I'm Bac

[Bruunhilde]

I'm Bac

Sammi, how does he abuse and punish you? It sounds like you may have a dysfunctional relationship there. You don't deserve abuse! I'm glad you're taking a break.

[GingerDust]

I'm Bac

Sammi, I have just over 30 days. I would not have that if I had been able to drink. A few really bad could have done me in, but sometimes simple boredom is my worst enemy. Since I can't drink, I find things to engage in, other ways to relax, and other ways of dealing with stuff.

It sounds like taking a break with your boyfriend is a really good idea. You are not responsible for "how he treats you," regardless of what you are doing. He is solely responsible for his own actions. Nothing you do "makes" him respond in a certain way. I'm concerned about you being in an abusive situation too. Please hang in there and keep talking to us.

[spacebebe01]

I'm Bac

Sammi I hope your ok and I do believe that once you are AF things will start sorting themselves out. Your relationship with your bf will start to become more clear to you and more equal. this break will be a good think and let you concentrate on yourself, you need to start looking after you, dont take any shit xx

[Sammi33]

I'm Bac

Now i feel bad like i have made BF sound like a monster! He is actually a beautiful person but the way he has reacted to my drinking has changed a lot over the years. I guess its worth mentioning that when we first got together i had been sober 18 months. He is a big drinker but not an alcoholic if that makes sense. After a while our lifestyle of parties drinking etc got the better of me because that's what i missed most during my sobriety and i was trying to do it all while not drinking and eventually after 2 years i decided i had waited long enough to have another go.

Anyway, he only abuses me when i am drinking -verbally only - and then punishes me for about a week afterwards by giving me the cold shoulder and sniping at me. It has got worse though yesterday when i was so sad about the weekend and desperately looking for something else to try he told me nothing was going to change anyway so what is the point. I had apologised, i needed support, or in the absence of support just not punishment.

I can't bear to live without him but i am sad to say this is the biggest thing in my life and it has become a situation where i just cant't deal with my own guilt and self loathing and his at the same time.

I also feel that while things are far from perfect since i started my journey on trying Different meds a little over 12 months ago things have improved a lot, and that gives me incentive to keep going, where he has just branded me a failure.

Sorry long post big vent.

Sammi xx

[GingerDust]

I'm Bac

Sammi, I'm sorry if this sounds abrupt, but he does not sounds like a beautiful person to me. A beautiful person would give up the lifestyle of parties and booze to be supportive of a loved one struggling with it. To put a person in the position of being always in a drinking atmosphere, and then verbally abusing them for overdoing the drink, that is not a beautiful person. To then infer that you are a hopeless case is a really UGLY thing to do.

Do you have groups around, AA or anything really? I'm not fond of most AA meetings but they are a great place to go for support and the company of those who understand. I wonder if it would not be a good idea to start building your own social support network, separate from his partying lifestyle. I suspect it would help you feel stronger and having more voices and perceptions from others might help you see your situation more clearly.

Anyway, we're pulling for you.

[windycitylady]

I'm Bac

Hey Sammi!
I really feel for you. I've been in very similar situations. I've got lots to say about this, but no time at the moment. For now, I just want to say that I'm glad you're here and keep your head up! I think you're going to come out of this on the other side in one piece.
Try to stay positive, and remember that you're on the right track!

[Sammi33]

I'm Bac

Ugh i just begged him to have me back. Not even drunk just so confused. I feel so relieved but he just kept saying i dont think we help each other and i have this horrible feeling that he's right.

I will not go downstairs and get a beer though i will go to bed.

[Bruunhilde]

I'm Bac

Good Sammi, take care of yourself.

[Sammi33]

I'm Bac

I didn't get beer!! I went to bed and I feel so much better for it today.

It is a small victory, but important. It proves to me that I want to change, and that my behaviour is changing in little ways.

Once i would use any little problem as an excuse for a pass out night. Now I am starting to see that I can cope with everything so much better today because I have a clear head.

Baby steps for me at the moment!

[GingerDust]

I'm Bac

Good for you, Sammi! Not drinking is a victory. Are you stilling thinking about trying AB?

[Sammi33]

I'm Bac

Yep i am definitely going to do it. I know my psych will give it to me and i see him a week from monday so i will get it then. I really want to start now but i dont feel like explaining everything to a new Dr.

I am following you AB girls very closely though and I just want to start.

[Bruunhilde]

I'm Bac

Good for you Sammi. Just keep taking it, is the secret. Don't skip more than a day.

[GingerDust]

I'm Bac

Way to go, Sammi. I bet you'll find it helps a lot with diminishing thoughts about drinking. Keep us posted about how it's going.

[windycitylady]

I'm Bac

Hey Sammi!
I think you're doing great! I know that saying no to one drink (even if you drink again after) can be so empowering. To know that you really do want to stop feels good.
Let us know how it goes!