After all the turmoil of the past week, which I found myself participating in and perhaps contributing to, it seems a little reflection may be in order.
So I'm reflecting:
Q How did I get here?
A I guess I have to admit that I am not an alcoholic, at least in the internet test scorecard sense of the word. I have only managed to seriously and regularly put at risk (if not completely fuck up) my job and my marriage and my life by doing what millions of us do: drinking every night of my adult life, but no doctor has ever told me I'm an alcoholic...even after I asked!
Three years ago, I had had enough of the consequences of my regular alcohol abuse and when my wife told me (for about the 100th time) that I was not funny after 3 martinis and a bottle of wine -- when I was sure I was, I quit. Then, two years later, when our youngest son began to binge drink in college, just as I had done 40 years ago, I began to think alot about alcohol use and abuse. Then he was arrested for a "fraternity prank" and my friend, the president of the university, asked me whether he had an "alcohol problem". Our son dropped out of college and went to a 30 day rehab program. I began to try to figure out what alcoholism is all about. I also began to have serious doubts about orthodox rehab and twelve steps. I began to seriously read everything I could find about alcohol and alcoholism. Somehow I found references to Dr A's book online last fall and what I read was compelling enough to influence me to buy the book. (Everyone here should buy the book). I read it and thought it was pretty good, but our son was doing ok white knuckling at that point so I didn't give the book any more thought. Then the devil reappeared and I pulled the book down again and read it again. This time I realized that the issues contributing to Dr A's problems with alcohol (anxiety) were largely the same as both my son and I regularly experience. It resonated. But it seemed far-fetched. There's a pill that makes your anxiety go away and not want to drink any more? Can't be true! I asked my doctor about baclofen. He said, "Nope. There's no pill. Baclofen? No way. Baclofen's a narcotic." I went to the NIAAA website. Pill? Nope, the website says in no uncertain terms. "There is no magic bullet." So I reread Ameisen. He was describing my son's and my symptoms. It just rang true to me. So I googled around and I found plenty of references to baclofen and alcohol, including this forum. Bet that's how many of us get here. I read some threads. "Holy shit," I thought. This pill doesn't only work for Olivier Ameisen, it has worked for dozens of people on this forum. Then my son had "another incident" and that was enough. I called Dr L. As I've reported elsewhere, for my son's kind of anxiety and binge drinking, bac is a miracle. His anxiety is (mostly) gone and, as I write, he has no urge to binge drink.
Q Why have I stayed?
A In the beginning, when my son was titrating up, I felt compelled to return to mwo (where else can you go?) to double check and triple check and quadruple check (you get the point) on side effects and safety. I became a regular lurker. The more I lurked the more I began to understand what bac has meant to so many on this board. I read the long threads that started with horrifying despair and ended in amazing success. I became impressed not only by how effective bac can be, but also by the dimensions of the disease of alcoholism and how terrible and devastating it is. I was charmed by the intelligence and wit and courage of many names here so familiar to all of us. I also focussed on baclofen and anxiety and discovered many stories of its profound anxiolytic effect. I have to come back to the wit. Many days I would be sitting in front of the computer and, to my wife's alarm, burst out laughing. And given the state of the world these days, I can't often find much reason to laugh. I also found increasing proof positive that baclofen works. It suppresses craving for alcohol. Like nothing else.
Q Why did I (all of a sudden) get involved last week?
A I could write a lot about this, but a few sentences (largely cut and pasted from another post) will do. There is no question that respect for others is important on internet bulletin boards (as it is everywhere) and that some posts here had been disrespectful and perhaps to some offensive. I must say that initially I was inclined to side with the critics, because I had read some of Murph's stuff and he can go a bit over the top...it can be off-putting and insensitive. But then, the more I thought about it, I thought: you know, this is a r-e-c-o-v-e-r-y forum. Its not dancing school (you know, with rules and etiquette and all that). We can't be chasing people away. Especially guys like Murph who have walked the walk. Yes, he pissed people off...big time...but he also lived through and told an amazing story and he also reached out...he reached out...and helped a lot of people. A lot of people. Some who credit him with saving their lives...that's pretty damn powerful. Look, there are plenty of "sensitive" people out there who never do jack shit to help another human. Never. Murph helps. I have to give him huge credit. And then I learned that some of the critics were also making and laughing at racist, sexist, insensitive and offensive jokes, themselves...and that just sent me over the top, myself. I guess I lost my temper over that. For some reason, I just can't abide arrogance and hypocrisy...mea culpa. Arrogance and hypocrisy and ignorance, too, are real problems, not just when visited on the meds board at mwo by vigilantes but in life in general and in the treatment of alcoholism in particular.
Q What does the future look like?
A Ah, the perfect question for Cassand(er)(ra). As Otter has repeatedly (and correctly) pointed out to me, mwo is not the ideal place to politic for the future of baclofen. He also observes, correctly, I'm sure, that many of us here are posting drunk, which complicates the quality of the communication, although quite understandably so. Ne has told me several times that this board is about support, not science. I don't disagree, although I believe most participants are very much interested in the unfolding science.
So, this 10 minutes, I'm not sure there is much of a future for me here. I have just been PM'd by one of the vigilantes who has objected to my support for the leaders here on the bac threads and who objects to my recent efforts to get some of the issues out on the table here. An increasingly recurrent theme. Off with his head! But, I haven't made any decisions. Maybe they will get made for me. Let's just see how things play out.
What is for sure is that
1 Alcoholism is a disease of the brain, and is treatable by numerous existing medications and other therapies.
2 Baclofen is a medication which works for many, if not all, and
3 When it works, it is a miracle, and
4 Dr Olivier Ameisen is a hero.
5 But its not the whole answer and support along the way (and after), of the kind that Murphy and Ne and many many others have provided here on mwo, is and will be crucial even where baclofen ultimately "works", and
6 There is much more work to be done in the science of the brain and plenty of other treatments to be discovered. Including in understanding the connections between exercise, fitness, nutrition, caring, sleep and mental health and addiction.
7 And, importantly, much work remains to be done to educate healthcare professionals, treatment centers, and law enforcement agencies and the community at large that alcoholism is not a moral failing and that it is treatable and should be treated actively and aggressively.
Of these things I am sure.
Life works in funny ways. One step forward...
Cassander
So I'm reflecting:
Q How did I get here?
A I guess I have to admit that I am not an alcoholic, at least in the internet test scorecard sense of the word. I have only managed to seriously and regularly put at risk (if not completely fuck up) my job and my marriage and my life by doing what millions of us do: drinking every night of my adult life, but no doctor has ever told me I'm an alcoholic...even after I asked!
Three years ago, I had had enough of the consequences of my regular alcohol abuse and when my wife told me (for about the 100th time) that I was not funny after 3 martinis and a bottle of wine -- when I was sure I was, I quit. Then, two years later, when our youngest son began to binge drink in college, just as I had done 40 years ago, I began to think alot about alcohol use and abuse. Then he was arrested for a "fraternity prank" and my friend, the president of the university, asked me whether he had an "alcohol problem". Our son dropped out of college and went to a 30 day rehab program. I began to try to figure out what alcoholism is all about. I also began to have serious doubts about orthodox rehab and twelve steps. I began to seriously read everything I could find about alcohol and alcoholism. Somehow I found references to Dr A's book online last fall and what I read was compelling enough to influence me to buy the book. (Everyone here should buy the book). I read it and thought it was pretty good, but our son was doing ok white knuckling at that point so I didn't give the book any more thought. Then the devil reappeared and I pulled the book down again and read it again. This time I realized that the issues contributing to Dr A's problems with alcohol (anxiety) were largely the same as both my son and I regularly experience. It resonated. But it seemed far-fetched. There's a pill that makes your anxiety go away and not want to drink any more? Can't be true! I asked my doctor about baclofen. He said, "Nope. There's no pill. Baclofen? No way. Baclofen's a narcotic." I went to the NIAAA website. Pill? Nope, the website says in no uncertain terms. "There is no magic bullet." So I reread Ameisen. He was describing my son's and my symptoms. It just rang true to me. So I googled around and I found plenty of references to baclofen and alcohol, including this forum. Bet that's how many of us get here. I read some threads. "Holy shit," I thought. This pill doesn't only work for Olivier Ameisen, it has worked for dozens of people on this forum. Then my son had "another incident" and that was enough. I called Dr L. As I've reported elsewhere, for my son's kind of anxiety and binge drinking, bac is a miracle. His anxiety is (mostly) gone and, as I write, he has no urge to binge drink.
Q Why have I stayed?
A In the beginning, when my son was titrating up, I felt compelled to return to mwo (where else can you go?) to double check and triple check and quadruple check (you get the point) on side effects and safety. I became a regular lurker. The more I lurked the more I began to understand what bac has meant to so many on this board. I read the long threads that started with horrifying despair and ended in amazing success. I became impressed not only by how effective bac can be, but also by the dimensions of the disease of alcoholism and how terrible and devastating it is. I was charmed by the intelligence and wit and courage of many names here so familiar to all of us. I also focussed on baclofen and anxiety and discovered many stories of its profound anxiolytic effect. I have to come back to the wit. Many days I would be sitting in front of the computer and, to my wife's alarm, burst out laughing. And given the state of the world these days, I can't often find much reason to laugh. I also found increasing proof positive that baclofen works. It suppresses craving for alcohol. Like nothing else.
Q Why did I (all of a sudden) get involved last week?
A I could write a lot about this, but a few sentences (largely cut and pasted from another post) will do. There is no question that respect for others is important on internet bulletin boards (as it is everywhere) and that some posts here had been disrespectful and perhaps to some offensive. I must say that initially I was inclined to side with the critics, because I had read some of Murph's stuff and he can go a bit over the top...it can be off-putting and insensitive. But then, the more I thought about it, I thought: you know, this is a r-e-c-o-v-e-r-y forum. Its not dancing school (you know, with rules and etiquette and all that). We can't be chasing people away. Especially guys like Murph who have walked the walk. Yes, he pissed people off...big time...but he also lived through and told an amazing story and he also reached out...he reached out...and helped a lot of people. A lot of people. Some who credit him with saving their lives...that's pretty damn powerful. Look, there are plenty of "sensitive" people out there who never do jack shit to help another human. Never. Murph helps. I have to give him huge credit. And then I learned that some of the critics were also making and laughing at racist, sexist, insensitive and offensive jokes, themselves...and that just sent me over the top, myself. I guess I lost my temper over that. For some reason, I just can't abide arrogance and hypocrisy...mea culpa. Arrogance and hypocrisy and ignorance, too, are real problems, not just when visited on the meds board at mwo by vigilantes but in life in general and in the treatment of alcoholism in particular.
Q What does the future look like?
A Ah, the perfect question for Cassand(er)(ra). As Otter has repeatedly (and correctly) pointed out to me, mwo is not the ideal place to politic for the future of baclofen. He also observes, correctly, I'm sure, that many of us here are posting drunk, which complicates the quality of the communication, although quite understandably so. Ne has told me several times that this board is about support, not science. I don't disagree, although I believe most participants are very much interested in the unfolding science.
So, this 10 minutes, I'm not sure there is much of a future for me here. I have just been PM'd by one of the vigilantes who has objected to my support for the leaders here on the bac threads and who objects to my recent efforts to get some of the issues out on the table here. An increasingly recurrent theme. Off with his head! But, I haven't made any decisions. Maybe they will get made for me. Let's just see how things play out.
What is for sure is that
1 Alcoholism is a disease of the brain, and is treatable by numerous existing medications and other therapies.
2 Baclofen is a medication which works for many, if not all, and
3 When it works, it is a miracle, and
4 Dr Olivier Ameisen is a hero.
5 But its not the whole answer and support along the way (and after), of the kind that Murphy and Ne and many many others have provided here on mwo, is and will be crucial even where baclofen ultimately "works", and
6 There is much more work to be done in the science of the brain and plenty of other treatments to be discovered. Including in understanding the connections between exercise, fitness, nutrition, caring, sleep and mental health and addiction.
7 And, importantly, much work remains to be done to educate healthcare professionals, treatment centers, and law enforcement agencies and the community at large that alcoholism is not a moral failing and that it is treatable and should be treated actively and aggressively.
Of these things I am sure.
Life works in funny ways. One step forward...
Cassander
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