Me, myself and getting sober

[Poink]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space,

Everyone here loves you so I am sure you?ll get a good response.

Am at work, so only have a minute, but wanted to respond to one thing you said.

You say that one of the problems is that you don't have a plan. Having suffered from depression for years (actual diagnosis from two different psychiatrists was bipolar, but I have never agreed with that) my biggest problem wasn't a lack of a plan, but a complete lack of hope. I couldn't see a way out and there was nothing anyone could say that would inspire me. I had tried and failed too many times. I didn't have a plan because without hope you can?t make a plan, and even if you did you wouldn?t stick with it because, well, nothing really matters.

I was on maximum doses of Abilify and Effexor and neither allowed me to have any hope. I started TSM a couple of months ago and am now on HDB also and for the first time in many years I have hope. And it was this website, this meds forum, that caused me to begin to hope.

We?ve seen it happen before so I trust that you will find the support here that will give you hope and that you will come up with the right plan for you.

We?re all pulling for you.

PS....In the time that it took me to type this up the responses have started coming in. God, I love this place!

[Poink]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1343062 wrote: My problem with drink is that its still there in my mind, I know I will drink again no matter what I do, I think I said I still want to drink but thats not correct, if I wanted to drink I would just do that wouldnt I, I am still driven to drink. Maybe the fact that I have stopped so many times is now working against me in that its like Hey, I know I can stop so I will just have one today.

I too could string some AF time together, once for a few years and several other times for 4-11 months, but I ALWAYS knew that I would drink again. In fact, I was convinced that it was inevitable that I would die an alcoholic death of some sort. I no longer believe that it has to end that way.

I told my shrink once, after a really bad relapse, that I had no idea why I drank. I didn't want to drink, I knew it would turn out badly, but I did it anyway. He told me that alcoholics don't drink because they want to, they drink because they are compelled to. It is thru these new drug therapies that we are finding ways to break this compulsion.

Keep trying Space. One day you'll find your way out.

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi space I totally understand, it's really quite a situation, and what to do, I'm thinking on it. My daughter has somewhat of a similar situation in Spain, She has not had the surgery yet because the hospital called the day after I arrived and told her that the surgery had been postponed for some reason and they would call to reschedule it, they have not called yet ( original date was 20th. She has not received the new MRI results either and has called the surgeon several times and left messages and has never had her call returned. That is also the public health system, so I am here and am pretty certain it will not be done now until this fall as everyone is on holiday for the month of August, I suppose I will return at a later date. She needs my help immensely now anyway with the baby and I will be here until the end of July. But the system is very frustrating. And in the United States you just pretty much go without anything beyond basic are if you can't afford private insurance.

Maybe your current doc would consider cutting down your meds to the absolute minimum necessary for a time to see if it makes a difference, and what is her thinking on the need for the risperldol? Also the Topa might have a very calming effect and after a bit might be worth a try, for many people there are barely any SE at all, nothing like that BAC at all, I think it is pretty lethal in high doses, just my opinion.

Let's figure out a Plan!

Love,
Play

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space, I don't have any advice on the meds situation, I'm sorry. Just wanted to let you know that you hit the nail on the head for me a few posts back when describing your reluctance to post here again. I'm sorry it appears as though I haven't been around. In reality, I check in here at least once a day. I've just been so depressed, and it feels as though I have nothing to say. But you're right, the opposite is probably true. I avoid posting when I have the most to say. Or rather when I have the most need to say things. Everything I just said in Red's thread is also true for you. You HAVE made amazing progress! Just because you're not where you want to be now is no reason not to congratulate yourself for all things that you have achieved. You're not drinking during the day, you're not drinking to blackout, your children have noticed and have told you how happy it makes them. And the biggest achievement of all is that you're still fighting. You're still looking for answers. The shittier you feel, the bigger of an achievement that seeking is. You can barely get out of bed and you're still on here asking for help, still going to the doctor (however poorly that turned out), still examing all the aspects of your mental and physical ailments and trying to determine what's causing the problems...that's awesome.
The not having a plan. That gets me to. If I only knew what the next step was...But what you're doing is a step. I don't know what the next step is so I'm going to investigate and solicit opinions until I have an idea. That's taking a step.
I'm running out of time, just wanted to let you know that you've inspired me, and in the next 24 hours I will make myself get on here and post about what's been going on with me. I NEED to.
Love you, Space. Sorry I haven't been a better friend recently.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Poink;1343064 wrote:

You say that one of the problems is that you don't have a plan. Having suffered from depression for years (actual diagnosis from two different psychiatrists was bipolar, but I have never agreed with that) my biggest problem wasn't a lack of a plan, but a complete lack of hope.

!

Poink you have said exactly how I feel but you put it so much better than me. Thank you

Play, no my docs would never consider reducing my meds, the fact that I dont feel right to them means I mean higher doses. Riseradol, I could not handle the serequel, she assured me when I asked her that it doesnt have sleepy se's or weight gain se's, ha ha. I doubt it somehow but will have to give it a go and see what happens. Who knows it could work!!!!!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

windycitylady;1343089 wrote: .

Love you, Space. Sorry I haven't been a better friend recently.

Me to you Windy, I think about pming you a lot but somehow dont do it. Im not good at pm's or in fact getting close to peeps.

Thanks for getting back to me, it really does mean so much that peeps have done that for me. Im sorry you have been having a bad time as well, although I kind of knew you would be which makes it worse I didnt get in touch, sorry.

We WILL get through this and be happy again. Weve got to be theres really no choice. Its either that or lie down and die and Im not fucking giving up that easily

Edit: I should have said not giving up yet, nothing about this has been easy

xxx

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

Only have a moment, but I love your last post. Stay strong, Space.

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

Er, I only meant this part:

We WILL get through this and be happy again. Weve got to be theres really no choice. Its either that or lie down and die and Im not fucking giving up that easily

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

:H :l

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1343103 wrote:
We WILL get through this and be happy again. Weve got to be theres really no choice. Its either that or lie down and die and Im not fucking giving up that easily

Edit: I should have said not giving up yet, nothing about this has been easy

xxx

Ah, screw you, Space for making me cry when I'm about to put make up on for work.:H
The tears that come when someone really inspires me are the best kind.
As for PMs....I just realized recently that my phone wasn't notifying me of PMs via emails like it used to. And there was a PM from you that I never answered, and I apologize. Hope you didn't think I was being rude.
Keep your head up, sweetheart!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Windy a big, big :l from me to you

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I am so made up from the responses I have got, and after posting,which has helped put my thoughts somewhat more in order, I have come to 1 conclusion about my meds, which is right now I am on a dangerous path with drink by not taking any effective med to help me with this. I take campral simply because my doc will give me a script for it so it is free and it does help take the edge off, in that I can tell when I havent taken it, but it doesnt do the job. So, if I take something that does do the job then theres one lot of pills less to take.

My choices - Nal, no good, I take pain meds for my back and need them, I cannot take ibuprophen because of stomach issues and take co codamol, this would not work after I take nal so theres a no go.

Bac - I have not been able to get to HDB on the 2 occasions I have tried and dont feel able to try again any time soon. LDB not sure if its enough.

Topa - an unknown quantity, never taken it. This doesnt fill me with the eagerness that HDB did, I dont know if it gives indifference, I have looked through the book and there is a 12 week schedule, I worked it out and it would cost approx ?200, that is at the high doses recommended, I would need to look into this more, did RJ get indifferance from doing this at those doses, did she need to carry on taking topa after and at what dose. Still worried about the se's but told they are very rare. edit: ( added plus with this is that it may help my mood, or not, only trying it will tell as with other meds)

I do want indiferrance, that is the only way forward out of doing the same thing I have been doing for years. Of course what I have been doing is a zillion times better than nothing, I just want more. I want to sort this.

[COSGringo]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi space,
I spoke with my counselor today that I see every few months or so.
I brought up meds. We both agreed Campral is junk. He said it's all placebo. According to him there are studies that show that. Don't know but he is a well known well published author on addictions.

Just thought I add that in.

Might need to find another path besides meds. They aren't for everyone. Don't know.

What about vivitrol? Have you looked into that? It's a shot like that works sort of like Naltrexone but again it's a shot and lasts like 6 months. My doc says a lot of folks have had success with it. However, on this side of the pond it's not covered and very expensive (like $800).
Just a thought.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

i COS thanks for the response, I have tried everything else so if meds dont work for me then I am fucked so I am way from giving up on them yet. As I said before, I depend on opiate pain meds for my back so nal and vivitrol are both out of the question

There is never much said about campral, I think because it isnt great, but then from my own experience it is better than nothing. But, for me, not enough. I dont know enough about it, I would need one of the science heads to weigh in on this.

[COSGringo]

Me, myself and getting sober

Well, check out that Vivitrol injection. Might be worth looking into.