Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

[SabbyATL]

Hi All,

:new:

I just ordered 400*10mg baclofen from an online source, no Rx. I am frightened my health insurance will get wind of an alcoholism Dx. I know my health is of utmost importance but the health insurance industry can be heartless.

Me

I am 36 years old, happily married, with a 5th grader. I have a very good life. A good husband, a wonderful son, a GREAT career that I am succeeding in, and I am in very, very good health (other than Al). I run half-marathons, marathons, and 50K races. I run 5-6 days a week and have a fairly healthy diet.

But Al has control over me. For the past 9 years.

I go through phases with Al. I'll have weeks where I won't drink M-F and only Sat/Sun. And then have weeks where I drink nearly every night. Most times when I drink it's until I pass out (a 6-pack or 1.5-2 bottle wine, mostly). I haven't thrown up in years, though I sometimes sleepwalk and end up in odd places in the house, not fully dressed. I don't usually get hung-over, either, unless I drink in the very early hours of the morning.

I've never missed work or missed a work deadline because of Al. My marriages is a good one, though I know my husband worries.

I worry. I worry I will end up like Amy Winehouse and my husband will wake up one morning and I will have died in my sleep from acute alcohol toxicity causing me to stop breathing. This is my greatest fear.

But, also, while I have a good life I feel like I am in a prison, of my own making, that keeps me from being the full person I have the potential to be. I withdraw from my family into my own mind with Al.

And while I truly love beer and wine for the reasons normal people love it (I really like the taste of a nice crisp IPA) I am willing to give it up so I can be free of this.

It brought me to this

So, after reading through a lot of the threads about titration, SEs, and success stories I got online and ordered some.

Here's the titration schedule I will do (I found it on this forum):


Days 1 to 4.......... 5mg (one dose)
Days 5 to 9..........10mg (one dose)
Days 10-14..........20mg (one dose)

Week 3- 40 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 4- 60 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 5- 80 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 6- 100 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 7- 120 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 8- 140 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 9- 160 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses
Week 10- 180 mg per day to be split in 3 even doses etc.


Some stats on me:

Gender: Female
Age: 36
Religion: None/Atheist
Martial Status: Happily Married for 14 years
Education: Masters level
Occupation: Scientist
Political leanings: Socially liberal, not party affiliated
Health: Very good, other than Al - very physically fit
Weight: 145lbs/66kg
Height: 5'4"/1.57m
Other meds: spironolactone (for high testosterone) 100*2 doses
synthroid 112 mcg
armour thyroid 60mg*4 doses

I'm not worried about the thyroid hormone replacement therapy as an interaction but I am a little worried about the spiro. It's a weak potassium-sparing diuretic which is sometimes used to help with hypertension. I do not have hypertension but I have high testosterone for a woman and an off-label use of spiro is for the treatment of high test (it interferes with androgen receptors). It's related to adderall.

I've looked on a few drug interaction checkers and they all warn about the additive effect causing hypotension. I've always had rather low blood pressure naturally and now it's a bit lower due to spiro.

So, that's why I am choosing the titration schedule I listed. It should keep me from getting caught up in bad SEs, I think.


My Plan

I am a scientist for a living. So I will keep a spreadsheet of my drinking, exercise, and bac, along with notes on cravings for Al. I will strive to remain AF and not be passive about it. And for now I think that's how it has to be. Maybe one day I can enjoy a nice IPA or single glass of red wine at a party, etc, but I am not chancing it, at least not in the beginning.

That being said, I am prepared I may fail in this regard. I am resolved, however, not to consider that a complete failure and to keep trying.

An unusual characteristic

I have what I call "Situational Sobriety". It's where I have absolutely no problems at all abstaining from Al, not even cravings, when I feel I really need to.

For instance, the night before a long run or race.

Also, I travel a LOT for work and while I tend to booze it up on the flight days (I'm not a good flyer, despite being elite status flyer) I pretty much abstain from Al nearly the entire time I am away. Not completely, as if there's a weekend involved my hosts tend to take me out, etc, and we all booze it up. But on regular days I have no problems. In fact, I actually become rather indifferent to Al during that time. Every time I come home I think I can keep it going, but I never can.

My hope

I want to be the full me I can be. I don't want to withdraw into myself with Al and miss another moment of my life, my son's life, and my husband's life. I want the weight of this thing off of me. I don't want to be scared I will die at my own hand.


I wish you all on your own journeys and hope you find success in any way you can find it.

Best,

Sabby

[RudyB]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

hey sabby.

ipa is my achilles heel, so i feel your pain. but, after bac, i can actually enjoy a glass (or bottle) without the need to chase after a buzz.

not wanting to miss another minute with loved ones was one of my strong motivators to start with baclofen. i bet you'll have great luck with it, as have i.

good luck to you. this can be a funky trip, this bac, but it's well worth it!

welcome!
rudy b

[Grommet]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

Sabby, congratulations on taking this brave step. There is so much you laid out that was relevant to my situation I started to think you may be a sister from another mother :H. (although I'm a dude, but whatever)

Like you, when I first started with an elaborate Excel spreadsheet with dosing schedules, charts, graphs, etc. Generally, this was a good idea. But understand you will need to be flexible on the upward titration. Everyone is different, and you may be cruising right along, then get hung up at a certain level, maybe even need to back off a bit, then fly right through to ever higher levels. Just take it as you go, and don't get discouraged. Head down, eyes on the prize.

[SabbyATL]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

@RudyB - I've read a lot of your posts, including from when you started and I was so happy to see you succeed. Your story helped me to bite the bullet and buy the baclofen. Thank you for your kind words. It would be sooooooooo great if I could enjoy an ice cold Terrapin Hopsecutioner after a day in the yard and be happy to just have one and not drink the whole 6-pack (which has a 7.3% ABV) and pass out in my rocking chair! But if not ever drinking again is what I need to do then I accept that. I'll play it by ear, but always on the safe side.

@Grommet - Hi sister/bro! With all my marathon training I love keeping spreadsheets. And i get on kicks to log my food, etc. I'm a data person. I do understand that the titration may not be as strict as I put up. I just put up the most conservative schedule I could find because I'm a bit worried about an additive affect with the spiro. But, if I don't get any SEs, etc, then I may be more aggressive. And certainly if any dose gives me scary SEs I will back down. I plan to stay at each dose until the SEs go away.


I can tell you both that one thing that scares me is having the baclofen, which is a muscle relaxer, killing me in my sleep the way I fear alcohol may one day do --> because my brain forgets to tell my body to breath, etc.

[Cassander]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

SabbyATL;1218903 wrote: ...I can tell you both that one thing that scares me is having the baclofen, which is a muscle relaxer, killing me in my sleep the way I fear alcohol may one day do --> because my brain forgets to tell my body to breath, etc.

Hello Sabby. Well, that won't happen! Next fear?

:welcome:

Cassander

[suneelca]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

Sabby -- is ATL for Atlanta?

Interestingly, when my MD shrink prescribed Baclofen for me (which she had recommended some months ago, although she is not on the MWO list (and wouldn't like for me to put her there)), the being so relaxed that I might die in my sleep is the only extreme potential side effect she mentioned, although she was being somewhat dismissive of that notion when she said that. Am happy to report that am at 180 mg after nine weeks, and it hasn't happened yet.

As has been said before, the titration schedule is a guide. I got to 200 mg a few weeks ago and dropped back for a bit, and still haven't gotten back. (One of Karen / NE's posts makes me wish I had just gutted it out, but c'est la vie.) You will find your own path, and it will hopefully be a wonderful one. I haven't hit the switch yet, but already wish I had discovered this 43 years ago, and I'm 47. It will be interesting to see how your already good life might get even better.

[bleep]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

Hi Sabby,

Great first post, I like the way you have approached this.

Nothing to add, really, except remember that you can be flexible. If you find yourself tolerating baclofen with ease, don't be afraid to adjust your schedule. Likewise if the reverse applies, although you have a nice and steady approach there, so you should be okay.

I lie - I have one thing to add - when I began baclofen, it was with the avowed intention of moderating at the end. Like you, the thought of enjoying a single glass held great allure. Surprisingly, the allure fades with indifference, and that one drink doesn't attract me like it used to. The ability to have just one is there, but the taste isn't as crisp and refreshing as a glass of orange juice would be.

Strange but true.

Best of luck!

[AllyB]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

Is your husband aware of your plan? And does he support you in it?

[SabbyATL]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

Cassander;1218906 wrote: Hello Sabby. Well, that won't happen! Next fear?

:welcome:

Cassander

:h

I hope not! Thanks for the welcome and the words of comfort!

[tiptronic_ct]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

Welcome Sabby and :goodjob: on all the preparatory work you've done on approaching your titration systematically.

As Bleep said: keep it flexible, based on how well you tolerate baclofen.

The very best of luck to you!

[mario]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

Welcome Sabby and good luck.A great community here with lots of support and good advice.Go for it.

[SabbyATL]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

suneelca;1218909 wrote: Sabby -- is ATL for Atlanta?

Interestingly, when my MD shrink prescribed Baclofen for me (which she had recommended some months ago, although she is not on the MWO list (and wouldn't like for me to put her there)), the being so relaxed that I might die in my sleep is the only extreme potential side effect she mentioned, although she was being somewhat dismissive of that notion when she said that. Am happy to report that am at 180 mg after nine weeks, and it hasn't happened yet.

As has been said before, the titration schedule is a guide. I got to 200 mg a few weeks ago and dropped back for a bit, and still haven't gotten back. (One of Karen / NE's posts makes me wish I had just gutted it out, but c'est la vie.) You will find your own path, and it will hopefully be a wonderful one. I haven't hit the switch yet, but already wish I had discovered this 43 years ago, and I'm 47. It will be interesting to see how your already good life might get even better.

hi! Yes, it's for Atlanta.

And I've done so Googling around and haven't found any report of someone dying in their sleep due to baclofen for the purposes of reducing alcohol cravings. But I'm so afraid of pulling a Winehouse I get a little freaked.

But I'm more likely to do that on a bender, right?

Is it true that even before you hit the switch you have reduced cravings?

[SabbyATL]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

bleep;1219080 wrote: Hi Sabby,

Great first post, I like the way you have approached this.

Nothing to add, really, except remember that you can be flexible. If you find yourself tolerating baclofen with ease, don't be afraid to adjust your schedule. Likewise if the reverse applies, although you have a nice and steady approach there, so you should be okay.

I lie - I have one thing to add - when I began baclofen, it was with the avowed intention of moderating at the end. Like you, the thought of enjoying a single glass held great allure. Surprisingly, the allure fades with indifference, and that one drink doesn't attract me like it used to. The ability to have just one is there, but the taste isn't as crisp and refreshing as a glass of orange juice would be.

Strange but true.

Best of luck!

Hi bleep - I've really enjoyed reading your posts, as well.

You know, if I really become indifferent to beer, which I've loved for a long time and even used to make my own homebrew, I would be totally okay. Because I get glimpses of what life would be like during my situational sobriety and it seems waaay better!

Thanks!

[SabbyATL]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

AllyB;1219093 wrote: Is your husband aware of your plan? And does he support you in it?

Hi AllyB,

Yes and cautiously. He can be a little tightfisted so he was a little unhappy about paying $100 for what will probably be 2 months of supply. But we're pretty comfortable, financially, so it's really not a lot of money for something sooooooooo important. And, ultimately, he knows how unhappy I am about my drinking AND he's worried for himself and our son about it. So, in the end he's supportive.

I'm just glad he doesn't have this problem.

Because when I say he's supportive I don't mean he's on board with cleaning the house out of all the booze. He has no intention of depriving himself. And I think it's fair. I need to get to a place where there can be booze around me and I'm cool. Because that's life. Every party we go to, every social function, every restaurant. Everything.

We did chat last night about him watching out for me in case I have some of the more dangerous SEs. And my whole Winehouse fear. He suggested I wear a heart rate monitor! Maybe not a bad idea, for peace of mind at least.

[SabbyATL]

Scared, but going to try baclofen on my own

mario;1219130 wrote: Welcome Sabby and good luck.A great community here with lots of support and good advice.Go for it.

Hi Mario -

Wow, you've been AF since 2009? That's awesome! I want to be you!