Me, myself and getting sober

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi thanks for the kind wishes, I am feeling a bit better today, no luck with the doc it will probably be at least another month before I can see her and my gp says he cant change her script, so Im no further on with that.

Yes Bruun I am still taking the gabapentin, my script is for 900mg a day but Im probably taking more like 1200mg right now, Ive also started back on the campral again. I havent taken AB for 2 days now, the craving for a drink where getting me down sooo much and I was scared that I would end up drinking anyway. Haha Bruun no I dont hate you for suggesting I go outside, I hope your trying to do the same, its been raining here but I did get a can of coke and sit on a park for a bit earlier after I went shopping. Its so dull here I doubt if I got any vit D tho but I have been taking supps for it. I hope your feeling better today Bruun.

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Space, good for you about the AB, I haven't been taking it and have been having wine about every three days. Fermented grape juice ain't on my diet!

Could go for a nap right now. I've been crawling out of my skin for three or more days now so maybe that's what's exhausting me. Maybe I'll take my bac sooner today.

Glad you're doing better. Yes, I have been trying to go outside at least for a few minutes and enjoy the weather. I take the dog to the park three days a week for an hour or so and talk to people there sometimes. Its a good thing to do at the witching hour. Although then I must drive home passing store after store of bottles. Most of the time I'm fine tho. This murder thing has me on edge.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

What murder thing Bruun?

And do you know what has started your bad anxiety, its horrible when you get like that, do you take anything for it, or do anything usually or is this a new thing? Do you think its craving for a drink, I get like that where my whole body is just screaming at me and Im crawling out of my skin and it a feeling Ive had before many times when it was like only a drink will fix this

[taw]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space, glad you are feeling better...How about keeping a journal along with posting on here? Just a thought...

Bruun, pleae explain the murder thing! You can mozie on over to my thread to 'splain so as not to take over Space's if you want....inquiring minds and all....

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

Afternoon (for you) Space!
What's news?

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Space and Taw,

Sorry thought I explained my murderer was nothing compared to Jeffrey Dahmer and only an assessory but it shook me. It was someone I met and spent a few days with last week at a seminar. I don't want to go into details online...

Anyways, the edgy thing has been life long, but gets much worse without gabapentin and low dose bac (LDB).

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hey Space! I think adding the campral was a good idea. Does that take long to work? Maybe give it a chance before you go off the AB. I know you've been struggling with very bad cravings lately, but I hate to see you jumping on and off the carousel of sobriety. I do believe that each time that you fight through one of those cravings, you get stronger. But I also know that you're mood is very poor, and you can't get into the doctor. Do what you gotta do. We'll be here for you.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I havent been taking AB for 3 - 4 days now? Campral seems to work with me pretty much straight away, although I think its very subtle when I take it I just dont get those strong cravings or obsessive thoughts about drinking as much, I did buy some lager yesterday but then left it inmy car and forgot about it until tonight, I poured some earlier but it didnt taste too good and I have left it. So, today I set my alarm clock for 11am and forced myself to get up then, thats early I have been getting up around 1.30 some days, and I cooked breakfast for my sons and have been trying to work on a dress, but have spent around the past 5 hours trying to fix my sewing machine, why is nothing fucking easy and straightforward. Anyway, I have left it now, still not working and will look at it again tomorrow with fresh eyes. At least I have been able to get up and try to do something. I have been so dissapointed about the topa, I was really hoping it would work for me, I am wondering if I overeacted to the eye pain and should try it again but book an eye test for a week or two in. That way I would find out if anything was going wrong for sure. Oh I dont know, why didnt bac work for me either? Im just asking these questions but I suspect the reason for all this really is my depression which even after all these years is still no better, I have read that a lot of people who are diagnosed as bipolar suffer most from the depressions rather than erratic and impulsive behaviour. I do have that but thats not the thing that gets me down but that seems to be what the psychiatrist wants to treat. And so everytime I drop into this I dont get anywhere with it. I have to say tho that I dont feel so out of control as I did 2 weeks ago, I was worried then that I could end up on a bad bender, thats why I took the AB, so Im left with the conclusion that my drinking and my mood is closely related.

Im didnt wake up this morning thinking of drink, so thats good, and havent really thought about it much for the past 2 days. but did still open the lager ???

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

Oh Space I'm so sorry. I only have a few minutes before going in to class to teach, but I want to say it sounds like you're still doing the right thing/the best you can. With the cravings you were having maybe giving AB a rest is good. Better than drinking on it anyway. Stick with the gabapentin, and the LDB if you're on it... And keep forcing yourself out of bed and outside a little. I know it's hard, but keep up the fight. Windy's right--every time you can fight a craving it gets a little easier. I'm not the guy to say that right now, but still.

I gotta run, but keep on keeping on. Serious :l

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Sorry too Space! Love ya lots though. You'll get through this.

I think you and me and alot of us have depression and don't always post it because its so hard to post when you're depressed.

Do you remember being "up" before? How did you get out of the black hole that time, if you did?

[taw]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hey Space! How are you feeling today? Are you still taking gabapentin? Good job on not drinking the lager! I can totally understand your frustration with the topa and bac not working for you! I never tried topa but bac was not my answer either. That is why we need to find Our way out! And with all the great minds here, and loving support, we will find that for you!! maybe we just need to tweak a few things. Any luck on getting in to see your psych soon?

Hope you are feeling much better today!!! Maybe a walk in the park will help? I know it is hard to get going, but once you are there I know it will help! Big hugs to you!!! Hang in there!

[playland]

Me, myself and getting sober

Hi Space,
I hate seeing how down you are feeling, don't quite know what to say to help out right now, only know that yes depression is awful and hard to deal with, my oldest daughter has had a terrible struggle with it, in fact all three of my children take medication. I'm sure it is passed down in the family, my ex-husband suffers terribly and we have had some really sad things happen in the family that we have had to deal with. I'm sorry about the stuff with your Aunt and Uncle too.

Let's still plan to get together in October in Spain, it's a lovely month. I don't think it will require much money on your part, just the plane ticket really, I can supply the rest regarding the place to stay, so don't worry about that, you will just need a little spending money. It will give us something fun to look forward to.

love,
Play

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

Space! yoooohoooooo.

It's been 3 days.

What's up? Where are you? Whatcha doing?

Even if you really, really don't feel like it, will you post anyway? Brings comfort and stuff to the rest of us when you're hanging around.
:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

oops. My bad. I just wasn't looking in the right place.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

LOL thank you for thinking of me Ne, you check up when I dont come on for 3 days, how do you remember? Anyway you found me.

Thank you Play I would love to come in October that would be fantastic. It will give me something to look forward to.