Me, myself and getting sober

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Thanks Bruun that has picked me up today. and happy birthday.

I enjoyed my daughter and bf visiting, and they have gone home now and last night I really didnt want to drink, in fact theres a lot of the time I really dont, like now but I still have some lager there, I have decided there is something just not right about me. I cant even explain why I do drink most of the time now because I dont really want to, is it habit, fear, this bloody addiction? I also feel like a dickhead for not having it sorted by now, but then I think its actually the depression I mostly havent sorted by now and I dont think thats my fault, thats the dickhead docs fault.

But anyway Im tired today and dont really feel up to doing much, or even posting much, so I will go and have a read around.

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

It is not you at all, Space. Dickhead doc, yeah. And habit, and fear, and this bloody addiction. All those, but not you. And there's no end to the lengths people in white coats will go to tell me that alcohol makes depression worse. They're remarkably silent about how depression gets worse when not drinking, too. Though that one gets better with time (?).

Glad you had a good visit (not sure about the phrasing there, it's not like you visited... anyway), and sorry you're tired today. But hey, even good things can take a toll, energy-wise. I wish for you a very relaxing day.

[ifulovelife2]

Me, myself and getting sober

Bebe. SiLA is absolutely spot on. its the dickhead doc. its this bloody addiction. its habit. its fear. its also loneliness. its ... basically ... JUST WHAT WE DO.

i met a man at AA the other night who managed to stop drinking completely. one day he just stopped. not another drop passed his lips for 19 years. it was so easy for him he told me. i asked him how he managed it. how did he cope. wasnt he tempted to just pop down the offy for a can or down the pub for a pint. he told me he never even considered doing that. why. because he was in prison for killing his girlfriend during a drunken blackout . he had no memory of it but knows he must have done it although has no idea why.

the moral of this story is ... errrrrr ... there isnt one. i just thought i would share.

have a great day Bebe and everyone else.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

No not a relaxing day today either but never mind, Im intending to just lie on the settee and watch tv tonight. hopefully.

That sounds like an AA story thing, Im not saying its untrue, but the reason for the telling is that it hasnt happened to you "yet", as in it could do if you have another drink.

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

Gotta be quick, just wanted to pop in and say Hey Lady Space. Do what you got to to take care of yourself right now. If that's lying on the couch, so be it. I'm glad the visit went well. Sometimes it's fun to be around those people who can ALWAYS tell when you've had a drink. By "sometimes" I mean when you haven't had a drink. You know that she knows and that she appreciates it. Or at the very least, she isn't pissed.
Love ya!!!

[Bruunhilde]

Me, myself and getting sober

Lying on the couch watching TV is what I've done almost every night for 15 years! Usually drinking. No, ALWAYS drinking until I joined MWO. Now THAT'S saying something, ain't it? And by the way its only relaxing if you're able to relax, and lately without alcohol I've had more jitteryness than ever.

Of course its the lack of my usual sedative but also the headache man, I now have the quitting headache. Its like someone has taken a paring knife to the side of my head and is squiggling it around in my skull trying desperately to find the brain part and searching and searching. It may take a long time, apparently. They keep at it.

So, I'm just back from a birthday lunch with a friend to find that my boss is making me go to Kansas City during the week my family will be in the mountains renting a place. Oh well, I didn't want to see my brother and his latest plastic girlfriend anyways. He has to have a girl so perfect that they apparently have to send out overseas to Vietnam for one. Of course she has no job but seems to have money anyways. I say she's professional and he just doesn't know it yet. He won't know until he's put a ring on it, I'm guessing. What these professional girls don't know is that my brother is professionally single.

I don't want to go to Kansas City in the freakin' summer! I just went to freakin' Florida and Phoenix FGS. What will they want next, blood?! Just kidding.

:hitme:

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Yesterday was not good, until I eventually managed to get up off my bum and get some gardening done, and then the day picked up. I havent done the garden for weeks and so it was really overgrown and very satisfying to see it return to a usable nice green space.

So today I got up at 8 !!!!!!!!! and Im off to the beach

So bye for now, I will be back later hopefully not all red and sore x

[wuthrich8]

Me, myself and getting sober

Have a great day today Space! I hope you dont come back red, and its nice that you are getting out...Sounds like that gardening and new meds are doing some good! How is your eye today???

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

Gardening? The beach? I'm jealous, Space. How's the weather there? After I've done so much complaining about the heat we've had this summer, it dropped down to the high 70's this week. And I'm freezing. Wearing a sweatshirt and a light down jacket right now.
How's your mood/drinking? You SOUND good....

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Yesterday was great, I went with my youngest son, daughter and her bf, the only downside was my other son wouldnt come but we had a lovely time. I even went in the sea and wore my bikini!, Im a bit scared of fish! but have been trying to get over it these past few years and it was lovely.

The weather here has changed today back to rain so thats not good. High 70's is hot windy, well at least it is here it probably wasnt even that yesterday when I was in my bikini

Good of you to pop in Wu, lovely to hear from you, my eye is fine now thanks.

My mood is better, the gardening and then the beach were good for me, today back to a normal day tho, my mum is coming round for Sunday dinner so its a cleaning, cooking, dishes and sewing day again And I really havent been wanting to drink, even tho I did have a few lagers last week I didnt really want them, more like forcing it down.

Im off to have a quick look around

Love ya

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

That all sounds wonderful, Space. But I'm having alittle trouble picturing it. Could you describe this bikini?

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

:H

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Well after the good start to the weekend it didnt really end well, my mum came for dinner and we had a lovely dinner then everything just descended into arguments and bickering with me just sitiing there telling everyone to shut up while getting more and more anxious, you know when you have visitors and your opening the front door saying bye but they just wont take the hint and go, eventually my mum, daughter and her bf went and it left me feeling so low and just needing to be on my own for a while to get over it all.

The weather is back to dull and windy today so thats not helping either, you peeps over there in US complaining about the heat dont know how lucky you all are

I cant let myself just sit around moping and feeling shit, drinking doesnt seem like a option either anymore, I am really thankful for that but just havent found another solution instead of drinking. I am too wound up to relax in any way so any idea of relaxation of any form is out. I suppose a good walk would help its just the whole motivating myself to do it thats the problem, especially since it looks like its going to piss down. This is something Ive started noticing quite a bit, its not that I want to drink, its just that I havent yet replaced the drink and dont know what else to do with myself either time or emotionally. When I have had a drink im like forcing it down to try to get an effect, and with drinking lager nowadays thats too much effort for little effect. It also seems strange that I dont want to do that, I dont know why drinking isnt a solution when it always has been, I dont trust it I think that Im going to revert back to type at any minute and run off to the woods with a bottle of vodka again but I just dont want to, not that I wanted to do that in the first place its just where I seemed to have ended up My daughter told me that once they where out looking for me I had been missing for 16 hours, I dont remember that, what the hell was I doing there for so long, and I had my dog with me who I used to take for protection so she would have gone without food and only water out of the pond if I managed to take her there for it.

So today is going to be a million times better than that no matter what I do:H

[ifulovelife2]

Me, myself and getting sober

I can't believe opening the door and saying "goodbye" didn't work. Talk about thick skinned! What I used to do (back in the day when people still actually wanted to know me in R/L: before my drunken antics) was simply go to bed and let them leave on their own.

Bebe, take your bloody dogs for a walk!!!!!

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

:H I know these poor dogs, if been out in the garden messing about, have cooked for the lads, cleaned round in the kitchen am back on here, anything just to avoid the hastle of taking them out. Ok point taken, I will just have a cuppa and a smoke then get dressed and go. promise