Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[bleep]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Have you tried taking it in more doses? It can help considerably with the SE's.

[windycitylady]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey, Stuck! Just wanted to let you know that I'm still reading...

The high anxiety of HDB can be brutal. You have my sympathy. I had weird waking nightmares too, where I was sure I was awake and watching the door handle jiggling as someone was trying to break in. But I was unable to move or scream because I was really asleep. Terrifying.
I'm glad your legal problems are getting sorted out. Feels good, doesn't it?
Hugs!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey guys, thanks so much for checking in. It's great to hear from you.

I'm up and feeling pretty good after what, in all honesty, was really only a couple of hours' sleep spread out over the night. I guess I'm like the opposite of the vampire I used to be, waking up when the sun comes out now...

Anyway, I'm backing off to 225 today and will see how it goes. In a few days I might drop to 200 if things still don't improve. At that point I'll hopefully be thinking clearly enough to figure out some kind of reasonable schedule to break things down into 5 or even 6 doses. Plus I need to switch over from 25 mg pills to the 20 mgs in Dr L's script anyway, so I can do that all at once.

Drinking is way better. I did not end up having any beer last night. So, with the exception of the bottle of wine Friday night when I got back to LA, I have been AF since last Saturday. Which I guess is kinda understandable anyway, given the fiasco I put myself through at that party a week ago.

But I know I've not yet hit the switch, because I'm still thinking about AL, and not always in abstract terms. When I do switch I'm going for 30 days AF, but I just know I'm going to start trying to mod after that, and so I really don't want to start going bac down without truly hitting the switch 1st, if that makes any sense--maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about.

So I'll try to settle in with a slightly reduced dose for a minute, then work out how to try going bac up. I'm fairly comfortable with this plan at the moment. Of course, I'll let y'all know if I start knocking over liquor stores at gunpoint, running from the cops with a bag full of Jameson bottles...

Thanks for hanging in with me! Hope everyone's doing well.

Oh and Windy, I may have missed it last week (sorry!), but how're your legal issues doing? Everything falling into place for moving out of state?

And the habit's a killer, isn't it Space? One of the reasons I'm trying not to change too much. AA would tell me the disease is controlling me and I'm deluding myself when I go to the bar--but I keep thinking if I just order club soda, like last night, I don't actually have to change my habits that much... It's really annoying though, especially on those nights when, with the drink specials, beer is actually cheaper than club soda. :upset:

:l

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey Stuck! Was the flight home better than the flight to ORD? Hope so! What about taking your higher doses of bac earlier in the day so they are not so close to sleeping time? Have you talked to Dr. L about your panicked sleeping? Maybe he can give you something to help?

Good job on the AF weed! However it happened! What happened last Friday night could have easily pushed you way back into the bottle and you did not do that!

Lots of reading to catch up on....glad you are doing well!!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1366349 wrote:

Anyway, I'm backing off to 225 today and will see how it goes. In a few days I might drop to 200 if things still don't improve.
hmmm.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Wanna talk/think about that?


ok. It turns out I do. Even though I shouldn't. For many reasons. Here goes:

StuckinLA;1366349 wrote:
Drinking is way better. I did not end up having any beer last night.
...
But I know I've not yet hit the switch, because I'm still thinking about AL, and not always in abstract terms.
StuckinLA;1366349 wrote: So I'll try to settle in with a slightly reduced dose for a minute, then work out how to try going bac up.

Doesn't really work out that way, more often than not. (Like almost never.) Sorry to say.

StuckinLA;1366349 wrote: I'm fairly comfortable with this plan at the moment.

Just thought I'd throw in something to make you less fairly comfortable. Sorry.

Going to go back to minding my own biz for a minute or two.

But lemme add: Bac in the day there would be a chorus right about now. They wouldn't be clamoring for going down. Not for love or money. Sucks, stuck. But there it is.

Are you all up in your head with the whole thing?

[ifulovelife2]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

SiLA, WTF??? Seriously, what the fuck are you thinking? OK, clearly you're all bacced out and not thinking. Going down? Seriously? You're so fucking close to the Switch and you're backing off?

When I read that post I thought, "Bleep would say just take more smaller doses". And there he was on the next page saying just that.:H Great to see you here Bleep!

SiLA, don't go down, you're just prolonging the agony. If the 50 plus doses fuck you up, then take 8 or 10 smaller doses per day. It works. Bleep did it and I did it when he suggested it to me when I was in the 200s and 300s. Others have done it too and it works.

Seriously mate, don't go down!

Oh BTW, congrats on all the chicks clamouring for some SiLa-action. ! You absolute shag-muffin you!:H

p.s. sorry for all the profanity. I can be a foul mouthed fuck sometimes!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

OK, I'm all ears again and still. But wasn't it at the beginning of the summer that the advice I got--from you, NE--was to try dropping a bit and getting some sleep?

Look, I'm not freaking out right now. But I absolutely cannot control my schedule, either. Summer was all kinda fun n' games, and yeah I wasted it. But things are getting real again, and really quickly.

So what are we saying? Up? F-ck me sideways. I am seriously, woefully underprepared for what I need to do. And the prep? It's all reading. I can't focus on a book to save my soul right now, much less the stack of work I need to do...

Again, not freaking out. But a time-frame, and some kind of balance between concentration/focus and SEs would be great to have... and no, I know no one can give me that. I just wish it wasn't all SEs all the time.

OK, OK. Staying at 237 and will figure out when I can go up to 250. Probably Wednesday when the crash-course orientation is done. 'Cause I've got 3 full days ahead.

[ifulovelife2]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

SiLA, the suggestion from Bleep and myself is to take the bac in smaller amounts throughout the day. We both experimented like crazy last year. We have a lot of experience of taking bac in different ways. The SEs can be reduced if you take your bac in smaller, more frequent doses. I think I even tried every hour when I went up to 350. I can't remember why I went up that high when I switched at 175: I was so bacced out.:H Maybe it was for shitz and giggles, I dunno. I'm sure Ne will remember. I do recall having to rely on her holding my hand through the whole thing and stopping me from stepping over the edge. Not the only time she's done that for me btw.:h

[TexasAg]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck, I've been on a emotional roller coaster these past few days so I did what any good alcoholic does, I tried to disappear. So I hadn't had a chance to read up on your writings (I'm not going to call them postings cuz that doesn't do them justice). Anyways, I read what you said about sounding like a D-Bag and I had to go back and re-read everything because I had no idea what you were talking about. I still don’t.

As for your dosage, you sound like you’re so close….and I would definitely trust the Veterans on the splitting more doses.

Cheers!

Day 38 on Bac – 120mg (I’m seriously thinking about LoveLife’s suggestion and going for broke on the dosage but…. )
AF – 8 days
Binge Free - 8 days

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey Tex, glad nothing sounded d-baggy. Sorry for the confusion. And congrats on the 8 days, though sorry for the roller-coaster, that doesn't sound like much fun.

Today was... definitely a Sunday, but that's about all I can say for sure. I have a couple lucid hours in the mornings, but by 1 this afternoon I was crashing, and from then on is mostly a haze. A little panicky, a lot of basically passing out and waking repeatedly. On the futon, in bed, here at the desk. I know I ate, though. Ordered delivery and got 2 paninis and tiramisu. Oh tiramisu, how could I forget how much I love you?

Quickly realizing there's no chance for a coherent post tonight, as I'm already fading pretty severely, even after some evening coffee. So I think I need to just take myself off to bed. I've got 9-5 training tomorrow, so that ought to be fun. Just spent the last however long trying to read the 60ish pages of homework we had to do. Well, I've got the bus ride in the morning to finish the last little bit.

So with that, goodnight peeps. I'll update when I can, but the next few days will be busy busy. Maybe not at night, though...

Oh, and for sure starting to spread the doses out. Will work out the details soon.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I cannot tell you guys how many times I was ready to (basically) throw in the towel today. The morning was OK, though not, because I barely slept last night. The afternoon? When I wasn't fidgeting at the table, trying desperately to stay awake, I just kept thinking I CANNOT DO THIS.

I did my best to spread out the doses a bit, though it's not easy since everything's all laid out in my pillbox for 4x a day. Anyway, at 2 I only took 1/2 of what I should have taken, and I was convinced I'd drop 25 mg today. Took the other 1/2 a little over an hour later, though. And am still on track to get the rest of it in tonight. But boy, this blows lots.


[EDIT]

Sorry! I said I was done bitching. It's just been a long F-ing day, and the pills are getting to me (clearly). I'm coming down off this shenanigan to a reasonable maintenance dose as soon as I hit the switch... How will I know when that is? The way I'm feeling about AL right now, I don't even care about moderating... I just want off this HDB ride so I can focus and work. 'Cause I have a whole lotta work to do. But I'm still right around the dose where I drank absinthe practically with a straw, and a bottle of wine last Friday. Grrrrr...

:yeahthat: What a douchey thing to say... Stuck near the switch. Sorry again.

Hope everybody's having lovely evenings, or catching those last fleeting moments of ineffable dreams as they fade in the early morning hours, and waking to the smell of fresh coffee. Surely, there's got to be someone with you who would make coffee just before you wake up--you should definitely hint that they should do precisely that. Or, like me, get a coffee maker with a timer... :H

:l, and then more :l

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Oh Stuck I wish I could do something to help you, its only today you have to go to the training thing right, so that will be over and done with, I dont know how you are coping right now and my hat goes off to you, I think your pretty amazing.

Gotta go now but I do hope you have a better day in work and I know you will start feeling better with the bac, it is definately working the way your not drinking, maybe you are at the switch ? I dont know.

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Morning Stuck! I have been feeling very whiney and complainy the last few days, and not even about booze!! so I have not posted much, but your situation makes mine look like fruit loops!

I don't know what to tell you about the mental state bac puts you in...I obviously could not handle HDB as high as I got so stopped...I really think some good sleep will help you feel better during the days and dealing with the SE's. Maybe at least think about talking to Dr. L. about gettting something to help you sleep?

I am sure Ne, or M, maybe even Bleep will chime in about helping you dose thruout the day to combat those SE's.

Sorry I don't have better advice...maybe think about the bartender when the rambling gets to be too much today.

And hey, cut yourself a break, will ya? You have a lot going on...you are allowed bitch sessions!! Hope today goes better! And, since I don't have anyone to make me coffee in the morning, I think I might invest in a coffee maker with a timer!!

Have a good day Stuck! Sending :l and :h your way!!!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Oh thank you thank you, ladies. I made it.

But sitting in a chair for 6 hours? Maybe not what I needed today.

Remarkable how normal people can be, though, ya' know? Yesterday everyone went home to work and rest for today. This afternoon, since we're all together with "nothing" to do tomorrow, we went for a happy hour beer. And after some conversation and a beer, we're paying the check and everyone's going off to do whatever it is we do. This will take some getting used to, because I did have a beer. I didn't need another, but it left me wanting another... or something. Old me would've thought well today's AF is shot, so might as well go all out now. But that wasn't it. Stopped at the bar on the way home, but it was crowded and the bartender wouldn't even be there for another hour, so came home, thinking I can always go back down later.

Had a beer and took a nap instead, and now it's definitely too crowded at the bar, and I'm settled in at home anyway.

The puzzle metaphor really works here, works so well it’s creepy. Because you open the box and clearly you have all the pieces. They’re right there in the damned box, and you see the picture of what the whole mess is supposed to look like at the end. But still what’s really going on is you’re stuck digging through a pile of f-cking pieces, looking for one corner, one stupid piece that you can already tell where it fits, just so you can start somewhere. And it’s frustrating, because anybody can simply look at the cover of the box and immediately see clear as day what the whole thing should be, yet there you are with only this floor full of random-ass pieces, shuffling them around with maybe all four corners on the board now, but no f-cking clue what to do next other than try another piece, and another, until one fits, ad nauseum. Then some friend comes over, sees how you live with a quarter of the picture here on the coffee table, but pieces all over the floor everywhere else, and dishes piled in the sink and the cats’ litter box maybe a bit too full and a bottle of whiskey nearly empty on the desk, and they take it all in with a glance. Worst part is they’ll pick up the box, look at the cover for a second, say huh, that’s nice, then drop it without another thought.

It’s only frustrating because we have all the pieces and we know how the goddamned picture should look.

I’m going up to 250 tomorrow. The pieces are all right here. I have been in touch with Mx, and the smaller doses are kinda sorta working really well. And I should probably get off my little donkey (:H) and PM bleep, just to say hi if nothing else. Definitely not kicking myself over a couple beers, even though it’ll be 4 as soon as I tear myself away from editing this post (not that you can tell!) to go to the fridge. Just felt like it tonight.

With that, mad love all around, peeps. Good night/morning.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Sounds like a better day. I'm really glad. and :l