Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[redhead77]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

What's that? Ne, did you get my acceptance letter? I haven't heard anything. I think it will probably be a little while yet.

Stuck, your legs burning up sounds awful. I hope you find some relief soon. Do you have restless legs too? Or are you just trying whatever you're trying to see if it helps the pain?

Bruun, that's great your copper and zinc levels are normal now. My son takes a number of supplements, along with now just the gluten free diet and a lowish dose of Concerta (extended release Ritalin). Although, he skips it on the weekends now, and for a while, if we forgot on a school day, it wasn't a huge disaster. The last couple of weeks he's been struggling more. With school, and I'm struggling some with his behavior. I'm not sure what's changed. I've been adding dairy back since July (he just doesn't drink dairy milk) he eats cheese and yogurt. I hadn't noticed a problem until recently, which makes me wonder if that could be it. I would be shocked if a single food group could do this much, but who knows? I don't want to restrict cheese or yogurt if I don't have to. They are nutritious and most importantly, they taste good! It's impossible to find cheese replacements that are the same. I've recently had many of his labs repeated so we'll see. And maybe it's something else entirely. I just hope things straighten out again. When he struggles, I struggle. It's extra stress on the household.

With all that, I'm not sure what the answer is for you. I don't think there's anything wrong with a pill if you need it. Obviously! :H Maybe you should consider a trial of meds. They can be life altering for some with ADD. However, I haven't been taking anything myself for weeks and weeks now.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Nah RedH, no RLS, just throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks. And I probably just thought to describe it that way because I just f*cked up spaghetti for dinner. How do you f*ck up spaghetti, Stuck? you're probably asking about now. Well first you forget that you're basically out of spaghetti sauce, then you try to overcompensate with olive oil and spices, including these herbe de provence spices that your French girlfriend left in a ziploc baggie in the cabinet that one time, and have been since she broke up with you like a year+ ago. And maybe then you think that throwing the rest of the plastic jar of grated parmesan cheese into the mix is cool. So then you eat a little, crunching on the freaking dried spices, and leave a whole lot of it still in the pot on the stove. Good thing pasta costs almost nothing...

The weird thing is that these RLS pills might almost be working a little bit, sort of. Not sure but hey, I'll probably stick with 'em for a while and see. At least they're not making things worse, so we're already way ahead of last night. :H

Anyway, I did kind of want to clarify some of my thinking from this morning. Yes, I'm slowly dropping my bac dose. Very slowly. And yes I know I've already dropped a whole bunch, and my motivation might not be the best. Then again, it might not be the worst, either. Yeah, that really clarified things. Grrrr. So the way I feel right now is similar to the way I remember feeling way back in my freshman year of college. Really kind of down and antisocial, but sober. Granted, I was sober because I didn't have access to AL, and wasn't social enough to get access, but sober nonetheless. I lived like a monk: single room, no TV, just a desk and a sink and a coffee maker. And I spent all night reading, every night.

My only regret really is that I didn't read anything good. I mean Christ, if I knew then what I know now... I have no idea what my problem was. Anyway that's not the point. The point is that I'm good with that--it's what I'm supposed to be doing. And I want to be able to concentrate enough and stay awake enough to do it. I'm actually writing this right now because it's 10 PM and I'm too tired/zoned out to work on my real writing, which I was more/LESS successfully trying to do until a few minutes ago. I mean it's bad. Trying to work on a novel and can't focus. Hell, I'm also 1/2 trying to write an erotic novel and I can't even focus on that right now. You know it's bad when you're too distracted for porn!

So what I'm thinking is if I continue to drop, I may get to a place where I can be awake and concentrating. And I do know this doesn't seem to be a real problem for others, and at much higher doses. So who knows what's up with brain chemistry and all that. I mean hell, I somehow kind of at least functioned a little bit before, so I don't know what's different now... But this is also day/night #2 of effortless AFness. Probably because I don't have very much booze here, just a few beers and a teensie bit of hard liquor, but still.

And I think that's just about it. Hope it's a good night all around!

:l:l:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

hmm.
hmmmmmmmm.

I don't really know, Stuck, what to write. I know what I want to write. I'm just not sure that's what you want to hear.
Basically, I'm back to that place of, "Do I or don't I?" And today I'm not going to.

.........I deleted........... :-( and whew.

Red! I wasn't applauding the acceptance. That's a given and a moot point! I am SO EXCITED for you that you applied! WOOOOOOOOOP.

Alrighty. Having delivered my anvil, I'm off to see what I can do about keeping myself healthy and happy with a few simple things.
:l

[TexasAg]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck, I laughed my ass off. Consider yourself lucky it wasn't an upper body muscle thing and it didn't run down to more sensitive areas when you took your shower.

I understand your experimenting with lower doses. In fact I'm interested in your results. But that is very selfish of me because I'm also very concerned of where it could lead. I sometimes get nostalgic for the drunken euphoria and "good times" but I don't have the luxury of tempting the beast. That's a blessing for me.

Cheers!

Day 101 on Bac - 120mg
Switch? - 160mg
Binge Free - 72days

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thanks, Tx. Don't worry I'm not going anywhere, except this morning since there's a whole metric ton of stuff I need to do today. (Um, full disclosure: I have not idea how much a metric ton weighs, it just sounds heavier than a regular ton to my ignorant, colonial ears.) So let the experiment begin. :H Kidding. I honestly don't think I'm f*cking around too much, but nevertheless you obviously don't have to watch if you don't want...

[TexasAg]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Not watch? You kidding?

Like I said on another thread, I'm living vicariously through you, except for the jalapeno leg thing...

cheers!

[Bruunhilde]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck, your experience again resonated. I used that capsian roller for year on the bottom of my feet and had my share of mishaps. But you remind me of a friend who used to do triathons. He used capsian stick on pads that fit on his lower back. You can imagine his joy when his sweat ran down the pads into his crotchet and still he :goodjob:had to swim and run ...

Glad its over for you man.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey Bruun! Sorry I've been really remiss about saying hi now after your last couple posts. Sorry you're right here with me on a couple things, they're no fun. Hope you're doing well overall, though. How are you doing overall?

Wish I had more time for an actual post, but I still have a class to plan for tomorrow... Maybe if I get done before my eyes cross and finally close I'll make it back on...

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I didn't make it back before the eyes crossed/closed. But they shot right back open at like 1:30 A-frickin'-M. So that would be precisely 45 minutes of sleep. Awesome. Sooooooo, things are good here, got a lot done today and yesterday, and did in fact plan a class for tomorrow. We'll see how it goes, of course, as my plans tend to be, um, vague. :H

Aside from that, very little to report. I'm reading Waiting for Godot right now for class, but the professor ordered a bilingual edition, so the original french is on the left-hand page and the English is on the right, and I somehow can't help myself so really I'm reading En Attendant Godot. And it's taking way, way too long because I glance over at the English and stop to think this is kind of a crappy translation before going back to the French.

Oh, and not really drinking. Was out in a friend's neighborhood today so I stopped by to see her, then wandered through one of those mid-upscale import stores, because I never get to wander through stores these days. You know the ones I'm talking about, right, they have tons of overpriced furniture that's supposed to looked old-world European, but then everything else is like African or something, like we're supposed to really get down with Imperialism or something. Anyway they've also got a whole bunch of boutique groceries and wines. So I wandered around the wine bottles for... let's say a while. And it was pretty depressing.

But not for the usual depressing reasons. It's not like I can't buy a bottle or a case of wine, except that I don't really have the money. It's not even like I shouldn't buy a bottle of wine. I just know that it would be a waste because I don't care about wine, or beer, or any of it right now. Taking a bottle home wouldn't be a treat; it would just be something else sitting around the house. And no, I don't feel that as liberating and wonderful. I know a lot of people do see it like that, or wish they could walk through a wine shop and feel this way, but I don't.

And I don't know if it's day by day or what. Last week I managed to pound back some drinks. Or maybe that's why: because last week wasn't all that much fun. Who knows. Point is I'm down around 110, and I'm going to continue to keep folks updated.

Now if I could just update y'all on some kind of love life. I haven't seen the bartender in like a week, and Facebook tells me they had $3 margaritas tonight. :upset: Nor has the grad student girl who dropped me off after the gay club last Friday been so wooed by our conversation that she suddenly wants to break her prohibition against dating other grad students. Or even break her apparent prohibition against getting emailing me for a coffee... Grrrr. I'd take the first step but, well I told you the story and how I tried that last year.

Oh well. Hope everyone's sleeping soundly. Big hugs and mad love.

:l:l:l

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

:l

[EDIT: I guess I won't delete this, since there's never too many hugs. But really I just wanted to see if the code for the hugs emoti was a colon followed by a lower case L, 'cause I wasn't sure. The answer is yes, it is.]

[Bruunhilde]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Like

[ifulovelife2]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Yo! Wassup, Bitches?

Oh my goodness, I really am most awfully sorry about the greeting but I've been watching nothing but Breaking Bad for the last week and I seem to be channeling jesse pinkman, which is odd because I really should be more Walter White and not just becauseI find his wife, Skyler, so very very sexy. Oh yeah, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for farting; I could plough her all day long. I don't even mind about the weight gain, it just makes for a bigger arse to spank.

None of which has anything to do with why I posted today. Stuck, in a previous post you claimed not to know what depression feels like. Was that a joke? Seriously Dude, I rather think you do. I mean, you saying that would be like me saying I have no idea what it's like to be swooningly handsome, have a great body and an enormous penis that makes women gasp when they see it. It simply wouldn't be true.:H

Anyhoo, later, Bitch!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

It just occurred to me, LoveLife, that this summer, when I was feeling so full of malaise (and still hopeful! so not depressed) and completely out of sorts...I was messing around with my dosing. I kept forgetting to take it. Or deciding that the reason I wasn't accomplishing anything was related to the baclofen. Silliness given that I have been on the same dose (except during July and August) for months and months. Most of which I've never been more productive. Except, of course, when I started taking 80mg here and 120mg there, instead of 140mg every single day. I know you asked me, LL, if I was sure that the changing in doses wasn't having an effect. It's hard to see in the moment, of course. And because (for whatever reason) alcoholism is completely removed from my default responses it wasn't really clear that I was experiencing something related to baclofen.

I got an annoyed response (via email) from another oldtimer who asked me if I knew how to use the alarm on my phone (of course I do) and then tersely reminded me to use it. I haven't really heard from him since. But that's another story. anyhoo.

It literally just occurred to me. I was going through an incredibly, overwhelmingly stressful time. (Good stress, but still.) And didn't take the damn medicine.

I am going to go down, eventually. I've set the arbitrary date for February, since that will be 2 years for me. (WOOP!!!) But I'm going to set it up, have a doc, go very slowly (10mg/month?) and make sure I have all my other tools lined up. It's not just concern about the bottle-beast raising her ugly head. It's that baclofen works to manage this angst, this thing we call anxiety that paints everything in really dark morbid colors. While bac doesn't make me high, or happy, it definitely removes that worst-case-scenario default thinking I have.

EDIT: I should note that I think it may have taken a couple of months for me to get back to that baseline where I can manage those feelings and thoughts. This could be because the house thing is so incredibly stressful, but it also could just be a matter of managing the meds (and life).

It's fascinating. I can't wait until the research catches up with the things we know. In the meantime, I hope everyone (including you LL) is still jttdp.

:l

Dammit, Windy. It's Friday. Where the hell are you???

[Bruunhilde]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey NE,

Wish I could have gone up enough to lose that dark and dank feeling of doom ~ it has haunted me lately, sinister, in my waking up and in my dreams. This morning I was fighting to get awake and out of this alligator dream....

Yesterday I met some folks at a college around here, for a business meeting. They were such happy, relaxed and caring of each other types, I got angry that my work life has been so vicious and frightful and plain mean. Yes, that's banking for you. Merger after merger upsetting clients not to mention dumping a huge employee base into unemployment year after exhausting year. Losing your job two weeks before Thanksgiving is a typical banking employee experience, and always has been. I joined the throng just after the good old days of two martini lunches I guess. Or maybe I was such an underling at the time that I didn't know about them. And bankers' hours? 8:30am-8pm much of my worklife. And there's so little I have to show for all those hours lost. And yes, I tried many times to find other employment. Many of us do. We're trapped!

SO. How did I get THERE!?? AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Hope you don't get the doomsday feelings back, Ne.

Lovelife, bitch, you sound like you enjoyed happy hour.

Stuck, howdy man. I'm glad the bottle isn't beckoning and maybe don't bother thinking about it if you can avoid it. I know its alot to get accustomed to, the booze not being appealing, your brain is probably crossing wires at every turn of the aisle. Cost Plus sucks, is that where you were? Alot of crap there, all overpriced. Pier One also.

My pup is having spine problems, Ne. Remember my last dog, she died of Degerative Myopathy I think its called. Lost control of her back end completely, would topple over, pee while walking, except of course when I took her to the vet to give her the final goodbye - she acted FINE. I am not going through that again so soon. My pup MUST be repaired. I will let you know how it goes. I have him on health insurance at $25/month, so we'll see if it ends up being worth the cost.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Skyler is crazy-hot I grant you, but Jesse did get that gorgeous and totally rad brunette in season 2. Of course, she turned out to be a heroin addict and that relationship ended... predictably Now the weight gain better be the only spoiler you drop here, 'cause I haven't seen any of season 5 yet! :upset:

But no, I meant like can't get out of bed depression. I guess that's where I draw the line and call it a problem? I know it's a real thing, and it affects a lot of people, so I don't want to compare my feeling down and whining to capital-D depression because it would seem disingenuous. To me at least. Or perhaps it's more about functioning day-to-day? There've been some times in my life that I've functioned very poorly due to AL, but I've never simply not been able to function. I don't think, anyway...

Anyway I'm feeling better, or at least more focused. It helps a lot that I have a very specific (and near) deadline. So that means a couple things: 1) I probably won't be around all that much this weekend; 2) for right now I'm fairly happy with the bac/life balance, or whatever you want to call it.

I'm almost certain Ne is going to call BS, or at least not believe me. (Still love ya'.) I'll probably go bac up again soon to see what that's like, and surely there is a magic #, but I don't see why it would necessarily be 140 or 200 or 120 as opposed to 100. If I can go for a week without drinking, then have a pretty good time last night at the bar, unwind, and still do my work, I'm comfortable with where I am for now.

That's all for now, peeps. Big hugs.