Me, myself and getting sober

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi you two, hope your doggie is going to be ok Bruun. Space, mid December, just wrote you an email and PM.

Play

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hey Bruun, do you want to join us next year on all or part of our Roadtrip Adventure? Space can tell you all about it

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Thanks Play, I'd love to hear about it - I'm spending all my vacation money on the pooch right now, alas. Not that I ever have vacation money in the sense that some people around me throw cash around. Makes me jealous and I'm working on that. Why they don't have to work for a living (because the govt pays them pensions their HUSBANDS earned not them) and I work alot and always worry about the future/money. I'm working on that too.

Anyways, I've been drinking hard liquor for a while. I am one of those who will use it as a sedative, because rarely do I get high anymore. That's probably why I wouldn't be a good NAL candidate per my 23 & Me genetic testing. Nal blocks the high - so what, I don't get the high and still drink.

Ugh, I have to go to the dentist again. Third time in three weeks. Wish me luck. Sorry if this is a whiny downer. Time to take gabapentin. i can always tell.... Funny thing is, my pooch was rx'd gabapentin also - for pain. Which reminds me, time to give him a pill meatball.

Happy day, y'all. :l

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Sorry to hear your npot feeling too good Bruun, it happens to us all, and your pooch is ill as well, poor you and pooch. I hope things start looking up for you soon, you deserve it.

I hate the dentist, I really need to see mine but keep putting it off, I seem to go in with no pain and come out in agony.

Take care Bruun keep your chin up cc

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hey Bruun

And Space, gee Bruun sounds like you are having a time of it, please don't worry about "a Whiney Downer", I'm there a lot of the time. I'm thanking my lucky stars for the few people here who keep me positive and looking forward, and BTY, You are one of those people, and i always look forward to hearing from you and now, how is the pup doing?

And Bruun, I totally hear you about the "vacation time" that some have and others of us are lucky to have a week off per year plus a few measly holidays:h That's why I quit my full time nursing job and started working "per-diem", I'm just ready to have time for my life back, but my health insurance via Cobra now costs me around $600 per month

So, hey, perhaps you could join me and Space for a meet up sometime in the future that wouldn't cost an arm and a leg for you, we might be able to come to you:h

Love and Peace,
Play

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Thanks Play and Space. Pooch def needs surgery please pray its less than expected. :l

Play my sister went part time and the hospital kept her on their insurance. She lives in an awful town where they need nurses badly tho so I think they do more to keep them.

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Bruun, how is your pup?

Have you heard from Space, I've emailed and PMd her but nothing from her yet.

Love, play

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hope you got in touch with each other Space and Play - you cross posted here and the topa thread. Let us know.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I have thought about resurrecting this thread a few times, Ive never even wanted to read it again though, too much of me I here I suppose and I don't like to look at me do I. This is a little window into part of my life which I wasn't sure I wanted to think about. I hadn't realised how long I have been on this MWO, or what a great place it is and has been for me. I do so miss my old friends on here who don't come round anymore, we all move on I know that but I do miss you all. Too many to mention but Ne, LL, Bruun, Windy, Ginger and Rudy but Im sure there are many more, that's just the women as well. But I also made more friends when I joined the topa thread who are also dear to me.

I used to spend so much time on here and the biggest change in myself is the drinking, I have totally turned that around over these past years and now recognise that. I think for a time there I expected it to be bad and it was, disgustingly, horribly so, my running away and the whole thing surrounding it I can hardly bare to think about now so I don't. But now and then I need to remind myself so I don't forget what drinking did to me and what I have achieved in changing it.

My other major problem in my life though has always been my depression and on that score I don't think much has changed, since the change in meds I haven't had the long times just in bed without washing since the beginning of the year but it still rules my life and the change that needs to come from me hasn't happened, just bits of starts of it like going to the centre, meeting people then not bothering and loosing touch, that is what I now need to work on more than anything else, its no good my saying I should have done it long ago the fact is I tried and let it slip so like I did with the drinking I have to try again. And keep at it until it works for me.

I have tried so many things, all the meds I have taken, some scripted from docs others not but I had to try them to see if they worked for me. all the supps even the coconut oil which I still have the last jar of on my dressing table and sometimes use it on my hair, whats left of it nowadays. I am still trying to get the balance right on the meds score, I see a pdoc and mostly have been fobbed off with the junior docs but at last have found myself able to get more assertive with themand tell them that I need a consultant, I still haven't got to see her but will at least get the registrar so am getting somewhere I hope, I have let things slide on that for too long but I do now know more of what works and what doesn't and also what Im prepared to take and what not so it is just getting that balance now. Since joining I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder which did actually come as a relief to me, it was one of those things I kind of knew I had but had to get my gp to refer me to a pdoc to diagnose and he really dug his heals in about referring me, I don't know why he was so resistant but that meant at long last after years of being wrongly diagnosed and given antid's which where making me worse I could start to get the correct meds, or at least hope to. I have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia which really came as a shock to me, it came on so severe and so sudden with me turning from niusanse pain into sometimes debilitating immobalising pain and I am now on a fair bit of pain meds which I cant do without.

I am so unbelievably lucky that I still have my family around me, my children and my mum have kept me going and kept me alive, so many times I have felt done, that I cant keep on getting up off the floor anymore I had no strength left in me for another go but I had to because I love my kids and couldn't give in I had to give it another go for them, and it paid off. My love for my kids is still growing stronger and my appreciation for them hanging on for me, a lot of families would have split up given what my drinking did to us all. My guilt over certain things I did has not subsided and I don't know if it ever will, maybe when my kids manage to heal then it will. I now see a therapist and a whole lot of stuff that I have tried so much not to think about but and not really felt has come up, at times I have felt so bad it was unbearable and I have had a few drinks to give me some relief from it. I haven't drank at all like in the past and have been able to control it, I have had a couple of a night. I will stop again soon though. I see my therapist again today but every week I say it will be my last right now, it is just getting too painful for me, or maybe it has to get worse to get better, that's why I keep going for another week I think. My plan was not to stop drinking for ever, I have tried that too many times in the past and it was just like I was waiting for my next drink always knowing it would happen just not when. This time it was me who decided to have the drink not the other way round, I always wanted to be able to have a drink or two as I always knew total abstinece wasn't going to be what worked for me but wasn't sure if it would work. Unfortunately it is still in secret though as my son has been so hurt by my past drinking I don't think he will ever accept the idea of my even trying a drink again. But then maybe as he heals things will change.

The dogs still need walking that's not changed much either, still good intentions coming to nothing much there. I have bought a seat belt connector to take them in the car so if that works maybe that will at long last get me out of this bloody house and get me some exercise which is another thing I haven't got into doing yet, I did start zumba a little while ago and loved it but for whatever reason stoped going and haven't managed to start again, most recently started my yoga plan which hasn't worked out after my trying to recruit stuck, he will probably pip me at the post on that one.

I will end this rambling on yet again here. Really I just wanted to say that who know where I would have been without MWO, it has been my constant companion and support over these past years. Thye things that no one else would ever understand someone on here did and maybe the most important thing was I got hope which had been in very short supply for a very long time.

space xox

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hey I remember when this thread was up near the top most of the time! It is really great to have you here, Space.

That's all. :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

:l

Keep fighting the good fight, Space.

xxoo

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Stuck and Ne good to "see" you both and the we are all still fighting the good fight.

:lxox

[spiritwolf333]

Me, myself and getting sober

And Space - I hope you are able to see how much you are helping other people on this forum. I know that does not always help when you are feeling like hell -but you do help others while trying to help yourself.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Thanks for that spirit, I did decide not to post so much and spend less time here but then a new person has posted, or and older friend, or actually anyone really who I can say something too and that draws me back in. I don't usually notice the little mood charm we have on here but yours says optimistic, I do hope you are feeling like that today. I realised mine has said hopeful for a long time now and think it should have as well because its hope that keeps me going, it was hope that kept me going when I was convinced I couldn't do this and was broken and honestly believed I would just have to lie down and die, and even when Im sober but feeling bad its hope that still drags me out of bed into the shower each day. Also after I since I sent this last post I haven't had a drink, I have decided not to bother for now. Even though when I have a drink nowadays its just one or two and I do feel in control there is still control there and I am very aware of the slippery slope I could get back onto, I definitely don't want to go near that slope so have to keep my drinking in tight check and mostly not do it at all to achieve that.

Shortly after I joined here I tried baclofen and, as I have said failed both times. And the other med that was much talked about on here at one time was gabapentin which I also bought and tried. When I first started getting my fibro pain my doc gave me a gabapentin script and more recently in desperation a baclofen script. It seems odd that I think I only bought 3 meds to help me with this and am now still getting 2 of them from my doc. Yesterday though my doc said he wasn't convinced the bac was doing any good and offered me a morphine script which I refused, for now. I want to hold off for as long as I can before going there as that's the last in the line of pain meds really and then I have no where else to go. But also I am reluctant to give up my bac script as even if its not helping the pain my small amount each day could be helping with the not drinking even tho I am convinced it was another med that took away my cravings at the beginning of the year when I started taking it. But I want to reduce that med because of the effect it is having on my hair, I know that may sound a bit shallow given that drinking was killing me and if it where to be on the line I would choose not drinking over having hair (Im not actually bald but have been losing hair) but I need to try to see if I can keep the effect on a lower dose and am thinking that the added ingredient of bac cant harm.

Hoping everyone has a good day

space x

[redhead77]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Bebe!

It's nice to see your thread up. I can relate to the hair thing. I believe naltrexone was making my hair fall out. It worked very well for me combined with bac, but the hair thing was very distressing. It got much thinner. I decided that if that were the only way, then I would have to do it and have very thin hair. So I can understand very much.

I'm sorry about the pain and trying to find meds that will treat it. :l Where is your pain? Is it all over? Like aching joints and stuff?

Hope it's okay to ask. I know you're trying to chill a little on MWO.