumps. When they get too low to bite, I torture them with nail clippers, of which there are no less than 5 sets scattered around the apartment.

[moglor]

Quick advice needed!

Hi WCL, just saw your thread. For whatever it's worth, I had a similar experience where I was overwhelmed with work, and dramatically reduced both alcohol and baclofen at the same time. I had a pretty epic meltdown, until I finally realized that I was giving myself a major case of alcohol withdrawal that was exacerbated by the bac withdrawal. I think if I hadn't realized it and re-upped the bac, things might have turned out badly.

Glad to see you are feeling better!

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

hey mog! so sweet to see you.

WINDY!

yours is the first post i've taken notes on in a long time. ok, so, michael franti is known for his group spearhead. if you've taken notes from my thread (you have been, haven't you?), you'd know that i used lyrics from a song of his in a graduation speech i once gave. macaco you should really know. (dammit, you HAVEN'T been taking notes! shame on you!) the frontman for said group is my boyfriend in my sweetest dreams. check him out. start w his video for 'mundo roto'. you'll see why i use him as my visualization peg for my next very lucky man.

don omar. oh, don omar. he really does have talent, doesn't he? my students always ask for him, but i usualy (tho not always) tell them that they MUST expand their musical horizons and learn about the latest and greatest, my boyfriend. (i have several redhead and reggie moments a day when i think maybe i should delete my previous comment about my bf, but i never can. they all know i'm divorcing. and i explain to them how important it is to focus on what you would like to see come to fruition, instead of aiming down at what you'd like to get rid of.)

posting. youv'e got your hands full at the moment, so you're forgiven for not gandering with your delightful words onto other threads. but not for long. i'm getting a little miffed-ish that hardly anybody EVER replies to my manic posts (but thank you beloveds pete, ne, bruun! and, formerly, murphy.). i'd be touched to see you around those parts. (oh where is our friend to make the most of that innuendo?!)

i don't blame you one bit for not visiting the ugly threads! they suck and are so NOT what mwo is supposta be about. but i'm gonna make a trip over to murph's thread and rant in spanish, in your honor. fuckin BRAVA i am! y triste. muy, muy triste.

you said something about manic. (i took an incomplete note on that one.) that is the word of the day. in fact, i'm gonna look it up in spanish and make it my (neglected project) word of the day over there on my thread. (i hope you'll visit and learn it. maybe use it on your boss in one of your poetic moments.) i am so MANIC today! and yesterday, and the day before. whassup w that?! baclofen is definitely a happy drug on many levels, and tho it has given me much somnolence, it does seem to inspire many, many grins. and much, much speedy movement in me head.

well, windy, i've come to the end of my list of things to remark on. except thanks for the next new song i'll listen to. (btw, any songs you like by macaco, almost any, present lyrics on lyricsmania.com, should you wish to brush up on your spanish. not that you need a new bf or anything.)

love ya lots girl. i'll be seeing you here or maybe, if'n i'm lucky, on my thread.

abrazones, mi cariNa.
rudy ru

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

oh, y, btw (gotta look up the colloquialism for that one, or ask one of my angles in native speakers), how the heck did your day back at work go???!!!

[Isolde]

Quick advice needed!

Hey Windy, hope your first day back at work is going well! I know how it feels to get cabin fever after so many days off from work. As much as we all might hate work sometimes, it can feel REALLY good to go in after some time off and interact and feel useful again!
Yup I did used to spend a good amount of time in the Holistic Healing forum. I need to take a peek in there and see what's going on! Yes, between 80-120mgs has been my maintenance dose. I tend to play around with it a bit, going up sometimes just to get the feel good sides and hopefully to reaffirm my indifference as well! But lately I got into the habit of having a drink (sometimes 2) every evening. It's not a lot, but I'm still enjoying it more than I want to, and I am using it as a numbing agent. After I first hit the switch, I very easily went a month without drinking and really thought nothing of it. And while I do still want to drink moderately on occasion, I want to be able to take it or leave it (but more often leaving it!). So I started my climb back up. I should really keep track of this over in my thread too! I've been absent from the boards for awhile because I had a lot going on in my life and it seemed like there was just so much to keep up with on here.

As for the 5-HTP, I do remember seeing something about Beatle recommending L-tryptophan instead. I started up with the 5-HTP because I had some in the cabinet. And last night I actually was going to swing by Vitamin Shoppe while I was out running some errands to pick up some more along with some B6, but it started pouring down rain so I decided to just hightail it home! After reading your response earlier at work, I started doing some research and read about how 5-HTP can be dangerous and why L-tryptophan is better, and it made a lot of sense. I found a REALLY good website that lays out a lot of great information, along with dosages and what to take tryptophan with in order to get the most out of it. Here's the link: L-Tryptophan* Natures Answer to Prozac The "serotonin deficiency syndrome" is one of the most common and widespread disorders of human psychobiology in the modern world
After reading that, I decided to pick up some Tyrosine in addition to the tryptophan. Supposedly it helps to increase energy and mental focus and concentration, which I could really use lately! I'm hoping this combo will help (I'll also be taking B6 and niacin to help maximize tryptophan's conversion into serotonin). Even just taking 5-HTP last night and today, I am already feeling better.

When you were talking about how after being with your Mexican bf, you now only speak really coherent Spanish when mad, I couldn't help but wonder if it had something to do with the type of relationship you had with your bf! :H
Glad to hear that the extra gabapentin is helping, but I'm very sorry to hear about the sad state of your fingernails (fingernubs, now.. ??). That sounds really painful!!

[windycitylady]

Quick advice needed!

Hey all! Thanks, Moglor! Don't know if it was less drinking, less bac, situational, but something definitely went very wrong for a minute there.
Ruby, sorry. I didn't take notes. Gonna look for "Mundo Roto" on youtube in a minute though. I will check out some lyrics online too. I've thought about getting a Pablo Neruda book where they have the Spanish and English versions side by side to try and brush up, as I once was a huge poetry buff. That's all I need though, to only be able to say romantic things in Spanish. Isolde brought up the fact that I can only speak Spanish well when angry may have something to do with the nature of my past relationship. Hell yeah, that's true! Early on with him, I remember being proud that I constructed my first complete sentence in Spanish. It was "tu necesitas decidir que tu quires!" (You need to decide what you want) This was delivered as I was kicking him in the ribs cause he was passed out on the floor from smoking coke. Ah. Good times.
Isolde, I read the article. Thanks! Do you think you have to take the b vitamins at the same time as the tryp? I get so many b vitamins earlier in the day. Also, can't b6 cause nightime restlessness? Ditto for tyrosine? If not, I know the Vitamin Shoppe formula of tyrosine has a bunch of b6 in it, so that may be a convienent option. Good for you for playing around with your dosage, not letting drinking creep back in.
First day at work was....ok. I was all fired up on the way in, ready to kick some ass. After being so down for what felt like forever, it was awesome. Where I work is unique in that it's directly across the street from one of the more prominent theaters in the city. So everyone comes in at the same time and everyone has to be out for curtains at 7:30. So it's just one big rush of well dressed, old, rich people. I guess I did ok. No mistakes or anything, though I wasn't as quick as I'd like to have been. Depsite going down so much on the bac and drinking (kinda) less, I still feel there's a fog hanging over me. Like I can't think clearly. I've realized that I'm less scared of my boss, and more scared that I'm just incapable of doing my job well. If that's the case, I can't work anywhere, nice boss or no. Anyhow, I'm actually glad now for the rule that the servers can't really talk to one another. Nobody's asked me what happened, and I haven't said anything about it.
Now that I'm feeling somewhat sane again, I want to refocus my energy on quitting drinking. I think the most helpful thing, as I've mentioned previously is to switch up my routines when I get home from work. The cravings are not what they used to be, but when I follow my drinking script, my body says "Ok. It's time for vodka now, right?" Tonight was the perfect opportunity to do things differently since I got done with work early. I could have taken a bath, started a delicious dinner, worked on a drawing. But I didn't. Ironically, I approach my drinking with a kind of twisted AA philosophy: I'll drink, but just for today. Guess there's never gonna be a perfect day to quit, is there? I've never gonna be in the mood to quit drinking.
I know, I know. Baclofen. The switch. Just can't do it right now. Wish with my heart and soul that I could.
But I'm planning a quick trip home next week. That should be a good opportunity to chill and be sober. Bf may also be going home soon (his mom's very sick), so that will be a chance to evaluate what, if any, role his drinking plays into mine.
Goodness. That took an hour.
That's actually the main reason I'm bad at posting elsewhere. It takes me a billion years! But, like I said, gonna change that.
Thanks all! Wishing you well in your corners of the world!

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

hey windy. just because you mightn't be able to continue at your current job (more aptly, want to continue), doesn't mean you can't work anywhere. sure, you're good at it and used to it, but maybe you've outgrown it and it's time to move on.

yours reminds me of a job i once applied for but didn't get, at josephine's, in the nyc theater district, where i would've had the same exact job description that you live. i was coming from a short chain of longish-term stints at downtown trendy spots, and didn't know much about interview ettiquitte (i told them about the owners of the job i intended to leave, adn what assholes they were, though i didn't use that word). the chilean wine salesman got me that interview, and he later told me that that was a bad idea of a thing to say. i was embarassed, but i didn't like him that much anyway. though he spoke spanish and was super intelligent, he had a small knob and whenever we fooled around my cheeks were really red like the wine i drank too much of at the time. but i digress.

i'm glad i didn't get the job. it would've been a long ride from there to brooklyn at one am. and it wasn't my style. why bother working in a restaurant if you can't talk to your 'colleagues'? that's the main if not only fun in such a job.

yeah, i say you steer yourself into a new career path. whaddo you feel inclined to do?

why does it take you so long to post? is it because you want to get it just right? are your hands twitching from bac? if it's the latter, can't help you with that; twitches came back to haunt me for a spell at 190, but they're gone now, and they never did interfere with my ability to type. the former, well, i'd just say scribble away, don't over-edit, and spit out your shit. it feels good to do that, right? i know, i know, you want it to say what you mean and that can take time. but let loose a bit and trust that you'll be understood by us* your supporters, and you'll be able to say so much more in less time, adn you'll get your responses that much sooner (unlike some people around here, but i guess i don't need them that much. err. and thank you so much for yours, by the way.)

just my kind two cents. maybe i'm way off base. please do let me know.

sweet dreams. back to my spooky show.
xo rudy

* reason for edit: mother is here, and she pointed out that using 'we' instead of 'us', as i had, is as bad as saying 'she was talking to murph and i.' i stand humbly corrected. thank you for sharing, mom.

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

funny, i just came upon my bilingual edition of neruda poetry and thought i really should try to touch that with my native speakers. it is beautiful stuff, but i'm not feeling confident about that challenge. meanwhile, maybe it will help you get the drink stuff sorted. he seemed like a peaceful and grounded guy. good luck with that, dear one.

[Isolde]

Quick advice needed!

windycitylady;1184352 wrote:
Isolde, I read the article. Thanks! Do you think you have to take the b vitamins at the same time as the tryp? I get so many b vitamins earlier in the day. Also, can't b6 cause nightime restlessness? Ditto for tyrosine? If not, I know the Vitamin Shoppe formula of tyrosine has a bunch of b6 in it, so that may be a convienent option.
I actually didn't know that B6 could cause nighttime restlessness. I did pick up the VShoppe brand of tyrosine. I took that and the tryptophan when I got home from work (on an empty stomach, with juice). Lately because of the bac, I'd been passing out pretty early, but last night I was wide awake until 12:30. And I realized it probably had been the tyrosine. However, once I did fall asleep, I slept straight through the night and that NEVER happens. Especially when I'm titrating up on bac. I generally toss and turn all night and wake up just about every hour. So it seems that perhaps the tryptophan is doing some good already! But going forward, I'll keep the Tyrosine to morning and afternoon
As for the B6, there's only 10mg in VShoppe's Tyrosine. Suggested dose with tryptophan is 25-50mgs, once or twice a day. I don't think you need to take it at the same time. Everything I've read said to take the Bs with food, and the tryptophan and tyrosine should be taken on an empty stomach.

Now what I REALLY need to do is start trying to get some AF nights. Been awhile since that happened. I've unfortunately gotten into the mindset of, "Pretty soon I'll be indifferent, so I may as well enjoy drinking while I still, well, enjoy it!" :H So retarded. It's usually when I decide to get in some AF time that I realize I don't really miss it. It's just a matter of breaking the habit cycle.

windycitylady;1184352 wrote:
Now that I'm feeling somewhat sane again, I want to refocus my energy on quitting drinking. I think the most helpful thing, as I've mentioned previously is to switch up my routines when I get home from work. The cravings are not what they used to be, but when I follow my drinking script, my body says "Ok. It's time for vodka now, right?" Tonight was the perfect opportunity to do things differently since I got done with work early. I could have taken a bath, started a delicious dinner, worked on a drawing. But I didn't. Ironically, I approach my drinking with a kind of twisted AA philosophy: I'll drink, but just for today. Guess there's never gonna be a perfect day to quit, is there? I've never gonna be in the mood to quit drinking.

Nope, there's never a perfect day to quit, you're absolutely right about that. It's like the perfect day to start a diet is always tomorrow! Switching up your routine definitely sounds like a good plan though. I think the same thing too, "Today's the last day." I am sure a LOT of us do that! Because hey, we can always quit tomorrow. Sometimes what works for me is viewing it as a challenge - setting it as a goal for myself to achieve.

[windycitylady]

Quick advice needed!

Thanks guys. Ruby, you crack me up. Do you ever have that pathological and twisted desire when you meet someone in a recovery environment to have been able to drink with them back in the day? It's a combombination of things that make it take so long for me to post. I do think too long about it, but mostly it's doing it over this stupid phone. I can't see what I've already typed, and if I want to look at anything or correct anything it takes 5 minutes to get the stupid cursor back where it belongs.
Isolde, interesting results with the supps. Maybe I'll get just a b complex to take with the tryp at night. B vitamins are usually associated with increased energy, though I've heard of people taking b6 before bed to increase the vividness of their dreams. With the kinds of dreams I have, that may be the last thing I need. We'll see. But's it funny, cause before all this came up, I was thinking of adding tyrosine. My hesitation was that it had b6, and I'd be taking it with the vitamin shoppe taurine, which also has b6. Yeah, windy, that's hilarious. Sometimes I wish I hadn't quit vitamin shoppe under such shitty circumstances (got drunk, didn't go). At this point, I'd gladly take $8/hr to be bored and stare at vitamins. Well, maybe not so glad about the $8.
No there never is a perfect day to quit. I like your alcoholic justifications. Well, if I'm gonna be indifferent again soon, I might as well enjoy this!
After I posted last night, bf said he has the day off today, wouldn't be nice if he made us some pork chops and mashed potatoes so they would be ready when I got home from work? He said, "you like to have a full stomach before you start drinking, right?" No, my brain screamed! I like to have a completely empty stomach so I get drunk faster and eat less later! And I know you put a shit ton of butter in your mashed potatoes! But I just smiled and said that sounded awesome.
Maybe it'll be a good break from routine that I can use to make today The Day. Take some baclofen, smoke "something special" (a wink to you, Ruby, since I can't use the little emoticons), I've got the xanax if I need it. I'll let you know how it goes.
But, yeah, Isolde, lemme know what happens with the supps. I don't have time to go by vitamin shoppe today, but I think I will pick up some tyrosine and a weak b complex (hmmmm, maybe CVS would be better for that). I dug out 7 weeks to sobriety the other day, and she reccomends 500 mg tryp 3 times a day! My goodness.
Gotta run. Thanks guys!

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

oh my god windy! i can't believe you do this on your phone!!!!

now back to the rest of your labor-intensive post...

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

wow, windy! your bf sounds great! even with the butter, which i do also. just the other day i did. and i also put in a huge heap of greasy carmelized onions and garlic, all beated up with the mixer by one of my favorite 12 yr old girls. so where do i get one of those fabulous men who likes to cook and also caress??!!

bon apetit, woman!

[windycitylady]

Quick advice needed!

Thanks, Ruby. Sorry to be brief, but my fucking brain has taken a nose dive again and I'm a mess. Just gotta focus on making it through today.

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

oh shootie pants, windy! sorry to hear it. take your time, but feel better with godspeed.

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

and dammit, i'll buy you a friggin laptop when i get my money (it will be cheaper than that book i bought for pete!), so's you can spend your time eating instead of texting to mwo!

love ya, sistren!