Me, myself and getting sober

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Its good to come back on here and see your note to me Bruun:l Ive just been out to my mums to collect my daughters little dog Im looking after her for tonight. I do feel a bit better now than I did before, am so glad that I couldnt drink. Now Ive got three dogs to juggle, Ive got 2 staffordshire bull terriers a boy and a girl and pippin whos come tostay is a little bichon frise. The problem is she barkes and growls at my boy dog so I will have to keep them apart. The poor thing, hes always getting bossed around by bitches:upset: my girl dog bullies him as well, anyway theve taken my mind off myself.

[LadyLush]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1251706 wrote: Had a bad bad today, If I was able to drink I would have been straight round the shop for it, I can imagine the relief I would feel just by going to the shop even before I opened the bottle, I am craving that feeling

Space,

Shit, they added a bunch of crap to my department and I am going crazy.
And my friends are going out!:upset:

That's when we form that love/hate relationship with Antabuse.

But, Just remember when we wake up, we will love it again!

Hang in there with me!

LL:l

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

You nailed it Lush, that's how I screwed up this past week, I was AF then went to dinner with my relative who always has a martini and I caved. And so I'm back where I was a week ago with my weight loss, I haven't lost any more because of the AL. I need to locate that antibuse wherever it is hiding in my kitchen drawer!

Space, I've determined boy dogs are the easiest, and girl cats. Funny how it works out that way. Or maybe it was just my experience because my sister has a frightening pittbull boy who bites, and a sweet scared girl that doesn't (dogs).

[LadyLush]

Me, myself and getting sober

Bruun,

I can send you some Antabuse to get you by. The effervescent kind is cool due to the fact you can "drink" it!
and Space and Bruun - I miss going out with friends but:
I would stop at the bar have a couple, have fun, but...... then the real fun begins for those that watch.
Hollering at the guy across the bar, falling off my bar stool, slobbering to the bartender, falling asleep (passing out) in the bathroom, agreeing to shit I don't remember, maybe showing or telling discreet stuff I promised to keep to myself or a friend...
all in front of my friends and co-workers.

Thank you Antabuse! (I capitalize out of respect I guess )


Love you guys!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Oh those nights out. I would always get excited at going out, getting ready, doing my hair and makeup, lovely perfume, nice clothes,then after a few drinks, OMG what a mess, all the stuff you said Lush then waking up the next day, the worst was work nights out when I had to go back into work to be told everything I did.:upset: I changed the groups of people I went out with so my bad behaviour wasnt as noticable because thiers was also bad, started taking of cocaine as well, hanging round with drug dealers and criminals, my life got worse, my 3 kids where messed up in this as well. Thats why I stopped going out and just drank alone in the house instead.

This morning I LOVE my antabuse

Today I also love my friends on here for helping my do this I know I couldnt do it without you all :l

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hey Space, sober Space, you rock! :l

You too Lush, I'm going to emulate the both of youse.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I am fed up right now with not feeling right, the anxiety makes me believe I have gone mad. My depression is literally a downer:upset:

At the moment Im taking 30mg bac, there are some days I feel good but most seem to be crap. I have stopped taking sleeping pills and I am sleeping ok but having vivd dreams that are very unpleasant as they are very realistic in the content which is about my personality and behaviour problems.

My past is causing me a lot of distress, stuff I have done keeps on popping into my brain and I am feeling the loathing and disgust of myself.

Yesterday I went to the centre for relaxation group then on to another centre for a meeting about the peer mentor set up. I did have an ok day and am very glad that I have this place to go to.

I am confused over taking bac, I am not happy about it, my biggest worry is that I may be poisoning myself taking pills that I do not know what they are. They could contain anything, I just got them form overseas an advert on the internet. I dont feel happy at trusting my health and life to this method. But I do need to feel better, that is why I started taking bac again. I have mentioned before that although I get antabuse in the same way I dont worry about that because I know its necessary to my remaining sober.

Still not managed to do anything about eating better, still not eating during the day then sometimes having a meal of an evenin, but other times not even dooing that now, in fact that situation is getting worse. I have not lost any weight! what the fuck.

Still feel like punching people in the face who say or do things that upset me although thankfully I havent acted on this but Im not dealing with it either.

I will stop droning on now if anyone actually manages to read the miserable stuff I am writing at the moment.

[woywoyboy]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hey Space, hope you are OK.

[RudyB]

Me, myself and getting sober

heya bebe,

so sorry to hear that it's such rough going for you right now. try to remember that this too shall pass. and as the others say, give yourself major love and appreciation that you're staying sober through it. you've come a long way. gosh, even the way you write is completely different than it was when you first signed onto your own thread! give yourself tons of credit for what may seem like small victories, but are actually HUGE.

i encourage you not to worry about whether bac is safe or not; it has been used for a very long time, and there is no evidence that it is at all poisonous or dangerous. many folks here have gotten theirs online and overseas, and it has helped them tremendously. if you think it's helping you, i'd stay the course with it, and always know that it is better than downing booze.

when i was first on bac, i immediately started to have insane, vivid dreams. they were very unsettling at times, but i tried to enjoy them. fortunately, they were usually not scary, but i did have that waking-dream experience often. it can throw you off, for sure, but try not to let it.

i relate wholly to the regrets over the past; that's a really hard one, especially as it pertains to your children. but you've got to forgive yourself, you really do. the past is gone, children are resilient, and there is much you can do now -that you couldn't do before- to support their healing and growth.* take heart in your own good intentions, and trust that you have the ability and will to be a positive part of their lives now. it's all any of us has: the moment.

you're doing fine. you're not perfect yet, but you're sober. keep staying strong, facing down the beast, and believe in yourself.

love,
rudy

*edit: i realized after posting this that your youngest is 12, right? ok, so your older ones are no longer children. i'd say keep showing them who you are becoming, speak as frankly with them about your past as you can, ask their forgiveness and tell them that you are trying to forgive yourself. i bet they'll come around in time, if not as soon as you might hope they will. young people who are shown that kind of respect -the respect of honesty and apology- are bound to accept their parents' transgressions, if not immediately, then with time. meanwhile, as i've said, give now what you couldn't give before. it is enough.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Thanks for the lovely reply and good advice Rudy, I will visit you on your thread soon:l

Today I am trying to feel more possitive, yes I am still sober and need to remind myself just how massive this is for me, I have been taking it for granted and not appreciating the change that sobirety has given both to me and to my family, my eldest son commented only last week on how much better he feels now I am taking antabuse, he is not waiting and worrying for me to drink again.
My youngest sn is off school ill, I have just taken him to the docs who said to keep in eye on him, its either a tummy bug or appendicitis, so if the pain gets worse to take him to the hospital, Im so glad I am actually able to look after him and keep an eye on him for the day, if I was drinking I wouldnt have been able to do this.
In the post this morning I got a free sample of something called Good Whey, it says single source whey protien. Ive no clue what that means but it says its good for health, anyway there are five servings of it so that can be my breakfast for the next five days. Yesterday I made a big pan of veg soup so Ive god my lunches for the next few days so all I have to get is our dinners now. Im not sure about all the diets you all talk about on here, I dont know what your talking about to be honest but I do know that this is a start for me, way better than just living on tea, coffee, ciggarets and chocolate biscuits with an occasional meal now and then.
My decision on bac is Im feeling better than I was, Im sober and moving forward, even tho some days I dont notice it so i will carry on as I am.

Love space:h

[MWOLady]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Space. You know bacon and eggs, or any kind of eggs is a really good meal - eggs are nature's perfect food. Add some toast, and you've got a meal that's easy to prepare and you can have it day after day. The nutrition is good, it will fill you up, and satisfy you for a long time. Vegetable soup does not have enough in it to satisfy your need for protein and fat. If you want to eat it, grate some cheese into it, or put a pat of butter on top, and have some toast with it. Or the good old standby a toasted cheese sandwich is always good. You may be feeling a bit punk because you are not eating enough to give you energy right?

Anyway, give these ideas a try. And forget the past!!!! Hey it's GONE!!! Today is what you have to work with so calm down, eat a bit more, go for a walk if you can, give your son a cuddle and you'll feel better.

[Doggygirl]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Space! I haven't been around much lately but came on today and your thread popped up! I'm so very happy for you that you are STAYING SOBER. I hope you give yourself lots of credit for that because lord knows it's HARD!!! When I was reading your post a couple posts up about how you are feeling, I got to thinking about Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. I'm wondering if that might be going on and contributing to the depression, anxiety, sleep issues, etc. you are experiencing? Here is a quick article - not sure if you have read up on it. Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms - Relapse Prevention Strategies (I apologize if you have already!!)

I agree with rudyb about being gentle with yourself and giving yourself credit for what you have accomplished and how far you have come in a relatively short time!!

Since you mentioned a while back that you go (went?) to AA a bit, I will just mention that the AA Step work regarding amends really helped me work through and get beyond some of the guilt and remorse. Not sure if any of those ideas would help you or not - you don't have to be participating in AA to snitch their good ideas.

Home made soup sounds heavenly and I'm wondering what time I should be there for lunch, and what I can bring?

Hang in there space. You really are doing well and you deserve to love yourself for that!!

:hDG

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Space, hi everyone!

Space, you feel like shit because you're not eating. I do it too sometimes. Its strange, sometimes I feel like crap because I can't stop carbing and other times I can't eat and feel like crap too. I keep reading that food is medicine, and I keep seeing it because obviously I have to start living that way! You too!

AF here, working on the depression with you too. Gabapentin is a life saver especially for PMS, and I have to say bac does great for cramps. Guess what time of the month it is for me? :H

My hope for feeling better is eating better - my diet is strict and so it makes it easy to follow and that's what I need right now, strict/easy. I can stick to it as long as I'm AF. So I now have the antabuse on the counter just in case. If I want to pop out and get a bottle of some fun, I'll take a pill and kill that demon.

Eventually you and I will both feel better and exercise. Then we'll really be ready to start living again.

Hang in there Space!

[RudyB]

Me, myself and getting sober

heya there gals, space especially,

hope your son pulls through without stitches; may it just be a bellyache!

ditto what everyone says. bruun, what she said: not eating can make you feel like crap. mwo lady has it spot-on with the eggs and toast idea (and i hear most eggs in england are free range -yay motherland!); it's simple and quick, and very nutritious. forget anything i've said that sounds complicated, please. i realize that you don't need a new project, so boiling bones (or reading sally fallon) might just avert you from taking baby steps, which is what would serve you better than anything, really. yep, food feels good. keep it simple, and remember your protein and veggies. cheese in soup, yep. or even drop an egg in when it's really hot. stir it around, or not.

think of yourself as your own child, maybe, and love yourself up: lots of nutrition and pampering, and acceptance.

great to hear what your eldest said. sounds like he's open to communicate: yippee! it also sounds like he's rooting for you.

good you have dogs (though i'd never ask for such a handful!); they're a good excuse for a walk. a stretch of the legs -even for fifteen minutes- does the body and mind wonders.

bebe, so sweet of you to say you'll visit my thread, but you needn't (unless you really want to, of course). i don't know when i'll visit it again; i'd rather cruise around in everyone else's business at the moment. when mine settles down, or when i have an inspiration other than my navel, i'll drag it out of the dust. thanks for thinking of me just the same.

thinking of you lots. keep your chin up, but your upper lip needn't be stiff!

xo rudy

ps: hiiii doggy girl!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi folks bloody hell, this being sober can be confusing, joe being off school this past week has thrown be right out of sync, Ive got no clue what I should be working on and thinking about, but sod it Im still plodding on.

Went to the womens group at the centre on Thursday and we where looking at what one thing we want to change this week, I put down to have some fun and then when the group leader woman asked me how I want to go about that I said the first thing that popped into my head which was "I want to go line dancing", so anyway someone has volunteer to come with me the first time and Im going to go on Tuesday night. I then felt like a right div when other peeps in the group had put down they want to work toward getting their job of their dreams and all big serious stuff like that. I felt like saying, forget the line dancing I want get a job. Im so glad I didnt and am going dancing tho:H

My house is as bad as ever right now, dont know what happened to my shiny sink but never mind I will just have to start again today.

Last night I started trying to work out in my head how long it was since I took my antabuse and was wondering if I could risk getting some wine, glad to say I didnt.

My sleeping is all uppity downity and all around the houses just now, I think its the bac doing it but also its cos I havent been having to get joe up for school, glad to say he didnt have to go to hospital.

So I have to say it again Antabuse Rocks, being sober is so cool