Me, myself and getting sober

[Antivynuani]

Me, myself and getting sober

Me myself and getting

Nice video mate
Im thinking of taking up parkour for some time now, just dont know where to start or practice.
Oh, and you guys did some sweet flips on the beach

-Gorilla

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I have been reading thru other threads and posts trying to find anyone who is/has been going thru depression while remaining sober wanting to see how they feel about it and deal with it. I know for a fact I cannot be alone in this but cant find anyone posting about it. Anyhow yesterday despite the fact that I was totally convinced I would get up and do lots of constructive things I didnt, I spent most of the day in bed, the worst thing about doing this is the guilt I feel around it, I feel like I should be doing more and doing something, I was even considering starting decorating llast night even tho I feel tired and needed to rest, I felt tired even tho I had spent most of the day in bed and a lot of it asleep. Why do I feel bed about doing this? because I know that both myself and my sons feel better when my house is cllean and tidy and I have cooked proper food for us to eat. I know I feel better if I had had a shower and am clean, I know I also feel better if I have been out of the house either walking my dogs by the river or spending time with other people, so it makes sense that I would want to do these things, it makes no sense tho that I should feel so bad and guilty about not doing them. I am commited to remaining sober, I renew my commitment daily by taking antabuse, I am trying to get better daily by taking my other meds which include antidepressant and campral, I also take vitamins and suplliments to help this along. While I am in bed I also spend some time listening to meditation cd's knowing that the more I can relax and practice this the better I will become. I am also commited to going to the mental health centre each week where I meet and talk to other people and learn more about myself (I hope). I cook food everyday for my sons even if its just frozen quick stuff I still provide them both with a hot meal, I spend time with them every day and try to listen and talk to them. I could probably list more stuff I do but the point I am trying to make to myself is that even tho I do spend a lot of time in bed and it is not good for me to be in this state of depression, nor is it good for my sons to see me like this it is a far cry from my pre antabuse days, which consisted of my not drinking and trying to change my life by doing things which would leave me exhausted,anxious, then having a drink which would sent me of into another bender of drinking, passing out, drinking, passing out, stealing, drinking, running away to drink and on and on. Depression has probably slowed me down on my pathway of sober living, but I have to believe it is not stopping my progression. I have to tell myself this otherwise what would be the point of it all.

I have started taking bac again and yesterday took 10mgx2, the brand I am taking is Pacifen, I have a large supply of this. To my knowledge in the past week since I started taking at low dose I have had no bad effects. I am not taking to stop drinking I have already done that, I am taking it to feel better, to treat my anxiety therfore am not intending to go to high doses. I am intending to get to 30mg daily and stick there for a while to see how I feel and if it makes any difference.

Yesterday I was wanting to drink, I know I would/could not drink but I was still fantasising about drink, without antabuse I would have drank. Later in the evening I was very glad I had not had a drink, I was able to think of how it would have changed my evening if it had, today I am glad I didnt drink yesterday, I dont have to drink today.

I love being sober, in doing this I have to learn how to live my life again, that is now my challenge

[LadyLush]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space,

Keep on sweetie.
I am doing the Antabuse but the Baclofen is a miracle. Please continue on the Bac for the depresssion and anxiety! It works! I swear!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Im glad your doing so well on it Lush. Today I am starting to get the heavy headache and neck pain I got last time I took bac. I have taken 10mg this morning and it has eased off a bit. It is working for the anxiety tho I think, my 2 sons were arguing before and I didnt bat an eye, which is very unusual for me. Last time I was taking bac I was looking for someone who had similar se's to see if they wore off after a time but Im not sure if I found any one. Anyway I am going to continue on the low dose. I know not to be complacent over the not drinking but I am confident that while I am taking that is pretty well sorted, I am now focused on treating my depression and anxiety. I know I keep on saying this but I do want to cut out the sugar to see what effect that has. I have got chromium and I have read that is should help with the cravings for sugar, so tomorrow I am going to start again, (I have already been eating toffees this morning) I do feel more possitive today that I have done of late, maybe thats the bac starting to work or maybe its the sun is trying to peep through the clouds at long last.

Its Sunday and usually I have the family around for dinner but today my daughter and her boyfriend arnt coming because she went out last night and will be in bed with a hangover and my mum isnt coming because she isnt well. I am worried about my mum, she had blood test done and they showed up a problem with her kidneys, but her doc told her not to worry and has done nothing and over the past 2 days (I think) she has not been able to pass water even tho she is drinking plenty. I have no idea what this means, so Im going to see her later on, she is 82 but has never looked or really acted her age until the past few months when she seems to have slowed down a lot and has lost her mojo.

[MWOLady]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Space. Well my girl you sure have a lot on your plate eh? I know what it's like to want to just crawl under the blankets and sleep and sleep. But as you said you just feel bad as the dishes pile up and the dust gets thicker and thicker.

Here's a suggestion. Once your lads have left the house, put your timer on for 15 minutes - if you don't have a timer GO GET ONE!!!! Get whatever dishes done you can for 15 minutes. Then set it again for 15 minutes and do some housework for 15 minutes.

THEN YOU CAN GO BACK TO BED.

When you know your little fellow is due back from school in an hour, or you have to pick him up in an hour get up and get a shower. That will give you time to get dressed, get out the door and get him home - or if he comes home by himself you can do another 15 minutes or so of tidying up. You will have a fairly clean kitchen and at least some tidying will be done and you can start your tea with a clean conscience.

If you did this every day it will help you a lot. Your problem, I think, is that you look at ALL you have to do and it overwhelms you. You simply must break things down into little baby steps. And that goes for everything. Not just the house. Your recovery is the same. You are not going to get better in any area of your life all at once.

I am making it sound all so simple and it's not that simple, but I think you know what I mean eh? So don't you dare go back to bed unless you have done SOMETHING!!!! :h:h:h PS: I'm sorry your Mum is not well - this is a worry you surely don't need right now - I'll say a Hail Mary for her.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I have actually not been back to bed at all today, Im thinking this is quite a big deal for me, also I clleaned all my kitchen this morning and it is looking nice and seems to make the whole house look nicer.

So today I have felt better and have achieved some small progress, tomorrow I go the my group at the centre in the morning, so that will be another achievement. All the small steps will hopefully add up to make my new life

[LadyLush]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space,

Hang in there. Gosh I have been where you are!
I got off everything to allow the Baclofen do it's magic again on my depression and anxiety.
I know I am redundant in what I say but it works. My pill form is Pacifen as well. I like to add it to a drink and I feel it works faster and better. I do liquid Bac in the morning and evening and Pacifen throughout the day. If you drink any carbonated beverage, the Pacifen dissolves like an effervescent! I love it that way! It seems faster and more leveled out until I take another.
It will work its' magic on you too. Please let me know everyday because I know your spirits are lifting!

I have started the Antabuse again with my Baclofen to get through some stressful times.
The combination is a Godsend to me.

I'll keep up with you Space!

Happy Sunday!

LL:l

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Space!

Is your mom still having problems peeing? All I see on the internet is UTI and kidney stones and if she hasn't peed at all or her stomach is starting to bloat with fluid, you need to see a doctor immediately.

I'm so impressed with your AF time, you're doing wonderfully well. And I know that feeling of cleaning the kitchen up, I've removed all the supplement bottles from the counter and all the little machines I don't use daily, and I gave my rack of spices that I never use to a friend. I can see the counter top! It feels good. I also cleared the kitchen table and have only a tiny pink orchid on it now. Really it helps. It inspires me to attack another area next. The two areas I fear most are my office and my garage! LOL What is your worst area?

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

My worst area is my kitchen table which we only get to eat of on christmas day. The rest of the time I call it my workstation! I have my laptop on it usually, newspapers, letter, pens, make up, clean washing that ive took of the radiators but havent got round to taking upstairs yet and god knows what else is on here, I did clear it all off the other week when I started trying to do my house but it is just as bad as ever now.

My mum went to the doctors and the not peeing is a kidney infection so she got antibiotics for it. While she was there the doctor examined her and she hasnt told me but over the past weeks shes been having other problems and she is getting seen in the hospital within the next two weeks, for possible cancer of the bowel. I have been round to see her this afternoon and wanted to stay with her but she has chased me home, my auntie lives in the same apartment block as her so she will be going round tonight and they both sit and drink whisky which she doesnt feel comfortable doing that while Im there even tho I told her it doesnt bother me. Im trying not to think about it really because I dont know how I will react when I do.

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

I think you can have bowel obstruction without it being a tumor, and you can have a tumor that isn't cancer, so try not to focus on it although I understand the anxiety you are feeling. Try to assume the best, maybe your good karma will turn the tide in favor of her good health. I will send healing thoughts her way.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Thanks for that Bruun

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Got 7 full hours sleep last night, was tired when I got up and my head groggy, a kind of hangover feeling. after taking joe to school I came back up to bed, checked out a bit on here and listened to my hypno cd, I heard most of it but fell asleep before the end, I had expected this and had set my alarm. Going to get ready to go to the meeting at the centre now, still have groggy feeling in my head and neck.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Great start to the day, been awake since 4.30, cant get the gas on and my car has a flat tyre, what next?

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Had a bad bad today, If I was able to drink I would have been straight round the shop for it, I can imagine the relief I would feel just by going to the shop even before I opened the bottle, I am craving that feeling

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Space, sorry its a hard day! Just think how you'd feel tomorrow if you were able to drink and had that whole bottle or more. And focus on how good you feel vs how bad you would feel hungover and so disappointed in yourself. :l Hang in there Space, try to focus on something else, eat some really good ice cream and a big meal.