Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck that all makes total sense to me, I mean the feeling crap, the high blood pressure, getting stressed, going for a drink and even buying the bottle but not drinking it. The day was very stressful, no more that that hugely stressful, and then you have all you habits and old thoughts and wants andneeds there as well, Im glad you went for the drink with the guy because it seems to have cleared up the worry about the woman in work, (Im not going to describe which one Im talking about), and I can totally understand buying the whiskey, who knows after the day you had you could have needed it, in the not so distant past you would have.

Hope today is a good one for you

hugs x

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

OH MY GAWD.

I lost yet another friggin' post. I suppose that's what happens when one is not permanently logged in, but it has been a loooong time since I've not been permanently logged in. Aaaaaaaaaargh.

sorry to make this all about me, and to not retype it all, La.

The gist of it was this:
Love hugs and support to you.
Anxiety is a fact of life. Sort of.
I have a very different experience with indifference than that which you and LoveLife are writing about. When I get bored, or Hungry Angry Lonely Tired (a reference to AA) I have no interest in drinking. None. It doesn't really occur to me to drink, and when it does ("I could get some wine. That's what I used to do. Then I would be able to stomach watching television--which is boring as hell unless I'm drunk, and the day would pass away and I wouldn't have to sit here with all this...feckin' time on my hands..." ) I find the thought nauseating or at least profoundly unpleasant. But I've never really varied my dose, and drinking completely freaked me out after I was indifferent, so I just didn't do it for very long. Maybe that's the difference? Or maybe it's something else altogether? The bottom line is that indifference means, for Ed and I, that we don't think of booze anymore. For any reason, really. It's just a non-issue.

Feck, I gotta go. I'm going to NYC with my mom and grandma this weekend! WOOP and holla!!

Love to all the rest of you peeps, too. I'll return some important messages over the weekend or on Monday.

xxoo

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I hope Im not out of line here because as you all know HDB isnt something Ive done, but from reading a lot about other people doing it I thought that when you reached your switch, you should stay there for a while, is that what you did Ne, to kind of give it time to settle/stabalise into your brain kind of thing, and then go down slowly after a bit of time.

Anyway apart from any of that I hope you are ok today Stuck, Im sorry no way am I going to call you mr, look Im not even going to use a capital to prove it.

sending hugs across the ocean x

[AL Fiend]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Jeez, Stuck! The extended version of your scary day even made me want to drink!!!! That's a lot of pressure coming at you from so many directions. Who wouldn't have anxiety when faced with all that!?!

Nice that in the end you seem to have worked it out for the most part. And it's lucky that the drinking didn't give you the good feeling you were looking for so it probably wasn't reinforced.

AL

PS Thanks for the welcome!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey guys.

Yes Ms. Space , I think we're supposed to stay near the switch for a while to settle in. I'm not sure what most people did, as I don't think NE even really remembers how long she stayed/how quickly she dropped, so I went by the prescription guide. It said to stay as high as possible for like a month, or at least at 2/3rds of the switch dose. The eventual maintenance dose will most likely be around 1/2 the switch dose.

This is more for everyone else: I believe my switch was somewhere between 225-240. I stayed between 200-215 for a couple of weeks, and have tried to be around 160-175 now for... jeez, I don't even know, a month? [EDIT: No, my timeline is off. I finally called switch a month ago yesterday. Though I think it actually happened about a week prior to that.] Yes, there was that day or 2 when I dipped to 150, but even that wasn't a complete (only a small) disaster. Mostly it's the fact that I have to be on for school like right away, and that's why I dropped so fast, and do want to continue dropping a little more I think--I might even try going pretty low and using the prn trick, but that'll be in the distant future and we'll just wait and see. And I'm switching brands at the moment, along with going from 25mg pills to 20mg, so things are all fecked up in that regard. But I'm doing my best.

Then there are nights like tonight. I spent the entire afternoon reading in the bar, because they have air conditioning and free wi-fi, and the bartender taking care of daytime stuff on her lunch break from school so she's wearing her scrubs (soooooo cute!). So I took a book I need to read for school and my laptop, and hunkered down in the A/C while it was about 100+ degrees (Fahrenheit) outside, and read while drinking my club soda. Then came home and hung out here and cleaned and did my crappy online job. Then remembered it's Friday night, so went back down to the bar to spend my last $4 cash on another club soda. Wanted to stay out, so found a late-night diner where I had a coffee and eggs and toast. Yeah, that's when it occurred to me I didn't drink today or yesterday. And realized I need to hang out at that diner a lot more.

So y'all can smack me when I freak out, I think. (Though the love and support and picking me up and dusting me off does feel nicer. )

But it is still weird. The past few days there have been a couple of students and other folks who've emailed me, and the quickness with which I responded, and the way I'm seeming to try and draw people into conversation, made me realize just how lonely I am right now. I think. I mean that's gotta be it, and it makes sense considering how few people I see on a regular basis. Oh well, like there's even time...

Anyway, there it is. You guys are really the greatest. And NE, wow... not signed in!? You really are making an effort. We love you and miss you though, just so you know. :l Have fun in NY.

And everyone else, mad love.

:l:l:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I am making an effort! But doing a fly by because I wanted to tell you I thought my post yesterday was...not quite right. And wanted to amend to say: emotions happen. Wow. And you get to feel them!

Remember when you had on the music and worried you couldn't/wouldn't reach that sweet melancholia or elation or swift sudden sorrow?

It's all still here on this side of the bridge. The taste is even more...It's just more.

Dawn finds me on the 21st floor in battery park overlooking the Hudson w a view of the Statue, Ellis Island and the new Goldman Sachs building. Talk about conflicting profound emotion. I can't decide whether to rage against the machine or bow humbly to the symbols of what made the machine. Guess I'll do both.

Peace and love.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Finding a new place to hang out, what a brilliant idea, There must be loads of places you can go, me too if I put my thinking cap on.

Just out of interest I am trying to find out the time thing between us, was it night time you sent that post?

Anyway I hope you have a great day Mr Stuck x

[Simpatico]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hello! This is my first time on the forum. I see an advertisement for River Pharmacy. Has anyone ordered from them? Just want to check they are legit before ordering topamax. Also, I live in Denver. Is there anyone in Denver who can recommend a Dr. that would prescribe topamax?
Thank you!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey there, Sympatico, :welcome:

No clue about docs prescribing topa, but I've heard good things about river. I use goldpharma and have never had problems.

Space, it was definitely night here, when I should've had my sleeping cap on. The time difference is 8 hours. So I hope you're having a great evening now. :l

What a gorgeous view, NE. I'm a little jealous. Except for the Goldman building. Grrrrrr. Oh and I'm just giving you a hard time, love. I know you're busy and need to spend your time on other things.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Simpatico there is a thread called "new here and starting topa with a question", thats where some of the topa peeps go so you may get more info there, I am in UK so dont know. Anyway welcome to MWO.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Oh and thanks for letting me know about the time difference Stuck, I think its so confusing having time differences in one country so I usually guess US is 6 hours behind me, but I am 2 hours out for you then. My evening is ok thanks, as has my day been ok, no drink, which I keep on forgetting about! Ive got good stuff happening right now, I dont want to go on about it here because its on other threads and I dont want to repeat myself but I do think Im finally turning a corner. About bloody time too

Have a good Saturday afternoon and evening. are you going back to the cafe?

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Space I'm following your corner here and on the other threads. I haven't spoken about it to you at length maybe, as plenty of other people are giving their support and congrats and whatnot. But please know that I too am so happy for you. It is bloody well time, and you deserve it, and you've earned it.

So days, even hungover days, always begin with the best intentions and the grandest plans. I slept in and felt fairly awful for about an hour this morning, since I was out with a good friend last night. Well, the day started with a bang: tailgate at school. I took a beer with me, for the simple pleasure of drinking it on campus. Then met one of my ex-girlfriends for a coffee. We haven't seen each other in quite a while, and it was nice to catch up. She was then kind enough to drop me off near my friend, so I met him and his wife for a drink. She (the wife) left after a little bit because she's now pregnant, and I believe my friend was looking for a night out. He doesn't drink much, and I believe looks to me for company/an example when he does need to go out for a big night on the town. Last night I was happy to oblige, I guess. Well, sort of. At any point I was ready to turn down the next beer (I think), but I certainly didn't turn down the chance to get another round when he suggested it. It was funny/cute, actually, the way he would say "I could have another if you'll drink one..." when he knows I'm a drunk. Of course I'd like another, is what he's assuming I'll say, thus kind of taking the responsibility off of him.

But whatever, I did, and we did, and that was Saturday. Sunday was working, and checking on a friend's cat. That part is a pain because the bus doesn't exactly go to her doorstep. But her fat-ass Garfield-looking feline is just fine, after some feeding and brushing and a lot of brushing that lead to a lot of purring because the poor thing is so lonesome while this chick is away at a conference or wedding or wherever the hell she is.

The point is I intended to get home and do some reading and maybe plan my class for this week. Well, I read through an old thread here instead. It was better than Marx's philosophic manuscripts, that's for sure, but not what you'd call productive. Then the class planning? A friend emailed his plan for this week, just to give me an example to follow, as I'd begged him for after last week's debacle. Seeing what he's doing is enough for me to think about packing up and taking my ball home. I shouldn't be playing anymore. And the writing I thought I'd do tonight? Well this that I'm doing right now is it.

So yeah, another weekend gone, another week beginning. Drunk/sober/bac/no bac/any way you slice it, life flat-out refuses to be sunshine and daisies. I'm meeting with students all afternoon tomorrow. And then my evening class. So I guess it's time for bed.

G'night, peeps.

:l

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey Stuck!!

What's new? Hanging in there? Feeling better??

Just wanted to pop in and say hi!! Hope all is well in your time zone!

T

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Oh hey, what's up guys. Sorry I've been away. Things are OK here, just busy as can be. A little bit of drinking over the weekend. It's not a problem with bac or with cravings, I don't think. It's a problem with me... Just wanting to escape.

So it's time to keep focused and keep trying to work and not just hide. Which unfortunately means hiding from MWO a bit.

Anyways--Space, so happy for you and the corner, I replied on your thread I think and I hope that's still going well.

Taw, how the heck are you?

[ifulovelife2]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1382724 wrote:
So it's time to keep focused and keep trying to work and not just hide.

Hopefully the "work" you refer to is improving A.E.. BBC News - Britishisms and the Britishisation of American English

Ahhhh, we'll civilise the colonials yet. :H