Me, myself and getting sober

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Windy, the plan you suggested for Space is actually. My plan. I went from gin to wine today. Space is on low dose Bac btw.

I cant remember the name, was it precious? Not using that!

Hang in there with bf and the move. What you're doing in your life this year is astounding and grow pain is inevitable.
:l

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

Oh man, Windy. I can't even deal with getting started on it. I finally called a lawyer to get the ball rolling. Exactly as you describe: revoked license, the original suspension is about to be up so I'm eligible to petition for a hearing. Need an alcohol eval first, I guess, 'cause they didn't sentence me to one after the conviction this time.

Good luck with the move and the BF. That's got to be tough--I've been that belligerent guy before, but never with someone trying to stay sober. In other words, my heart goes out to you.

Bruun, that sounds like a good plan.

And not a bad idea for you either, Space. Whatever you do, just don't beat yourself up for it, K? That part of it is what worries me. :l

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Just a quick post as I have to get ready to go out and will come back later on to read around. Windy you have so much going on right now my heart hurts for you, you are so strong to be able to deal with all this without drinking, escpecially since your bf is there drinking all the time. I know you will get though this but just wish you didnt have to deal with the pain of it.

I did manage to stick to the lagers yesterday and took an AB as soon as I go up this morning before I could change my mind, its my sons 13th birthday on Saturday and I need to be sober for it and not hung over, I also have to get these bloody bridesmaids dresses done which Ive just left on the table because of my drinking and hungoverdness. I have no clue how you peeps manage to work as I just couldnt.

I did stop taking bac a while ago because of the constant tiredness and sleeping all the time and needed to see if it was bac causing it and havent really started taking it again since, I started the topa 3 days ago but dont notice anything from it yet but am intending to give it a go for a month and see what happens, I will just see how things go with it anyway I do have bac here if I needed it but dont want to get confused again as to what med is causing what se's.

Its great youve got a plan Bruun, this is bloody crap isnt it but at least we are in this together. Better than just sitting alone with a bottle and no one to talk to about it like I used to do. Same goes for you Stuck, we are not to beat ourselves up, Im not, whats done is done, I havent done anything bad anyway, just spent to much money, drank too much and felt ill but no disasters or upsets Im glad to be able to say, thats what always gets me down is when my family get involved and get upset but apart from my eldest son finding me wandering around the house pissed looking for more to drink the other night at 3am (which didnt go down very well) nothing else has happened and he hasnt mentioned it since. I think hes just glad Im not on a bender or anything but I do wish I hadnt done that.

ps. Please hijack away all you want, I love to hear whats happening with everyone and with not coming on here as much havent been reading round

:lx

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1353357 wrote:

I did manage to stick to the lagers yesterday and took an AB as soon as I go up this morning before I could change my mind,
:lx

Go, Space, go! You rock the house, chica. I hope it's a great day.

:l

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

Gotta be quick!
Space, awesome job on the AB! I say give yourself some time before you dive into the dressmaking work. Treat yourself. You're right, nothing terrible has happened this time around, and that's good.
Bruun, good plan. I was thinking of how to figure out that author's name but decided that putting "ho lawyer lady book" into google wouldn't work.
Stuck, I do have a couple things going for me in my legal situation. All of my charges (while still very much alive, there are warrants out) are from 2003 and 2004. The first judge I saw just seemed impressed that I was doing something about it after all this time. I'm also getting free help from a lawyer who's dad's friend from AA. Apparently he's good friends with the judge I'm in front of tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed for me. But, yeah, the license thing was a bitch. Took months to get that figured out. And I still don't have one yet. So you have my sympathy.
And thanks everyone for your kind words!!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Good luck in court tomorrow windy

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I dont know what time it is there windy but Im sending you good vibes over the ocean.

I woke this morning around 8am to go to the loo and took an AB then, no I didnt stay up I went back to bed until 11.30, I am such a lazy bitch Not got anything else to say really, and I do need to get up off this laptop and do something with the rest of the day. (some hope)

back later xx

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space, I was smoking a cigarettte after court, feeling drained and overwhelmed, and I popped on here for a minute. I saw your last post, and it made me smile. My dad asked what I was looking at, and I said, My friend in England says she's sending me good vibes. That sounded so nice...my friend. That made me smile all over again. Thank you so much, Space.
Court didn't go exactly as I'd planned. It's not terrible, but...eh, I'll tell you later.
Awesome that you took the AB. I do think it's important to take it at a time when you're feeling strong. Or when you just can't think too hard about it, ie half asleep. I used to think to myself that you had to take AB like you do a shot of booze, without thinking about the consequences. I think your son's going to have a wonderful birthday with you. It's so nice to hear you and Taw say how your sons just like to sit and be with you guys. That's so sweet.
I'm off to dinner with my family! Hope everyone's doing well.

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

windycitylady;1353421 wrote: Gotta be quick!
I was thinking of how to figure out that author's name but decided that putting "ho lawyer lady book" into google wouldn't work.

LOL Sorry that's terrible! But funny!

Hope dinner is good and makes up for the crappy court stuff, sounds like you're still tangled up. I'm so lucky I never got a DUI, I count it as a huge silver lining that I never killed anyone driving when I thought I was sober but know I couldn't have been.

Cheers all! It's cocktail time and I'm just having psyllium husk to help with the craps I got from the AB. All is as it should be.

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi All, Bruun, I think I missed your B Dayy, so Happy One, I need to read and catch up, Dear Windy good luck on things, I will try to catch up with you, and I love cats too. Anyway just wanted to say hi and maybe I can post more later. Space the Topa will kick in!!!

Love and Light,
Play

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Windy sorry the court case didnt go as well as you wanted, but since your going out to dinner I take it your not locked up, hope you enjoy/ed your dinner. Things will work out for you windy, I just somehow feel they will, dont know where that came from Im not usually into all the spirit stuff but..

Bruun the AB doesnt seem to bother my tum at all, the drink on the other hand has me on the loo half the day:upset:

Hi Play, well I have to say that last night I was in a complete panic, now I know Im not that stable sometimes but from nowhere I started getting this pain behind my right eye, I tried not to think about it and tell myself I could just be imajining it but it carried on, I then went to do some more work on a dress and couldnt see the needle, so then I was starting to get more worried, so I googled topa and eyes and the more I read the more I started worrying, so I didnt take the topa and honestly dont think I will, since I started taking it I have felt ok, in fact yesterday I felt pretty darn good which is what I wanted but I dont think I can take the worry of that se, in fact I know I cant, the whole thing could have been in my head, well the pain couldnt because I wasnt thinking about it when it started but the sight could have but I got to thinking that it would be no good in future regretting doing this if I was blind. I may well be overeacting but I cant help it.

So I took my AB again, this morning when I woke, Im not sure whether its cos Im still half asleep or Im just relieved to not be hungover but I do know if I leave it later the chances are I wont take it. I was thinking of taking half but thought NO take the full one that way my head cant start working out how many days it is until I can drink like last time when I was taking half a day, then started taking half every other day then ,,, oh I know what will be a really good idea, I will just get a bottle of vodka
So Im still taking the gabapentin and am probably going to take low dose bac again as well. I did have pretty good sucess with this combo last time so I will give it a go again.

Windy I meant to say, I thought you had been taking AB all along, my god girl you have done so well, 5 months wow!!!

OK Im off to get on with the day now, its only 2.15:H I am sooo lazy its beyond a joke, I have cooked the lads their lunch tho, and washed dishes, and watched tv I just dont know how you lot all work and stuff, I cant imagine ever being able to do that, that makes me a bit sad really.

Bye for now xx

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1354159 wrote: ....so then I was starting to get more worried, so I googled topa and eyes and the more I read the more I started worrying, so I didnt take the topa and honestly dont think I will, since I started taking it I have felt ok, in fact yesterday I felt pretty darn good which is what I wanted but I dont think I can take the worry of that se, in fact I know I cant, the whole thing could have been in my head, well the pain couldnt because I wasnt thinking about it when it started but the sight could have but I got to thinking that it would be no good in future regretting doing this if I was blind. I may well be overeacting but I cant help it.

Hiya Space!

I have noticed that maybe you have the penchant (and maybe it's because I do too) to get anxious and uncomfortable and change things up when things are starting to go really well.

I think it's easy to assume that you are feeling better so you should be able to just keep on without whatever it is that you're taking. But what if you're feeling better because you are taking something that is helping? Then you've got to start all over again if you quit taking it!

It's really, really, really unlikely that the topa is affecting your eyes. It's much more likely that the eye-strain of staring at fabric and sewing for a bit is affecting your eyes.

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't take topa. I'm just saying that it might be important to analyze what you are doing RIGHT when you are feeling RIGHT and then keep doing exactly that without changing anything.

If the eye strain persists when you aren't straining your eyes, you can see a doctor to make sure there isn't any pressure building in there. That may be a good idea, anyway, if you continue to take topa. Though that particular SE is not very common, it can be very serious.

:l

WCL, I'm sort of feeling like pointing out that perhaps you hit a "switch" and didn't know it. Ya' know? I'm not trying to undermine 5 months sober, 'cause God knows you've earned it! (And HOW!!!) But the fact that you have been on the same amount of baclofen ever since you titrated up, coupled with the fact that you don't bother to take AB, added to the fact that you haven't ever been able to accomplish anything like that before, is pretty profound. It would be great to hear how you think you've done it, what you think made the difference, so other people can learn from it! Your journey certainly is inspirational!

I would add, too, at the risk of sounding like I'm pushing baclofen (and I'm not, because I really don't have an investment in this) that if you are still having obsessive thoughts about drinking (meaning not easily dismissed) then you might have gone down a bit too low. And that can be remedied. But if, like almost all of us, you just think about booze occasionally and then forget about it, then nevermind and congratulations! You've made it to the other side sister!!!
Woop!

:l to all.

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hiya everyone,

Ne great point about Windy, its a very unusual story even on these boards. I've never been through the depths of hell with rehab and court issues (luck of the Irish?) etc., and I haven't been able to do that (yet). I had thought Windy was on AB for many months and lo and behold, I was mistaken. Windy, I think you said it was a combination of bac and AB and maybe other things in your life?

Space, after a few weeks on way too much wine or even spirits, my gut falls apart. Seems since I was 32 or so, wine has done it to me. Funny in a very small way bkz I spent my 20's completely and painfully constipated. I always think if I get cancer, it will be in my GI tract somewhere. My friend who died of pancreatic cancer told me and her sister that whenever she was stressed, she felt the pain in her pancreas, her whole life. I hear her words ringing in my ears when I'm in the loo, Space, or looking back on my shit history. Shistory? Shitory? Shitstory.

NOT HUNG TODAY. Feels awesome.

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

Bruunhilde;1354200 wrote: NOT HUNG TODAY. Feels awesome.

You'd never say that if you were a dude, Bruun.

Maybe stay the course for a minute, Space? You do seem like you're in a much better place the last couple of days. Nothing bad's gonna happen within the next week(s), I'm fairly sure. Plenty of time to kinda get stabilized with the AB, the topa, the sobriety, and get in to see a doc. In other words, everything NE said only she said it better and in greater detail...

Windy, I can't help thinking of the (now) standard song lyric, "I fought the law, and the law won." Hope the system didn't f--k you too hard. Hope it at least used lube...

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

I'm with, Ne, Space. Since taking topa isn't as unheard of as taking, say, HDB, do you feel like it's something you could discuss with a doctor? It'd be a shame to stop taking it if you feel like it's helping. I do think too, however, that starting LDB again would help, now that you've determined that it wasn't that making you tired.
As far as your "laziness" goes, you suspect that there may be underlying health problems, so don't be so hard on yourself. Also, I was thinking...are you familliar with the concept of momentum? An object at rest tends to stay at rest. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. The worst thing I can do for my energy levels in stay in bed or in front of the TV. It's not like I can "relax" that way, then feel invigorated. It always makes me more tired. I NEVER EVER feel like going to the gym or working. But doing so always gives me more energy, rather than tiring me out. (The exception being a super demanding workout or a 12 hour shift at work, but even then, that's a pleasant exhaustion, not the cement in my limbs feeling of not moving enough.) Don't push yourself or anything. But a short walk outside might be energizing.
Ne, thing is I did go down. The highest I was at was 225mg/day. I went down (that's when I went crazy with anxiety and ended up in urgent care), and I think I was taking 70mg when I first took an AB. I've been taking 40mg lately. I would like to be taking 60 or 70, but I'm nervous about when my next order will arrive. When it does, I may go back up a little. But I did have a simillar thought. Like, maybe taking the higher dose for as long as I did was a jumpstart on fixing brain chemistry. Maybe the low dose that I'm on now wouldn't have worked without being at a high dose for a while first. And while sobriety is a lot easier with the bac, I don't think I hit the switch. I still think about drinking a lot, like when I wanted to drink a stranger's hand sanitizer on the train the other day (I also play a "fun" game called Would I Drink If: Would I drink if my dad died? Would I drink if I lost a leg? Would I drink if a meteor was going to hit earth? Etc, etc.). But I am able to dissmiss the thought and move on, which is bac but also probably a tool from using the AB. Taking AB makes it necessary to learn to dismiss those thoughts, otherwise you'll go insane. Just thinking like I'm on AB all the time has made it possible to not have to take AB all the time, if that makes sense.
Anyhow, I'm off to the gym with my sister. And, really, it's the last thing that I want to do, but I know I'll feel a million times better afterwards. I want to try to get back here later to talk about what happened at court. Maybe I'll dig up the AB/nal thread? Don't want to keep hijacking your space, Space. I'll be honest, it's sometimes hard for me to post when I'm staying with my family because I'm busy when here. But it's also that, despite being in AA, my dad and sister are HUGE smokers of the non-tobacco variety. And when I partake, I'm not able to compose my thoughts enough to post. But I will try to abstain today. Or maybe I'll just post from the bus tomorrow.:H
Hugs!:l