Me, myself and getting sober

[ifulovelife2]

Me, myself and getting sober

I'm glad you're going to get dressed before you walk them.:H

Sheeeeeeit! I've been wondering why I was so down today and so up the last few: the sodding weather!!!! Or more specifically the lack of sunshine. It changed down here too. Sun, or the lack thereof, has such a huge impact on our moods. People living in perma-sunny places just don't understand.:upset:

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

Ok then peeps, get this....I have had a shower and got dressed:shocked:

I know, these bloody yanks who keep complaining about how hot and sunny it is really dont know how good theve got it

Right Im off out now with my doggies wish me luck I am going to put them both in the car and take them to the river

:l's & xxx's to everyone

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

You have to shower to take your dogs out? And drive them to walk them? Oy. I wouldn't walk 'em either. I was walking the goose this morning and got a look from one of my new neighbors. She was jogging. And I, in my finest almost-pajamas, said hello. She ignores me because she wasn't polite enough to take an earbud out or make eye contact until after she looked pointedly at my leashless pooch. Thing is, she can bite my ass. Yep. My dog stops at crosswalks. Sits on command from a hundred yards away. Doesn't leave my line of sight for even the tastiest squirrel. And is likely smarter than her fifth grader. So there.

I already fucking hate it here and I just got here and I have to stay for fucking ever. And I don't have Internet yet which chafes my ass.

Sorry. And thank you. Hope it's a better day in drear ol blighty.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

Really sorry about all the effs. And about unleashing on here.

Really glad you don't feel like drinking. And atm I'm kind of with you on the wishing for something else since that obviously doesn't work.

Whatever. I'm trying to pretend I'm capable of communication right now and I ain't.

Still love ya and you make me motivate me self to get off my own whiney arse.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

But I'm not going to be happy about it and no one can make me.

Peace out.

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

Also really glad you don't feel like drinking. I'm sure it does feel pretty empty now, but try to think of it as a creative destruction-type thing. This won't be a good analogy, but it's like if I wanted to remodel a house so I could have a really nice bathroom. I'd start by tearing down the old bathroom to clear some space. Then I'd be so tired after swinging a sledgehammer around all morning, and I'm sure I'd have forgotten to go to the hardware store or wherever you're even supposed to go for the stuff that goes into a new bathroom. And then I'm sure I'd take a nap, and the next day I'd get stuck in (really, is that how that works? ) some new thing, and before you know it I wouldn't have a bathroom in my house for like 3 weeks.

Eventually I'd get tired of having to go down to the coffee shop every other minute--and that's really a downward spiral, I mean drinking all that coffee? May as well just not go back home! Or just using the kitchen sink, and even that only works for 1 out of 2. But at least the space has been cleared out for a new bathroom so when I get my act together and figure out what I want to do there I can build whatever--as long as it's actually a bathroom instead of some shrine to video games...

Ugh. Long and weird. Hopefully funny and helpful too? :l

And I'll loan you some of my sunshine. It's cloying and oppressive after a while--I'm really loving the rain in Chicago right now.

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

spacebebe01;1363398 wrote:
I cant let myself just sit around moping and feeling shit, drinking doesnt seem like a option either anymore, I am really thankful for that but just havent found another solution instead of drinking. I am too wound up to relax in any way so any idea of relaxation of any form is out. I suppose a good walk would help its just the whole motivating myself to do it thats the problem, especially since it looks like its going to piss down. This is something Ive started noticing quite a bit, its not that I want to drink, its just that I havent yet replaced the drink and dont know what else to do with myself either time or emotionally. When I have had a drink im like forcing it down to try to get an effect, and with drinking lager nowadays thats too much effort for little effect. It also seems strange that I dont want to do that, I dont know why drinking isnt a solution when it always has been,

Space, you hit the nail on the head. Drinking was my solution for everything. Being happy, being sad, being bored. And now I don't want to do it anymore. And that's good, right? But I miss it! Not just miss drinking and being drunk, but miss it as a solution. It's hard to explain, but it's definitely different than a craving. It's more like the absence of a craving when I expect to crave. And I miss it! Why the hell is that? How the hell is that? Isn't this what I've wished for for for years?
Do you ever have a relationship end, and you obsess over the other person, pine for them, think back on all the wonderful times you had, tell yourself that they were so special, you'll never love anyone like that again, etc, etc? Then you wake up one day and think, "Huh. They really weren't that interesting/good looking/fun." And while it's a relief to no longer to be missing them, everything that you had together somehow seems cheaper. Like, "So I made that all up? How awesome they were, how much I adored them, none of that was real?" That's how I feel about AL now. Did I really sacrifice everything for the last 15 years for THAT? It cheapens the beautiful realtionship I had with AL
I don't think that's gonna make any sense to anyone. Oh well.
But I get what you're saying too about filling up that time and finding healthy coping mechanisms. Getting AF is a huge and difficult step, but I feel like figuring out that stuff is even harder. And it's not instantaneous. It's a process. And I have no patience.
Sorry about the weather there, Space. I'm glad you showered and took the dogs to the lake though! You just sound more motivated in general. Are your ADs still the same?
Ne, you make me laugh! So you're moved in? Give it a little time. And I'm impressed with the Goose's discipline! What good parents you must be!
This loosely relates to dogs not on leashes. At work yesterday I had a mom and her nine or ten year old daughter sit out on the patio. They brought their little poodle. Fine. But it wasn't on a leash and kept going over to a nearby couple. But the couple was younger, not spending any money, and they really didn't seem TOO bothered by it. On the other hand, the mom and daughter obviously had money, mom's not old, but already had enough surgery to look creepy. (Sorry guys, but this is how I make my living. Such decisions must be made.) So I didn't say anything about the dog. The whole meal, mom's on her cell like a 17 year old. Talking, texting, ignoring the daughter who is polite enough to answer my questions about the meal. When they leave, I discover that mom left my charming and accommodating ass a shit tip. And her sunglasses. I take the sunglasses, even though I don't really like them. When I get home, I plug the name on the glasses into google and see that they cost between $400 and $700. I guess if she calls, I'll give them back. Maybe. We'll see. Moral of the story is, if you have enough money for plastic surgery and $500 sunglasses, leave a decent tip.
Sorry to have rambled in your space, Space. Hope the walk went well and that you didn't get rained on!

[windycitylady]

Me, myself and getting sober

Didn't see your post, Stuck.
I like it!!
And I'm secretly enjoying the rain here too. Feels...peaceful.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

It hasnt rained, in fact the sun has popped out now its gone 6pm and its a lovely evening. The walk was good and Im glad I got myself out and doing it. Doing things like normal life, showering and getting out for a walk is so good some times, and such a pain at others. When I went shopping after the walk I had no money so returned something and got a refund, I then got the bread, milk, loo roll ect and also 4 cans of lager, why?, I already have a small stash in the house and didnt want to drink but bought them anyway, just in case.

I dont actually have to shower Ne before I take the dogs out, it was just that I was sitting here once again, minging (sorry stinking) in my pj's and doing that just makes me feel worse and then I dont want to go anywere. Also Ne how do you do that with your dog, my dream is to have a dog that I can train and behaves itself, I have always wanted one and still do, but I havent got a dogh like that, I have got two dogs that are very excitable, jump about, run away at any opportunity and are pretty much the opposite of you goose. I have spent time and money taking them to training classes, getting books and dvd's and training toys and all kinds of things and they just dont get it. I dont get it either, I used to work with horses and had no problem with them, I could deal with the problem horses that no one else in the stables could handle but dogs, I just dont seem to be able to get that connection with them where they know I am in control and they want to do what I say. But, today I did manage to let my girl dog, the less daft one off the lead for a run around and get her back with no trouble. Oh its only a 5 minute drive to where I walk them so we could walk there but would I bother, I doubt it.

Ne, I take it youve moved into your new house, do you know whats bugging you about it, it all sounds so perfect, is it just settling in or that you werent sure before you bought it, or because its such a massive thing, your all grown up now, with your own house, is that it?

Windy, put the glasses on ebay, the bitch doesnt deserve to get them back. Its hard to explain isnt it, even sitting here now, typoing on here I feel like theres something not quite right and I know its because Im not drinking, but I dont want to drink so why does it feel like this, its like nothing fits me anymore, even my body doesnt fit, the world doesnt. Your right, its the abscense of craving that feels so wrong somehow.

Im glad you would only use the kitchen sink for 1 out of 2 Stuck, no I dont want to think about that anymore I dont even know why I have mentioned it. urg.

So in the time its taken me to write this, in between cooking the lads tea, washing dishes and stuff I have now opened a can of the lager that I didnt want to drink before and just now I do feel like drinking arrgg WTF.

And please come and fill my space, I love it when I come here and peeps have been round. Its not my space I dont think, its MWO space.

xx

[ifulovelife2]

Me, myself and getting sober

windycitylady;1363497 wrote:
I don't think that's gonna make any sense to anyone. Oh well.

How wrong you are. That made perfect sense and resonated with me, as I'm sure it did with a whole bunch of peeps. Well put. :l

[ifulovelife2]

Me, myself and getting sober

Aggghhhhh! what's meant to take the place of booze, now we don't crave it? Fucked if I know. I think the problem is even if we no longer crave alcohol, we're still alcoholics. Bummer ain't it? Basically, we have to find something, otherwise we just go back to the booze. HELP!!!!!

spacebebe01;1363534 wrote:
And please come and fill my space ...

I'm afraid my inner 14 year old just couldn't resist quoting that and sniggering.


Oh, and the dog training thing: a lot of it has to do with the breed, Bebe. For instance (and this is just a for instance) a Labrador or a Border Collie will be easier to train because they want to please you. A Pit Bull won't be because he wants to eat you. Just sayin'.

[ifulovelife2]

Me, myself and getting sober

Ne/Neva Eva;1363451 wrote:
And I don't have Internet yet which chafes my ass.

Yeah, it irritates my donkey, too! At the moment I'm sitting in my car in the library car park, stealing their wifi. And I've just noticed my car smells of cat piss. WTF is that about?

[StuckinLA]

Me, myself and getting sober

Maybe you tried to do what I sometimes think about doing, M? I often want to put my cats in harnesses and take them for walks. Now if you drove them to where you'd be walking but then forgot about them in the backseat, well then I think I've found your problem.

[spacebebe01]

Me, myself and getting sober

I didnt know you had a donkey M, how cute, is it a little one like the ones they used to have on the beach here or one of those big ones

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Me, myself and getting sober

His ass is huge.

Thanks my friends for making me smile. I came back here all embarrassed and self conscious and found.:: (oh! I like the many colons!) you peeps. Really honestly Thank you.

I think I am over my self absorbed/indulgent freak out. This one anyway. I even had a nice thought about my new house (home?) an hour ago! How bout that?!
Good night! Hope you brits(et al) have a lovely morning and you CST (etc) have a fun night. Good night!