Me, myself and getting sober

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Oh, I can understand, well at least ask the gp to change it back esp since you aren't taking the Serequel now.

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

This is such a busy thread, I'm glad you revived it Space. Also glad you didn't seem to get pissed off about my postings. Last, I'm glad you're out of bed. I think you must have vitamin D deficiency because we all do here in sunny California and you always say how rainy it is where you are.

Play, thanks, ditto.

Kradle, the sad thing is, I'm not a fat bald guy. And I liked Chuck Lorre's quote because it involved alcohol and all that other stuff that I used to think about and still do to be honest, about eating life and shitting it out, but the secret is to not see it as horrible but sacred. I believe that we are here to learn and we do what we can with this life and then if we want, we can try again. This would appall most of the people I know - lots of Christians around me who just assume I believe the literal word of the Bible. All those "religions" are just too damn depressing.

Why is it I can't stop grabbing my arm fat?

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

My thoughts exactly ,Bruun. OMG, I hate the arm fat, some how while I was in alivian I lost my beautiful arms and now have underarm fat, I have undereye sag from crying so much a few years ago. Oh well, I do have most of my joy back, Topa is helping with my AL cravings, not totally, im still having those two or three glasses of wine a day, and in re ality i dont want to give them up, only the cravings, i know that doesnt make sense. With the Topa I am able to not drink if I need to without going nuts, and I am on a very low dose, anyway.....

Hey space how are you this morning, hope you are doing good.

Love,
Play

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

Some hard truths from me, today. All my perspective, mind you.

There're only a coupla ways that drunks like us stop being drunks for good and ever. I'll let you decide what they are for you. Because what it boils down to is a decision, Space.

All of the medicine in the world does not make the transition easy. There isn't a feel good pill out there that isn't going to suck the life out of you. And there isn't an antidepressant that is going to make the process pleasant.
Plus, sometimes life just gets in the way and shitty things happen. Then it's impossible not to feel awful. Without not feeling anything at all, anyway, which is doubly awful when the drunk wears off.

One thing that doesn't work, absolutely guaranteed not to work, is trying a lot of different things willy-nilly. It's important to try some things out, of course, and change direction if something doesn't work. But stopping because it's unpleasant, uncomfortable, disconcerting, or the process is knocking you off balance a little bit is giving up.

There is no "better" way to do this than what you've tried. They have all worked for someone here. Campral. Naltrexone. Baclofen. Abstinence and support. AA. Topa. MWO supplements. Antabuse. Religion. Someone here has found a way out doing one of those things. The vast majority of people have tried some of those things and continue to drink against their will.

Not one person has found their way out without committing to a plan, and going through some really uncomfortable shit.

You have all of the pieces you need, Space. Every answer to every question is right here, and you've read it. Now you just have to put the puzzle together. There are lots of different puzzles to choose from. Thing is, no one ever finished putting a puzzle together without some understanding of what the overall picture looks like at the end.

If you're working on a picture of kittens with a ball of yarn, and you suddenly throw in the Manhattan skyline, you don't end up with Kittens in Manhattan. You end up with a bunch of mismatched mumbo jumbo that doesn't make any sense...especially to your delicate brain and mind.

Supplements for a couple of weeks, abstinence every now and then, inconsistent use of medications, or taking meds that don't work for you...
Those things have actually improved your life dramatically. But to finish the puzzle, you've got to decide on the picture.

I hope that you'll give yourself the credit you so richly deserve. That you'll be able to see what the rest of us see. And that when you're ready, you'll make a decision and pick a picture of what a life without booze looks like, and how to get there.

xxoo

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi All,

Today, right now Im feeling better than I have over the past few days, having stayed awake all day yesterday I was in bed early exhausted but then woke this morning tossing and turning, without the energy to look at the clock, when I eventually did it was about 6.45! what the hell, on a Sunday, and I felt kind of like I had been zoomed back because I wanted a drink I got myself a drink of water from the bathroom, no energy to even come down for a coffee and went back to bed and watched some i player, I saw a programme about some woman in LA who had 8 babies in one go!! and kind of dozed for a while then got up.

I get what you mean about the picture, thing is I need to get a picture, not this messed up piccasso thing that my mind is right now I dont know when I lost the picture of my life and how I wanted to live it, or even if I ever really had one, when I was in rehab we had to draw a picture and mine was me on a sunny island with my three kids and dogs, and there where people around some on the island, some on a little boat, I dont know who they were or why I drew them. That brings me to you Bruun, vitamin D deficiency is a real possibility, if I daydream and visualise myself I always see myself in the sun, that is something I have always wanted is to be in the sun, going on holiday to Spain I just love the freedom of it, sunshine brings a whole different lifestyle. I know thats also because its a holiday but it must be lovely to live in a place that you can plan what to do because you know the weather will be good. Its cold, grey and windy here today, again

I dont know why you think I would get pissed off by your posts Bruun, I always love to hear from you, I love to hear from everyone and feel very warm and wanted when peeps post on my thread. (Yes, I do have issues)

Just gonna have a quick look around, its sunday so Im off to my mums as usual.

I do hope everyone has a good dayx

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

Oh, Octomom. Yes... she's here in LA and from the little I read about her she is a horrible woman, alas.

I like the picture/puzzle idea. And, I know I'm really missing the point here, but I think the kittens playing with a ball of yarn and the Manhattan skyline sounds freaking fantastic.

Either way, it's all about a detailed picture, right? 'Cause I bet plenty of us have a vague sense of what we'd like--certainly not a plan of how to make it happen, or even a detailed image of what getting all of it would look like.

It's one of those things where I'd like to be a writer. But when I think about what that actually means... jeez. All those hours at my desk, alone, in front of the computer. Oh, wait, that's no different than what I do now, I'd just be writing instead of surfing the webs LOL.

Sorry, but you get the idea. Hugs, and hang in.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

StuckinLA;1344183 wrote: 'Cause I bet plenty of us have a vague sense of what we'd like--certainly not a plan of how to make it happen, or even a detailed image of what getting all of it would look like.

I often assume that other peeps have a grand plan and make it happen. I guess maybe a rough scetch would do to start tho.

Ahh writing a book, how many times have I thought about that, sat down and started to try and think of something to right about ...... then come oh here, i player, you tube in fact anything rather than the "book", deciding I have writers block:H

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

I like the idea of the picture Ne, it matches the vision board idea and reminds me that to reach a goal, one must HAVE a freakin' goal. I've been envisioning a property on a hill with a view, with room for family/friends who need shelter/community, and goats for fire abatement, chickens for eggs (no roosters allowed!), a bunch of cats, a couple dogs, a horse, and enough money to let it all flow easily and to have someone else do the organic farming/gardening for us.

Stuck, I always wanted to write until I got a job where I was writing all the time, and it was just as you say. Alone in a room with a computer = bad depressing cave where memories morph into scars and ever present ghosts.

I'm glad I don't make you mad Space, just had to hear it was okay. And I'm glad you had the day out of bed. I wonder if you have chronic fatigue or fibromialgia. Have you been tested for these things? Its understandable that you're exhausted from being up if you've been in bed for a long time, your muscles lose strength really quickly. And you can lose your sense of balance during that time too. So if its hard to do, it makes sense that it is hard but will get easier if you keep slogging along and getting up for at least half the day and extend the time each day by 5 minutes. Any progress is progress.

As for me, I had three IPAs and a half bottle of wine last night, and watched two crummy movies on DVD. "This is War" and "21 Jump Street" were both predictible and pretty ridiculous. I only want to watch comedies or foreign subtitled films and I can't find the foreign films on Redbox and the comedies mostly suck. I guess comedic timing and comedic writing are among the most difficult to do.

My question for the day is why do I have a DVR set to record all NEW "The Big Bank Theory" episodes and it records nothing. Yet I read the show is still on the air and my recorder missed the whole season which ended a couple weeks ago? A question for the Universe!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Bruunhilde;1344196 wrote:

My question for the day is why do I have a DVR set to record all NEW "The Big Bank Theory" episodes and it records nothing. Yet I read the show is still on the air and my recorder missed the whole season which ended a couple weeks ago? A question for the Universe!

Maybe because its called the big banG theory, sorry Bruun I just couldnt resist, I am sad I know, please dont take offence. or my dogs will get out. Ohh dear me it gets worse,,,, Ive gone and forgotten what I was going to say now, Oh yes I know, I love your picture Bruun but I need to make a few adjustments, Im not sure about these goats having to be fire fighters, where would we get the uniforms to fit them, and, I like roosters, I have never met one but I like the idea of a rooster outside my window at 7am going cock-a-doo-daldoo, rather than my alarm clock making its horrible noise. So we can have it all your way apart from firefighting (how would they do that) goats and roosters. Why dont people like roosters? OOoops sorry it was your dream anyway, so you can have it all your way, you can even have a proper man fire fighter all to yourself

x

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space, check your PM.

Play

[redhead77]

Me, myself and getting sober

Maybe she doesn't want any roosters because they tend to go cock- a -doodle- do at like 4 or 5 rather than 7, Bebe. Although if Ne lived there she wouldn't mind. Maybe instead of having goats put out the fires , you should have a few real firefighters. But all in all, I think it sounds like a nice place to live, Bruun.

Bebe, did you make that appt with your GP yet?

Your nagging friend,

Redhead :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

We have, I swear, a rooster farm nearby. They start around 4 or 5 when I am having my first cuppa coffee, and continue for an hour or so. Thing is, there isn't a chicken farm anywhere around here. Even if there was, they keep all the chickens in pens now. And to make the mystery even bigger, it is not a good idea to have more than a couple of roosters around at a time, 'cause they tend to kill each other. That said, I know nothing about farming chickens, of course.
It's ocean related, most likely. And I know less about ocean sounds, despite having lived 1/2 hour from the beach for almost a decade. Maybe some rooster-like seagull? That's a fun picture. Much better than kittens in Manhattan. Though maybe kittens take Manhattan? Wait, isn't that Sex in the City?

hmmm. The picture. That wasn't exactly what I meant, but I'm glad you ran with it. Thing is, I never, not in a million years, could have pictured my life now even a year ago. It is much, much better.

I meant more that the tools all add up to a total result. And the picture is more of a series of goals than a visualization.
In other words, if the picture is land, and the money to take care of it, then the goals are:
Learn about real estate, and locale, and which ones allow both livestock and a good quality of life, and are affordable.
What profession, other than insta-billionaire, will get me there?
How do I live long enough to actually enjoy it. 'cause if that's what I want, I'm going to have to work my ass off to get there, and it'll be years before I can enjoy it.

My vision was almost literally the one you described, Bruun. Seriously. Including the chickens and goats. I had a place, and was working on the other pieces. My parents are selling the place, and I'm so relieved, because I figured out that I have NO interest in living in the middle of nowhere with chickens and goats and shit. Goats are creepy and chickens are gross. imho.

oops. Gotta go.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

A Rooster farm!! Oh god no I dont want one of them, and have probably decided your better off not having roosters in your dream home Bruun, in your dream it should be something lovely, like the sunshine or the firefighter waking you up (not the goat one the man one).

I would love to live in the middle of nowhere with animals and stuff but thats not realistic for me. I am staying where I live now for a while anyway, my youngest son is so settled here and loves his school which he can walk to.

Also I wouldnt be able to kill the chickens and then eat them, I do think thats weird after having nurtured an animal to then kill and enjoy eating it. It is stupid I know and I know that the meat I eat comes off the animals but I dont want the reality of that in my face, I would probably end up starving to death out there. and then my pigs who would all be pets because I didnt kill them would eat me. See my dreams are fucked up arnt they, it all starts out lovely with me in my cottage and the animals happily running around and look where it ended.

Right back to reality, Im seeing the doc on Thursday Red and will take along the list of blood tests I want done, then I will be able to go on Friday to the clinic and get them done.

The other tools I have got that I can use, yes I see what you mean now, where do I want to be in five years time? Or in one year, one month, next week. I am seriously starting to look at changing me, I mean little by little, I have been saying for so long that me and my eldest son should get up of a morning and take the dogs out on the shore (its not a beach but a muddy river bank, but I love it there. So my goal is to get there in a week. Also I have some new meditation cd's that play very kindly sent me and want to start listening to them more regularly. I will start to use this thread then to be accountable to myself for those two things and stop sitting back waiting for a miracle. Its also a time for me to be looking forward, rather than back, something I have been doing a lot lately but I dont think thats a bad thing for me to allow myself to start remembering things, but yes time to move on. I will be 50 on Sunday and I am looking forward to it. My daughter is going to a christening on the sunday so I am going out with my family on suturday for a carvery, thats a meal which consists of three meats, you can pick one or have all 3, and then you help yourself to the veg and potatoes and other bits and bobs its a big Roast dinner and I love them, and its cheap Then on Sunday I hope to be getting tea and toast in bed off my sons, and who knows I might even eat out again. There is a steakhouse place not far from me, its not cheap, but not expensive but they do a free meal on your birthday. So then I would have to pay for my sons tho, but you also get a free cake, I often wonder who has gone on their own for the free birthday meal, surely someone must have. Should I try it :H

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Loo you girls crack me up. So in spite of my current Kindle handicap: I wish to say that yes Space. I agree regarding the being waked by the fire fighter. I would vastly prefer he was not a goat. They will eat Anything you know. Ha! And no roosters Cuz as Ne says they don't turn off like alarm clocks! Damnable co ks. Where did my c go?

Yes Space! Where do I want to be in an hour or a week or a month? And what do you want your sons to see and be with? No small gaols but worthy ones.

Goals!
Not gaols.....

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Good goals, thinking about where you see yourself in the future, that's exactly how we get there, now be sure to make it really somewhere you like LOL, but seriously, the Universe will bring us whatever we ask for and need. And space as you start feeling better physically, you will feel more like being up and around at doing things, it's awfully hard when you have been so tired, just make sure the GP does his job.

And roosters, they do start awfully early in the morning.

Ok, bye for now.
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