Me, myself and getting sober

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Im trying to get to sleep now WTF this hasnt happened in ever, serequel wds all I can find to watch is some sherlock holmes thing goodnight xx

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

Aaargh. Keep losing posts. That shrink is an ass.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

In nice words:
Let's not say what doesn't work. Let's share what does work. Camp rail has saved lives around here. Is it ok to say something is worthless if one person found a way out?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

Pseudo-science head bac in my morning. Don't lose hope/faith space. The beast is on way out. Period. Xo

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1343182 wrote: i COS thanks for the response, I have tried everything else so if meds dont work for me then I am fucked so I am way from giving up on them yet. As I said before, I depend on opiate pain meds for my back so nal and vivitrol are both out of the question

Ah Space, most of us are in the same damn shoes, that's why we're all here lurking or posting and coming for a while and being absent for a while but we return .... Because we're all unable to find a great solution. Even successful HDB users eventually seem to have the requirement to kick out compulsion and the habit. That's because we're fucking alkies. We all have this problem.

My suggestion about the AB was based on your past success and YES I think you're absolutely right about having done that once, you take it for granted you can do it again, and use it as an excuse to drink when you feel compelled and need an escape. I do that myself; I had a whole two weeks - almost.

If I hadn't taken that AB this AM when I wrote that post to you, I promise I'd be into a bottle of something or all the way through it by now. Its Friday night, damnit. I'm home alone and bald and fat. Why wouldn't I drink?

Alcohol is a depressant, someone said to me last time I was in the deep ditch literally shitting my pants and throwing up. Being sober for a few days doesn't mean I'm not depressed these three days, but its less depressing and hopeless. Mind you, I'm AF day 3 and like you I know I'll drink again and go down that rabbit hole again. But even tho I might piss you all off by saying it again, I find that stopping the shitty thinking and rerunning negative experiences/memories/feelings over and over and over in my mind makes me depressed and angry and resentful.

Look at all the love you inspire Space. We all need each other and human interaction IN PERSON totally saves me each time. I don't want it, I don't always enjoy it, but it always takes me out of my dream state of pure hell if I'm in it and changes things around for a while. I just try to hold on to that lack of hellishness. And if I can do more than avoid shit thoughts and situations, I do, I create more positive ones. I can't always get there but I can try stopping the shit thinking. The gabapentin helps immensely.

Play, if you got this far in my diatribe, your vacation or reduction in meds idea is great. I think I need it myself. I've been reducing my bac and only taking it when I feel strung out, and then I take the 'pentin too.

Okay, I'm sure I've outstayed my welcome with all my talk, because my sister is depressed and I feel like I outstay my welcome with her on the phone. But she calls me back again and again because she says my talking helps her and I can tell it does. I know I don't want to hear this stuff when I'm depressed and hung. But maybe it will help someone here. Drop the stinking thinking and things will be a tiny bit better.:l If I piss anyone off, you can feel smug and resentful knowing I'm fat and bald.

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

To quote Chuck Lorre Productions, #262:

"As best as I can tell, life is intolerable. Oh, not always of course. A case can be made for all the big wonders and little blessings and blah, blah, blah. But when you really boil it down, our entire existence rests on a few really ugly premises. First, life, and by that I mean the big life, life with a capital L, must ingest other life in order for it to remain life. Or, put another way, in order to witness the miracle of creation, we must continually eat, and then poop out, a little bit of that miracle. Second, one of the charming side effects of sentient life is emotional pain. The fact that dead and fermenting plant life creates alcohol - a terrific anesthetic for emotional pain - might cause one to think that this is, by nature, a compassionate universe. Think again. Keep dulling that pain with booze and you wind up, if you're lucky, in a church basement sharing your tears with complete strangers. If you're not lucky, you wind up on a waiting list for a motorcyclist's liver. And finally, there is the ever-present knowledge of death. In order to "more fully appreciate the gift of life," we all get to ponder a violently sudden or slow and agonizingly painful descent into oblivion -- after which our beloved bodies turn into the stuff of nightmares. Which brings me back to my original premise: life is intolerable. But rather than go gently into that creepy night, I've decided to start a petition to protest the fundamental conditions of existence. I know it's not much, but it's a start. And damnit, I'm just the guy to do it! The petition is available at chucklorre.com. Sign on now and make your voice heard before you're dead and your vocal chords are being eaten by a swarm of disgusting bugs.

PETITION FOR IMMEDIATE CHANGE
IN THE CONDITIONS OF EXISTENCE!
"

(posted with apologies to those who believe the worst thing that can happen is death. I don't mean to cause more anguish than Life itself).

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Braun, just love your last post, I'm giving it some thought before I respond.

Windy City very good advice for space and everyone else who has come forth you have such good thoughts too. and I think I didn't really mean that BAC is exactly LETHAL, that was just me being dramatic, I just meant that I am fearful of the SE that can go along with high doses, but I also know that many people have been helped by it. I know lots of people are afraid of Topa and I don't even really know that I am taking it.

Space I really do think you should give It some thought, seems like it is the only big player in the field hat you have not tried and it can be quite dramatic at a really low dose and then the trick is just to keep taking it.

See you guys later, love and light,

BRUUN, if we could all just be breathairians!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

playland;1343554 wrote:
, seems like it is the only big player in the field hat you have not tried and it can be quite dramatic at a really low dose and then the trick is just to keep taking it.

Not that there are may big player to choose from, Bac or Topa. Ok I have read the book again, well the programme and am seriously giving it consideration. I will need to get the vits together, biotin, selenium first, and order some more pills, I only have 10.

Also, I dont want to take both citalopram and risperedol if I can manage it, just one or the other. I know I dont like ccitalopram, have not started the other one yet, does anyone have any thoughts, experince, knowledge about this.

Thanks :l

[redhead77]

Me, myself and getting sober

Bebe,

Wow, I just read through what you've said and all the wonderful responses here. Something really stood out to me in what you're going through. You said you've had no physical workup for your fatigue? Or even depression for that matter? Like Play said, this needs to be the FIRST thing that needs to happen. Have you not had any blood tests by your GP? I find this astounding, appalling, infuriating, incompetent, my list of feelings that are negative could go on for a long time (or am I assuming here and you have had blood work?). There are many, many physical reasons for both depression and most certainly fatigue. The fact that you experience fatigue that makes it so you can barely get out of bed, should warrant a physical workup. Most docs would not assume fatigue that severe is only caused by depression and not a physical ailment. And, as I said, depression can be caused by a physical ailment too! So my opinion is you need to march in to your GP's office (make an appt on Monday) with a list of things you'd like to be tested and demand it. Tell he or she that your symptoms warrant these tests and it wouldn't be considered an unnecessary financial burden to the NHS. Here's a good starting list: CBC (which is a complete blood count to check for anemia), CMP (this is called a complete metabolic panel, but some places might call it a Chem 12. It will test for kidney and liver function, protein levels, electrolytes, ect), thyroid function tests, and a Vit D level (25 (OH)D). Low vitamin D is very common in individuals with depression.

This is just my opinion, but I feel strongly about it. I think sometimes we feel the lowest when we don't know how to take action. Yes, it's hope too, but not knowing where to even start to get help for ourselves can kill our hope. I see that with you and your meds. I can't offer advice on the best meds for you, but I can offer my advice or opinion on this. Love you, Bebe. :l Get a little crazy on these arseholes. Tell your shrink that it's utterly incompetent that nobody is investigating a physical reason for your fatigue and depression! Can she refuse to see you if you tell her you think it's incompetent?

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Yes space, I absolutely agree with reds advice, just demand a thorough physical which mainly includes all the appropriate blood tests for your symptoms, just pressure them for it, we have to do the same thing here in the states, pretty much figure out what might be the problem and demand the tests and yes, ask for a test for vit D for sure.

As for the citalpram, it is pretty much an antidepressant, it is also class as an anti psychotic as are all antidepressants but they are not really in the same class as things like Risperdol and Serequel, etc. Risperdol is for Schiziphrenia (sp) and bi-polar, I would have to look up what it interacts with, probably the AD would go with Topa ok, I take Zoloft. I started out taking all the supplements from the program but couldn't keep up with it and now just take the All one mixed with milk, banana, and frozen strawberries, and I take the selenium.

Bye for now, play

[Kradle123]

Me, myself and getting sober

Bruunhilde;1343408 wrote: To quote Chuck Lorre Productions, #262:

"As best as I can tell, life is intolerable. Oh, not always of course. A case can be made for all the big wonders and little blessings and blah, blah, blah. But when you really boil it down, our entire existence rests on a few really ugly premises. First, life, and by that I mean the big life, life with a capital L, must ingest other life in order for it to remain life. Or, put another way, in order to witness the miracle of creation, we must continually eat, and then poop out, a little bit of that miracle. Second, one of the charming side effects of sentient life is emotional pain. The fact that dead and fermenting plant life creates alcohol - a terrific anesthetic for emotional pain - might cause one to think that this is, by nature, a compassionate universe. Think again. Keep dulling that pain with booze and you wind up, if you're lucky, in a church basement sharing your tears with complete strangers. If you're not lucky, you wind up on a waiting list for a motorcyclist's liver. And finally, there is the ever-present knowledge of death. In order to "more fully appreciate the gift of life," we all get to ponder a violently sudden or slow and agonizingly painful descent into oblivion -- after which our beloved bodies turn into the stuff of nightmares. Which brings me back to my original premise: life is intolerable. But rather than go gently into that creepy night, I've decided to start a petition to protest the fundamental conditions of existence. I know it's not much, but it's a start. And damnit, I'm just the guy to do it! The petition is available at chucklorre.com. Sign on now and make your voice heard before you're dead and your vocal chords are being eaten by a swarm of disgusting bugs.

PETITION FOR IMMEDIATE CHANGE
IN THE CONDITIONS OF EXISTENCE!
"

(posted with apologies to those who believe the worst thing that can happen is death. I don't mean to cause more anguish than Life itself).

Hey Bruun:

Love your quote.

Unfortunately I think THe Buddha Got there first about, oh , say about 2000 years ago...
Something about freeing all people from the Sufferings of Birth And Death.


Might want to have Chuck check it out

Hugs,
:l

PS I became a Buddhist because with the others you get a 50/50 shot of getting it right before you head off into that creepy night.
As a Buddhist,you keep doing it until you get it right... Better Odds !


PPS: Fat Bald guys r beautiful!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Thanks for the advice Red and Play I will go the docs next week and asks for bloods to be done. I dont think Ive ever been tested for vitamin D, not sure about the others tho but I will write them down and give them to him. I will tell him I have a friend who is a nurse and she suggested it to me if he wants to know why Im asking for specific ones.

I only get to see my shrink every 3 months so I would have to wait to tell her shes incompetant, and yes she may well refuse to see me again. But I remember in the past one guy shrink who refused to see me so I just got another one. But that was because I lost my rag with him and probably told him what I really did think of him:egad:

Im just taking it easy today but trying to stay out of bed, I think thats a good first move until I get anything else sorted.

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Oh good space, I'm so glad you are going to have the physical and have a question, what is it about the Citalpram that you don't like? Is it how it makes you feel? Side effects? Trouble trying to stop taking it? I am asking because all antidepressants have different side effects that might affect one person but not another and just switching to a different one can solve that problem. It is quite a problem for anyone to actually ever get off of ADs, it is not so much the problem of tapering down, it is just that you usually feel so miserable when you are off them that you just need to start taking them again and it seems almost impossible to stop. I know there is a supplement that helps and there is a thread about it somewhere.

Ok, see you tomorrow,
Love,
Play

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hey Bruun,
Thanks for sharing, I feel like I am finally getting to know you and I like your style.

Love, Play

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I just dont like the effect sitalopram has on me, it was the psychiatrist who changed it, before that I had changed to effexor and was starting to feel better but she wanted me to do the citalopram/serequel route. I was in there with her so long and after she started talking about do I need help for my youngest son, like getting in social services I had to say I was ok, then I was so flustered I didnt get round to asking her to change the citalopram. I dont know if my gp will go against her and change me back to effexor or not. Otherwise I dont get to see her again for 3 months. Thsts the thing I know I need an ad but I also know citalopram doesnt suit me, I have taken it before with the same flat, crap feeling. I will see my gp next week tho for the bloods, he is usually ok with things like that if I ask for it and I will tell him what happened with the shrink.

Edit ps. Bruun is cool