Quick advice needed!

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

windy! hello! have we lost you?!

[windycitylady]

Quick advice needed!

Thanks, Ruby! I'm here. Just been having a very, very hard time. Though it seems to have broken. That was my first thought when I woke up on Monday and didn't feel absofuckinglutely devastated, it has broken. Like a fever. Talked to Dr. L. I'll be back to post more later. Thanks for thinking of me!

[Isolde]

Quick advice needed!

windycitylady;1188241 wrote: Though it seems to have broken. That was my first thought when I woke up on Monday and didn't feel absofuckinglutely devastated, it has broken. Like a fever.

Hey Windy, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm glad to hear that you're emerging from it now and feeling a bit better. Check back in soon and let us know how you're doing, and how your conversation with Dr. L went. :l

[Bruunhilde]

Quick advice needed!

Hang in there Windy. Ask Dr L what he thinks of gabapentin - it helps me out of the Hell Pit, and its the only thing that has ever worked. And it works quickly, within an hour.

Is, nice to see you here again.

[Road to Recovery]

Quick advice needed!

Bruunhilde;1188294 wrote: Hang in there Windy. Ask Dr L what he thinks of gabapentin - it helps me out of the Hell Pit, and its the only thing that has ever worked. And it works quickly, within an hour.

Is, nice to see you here again.

Bruun,
is Gabapetin available over the counter or is it prescription?

[windycitylady]

Quick advice needed!

Hey all, and thanks for the words of encouragement! More on my talk with Dr. L to follow soon, just wanted to gloat (wrong word, but...) about how amazing it is to finally feel normal again! I KNEW that I wasn't making that shit up! I asked my boyfriend if it was just that I hated my job so much that it could be causing this wicked anxiety and depression. He said, quite wisely I thought, that I've always hated my job. But never before was I afraid of my job. Man, I was just in pain. It felt like it was culminating toward something, building up to some horrible end. My last resort was always to go urgent care, and after that happened, I thought what next? I can't handle this shit, I'm gonna explode, and what form will that take? Will I quit my job? Will I try to kill myself? I had a loosely formed plan about getting hit by a slow moving cab at an intersection that that always seems to almost happen at anyway. I'd be hurt, but not dead, and maybe get some money from the cab company.
Anyone who thinks I'm being melodramatic (who knows, maybe I am), I was raised by mental health professionals and started seeing psychiatrists at age 16. I've got a pretty good grasp on what's normal depression and anxiety for me and what's not. This experience was, as my dad put it, off the charts. I was in terrible fear all the time. Heart pounding, hand shaking terror while watching fucking seinfeld reruns. At work, I was paralyzed. Couldn't function. My coworkers helped me out immensely.
Anyhow, I can't help but be bothered by the fact that I believe I did this to myself. Me, playing Dr. Windy, screwed my brain. That scares the shit out of me.
I know I have Dr. L now, but I'm not sure how that situation is gonna work out. Sorry, not trying to leave on a cliff hanger, but I didn't intend to type this much in the first place, and now I'm really out of time.
Road, gabapentin is prescription, but you can buy it online. I reccomend Global Pharmacy Canada for the best prices. That is, if you trust yourself to be Dr. Road!
Be back soon, thanks again!

[windycitylady]

Quick advice needed!

About speaking with Dr. L.
I will say he is very friendly and very enthusiastic about helping people achieve sobriety through high dose baclofen.
I really didn't want a script for bac or anything else, just an idea of why my brain freaked out like it did, and what to do to prevent it from happening again. I told him as much and said that I wanted to stay at a lower dosage of 100 to 125 mg for the anti-craving effect and not go higher to hit the switch. He kind of disregarded this, saying he'd spoken to many people who'd said the same thing, but he was going to cure me of my addiction and was going to do so with no side effects. I felt like this was liknd of an irresponsible thing to say. I think what he meant was I'll be there with you to manage the side effects and adjust your dosages accordingly, but to say no side effects is misleading. I've been on bac since May. At this point, I feel I'm aquainted enough with it to say such a thing. I did tell him about the gabapentin. He had nothing to say about it except that I should slowly get off of it because once I'm on a high dose of bac, my brain "will have all the gaba it needs". I reiterated that I didn't want to go up on bac. Again, it was dismissed. I tried to discuss the depression and anxiety that I was experiencing. He said no one gets depressed on bac. Doesn't happen. I tried the emphasize that I was concerned about the anxiety, that I had landed in urgent care. He didn't really seemed concerned with this, but did mention that I'd gone done kind of quickly on the bac. I said, well if I do go up on the bac and down on the gabapentin, what do I do about this anxiety in the meantime? I didn't really get a straight answer. At one point he had mentioned xanax. After that, he put gabapentin into some database (epocrates? Which I have) and said that it caused increased cns depression and motor skill depression with bac. See, he said, you shouldn't take it. Then he put xanax into the same database where it said the same interaction. If he prescribes xanax, should he need to put it into epocrates to see what it does with bac? And why, if it has the same side effects, should I take xanax when it's addictive rather than gabapentin?
Anyhow, he's a very nice man, and he gave me his home phone and cell phone and told me to call whenever. But I just don't think we have the same goal in mind. I'm going to take away from it that it was probably going down on bac that gave me problems.
But, honestly, at this point, I wish I'd never started the bac. That's just me.
Gotta run. Thanks!

[eight days a week]

Quick advice needed!

windycitylady;1188826 wrote: About speaking with Dr. L.
I will say he is very friendly and very enthusiastic about helping people achieve sobriety through high dose baclofen.
I really didn't want a script for bac or anything else, just an idea of why my brain freaked out like it did, and what to do to prevent it from happening again. I told him as much and said that I wanted to stay at a lower dosage of 100 to 125 mg for the anti-craving effect and not go higher to hit the switch. He kind of disregarded this, saying he'd spoken to many people who'd said the same thing, but he was going to cure me of my addiction and was going to do so with no side effects. I felt like this was liknd of an irresponsible thing to say. I think what he meant was I'll be there with you to manage the side effects and adjust your dosages accordingly, but to say no side effects is misleading. I've been on bac since May. At this point, I feel I'm aquainted enough with it to say such a thing. I did tell him about the gabapentin. He had nothing to say about it except that I should slowly get off of it because once I'm on a high dose of bac, my brain "will have all the gaba it needs". I reiterated that I didn't want to go up on bac. Again, it was dismissed. I tried to discuss the depression and anxiety that I was experiencing. He said no one gets depressed on bac. Doesn't happen. I tried the emphasize that I was concerned about the anxiety, that I had landed in urgent care. He didn't really seemed concerned with this, but did mention that I'd gone done kind of quickly on the bac. I said, well if I do go up on the bac and down on the gabapentin, what do I do about this anxiety in the meantime? I didn't really get a straight answer. At one point he had mentioned xanax. After that, he put gabapentin into some database (epocrates? Which I have) and said that it caused increased cns depression and motor skill depression with bac. See, he said, you shouldn't take it. Then he put xanax into the same database where it said the same interaction. If he prescribes xanax, should he need to put it into epocrates to see what it does with bac? And why, if it has the same side effects, should I take xanax when it's addictive rather than gabapentin?
Anyhow, he's a very nice man, and he gave me his home phone and cell phone and told me to call whenever. But I just don't think we have the same goal in mind. I'm going to take away from it that it was probably going down on bac that gave me problems.
But, honestly, at this point, I wish I'd never started the bac. That's just me.
Gotta run. Thanks!

I'm shocked Dr Levin still sticks to his "no side effects" line. That's why I called him as someone who doesn't really know what he's doing at the start, I'm just gobsmacked he hasn't changed his tune. He's simply ignoring what people are going through imvho.

That aside (and more importantly) all the very best to you windycitylady

(And thanks so much for this post, you may have helped many others.)

[SlipperyPete]

Quick advice needed!

Sorry to hear that, Windy

[GingerDust]

Quick advice needed!

I'm sorry. It sounds like it's been dreadful for you. Are you going to stay on a low dose of baclofen or go off it?

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

heya windy. once again, i'm so very impressed with your phone posting. and also with your level head about all of what you're going through. so sorry to hear again about the anxiety and depression. how in heck, though, do you think you might've caused your own issues? would that be from knowing too much via your upbringing? good news is, you're quite adept at figuring things out. if you haven't yet, you will.

any chance you're considering a career change? or taking steps toward one already? i find that having a project or goal or shift in intentions can do wonders for my outlook. just two cents.

i hope there's a shift coming soon for you. (and, i might find the answer if i re-read your post, but why do you wish you never started bac? i guess you think it's the root of your current depression and anxiety? i know nothing about this, as i was blessed with very little of either. wish i could share my gaba with you.)

and, yeah, what's with dr l's continued denial of side effects?! did you ask him what he has to say about the testimonials of so many here at mwo? he must know about them... i guess his default answer is that we go up too quickly? anyway, he sure is a heck of a guy just the same!

stay strong, woman. you'll pull through this.
abrazos,
rudy

[windycitylady]

Quick advice needed!

Thanks all!
Whew. I thought people would be mad at me for saying less than glowing things about Dr. L. I'm glad the "no side effects" thing has upset other people.
I don't know where to go from here dosage-wise. I'll definitely stay at 125 for a little while. I still feel foggy and kind os disassociated from reality though, and I really hate that. But, at this level, alcohol continues to be less "sexy" than before, and I like that.
A major consideration is bac's effects on a condition that I have. If you wanna be creeped out you can look it up, it's called "levator ani syndrome." Basically, it's muscle spasms in my pelvic floor that are extremely painful. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it's excrutiating. It used to be that the only treatments were massaging the muscle with a special "wand" via a very uncomfortable enterance (my boyfriend graciously offered to help with this, ha, ha) or botox shots via the same uncomfortable place. I won't do either. I noticed the bac helped with it. I checked it out, and lo and behold, they now prescribe bac for it. Great news, right? Except when I went down on the bac, I had a devastating attack.
Sorry. That's all very personal and boring. I just wonder now if I'll have to be on bac forever. Though the dosages prescribed for levator ani are usually around 10mg 3 times a day. So maybe that's doable.
Ruby, I do need a change. I haven't given up on my ultrasound technician dream, and thought about researching schools to motivate myself. That said, I have about $120 to my name right now. And there is the whole criminal background thing. You asked about it before Ruby. It's not that exciting. DUI, absconding from probation, shoplifting, bad checks. But I'm not sure how much of it still exists, or if it followed me to another state.
And I blame myself for my recent difficulties, Ruby, for thinking I could order a muscle relaxant and an anticonvulsant over the internet and take massive doses of each without a doctor's supervision and think that I would have no negative consequences.
Anyway, I think where I'll go from here with drinking is to use the low dose baclofen, supplements, and kind of a Rational Recovery approach. Just do it!
By the way, dose anyone have experience with Secular Sobriety?
Well, thanks again, everyone. Wishing you well in your corners of the world!

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

heya windy. thanks for the clarifications. and no, once again, your explanations are not too personal or boring at all.

i read rational recovery right before i re-discovered mwo, and thought it was brilliant. i wonder if secular sobriety is similar? sounds good to me. how's the drinking going for you? still about the same? when i was at the end of my drunk days, half a pint of vodka was me just getting started! if you're maintaining at about that, well, you're maintaining, right? that's an insipid remark. i guess what i mean is that it's good you're not going up and up in 'dose'. i, too, find al decidedly unsexy. what a relief!

i'd bet your criminal background won't be much of a stopper on your career path. and i have a friend in nursing school who gets pell grants or somesuch, enabling her to go to school and pay her bills. maybe you could look into that. sounds like your job is torturing you a good something. i mean a BAD something. a new direction would be very uplifting for you, i think.

oop. my son stirs. back to bed.

love ya! (and we must feel free to express our experiences here, like yours with dr L. i think it's a common bewilderment, that about his take on se's. clearly he's never been on hdb! lucky guy.)

xo xo rudy

[RudyB]

Quick advice needed!

...it's possible that my friend gets so much assistance because she's a single mom, and obama has that whole 'moms go back to school' thing. but don't get discouraged, DO look into it. where there's a will there's a way!

[GingerDust]

Quick advice needed!

Windy, I'm sorry to hear about the levator ani syndrome. I had not heard of it before. It sounds pretty awful. I wanted to say that it sounds like a pain in the butt, but you might not find that funny. :sofa:

If you feel safe enough now, you could have a criminal check run on yourself so that you know what is on it. Internet searches offer it for a stupid amount of $ but if you request your own locally it shouldn't cost much. If they ask just tell them that there was a charge on there that was supposed to be dropped and you need to make sure that it was.

Good luck with RR. In General Discussion there is an excited discussion about a book. I haven't read it but it def sounds secular. That's one of the busiest threads right now.