Me, myself and getting sober

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I dont think I do make AL more important Bruun, it is what it is, the stuff Ive been addicted to for most of my life. I have been wondering why do I sometimes think about antabuse and not make a decision to take it, I have just realised!!! the decision isnt to take antabuse or not, thats just a tool to use, the decision is to stop drinking and become abstinent, so thats why Im not taking AB because Im still craving. I know I cant do the being AF then cant take it any more and go on a bender any more. My body and mind just cant keep on doing it. I need a solution, have I found it yet? No.

Im glad your getting a good nights sleep, its something I cant remember having a problem with, except for the fact that I seem to need around 15 hours a day. Its probably the meds I take that knock me out of a night.

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

I don't know about you Space, I know we have different stories, but I don't crave alcohol in the AM, I go from saying "I'm hung over and I hate this, its ruining my life and I can't do it anymore" to around noon thinking "maybe I will drink just a little tonight" or "how will I drink just one or have AL in the house and not drink just to prove I can control (!) it" to around 3:30pm thinking "I am so glad it's almost quitting (work) time so I can have a cocktail which will make me feel so much better/happier/relaxed/rewarded."

In other words, I don't have actual physical cravings until the late afternoon, I just have a very ingrained habit. Alcohol has been a bigger and bigger part of my mental game plan daily, and more than anything, that's what probably needs fixing. If I made it less of a big thing, by being really busy, then probably it would be less of an obsession. I've looked forward to a few sips of beer while making dinner with my mom since I was 14. And its been more and more ever since. I make alcohol more important that it has to be right now, because its taken up so much of my time and energy over the years. I've often thought if I didn't have to work for a living that I'd be in bed all day and drunk all night... so work has its place, I guess.

So when I say I /we make it more important, its because I know that alot of people here (not you necessarily) don't physically CRAVE it until "the witching hour" which is probably why we call it that, its when we know we can have it and we've trained our bodies to crave it and become dependent on it.

Anyways, I'm really tired again today. I think I better go get the B vitamins out of the cabinet. B15 by itself isn't working on me. And I'm sure I'm still full of toxins from the AL.

I'm just shooting for LESS alcohol, so I may never been toxin free completely but I would really like to lose some weight and get more energy.

Anyways, have a good weekend Space!

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Bruun, your post really felt very very familiar to me, just really hit the mark with me, felt right on, guess it felt exactly like I feel.

And Space, yours just before Bruun's, I also get it so much, you don't take the AB because you can't deal with really being AF, even tho you can't keep going on a bender any more and need a solution.

If I'm honest I too think I'm shooting for LESS alcohol but also an END to the CRAVINGS, can that actually be done? I don't know, if it is an ingrained habit, maybe it is possible, but I don't know.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

OK Bruun gotcha, the description of how you feel about AL is brilliant, I have never actually felt like that but am starting to now, I think its habit, and like the worst bad habits one I seem to be picking up bloody quickly. Thats why I need to change it now, while its still new.

Its not that I think Im going to end up back at square one, its because of the lager of an evening (I think) that stops the cravings growing over days or weeks that I wont end up running to the woods with a bottle of vodka, wearing my slppers!

I remember one time I ran off and it was winter and pissing down and my daughters boyfriend was going round asking people if they had seem me, his description of me was "shes got no coat on and is wearing flip flops", the next morning he found my flip flops in the road. I had already come home by then but imagine the worry I must have caused them all.

So I do think I deal with being AF, but obviously I dont, when it always ends up in the same place, thats the thing I am so scared of.

I lovely to hear from you again Bruun, I hope you start posting more often again, you are sounding good again, back to the fight, we WILL win this battle:H I do miss you when your not here.

Hi Play its lovely to hear from you as well,

"If I'm honest I too think I'm shooting for LESS alcohol but also an END to the CRAVINGS, can that actually be done? I don't know, if it is an ingrained habit, maybe it is possible, but I don't know."

I dont know either, theoretically baclofen is supposed to end cravings, at least that what I think it does, and why Im taking it, whether it will or not only time will tell. Changing habits, well I think Bruun is right there, do something else and keep busy at the time we usually drink. Im not sure if it works tho, I have tried changing other bad habits and done ok for a while but then just slipped back into them. But Im not going to give up on that, its try and try and try again.

xxx

[LadyLush]

Me, myself and getting sober

playland;1323614 wrote: Bruun, your post really felt very very familiar to me, just really hit the mark with me, felt right on, guess it felt exactly like I feel.

And Space, yours just before Bruun's, I also get it so much, you don't take the AB because you can't deal with really being AF, even tho you can't keep going on a bender any more and need a solution.

If I'm honest I too think I'm shooting for LESS alcohol but also an END to the CRAVINGS, can that actually be done? I don't know, if it is an ingrained habit, maybe it is possible, but I don't know.

Play,
Seemed to be the shorter quote to post

Antabuse is my way out right now but sporadic. I have to get my sober days back. Going up on the Bacofen too.
I am right with you Bruun!

LL:l:l

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Have you thought about where you are going with the bac Lush, I had originally lanned to go to 80mg a day and stay there for a while, but now I think I will need to go higher, I dont think I get any se's so thats not a problem yet. I am tiered most of the day but an taking 3 other meds that can all do that so cant say if its the bac or not. I went to bed at 10.30 last night tho and probably asleep by 11 and feel a lot better today so thats definately got to become my new habit. Its one of those things thats really easy to do, I know its good for me but I still keep on not doing

My goal for the week, get to bed early

Its good your able to take AB to get sober days back, Im very hopeful for you.

Sending love and hugs to you and your friend across the ocean.:l:h:l:h

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I have just changed my mood back to being hopeful again.

Feeling pretty good right now, have chatted on here, the sun is shining and things are going ok. x

[ifulovelife2]

Me, myself and getting sober

playland;1323614 wrote: If I'm honest I too think I'm shooting for LESS alcohol but also an END to the CRAVINGS, can that actually be done? I don't know, if it is an ingrained habit, maybe it is possible, but I don't know.Yep, it can be done. That's what I've done. Thanks to baclofen I no longer get a craving to get drunk and can happily enjoy a beer or two of an evening without needing or wanting more. The habit fades when there isn't the need to continue it.

spacebebe01;1323785 wrote: I have just changed my mood back to being hopeful again.

Feeling pretty good right now, have chatted on here, the sun is shining and things are going ok. x

That's beautiful Sweetheart. :l

p.s. I managed to avoid church again today :yay: and we're lounging by the pool instead.. :yay::

[Otter]

Me, myself and getting sober

ifulovelife2;1323832 wrote: Yep, it can be done. That's what I've done. Thanks to baclofen I no longer get a craving to get drunk and can happily enjoy a beer or two of an evening without needing or wanting more. The habit fades when there isn't the need to continue it.


That's beautiful Sweetheart. :l

p.s. I managed to avoid church again today :yay: and we're lounging by the pool instead.. :yay::

Hi, that sounds great. Do you mind my asking what you mean by the "need" to continue it? I find that it is ok to drink moderately on baclofen but stress brings on heavy drinking spells, although they are not nearly as bad as before baclofen. Is the "need" you talk about a result of external stresses. I am not sure what you mean.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I dont want to answer for Life but I took it to mean absence of craving.

For me anyway I dont think drinking has much to do with external stresses, its all internal stuff, in fact its basically all craving with me now I think. I dont have physical withdrawals anymore I dont drink enough for that so I cant think of any other reason.

Life will you STOP making me so jealous, sitting by the pool :rays::H Im glad your enjoying yourself and able to spend time chilling in the sun

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Im not sure of my plan anymore. It was to go up to 80mg bac a day and stay there for a while. I am now at 80 and dont feel any different to being at 40mg, that I notice. I know patience, but Im just not feeling it right now. Because I havent got a plan. I have decided I need to get to a place that I dont crave or think about AL anymore. I am at a place I have never been before in my life which is drinking AL in a controlled way, not drinking of a daytime and not getting drunk.

This is actually what I wanted for years, but now Im there its not what I want at all. Im not in control if Im drinking every night, in fact drink will never be ok for me because my family will never accept that I can have a drink and not go into a bender. And there is the problem, which has been the problem for a long time, my family who wont accept that there is any other way than not drinking, maybe using antabuse, but that is only because my daughters boyfriend was prescribed it off his doctor.
they only just about accepted me taking that and my daughter and son wernt happy about it. Just dont drink.. then I get the thing that my son says, when I start drinking and Im sober, I know what Im doing and do it anyway, not caring about them and the hurt it causes. This is where the guilt comes in.

There is no way in the world they will ever accept me dong anything else, I know I cant do it but I cant explain that to them, they just see me as a selfish bitch, maybe I am, is that it?

Theres nothing more I can say right now.

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space, is your family the "real" reason that you feel that you absolutely must not drink at all? I understand wanting to be rid of the cravings, but the guilt that your family makes you feel, I can't think that is right, maybe I shouldn't say that, but I do feel it.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I dont about real reason Play, I guess the thing is I never go to make a decision about how to stop my drinking. It was either just stop or them take my son.
I am going out soon to collect my daughter and her bf, they are coming to stay over, I dont want them to I cant really deal with it right now but I also cant keep on letting her down. Im not sure about why I dont want them here. 1. I cant have my lager so it is an enforced AF day, which is making me want one even more, I have been craving a lot today which I dont normally do. 2. My house is a mess, he is a ocd cleaner and she always starts going on about how I should clean and stuff. 3. I am getting anxious now before I have even left the house, she is snappy and narky and usually ends up upsetting me the way she talks to me. 4. I have to go shopping and cook and meal for the 5 of us and I really cant be arsed.

Oh well better get it over with.

[ifulovelife2]

Me, myself and getting sober

Otter;1323836 wrote: Hi, that sounds great. Do you mind my asking what you mean by the "need" to continue it? I find that it is ok to drink moderately on baclofen but stress brings on heavy drinking spells, although they are not nearly as bad as before baclofen. Is the "need" you talk about a result of external stresses. I am not sure what you mean.

Otter, were you ever an active alcoholic? The "need" is just that. Not a craving or a desire but an absolute need to drink or continue drinking. When the fuel of the habit is removed, so the habit will decline. Nothing to do with external stresses.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

My daughter is here and it has gone really well I decided to do a bbq and we had a nice time sitting outside, fun all trying to light it and cook and then just say and watched some tv and Im now in bed.

Also really cool I havent wanted a drink all evening

I am taking 20mg x 5 bac a day now starting today feeling ok apart from being soooo sleepy

Goodnight x