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Me, myself and getting sober

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    #556
    Me, myself and getting sober

    I know Bruun, I cant see how I used to drink the way I did for years on end and actually manage to function, sitting in school assemblies with the shakes URGG and waking up vomiting everyday, I can remember I used to think I will be ok once Ive thrown up and can get a drink down me. Id keep on saying I need this one now and then I will cut down, never happened. Thank god Im not like that anymore.

    Glad your having another go Bruun, have you got a plan of how your going to manage it.

    :l

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      #557
      Me, myself and getting sober

      No plan but lots of AB handy. You?

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        #558
        Me, myself and getting sober

        Right now Bruun Im getting some AF time using AB. Ive also got campral here so I started taking that again and am still taking gabapentin. Its hard tho, Im ok not drinking now but my life stays the same, I dont like going out anywhere or doing anything really and just cant be arsed with people. I havent been to the centre for around 2 months now. I just want to stay in bed all day, which I cant always do and then thats causing me massive anxiety. Like today is my uncles funeral so Ive got to go to that, and also get my son to get up and get ready and go, it soounds stupid but its so fucking stressfull for me.

        Still the only thing any of us can do is keep trying isnt it.

        xx

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          #559
          Me, myself and getting sober

          spacebebe01;1333449 wrote: Right now Bruun Im getting some AF time using AB. Ive also got campral here so I started taking that again and am still taking gabapentin. Its hard tho, Im ok not drinking now but my life stays the same, I dont like going out anywhere or doing anything really and just cant be arsed with people. I havent been to the centre for around 2 months now. I just want to stay in bed all day, which I cant always do and then thats causing me massive anxiety. Like today is my uncles funeral so Ive got to go to that, and also get my son to get up and get ready and go, it soounds stupid but its so fucking stressfull for me.

          Still the only thing any of us can do is keep trying isnt it.

          xx
          Hi Bebe, sorry for not keeping up with your thread but what were the baclofen SEs that made you give it up. What did they do to you that was worse than what you describe above?

          p.s. I hope the weather has improved.
          "My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them." Jack Kerouac

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            #560
            Me, myself and getting sober

            Hey Space,

            So sorry its all overwhelming right now. I just popped AB right now so tired of being tired all the time with AL. Good for you keeping up with it, think how much worse it would be for you if you were hung over and stressing. Ugh. I don't know how we manage to do this to ourselves, it makes me crazy. Hang in there, I hope it gets better. So sorry about your poor uncle.

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              #561
              Me, myself and getting sober

              Space, I'm so sorry about your uncle. I know how important he was to you. And when we're depressed, the simplest acts (getting out of bed, brushing teeth) simple like huge, insurmountable tasks. Going to the funeral of a loved one? Getting a KID ready to go the funeral of a loved one?! Sounds like climbing fucking Mt. Everest! But you're doing it! You're putting one foot in front of the other.
              I guess part of me thought that everything would be sunshine and roses when I quit drinking, but all of the same problems are still there. Some of them are even worse when sober because you're seeing them clearly. But you're absolutely right, "Still the only thing any of us can do is keep trying isnt it."
              I'm proud of you, Space.
              "Yet someday this will have an end
              All choices made or choice resigned,
              And in your face the literal eye
              Trace little of your history,
              Nor ever piece the tale entire
              Of villages that had to burn
              And playgrounds of the will destroyed
              Before you could be safe from time
              And gather in your brow and air
              The stillness of antiquity."

              From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

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                #562
                Me, myself and getting sober

                windycitylady;1333700 wrote: .
                I guess part of me thought that everything would be sunshine and roses when I quit drinking, but all of the same problems are still there. Some of them are even worse when sober because you're seeing them clearly.
                .
                how true windy

                Thanks for the support, yesterday went well, the funeral was so emotional, so many people there in fact people standing at the back because he was such a wonderful, friendly, generous person who was loved by so many.

                My daughter and her bf came back to mine after to stay and while we where sitting there after dinner last night we decided to quickly got and have a look in the retail park at some clothes for me to wear for her wedding, another thing I was dreading, I dont like clothes shopping anyway and with this extra weight Ive got now its urgggg. But we went into the first shop, and I got my outfit!!! Its a fitted dress in beige with a beautiful belt, and a jacket in coral which feel so nice and not frumpy and dont make me feel any bigger than I am, and these super sexy high shoes, (I will have to practice walking in them) so all I need to get now is a hat. My daughter also saw her shoes which are also super beautiful high and kind of sparkle when the light shines on them so I got them for her as well. So what a result eh.

                Life, it was all the things I mentioned, not getting up, tiredness, needing to sleep most of the day, not wanting to be with people or even talk on the phone to family, with this awful depression, like this is it, for ever, I just couldnt move. I didnt have any strength left, I do wonder what would have happened if I had carried on, even for a few more days but I honestly couldnt do it. It is made more difficult by my pre existing depression, I never know what is causing what but I was down and unable to get up is the only way I can describe it.

                :l

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                  #563
                  Me, myself and getting sober

                  Space, glad the funeral is over and that it showed what a loving person your uncle was. And the shoes and prep for the wedding, wonderful to do it and have it all done.

                  Comment

                    #564
                    Me, myself and getting sober

                    It is great to know that I am able to give my daughter part of her wedding day even tho I cant pay for most of it. Her dress arrives on Friday, I bought her that and today we went and got the material and Im going to make the bridesmaids dresses, so when they are done I will be pretty much finished with the wedding prep. yay.

                    I have been feeling pretty anxious over the past few days so I have just taken a bac to see will this help with it. I was ok on 40mg bac for those months so I dont se why i dont carry on with it just because I couldnt take the 100mg.

                    Still sober tho and still taking 1/2 AB every day. I have been wanting a drink tho.

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                      #565
                      Me, myself and getting sober

                      Good for you on the AB Space. I want a drink too but I'm substituting with alot of other goodies. Chocolate brownies are yummy and calm the monster although I worry about my weight.

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                        #566
                        Me, myself and getting sober

                        I worry about my weight as well Bruun but then I have to think what do I prefer myself to be, overweight or drunk all the time. The weight I hope I will be able to sort once everything settles down with me but the heavy drinking will just kill me. It is crap tho that we stop drinking and then feel guilty and have to try not to eat the yummy goodies.

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                          #567
                          Me, myself and getting sober

                          Yes I agree. I pigged out last night and decided to start dieting this AM. I need to take glutamine despite its acceleration of my ADD, I HAVE to have help. Ironically, six months ago I had to make myself eat. Even then I didn't lose weight, but at least I didn't gain it like I'm doing now.

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                            #568
                            Me, myself and getting sober

                            Do you think L glut works Bruun, Im always forgetting to take it I havent had any today, hmm Ive also had some craving today I will try and remember tomorrow.

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                              #569
                              Me, myself and getting sober

                              Helps with physical cravings Space but we all know there are. Other factors

                              Comment

                                #570
                                Me, myself and getting sober

                                Hi Space and Bruun, Space, that deep dark depression is really scary and difficult place to be. I experienced that first hand when my oldest daughter was just a teenager, she stayed home from maybe 7th grade with something like the flu we thought, she must have been 14 I think, and as the days went on she just couldn't get out of bed, and then one week went to two weeks and she said, "mom, I can't keep going on like this, I can't live like this, I don't want to go on living", right then I knew she wasn't sick with the flu, she was severly clinically depressed. That was when the lifelong search for treatment started and continues to this day, she has been on different medications and with quite a few therapists, some she loved and a few did not do her any good. Right now in Spain she has found a wonderful therapist who does "Kinesiology" which is something like energy work, I don't understand it completely, but I have seen what it has done for my daughter as I was there when she went for her first appointment when she was going thru the awful stress of the doctors telling us something was wrong with the baby and doing all kinds of genetic testing right before the baby was born. This might be something that would be good for you also, maybe you could try to find a therapist that does this kind of work in your area. I know that when my daughter went into the session she was just down and out and when she was finished she was like a different person with a smile on her face and so much positive energy about her. Anyway, it is something that you might think about and research about.

                                much love to you
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