Starting bac at 90 days

[chigg]

:new: All of these threads have been beyond helpful. For folks like me that haven't had great luck in groups/AA, it's a really nice alternative for social interaction and support.

After 5 or 6 serious attempts at quitting drinking over the last few years I'm finally having some luck this time. I've tried many things in the past (Kaiser chem. dependency program/AA/Campral/CBT), and the longest I've made it is 2 mos. Somehow I'm at 90 days now with seeing a psychologist bi-weekly. Things have been going so-so with a few brutal days here and there with what I'm assuming is PAWS, but everything started falling apart at day 90 for some reason. Every day last week was filled with obsessive thoughts about getting a drink and just complete sadness, frustration, and anger.

Last night was the worst yet. I spent 3 hours driving back and forth to the bar battling myself over whether I should get a drink or not. Of course my mind was saying that I can just get a few beers and be a casual drinker again. Unreal how many times I've let my mind convince myself of that and then gone back to drinking a daily fifth of bourban a week later. Finally, with the help of my wife the battle shifted to the side of not drinking.

I was prescribed some bac last summer after reading Dr. Ameisen's book, and it seemed to lessen cravings for a week or so. But then I'd be back to drinking the same amount while taking 150mg bac as well so I figured why add a prescription med that's not working so I tapered out. But now that all hell is breaking loose at day 90 I'm starting to take it again.

My worries are that now that I'm taking it and I've read all these posts I'll start to think that I can have an occasional drink and be protected by bac. I keep thinking, 'this will be so nice, i can't wait to have a beer and not need more alcohol than that now that i'm bac,'... but that's not exactly indifference.

I'm wondering if I can still get to a 'switch' that everyone is talking about since I didn't have luck in the past with bac, and since I'm starting it after already being sober for a bit? And I'm also worried that since I weigh 235lbs I'll never get to a high enough dose to reach that switch (it seems in the book he's always talking about mg/lb)?

Anyway, sorry for a long post. I really just wanted to get something out there, but apologize if this has already been hashed out in other posts. Thanks again for everyone's previous posts that have helped me so much.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Starting bac at 90 days

Good morning (for me) Chigg!
:welcome:

Glad you joined in. SUPER fantastic job on the 90 days. AND the talking yourself out of the stop at the bar. (That was bound to end really poorly. or pourly. I shudder to think of that hangover/remorse.)

Sounds like your doctor, your therapist and your wife are pretty extraordinary. I'm really glad for you!

chigg;1294520 wrote:
...I'll start to think that I can have an occasional drink and be protected by bac. I keep thinking, 'this will be so nice, i can't wait to have a beer and not need more alcohol than that now that i'm bac,'... but that's not exactly indifference.
Nope that's not indifference. 1.) Bac is easier without booze. (isn't almost everything???) 2.) Indifference is when you don't have that dialogue. I don't experience the "I can't wait to..." about anything related to booze. A nap? yep. Chocolate? oh, yeah. Getting done with the work in front of my nose. ALL THE TIME. but booze? doesn't happen.
And here's what I hope happens for you soon: I hope that you get to the place where that anxiety, that burning white-hot-need in your belly, is lessened by bac. And the choices you're making. And then you won't find yourself in the parking lot with that damn conundrum.

chigg;1294520 wrote: I'm wondering if I can still get to a 'switch' that everyone is talking about since I didn't have luck in the past with bac, and since I'm starting it after already being sober for a bit? And I'm also worried that since I weigh 235lbs I'll never get to a high enough dose to reach that switch (it seems in the book he's always talking about mg/lb)?

What was your experience with bac before? How long were you on it? How long did it take you to get to 150mg?
I can't imagine that being sober will do anything but help the process.
We've pretty much established that weight has little to do with it. I'm not sure what does. But I don't weigh much (relatively speaking) and I took an awful lot of bac. My husband weighed 70lbs more than I did and he took 10mg less to get to indifference. Ameisen used the rats as a baseline--and they received 3.?mg/kg in the lab. I took 4.3mg/kg, I think.

Long post? ha! You'll have to add another 6 or 7 paragraphs or tell your life story from birth to age 13 to compare with one of my short ones! Glad you shared... Hang in there. Sobriety gets easier with time, no matter how you get there. (at least that's what I gather!)

[chigg]

Starting bac at 90 days

Thank you so much for the reply! That's a relief about the weight.

I tried 150mg of bac for probably 2 weeks so hopefully I just didn't give it enough time. My Kaiser Permanente substance abuse doc was incredibly cool and after reading about the safety of it had no problem writing a script and giving it a try. He couldn't support the high dose stuff because of the FDA rules, but I did (and am doing) the best with dosage I can based on Dr. A's book and these forums.

I don't have many negative SE's at all except a headache. I'm actually more worried about the positive SE's because I have the crazy lovies everyone has talked about. I keep complimenting people at work and based on some of their reactions it may make them feel uncomfortable. But seems normal and honest to me to say how much I like working with them right now. I'm concerned I'll keep searching for this 'bac buzz' feeling after I get my tolerance.

Anyway, I did 60mg with no issues yesterday so I'm going to try go up 10-20 every 5 days until I hopefully feel similar to what you folks have expressed. I'm just REALLY hoping i get there.

If anyone has any tips or think I should just amp up quicker since I'm not having bad SE's right now, please let me know. Also, now that I have BCBS instead of Kaiser I'm a little concerned about getting a new subscription, if anyone has contact info for some of the docs that have been mentioned please PM me or ask for an email address and I'll provide it.

On a side note, my wife and I have been doing the 'Insanity' fitness program (as seen on TV haha), and today's workout was UNBELIEVABLE. Every exercise felt so good and fatigue was at a new low. That certainly backs up what I've read from posts like Lo0p and others when talking about bac and exercise.

Thank you again, best of luck to everyone. Wish I could hug you all.

PS I'm 34 yrs old, male. I realize 'Chigg' doesn't help much. I'll update my profile