I'm Bac

[Sammi33]

Hi All,

I have been missing you all and your support for so long. I got onto this forum and posted once a long time ago after drinking way too much and have been to ashamed to come back ever since for 6+ months.

I have continued on a very low dose of baclofen, but have not had the couage to move forward without coming back here.

Life has not been good, but i hope to start to turn things around.

Looking forward to reading where you are all at.

Sammi xx

[spacebebe01]

I'm Bac

Welcome back Sammi, too bad to hear things havent been going well for you but stick around, read and post and things can turn round

[windycitylady]

I'm Bac

Hey Sammi! I remember you! We were both trying to do high dose baclofen at the same time. Welcome back, and there's no shame! A couple of us have had great success taking low dose baclofen (or some other anti-craving medication) along with antabuse. We've been posting in the "Antabuse or Naltrexone" thread. Join the conversation, see if anything appeals to you! Best of luck to you regardless, glad you're here.

[GingerDust]

I'm Bac

WB, Sammi. I hope you stick around.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I'm Bac

Sammi33;1275167 wrote: Hi All,

I have been missing you all and your support for so long. I got onto this forum and posted once a long time ago after drinking way too much and have been to ashamed to come back ever since for 6+ months.

I have continued on a very low dose of baclofen, but have not had the couage to move forward without coming back here.

Life has not been good, but i hope to start to turn things around.

Looking forward to reading where you are all at.

Sammi xx

Hey, Sammi. That whole shame thing? I'm pretty convinced that it's a tentacle of the beast that keeps us shackled. The same one that keeps us drinking against our will, and for the same reasons...
Glad you squelched it a bit and made it back.

I read back a little bit to catch up with where you were. Don't let that make you nervous! It made me grin a bit...And sad too. You're funny! And we've all been in that sad, sucky place of no way out and finding the resolve to reach out when drunk. It's the nature of the disease.

Anyway, hope you'll stick around and that someone has something to offer that will help! Lots of options here.
:l

[redhead77]

I'm Bac

Hi Sammi!

I've missed you too. I haven't been posting much, but I came on and saw your name, and was very happy to *see* you. I've often wondered in these past months how you were doing. I agree with the others, there is no shame in what happened. This is an alcohol recovery forum. We've all been there. Some of us many, many times.

Do you have a plan to tackle this thing this time around?

[Sammi33]

I'm Bac

Hi Everyone,

Thanks so much for the warm welcome back.

Ahh i cant believe i didn't think that people could look back and see my previous posts!! Probably a good thing otherwise i wouldn't be here. I wanted to go back and look myself but couldn't bring myself to do it, the memory is bad enough!!

I wish i had a plan, i don't know what to do. I have 2 docs helping me, an addiction GP and a psych, both are willing to prescribe me things to help, nal up to 150mg and baclofen up to 120mg, as well as benzo's if i am willing to commit to 5 alcohol free days a week.

I am so scared of the baclofen side effects, i just don't think i am syrong enoughto get through. I sat on 30mg for about 6 months....over the past 2 weeks i have built up to 50mg but i am terrified i won't be able to maintain my normal life, work etc. It is horrible doing it like i am but i am so used to it i can manage.

Thanks everyone xx

[Gardeniagrl]

I'm Bac

Welcome back and good luck ( I'm new here so I should probably introduce myself soon lol) but...just be proud your back :l

[windycitylady]

I'm Bac

What awesome resources, Sammi! An addiction GP AND a psych AND both are willing to prescribe! And us, of course. Are you drinking a lot these days? Is your goal complete abstinence? What kind of time frame are you giving yourself? Have you ever tried TSM before?
I know it's scary, but it sounds like you're in good hands. Glad you're here!

You too, Garden! Welcome!

[woywoyboy]

I'm Bac

Hi Sammi, sounds like you have some good medical staff on board.
What's your drinking pattern like atm?
I'm a Bac disciple and I think you are making some very correct and brave decisions.
If you are on 50mg now, why not maintain that dose until you are sure you have no SE's? Perhaps then increase and do the same again?
All of us alkies tend to want things to happen quickly but maybe work/family responsibilites mean we need to take it slowly. (not that I did- I'm just sayin')

[Sammi33]

I'm Bac

Ok, my drinking pattern at the moment is not good. I probably get "drunk" 2-3 times a week. On the other nights i either use massive willpower and don't drink, or i have 3-6 drinks. Also on the nights that i dont drink a all i always have a benzo of some sort.

I just can't deal with life without knowing i can have something to make it easier at the end of the day. Or maybe. Can deal with it but i feel like life is not worth living if i dont get that reward.

In a horrible place atthe moment, just cant imagine life without drinking. On one hand i hate what it does to me and my life, on the other i just LOVE drinking.

[spacebebe01]

I'm Bac

There must be a reason why you came back here Sammii and Im guessing it is that you dont want to drink like you have been anymore. You do sound quite low which is probably down to alcohol either in part or totally. I dont want to be all naggy at you but its that bloody addiction crap that makes you feel like drink is the only reward and now worth living without it when its the drink that makes you feel so shit in the first place. Weve all been there

IMO you do need to make soe sort of plan as to what you want to do and how your going to go about doing it. You have great medical help from the sound of it so you have a great starting point. Do you want to become AF or mod. I always wanted to be able to still have a drink but realistically I dont know if I will be able to. so I am AF.

Keep in coming on here and post whatever you want, its great therapy I think and will help get you thro the early days whatever route you decide to take.

[Sammi33]

I'm Bac

Hi all,

I have been doing a lot of reading of peoples posts and i think i am ready to try antabuse. I am terrified of doing it but it sounds like the only way i can save me from myself.

I hope i have thoug this through properly. When i first found this forum there was a lot of people going really strong on baclofen, so i ditched my naltrexone for that straight away. Now AB is being discussed a lot and i'm ready to dive into that. I think i will keep my baclofen going though, i only ever made it as high as 60mg but i think i will stay on that.

I don't have an appointment with my psych for 2 weeks, but i want it NOW! I might try and see a GP or something.

A question to those of you already on antabuse....however many AF days you have had do you think you would have that without it? Without the AB when the cravings were strong would you have given in?

All the best to everyone on their journey today xx

[Bruunhilde]

I'm Bac

Ah Sammi, I had feeling I needed to check in at this precise moment! I am a week AF using antabuse. I would definitely have cheated at least once if not three days of that week without it.

I also felt once that life wasn't worth living unless I had that reward. But then I started really thinking about what alcohol has taken from me in the many years I've abused and been abused by it. Instead of romancing the idea of the drink, I am facing the facts of the hangover and the broken dreams and relationships alcohol wrecked for me.

The antabuse silences that voice in my head that says "I've been so good and think of all the calories I've saved in the past week, just one bottle of wine tonight would be a well deserved reward. My parents have a couple glasses every night, why shouldn't I? Alot of friends do too. Even if I have the whole bottle, its alot less than I used to have every single night...."

It just shuts it the hell up. And the first few days its a little weird, maybe a little sad and empty, but then a few more mornings of no hangover and things in my head get a little better, and life gets a little more worth living without the reward at the end of the day. I have to find other rewards for myself.

I hope his helps. The baclofen can help when you start antabuse, if you feel anxiety.

[Sammi33]

I'm Bac

Thanks Bruun,

I have been following you on other threads. I think i am just going to do it, what's the worst that can happen, i get some AF time and make a decision with a clearer head about how i want to go forward.

My BF of 7 years and i decided last night to take a break. He is truly the love of my life but somehow i just feel like i need some space to sort myself out. Lots of stressful things to deal with though where to live, how to afford it etc. i haven't even told him about Antabuse, if i do he will think thats it problem solved and we can just move on. I know i am responsible for the way he treats me when i drink, but i just can't get past the fact that he knows how hard i try and when i stuff up he abuses and punishes me.

Life sucks at the moment :-(

Sammi