Me, myself and getting sober

[RudyB]

Me, myself and getting sober

ahhh, screens, mother's little helper...

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Im back from our holiday in Wales and it all went well. Before I went I was wanting to be able to have a drink, but was also too worried about doing it while away with my son and the good sober part of my brain won out, mostley because I wasnt sure how long I would have to leave it from taking antabuse to be safe. I did take my pills with me and did take them and am once again glad I did. I am very tired now even tho I dont feel like I did much while I was away, but there I go putting myself down again, I had resposibility for my own son and his 2 friends for 5 days of them having fun and dont think I really did much! I have promised to take my daughter to the cemetary today to put flowers on her dads grave he has been dead 5 years yesterday so am off now to get a shower and get ready to go.

[GingerDust]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1264501 wrote: the good sober part of my brain won out
Good for you!

I did take my pills with me and did take them and am once again glad I did.

Kudos, again. I have not regretted swallowing one yet.

I am very tired now even tho I dont feel like I did much while I was away, but there I go putting myself down again, I had resposibility for my own son and his 2 friends for 5 days of them having fun and dont think I really did much!

That kind of giving of yourself is the hardest kind of work there is, IMO. It can be mentally and emotionally exhausting, especially when you are responsible for other people's children too. I find trips to be tiring anyway. I feel displaced and it takes a little while to get back into home mode, and then I have piles of laundry to do.

I hope your trip to the cemetery is peaceful. It's nice to have you back.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

It seems strange to say but right now I dont think drink is a problem for me any more, I say its strange because it always has been for so many years the biggest problem in my life. Even when I had times of not drinking it was still the biggest problem because it was always there, always to be avioded and I always knew that I would eventually cave in and drink. Now I have also stepped out and gone to the centre and made a friend which is another biggie for me. So Im left with sorting my depression and anxiety and my constant need for sleep. Also not having a job but I still dont feel ready for that one yet, I will leave that for another time. So all in all Im ok .

[GingerDust]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1264795 wrote: It seems strange to say but right now I dont think drink is a problem for me any more, I say its strange because it always has been for so many years the biggest problem in my life. Even when I had times of not drinking it was still the biggest problem because it was always there,
I know what you mean. It was always still in my mind, always still out there, just one impulsive decision away. It must be neat to say that the biggest problem in your life is not a problem anymore! I'm not there yet, but it's coming.

It is great that you are expanding your world and opening yourself up to friendship and new experiences. When you say "constant need for sleep," do you mean that you are not getting enough sleep or that you feel tried despite getting sleep? I'm with you on working through the feelings, moments of fear, moments of depression, a moment at a time.

So all in all Im ok .

You sure sound OK. :l

[RudyB]

Me, myself and getting sober

ginger, what a beautiful post! your words resonate with me, as well.

hi space! you sure do sound great! i love that you no longer see alcohol as the problem: that is beautiful and must be so liberating! i envy you getting out and making friends ~ i must go and do the same, or at least rekindle the neglected ones i already know and love so well. sometimes we just get so turned-in on ourselves that we forget to reach out. we who already have folk toward whom to do that are fortunate; if you don't, how brave to go and seek it out, how necessary! hooray for connections to los otros en sus caminos (others on their paths). they mean so much, and are a trusted part of our own happiness and growth.

i relate on the sleep thing, too; i am always so tired and ready to zonk out by 9ish or ten. i do so, and get 9 hours sometimes, or seven, of interrupted but deep sleep (my son wakes in the night and still always needs me), but it's still not enough. i think in times of healing -and definitely in times of great stress, like mine currently- we need lots of rest. interrupted rest is especially un-balancing, as i understand and experience. so anywhoot, here's to lots of restful sleep for all of us.

beautiful sunny day here in ny state, yes it is, with lots of birds making their sounds. i wish everyone a happy sunday.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I want to live in US, I am definately feeling the big green envy monster stirring inside when I read about sunshine, bird song, hot weather, beaches and even snowy mountains too. I am looking out on my muddy garden at the rain and grey sky, god I need to get out

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

This afternoon I really miss alcohol. I went to see my doc and it was a pretty uneventful, quick visit, got my script and then went shopping, coming out of the shops and going to my car the sun had started shining, I had bought food in for the weekend and the thought occured to me that if I had a drink the pain Im in would just dissapear, as would the anxiety I feel and the depression that has been plaguing me over the past week, for a time I would feel happy again. I feel like I am grieving, the loss of alcohol has left such a gaping whole in my life and just now I am sad.

Its ok Im not sad anymore, I just had a quick read around and am going to get something good to eat

[GingerDust]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space, I'm glad you are feeling a little better. For me, drinking never made pain disappear. It came back in the morning with a vengeance. Same with the anxiety. I understand what you mean by "happy for a time," but for me it would be more like numb to unhappiness for a time. There is that gaping whole but it's only because AL took such a huge chunk of my life. I got the whole chunk back when I quit drinking, both the good and the not so good. But that chunk belongs to me now, not AL.

I'm glad the doctor's visit was easy. Eat well. Hang in there. :l

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space, I had a bottle of wine last night for that very reason. I didn't get happy, I didn't feel the alcohol for some reason, and this morning I regret it so popped an antabuse. Grieving is normal. Keep doing what you did to feel better! Alcohol doesn't help.

[LadyLush]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1267884 wrote: This afternoon I really miss alcohol. I went to see my doc and it was a pretty uneventful, quick visit, got my script and then went shopping, coming out of the shops and going to my car the sun had started shining, I had bought food in for the weekend and the thought occured to me that if I had a drink the pain Im in would just dissapear, as would the anxiety I feel and the depression that has been plaguing me over the past week, for a time I would feel happy again. I feel like I am grieving, the loss of alcohol has left such a gaping whole in my life and just now I am sad.

Its ok Im not sad anymore, I just had a quick read around and am going to get something good to eat

Space,

Get a yummy chocolate milkshake and celebrate!
I was like that last weekend and if not for the Antabuse would have caved big time. The weather was crappy, and my washer broke. Then I had to go out and assess a cabin I owned with the ex to put up for sale and the memories overwhelmed me.
I just had a good cry without wine for once. I needed it and I REMEMBERED it!

I am always so happy waking up knowing I did not drink the night before.

Happy Friday!
LL:l

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

i had a BLT and them some yummy ice cream. Then kicked off at my son over something hed done, then felt bad about it so apologised, then did it again and felt even worse. One of those days I guess. Oh well nearly time for bed Im glad to say. Goodnight

[GingerDust]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space, be gentle with yourself. :l

It's early here but I'm about ready for bed too. I just ran to the store and the Friday night crazy people are zooming everywhere. I stopped to read here, and it look like the Friday crazies are zooming right along on MWO too. Bed sounds like a very good idea.

[LadyLush]

Me, myself and getting sober

GingerDust;1268342 wrote: Space, be gentle with yourself. :l

It's early here but I'm about ready for bed too. I just ran to the store and the Friday night crazy people are zooming everywhere. I stopped to read here, and it look like the Friday crazies are zooming right along on MWO too. Bed sounds like a very good idea.

:H, I know Ginger, is it a full moon or something? I think some of the crazies here are the same crazies over and over again!
Space I find my temper short at times with my daughter too. Especially when the only escape we knew for years is no longer an option. Really though, be easy on yourself. You have come such a long way and really are an inspiration to those of us on this thread.

Sleep tight and don't let the worries overwhelm you; most of them are really, really small in the grand scheme of life.

LL:l

LL

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Lush, I wanna kill you over that milkshake comment. I went out and got one and also a quart of ice cream and I'm about ready to vomit from over eating.

We none of us have coping skills, we who have been drunk instead of coping for 20+ years. Tonight I'm coping through gluttony and although I'm glad I won't be hung over tomorrow, I am afraid I will be addicted to ice cream again!

After all, I drank instead of eating for weight control! And check this: Your Brain Doesn't Know the Difference Between Ice Cream and Crack

Ginger, I still have that big ambition so I have to stay dry and start getting paleo again. I am so stoic with it most of the time, but then I go carb crazy.