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I just ordered 400*10mg baclofen from an online source, no Rx. I am frightened my health insurance will get wind of an alcoholism Dx. I know my health is of utmost importance but the health insurance industry can be heartless.
Me
I am 36 years old, happily married, with a 5th grader. I have a very good life. A good husband, a wonderful son, a GREAT career that I am succeeding in, and I am in very, very good health (other than Al). I run half-marathons, marathons, and 50K races. I run 5-6 days a week and have a fairly healthy diet.
But Al has control over me. For the past 9 years.
I go through phases with Al. I'll have weeks where I won't drink M-F and only Sat/Sun. And then have weeks where I drink nearly every night. Most times when I drink it's until I pass out (a 6-pack or 1.5-2 bottle wine, mostly). I haven't thrown up in years, though I sometimes sleepwalk and end up in odd places in the house, not fully dressed. I don't usually get hung-over, either, unless I drink in the very early hours of the morning.
I've never missed work or missed a work deadline because of Al. My marriages is a good one, though I know my husband worries.
I worry. I worry I will end up like Amy Winehouse and my husband will wake up one morning and I will have died in my sleep from acute alcohol toxicity causing me to stop breathing. This is my greatest fear.
But, also, while I have a good life I feel like I am in a prison, of my own making, that keeps me from being the full person I have the potential to be. I withdraw from my family into my own mind with Al.
And while I truly love beer and wine for the reasons normal people love it (I really like the taste of a nice crisp IPA) I am willing to give it up so I can be free of this.
It brought me to this
So, after reading through a lot of the threads about titration, SEs, and success stories I got online and ordered some.
Here's the titration schedule I will do (I found it on this forum):
Days 1 to 4.......... 5mg (one dose)
Days 5 to 9..........10mg (one dose)
Days 10-14..........20mg (one dose)
Week 3- 40 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 4- 60 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 5- 80 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 6- 100 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 7- 120 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 8- 140 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 9- 160 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 10- 180 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses etc.
Some stats on me:
Gender: Female
Age: 36
Religion: None/Atheist
Martial Status: Happily Married for 14 years
Education: Masters level
Occupation: Scientist
Political leanings: Socially liberal, not party affiliated
Health: Very good, other than Al - very physically fit
Weight: 145lbs/66kg
Height: 5'4"/1.57m
Other meds: spironolactone (for high testosterone) 100*2 doses
synthroid 112 mcg
armour thyroid 60mg*4 doses
I'm not worried about the thyroid hormone replacement therapy as an interaction but I am a little worried about the spiro. It's a weak potassium-sparing diuretic which is sometimes used to help with hypertension. I do not have hypertension but I have high testosterone for a woman and an off-label use of spiro is for the treatment of high test (it interferes with androgen receptors). It's related to adderall.
I've looked on a few drug interaction checkers and they all warn about the additive effect causing hypotension. I've always had rather low blood pressure naturally and now it's a bit lower due to spiro.
So, that's why I am choosing the titration schedule I listed. It should keep me from getting caught up in bad SEs, I think.
My Plan
I am a scientist for a living. So I will keep a spreadsheet of my drinking, exercise, and bac, along with notes on cravings for Al. I will strive to remain AF and not be passive about it. And for now I think that's how it has to be. Maybe one day I can enjoy a nice IPA or single glass of red wine at a party, etc, but I am not chancing it, at least not in the beginning.
That being said, I am prepared I may fail in this regard. I am resolved, however, not to consider that a complete failure and to keep trying.
An unusual characteristic
I have what I call "Situational Sobriety". It's where I have absolutely no problems at all abstaining from Al, not even cravings, when I feel I really need to.
For instance, the night before a long run or race.
Also, I travel a LOT for work and while I tend to booze it up on the flight days (I'm not a good flyer, despite being elite status flyer) I pretty much abstain from Al nearly the entire time I am away. Not completely, as if there's a weekend involved my hosts tend to take me out, etc, and we all booze it up. But on regular days I have no problems. In fact, I actually become rather indifferent to Al during that time. Every time I come home I think I can keep it going, but I never can.
My hope
I want to be the full me I can be. I don't want to withdraw into myself with Al and miss another moment of my life, my son's life, and my husband's life. I want the weight of this thing off of me. I don't want to be scared I will die at my own hand.
I wish you all on your own journeys and hope you find success in any way you can find it.
Best,
Sabby
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