Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

X posted. Thanks, Taw! How are you doing? Back at work in your office that makes me think of a fishbowl with the glass door? Or a stage, maybe, with the "4th Wall" and whatnot... Oh, the possibilities.

Sorry, I'm in a very random mood this morning, apparently.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck, Im so excited by how well you are still doing, it seems to me that something changed when you went up in dose and when you went away and had your little incident, but whatever has caused it its good

Im not at all surprised about the sleepwalking thing, you have so many cahnges going on with yourself and your life. I have done a fair bit of sleepwalking both sober and drunk and my two sons have also done some bizzarr things when overtired. One thing I did when my kids where young, I had gone to bed early with the kids and my husband had some mate from work around to play cards, I came downstairs and sat in the room with them in my pj's (thank got I was wearing them) didnt say anything lit a cigarrette then went back to bed, all asleep, and sober.

[BillF]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck,

This is completely out of academic interest, and OT. But, since you are a grad student, can I ask?


Since you are on a high bac dose, I am curious about the effects on cognitive function. Can you take standardized IQ and psycho-motor tests? There is no control, but the baselines are well established. You don't have to let known any personal results.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Bill, that's a good question and an interesting direction you're going there. It also I think illustrates a lot of the problems with gathering the kinds of empirical evidence you're... how to phrase this... looking for with bac? Hoping for with bac? Expecting of bac before it's a viable treatment option?

Doesn't matter to me, honestly, but I do think defining terms and goals is important ultimately. I'm about to answer you question shortly, so please bear with me. But the problem here is a big one.

On a purely practical level, I don't have access to those kinds of tests, at least to have them administered in any kind of scientific way. I could just try taking an online version of the GRE, but I last took that maybe 6 years ago. I'm not sure I've ever had a standardized IQ test, so I'm not sure the baselines are that well known. A lot of the other cognitive function tests, from what I can recall, are scored based on percentile rather than raw score (I might be misremembering, it's been a while, so feel free to correct me). But in my case I'm not sure that would be all that helpful.

Again, in my case, what? The bar graph moves from slightly over the line on the right-hand side to on the line? I go from 99th percentile to... 99th? 98th? I know I'm sounding like an arrogant prick right now, but it's to (sound like an arrogant prick) again point out that I personally am probably not a good candidate. Still, more on my subjective experience after this digression.

Even if I had access to these tests, I don't think I would take them. I can't imagine many people would. The data we have is from studies done with people who were at the very beginning of their journey (God I hate that term), and so in other words with desperate people. Anyone who's experiencing positive results, or especially people who've switched, well they already know it works. And while I want to help others in need, I also know what I'm up against.

There is a social stigma related to alcoholism, and this impacts us in ways large and small. I'm not thinking family and friends here, I'm thinking health insurance and treatment options available to us. Need anything narcotics-based for pain? Sorry. Crushing anxiety that could be helped by valium or xanax? Sorry again--and I do not want to wake the X monster here either! (Well phrased, BTW, RedH, thanks for that.) But let's face it, benzos are still frontline meds for the treatment of anxiety, but will not be prescribed to alcoholics. I couldn't go get valium from my doc if I begged her. She wouldn't even rewrite a librium script for me when I had it legitimately (though out of state, hence her needing to rewrite it, I'd not filled it). She said it's dangerous to take it while drinking, though I wanted it because I was trying to manage withdrawal and get sober.

My bad, that was too much there. But it also impacts driver's licenses. Once classified as "dependent," you must "prove" 1 year of abstinence and continuous AA involvement, with letters from a sponsor and everything, testifying to your working the steps like it's a job.

Let's not even talk about Big Pharma, and their interests, or the rehab/recovery industry. Let's just stick to the very real problems that come with the government and corporate state deeming you alcoholic. I know alcoholism is a manageable, even curable disease. But no one else knows that.

And so we're waiting for the same scientific evidence you are waiting for. But how do we get that ball rolling? That's an honest question. Because I'm not willing to devote my life to fighting against the tide. And that's what it would be, because if this detail were to come out, it wouldn't matter what else I did in life, this would define me--think OA here. No wonder the man is conflicted about the spotlight.

Now back to me, as if this whole thing isn't about me. I can tell you that my cognitive function feels slowed. I feel like my word recall is out of whack, and like concepts that I should get are difficult to grasp. But I'm also dealing with concepts that are just plain difficult, even on the best of days. I find reading impossible. Some of that is the sleepiness SE.

Another thing to take into account, though, is that during my 62 days of pure sobriety, the first 30 with no bac whatsoever, were similar. I could not concentrate, I could not read, I could not write. I wouldn't have been able to write this post, it was that bad. So it's tough to assign blame. I do have moments, though, like an hour ago Skyping with a friend. My conscious mind felt blank, but in explaining some issues I had with the topic under discussion, my unconscious mind took over and I spoke rapidly and easily, and apparently cogently.

Sorry to cut this short (:H), and ladies this will be my post for the night, as the nighttime tired is weighing down heavily.

Good night folks, hope it's a great one all around. And Bill F, I'm reading your post as genuine and not snarky at all, because that's how it was written, and I've got faith that you are really looking at the question of HDB, unlike how a few of your other posts came across.

If it continues like this, I'm more than happy keeping this conversation going here. Because I think it's important, and it's probably pretty good for the newbies/lurkers, too.

All the best to everyone, I'm off to sleeeeeeeeeep and teach the youth in the AM.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Space, thank you so much! Crazy-mad love for you, and so glad it sounds like you're back to OK at the moment.

And it's so great to hear you didn't feel like drinking enough for a hangover. That's truly lovely, and makes me so happy. Hugs.

[BillF]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1370173 wrote: Bill, that's a good question and an interesting direction you're going there. It also I think illustrates a lot of the problems with gathering the kinds of empirical evidence you're... how to phrase this... looking for with bac? Hoping for with bac? Expecting of bac before it's a viable treatment option?
.....

Stuck, thank you for your answer. I was not being snarky at all. I am genuinely interested on how long term high-dose bac may or may not interfere with cognition.

When I was in school (way back when), it was easy to go to student affairs and request various tests and not have any of them make it onto official records. I did a few just for my curiosity - nothing I didn't know before.

I thought that since you are in an academic environment, you may share an interest in analyzing the effects of HDB.

Sorry to bother you.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

No bother at all. Clearly I come with my own baggage. And it's tough to overstate the tired right now, but still can't think about going to bed, so rambling a lot. I might look into student affairs, just to see. I'm betting the results would be very dependent on time of day. That's just a gut feeling though.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Yeah, I actually don't share that interest. It works, based on my own experience. That's plenty for me.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I'm realizing it's been a few days since I've given a proper update, as I've been forced to go out and interact with the real world. It's horrible, walking around, seeing people, doing stuff.

But so anyway, it's time to wrangle in this thread and get focused back on what's truly important. And I have to say, one of the advantages of ordering the icy blended mango/orange thing at the bar, aside from not getting drunk (which honestly might even be a disadvantage depending on your POV), is that the bartender will pour the leftovers into a glass and stand right there with you. We even did a toast. And as I had to leave almost right after I just got there, she tells me I'm like a bad boyfriend! Stopping in and running off and whatnot, but I like where her head's at, with that particular analogy. Of course I let her know I'd make a much better real boyfriend than a bar patron... So I said my week would be slowing down after today, and I'd be back tonight to hang out, and maybe even have some beers (I probably won't, but who knows, we can always hope right?), and she all but made me pinky-swear. It's tough, though, to get there early enough to talk to her because I'm going to the gym after class now. (The gym you ask? Yepz.)

I know, like I said I've been slacking on the diary posts. But my daytimes are getting pretty busy, and when I'm not falling the F asleep at my desk at night, I really should be working as much as I can. That's difficult, not going to lie. But I need to remember to share the rays of sunshine as well as whiney complaints.

[Bruunhilde]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Oh don't do the kitten poster, do something else, kittens are so abused! How about a Eight is Enough poster or something like that horrible enough not to be retro-cool but no kitten abuse.

CONGRATS on the evaluations, that is stupendous.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I bet you are the cool teacher they all love, super crazy mad love to you as well.

I cant type much as I have had these long nails put on for Saturday so its taking ages, Im also sitting here in my practice heels

Sooooooo made up for you x

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Being rather devoid of a sense of irony, (some might even say humor) I might completely miss the point of the kittens...And then I would not think very highly of you.

Congrats.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Why does everyone hate me all of a sudden over this kitten thing!? It's maybe not the best idea, but it's nothing for even PETA (who I support) to get up in arms about.

Hang in there, little kitten! | Tails Of The City | an SFGate.com blog

[RedThread12]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

But so anyway???? :H

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thank you for coming to my rescue as always, RedT. It was looking dire there for a minute with this humorless bunch ... But now we can get back to properly talking about Space with her nails and heels!

It is totally splendid that you're getting dolled-up, Space. Feels good, yes? I've been following what's going on with the wedding, but sounds like your head's in the game, and I just know you will make it more than work.