Me, myself and getting sober

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Goodnight space, love you.

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1324844 wrote: Im not sure about why I dont want them here. 1. I cant have my lager so it is an enforced AF day, which is making me want one even more, I have been craving a lot today which I dont normally do. 2. My house is a mess, he is a ocd cleaner and she always starts going on about how I should clean and stuff. 3. I am getting anxious now before I have even left the house, she is snappy and narky and usually ends up upsetting me the way she talks to me. 4. I have to go shopping and cook and meal for the 5 of us and I really cant be arsed.

Oh well better get it over with.

Space, so glad it went well afterall, but I wanted to post this - I didn't get here in time to post before your evening with your family but this is what I wanted to say: Every time I find myself dreading doing something, and usually its people things for work or family, and I feel just like you did in that post! Just DON'T WANT IT and think of all the possible things that I think I will hate about it.

Okay, so you guessed it, my solution is to turn that around and it works every time I do it right (that is, don't go back to the dark side). I look at all the possible things that could go well, and if I can't stay positive then I don't look at the details, I just back it up and think and say general things like, "I want and know this can go well" and I imagine it, picture people smiling when they see me and being sincerely glad I'm there, and me being glad too. And I swear, it helps, if not heals the whole situation. Did it yesterday with a business guy I work with who is a troll most of the time. I have to wonder if its half me being a troll myself (having been mistreated by the guy makes me into a troll before I even see him), but I do see more than just reactions to my actions for sure.

Ifyou, I rather sit by the pool than go to church too. I'm not religious at all. I suppose I'm spiritual, and some people who are religious are not spiritual which to me means they're not getting the jist. Did you go to church at all to see? I find it difficult to figure out who is in it for the spin and who is in it for the spirit/love. The answer is Love, the question is how do I heal my life, the world, etc. Church can be a fake-filled social event or it can be healing, I guess like alot of people things.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Yep Bruun I totally agree with you, the things I dont want to do when I get there and do it I often enjoy it. We have been out and busy today, I have been to my doc, he refused me baclofen for my back I will ask again tho, I would prefer to get it from a doc but have to accept the situation and just carry on getting it myself. I took my dughter to sign on and we went to my husbands grave to put on flowers then moved a matress for one of my daughters friends, came home had a salad for my tea and was in bed exhausted by 7. Woke up just before but will be going back to sleep soon.

What with being busy and then going to sleep I have only taken 90mg so far today. 2nd day in a row AF, not much problem didnt think about AL much, there is a can in my wardrobe but I cant be arsed drinking it. Im still not sure where Im going with the bac, I would be grateful if peeps would give me an opinion. I wasnt intending to go to a high dose because of having no doctors support but I do want to sort this once and for all and think going up on bac is the only way I can think of to do it right now.

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Bruun, Right On, Love how you expressed your spiritual ideals.

Oh Space, I wish I could give you any hint of what to do with the bac situation, I have never taken it and so can't add any two cents worth at all, wish I could be of more help with that, but the other trusted ones here I know will help out with it. I'm a real mess with my topa right now and will get around to talking about it hopefully tomorrow, I'm just so tired tonight, I can barely read let alone think enough to post.

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hey Space

We do the best we can.:l


y

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I dont really get the word spiritual and what it means. After years of hearing it in AA I decided I didnt want it, but never knew what they were talking about.

So what Im saying is what does it mean, what is being spiritual about?

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I dont really get the word spiritual and what it means. After years of hearing it in AA I decided I didnt want it, but never knew what they were talking about.

So what Im saying is what does it mean, what is being spiritual about?

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Oh Plat whats up? Im in the same boat regarding the bac/topa as I cant give you any advice on topa cos Ive never taken it, but I am here to listen and help in any way I can:l

Bruun:l

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space. Have to delay response to definition of spirituality. Kindle fatigue....:l

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Me too Space, but response is coming as well as CDs coming in the post I absolutely promise.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Oh it doesnt really matter about the spirituality thing, I guess you either have it or you dont.

Im still so tired, cant be arsed doing anything. After not drinking for 2 days when my daughter was here I had 5 last night. I think Im now getting these bad effects from the bac but not reducing my drinking. Not sure whether to go back down to where I had no se's or to continue going up to see do I get this suppression I hear about. Every morning the first thing I think about is how much I drank, I dont feel hungover but I also dont feel great, but then by the afternoon I start wanting one.

Earlier on this afternoon I started getting shit in my head again and then started feeling anxiety just after it. I take the citalopram and serequel to stop this happening, the crap thoughts in my head of stuff thats happened in the past or thoughts of slitting my wrists, I am not at all suicidal I dont know why this pops in there. I also think my depression has changed, to where its not as bad its just low level, like my anxiety always there and always affecting my quality of life but not like the really bad episodes that floor me. What the f"ck am I talking about it has floored me, Ive been in bed for going on months now, it has become my normal state is what I probably mean. The serequel seems to have stopped my manic bits but increased my depressive bits until thats all I have. I did used to kind of enjoy being manic as well, it was just the drop right down after it that I hated. I need to wait and talk this all though with my psychiatrist. I do know Im f"cking pissed off with the whole situation. Look now Im worrying about someone complaining about me swearing on here and my getting kicked off the site. ARGG

[ifulovelife2]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1326912 wrote: Not sure whether to go back down to where I had no se's or to continue going up to see do I get this suppression I hear about. Up UP UP!!!


spacebebe01;1326912 wrote: I do know Im f"cking pissed off with the whole situation. Look now Im worrying about someone complaining about me swearing on here and my getting kicked off the site. ARGG

I am fucking disgusted by that fucking remark.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

:H FUCK OFF!!!

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space Space wherever r u?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

ifulovelife2;1327052 wrote: Up UP UP!!!




I am fucking disgusted by that fucking remark.

:H Yep. And me too.

Amazing to me that you feel so depressed and that you can't be arsed to do anything, and you just had company, take people around, always seem to be doing something for someone (the hospital visits, going to the gravesite, moving mattresses, etc...) much of which, most of which!, seems really emotionally draining.

And you don't really feel good, your back hurts, you are dealing with your kids--their judgement/lack of understanding, and your son's challenges related to school--
You are having to treat yourself, order your own bac, navigate medications and still ramming yourself for drinking.

Holy shit, Space. Your plate is full!

I've been stuck in a bit of a pity party, myself. I am convinced that the world as I know it is crashing around me because we're in living-situation-limbo, cannot find a house to buy for love or money, I'm surrounded by boxes and I got my ass handed to me from our move. (God that was exhausting, expensive and draining.)
Now that I've taken the opportunity to whine on your thread, I'll move on! After this thought:

Bruun, thank you for what you posted. All of the things I just listed are so easily and effortlessly turned around into incredible gifts that I am humbled by my own stupidity.

:l to you all. There is a reason I really appreciate MWO! (It's all of you.)